I don't own Naruto nor do I make money from it

: Itachi Uchiha doesn't need or want a babysitter. His parents don't agree and employ Kisame Hoshigaki to do the job. This means war.

The Babysitter

"Itachi, dear. Come down stairs."

Six year old Itachi Uchiha glared at the open door to his bedroom with as much force as he could muster at his tender age. He knew what was coming. His mother had mentioned it in passing this morning over breakfast but he'd been rushed out to meet the school bus before he could properly respond. Upon returning home, he was sent to his room to play while his parents prepared for their night on the town. There was never the slightest chance of rebutting their decision.

His mother told him he and his three year old brother, Sasuke, would have a new babysitter for tonight. The usual girl no longer lived in their town. He'd wanted to argue against needing one. He was six years old, more than old enough to stay by himself and since Sasuke was finally potty trained, he wouldn't be a problem to watch. Itachi could pour his own milk and make his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Those skills alone were proof enough of his grown-up status after all.

Nodding sagely to himself, he made his decision. He would calmly explain the situation to his mother and she would send the interloper babysitter on her way. It was as simple as that. His mother knew he was a big boy. She was constantly showering him with compliments concerning his maturity. There was no way she would deny him this.

He glanced towards his floor. His room was neat and tidy, all the toys placed on their appropriate shelves. Even his bed was made with his soft stuffed shark his parents bought him upon their last visit to the aquarium several months back. It was his favorite thing in the world-his toy soldiers and Nerf guns being a close second.

Carefully putting away the toy soldiers cradled in his hands, he trotted down the stairs to present his case to his parents. He considered drawing diagrams depicting his maturity but thought his mother and father might not be smart enough to follow his drawings. He already knew he was smarter than them. His teachers constantly cooed over his brightness.

Itachi smirked, a childish twisting of his lips. Mental capacity was only one of his skills. There was also the issue of his younger sibling. Training Sasuke had been easy. His brother would surely be an asset in his case. He could easily point out the benefit of leaving him and his little brother to their own devices. He would bring in Sasuke should things not appear to go in his favor.

"Ah, Itachi…come meet your new babysitter." Mikoto glided across the room to ruffle her oldest son's thick hair, already long enough to pull back in a small queue.

Itachi walked stiffly into the room to stand before a giant of a man. His dusky skin had an almost blue tint to it and his smile was wide and toothy. The most startling feature was his pale blue eyes, causing Itachi to believe for a moment he might be blind. He had seen the guy hanging around in the neighborhood but never gave him more than a cursory thought. His mother never spoke to him in his presence.

"Itachi, this is your babysitter, Kisame. He's Mrs. Hoshigaki's son and she assures me that he's quite trust worthy. He's going away to college in the fall and needs some extra cash before he goes." Mikoto smiled in her naturally peaceful way. "You're going to have so much fun with him."

Itachi took a deep breath, fully prepared to give his mentally arranged speech on how he was old enough to look after both himself and Sasuke. He'd barely opened his mouth when Mikoto's eyes lit up as Fugaku Uchiha walked into the room. The sight had Itachi looking on in dismay as his father placed Sasuke on the ground with a pat to his head before gesturing to his wife.

"Come along, we have to leave if we want to make dinner and the show." His dark gaze turned to Sasuke. "Watch out for your little brother, Itachi."

That's what I'm trying to explain, fumed Itachi silently. He practically growled as his mother kissed both him and Sasuke on their heads before waving happily and trotting out the door with their father. He'd been stonewalled. Nothing had gone as he planned. He did not like when things did not go his way.

"Hey, little guy."

Itachi turned to see Sasuke trotting towards the large man with a happy smile on his face. It took great effort not to roll his eyes. He would need to work with Sasuke more on upholding the Uchiha standard. Uchihas were silent and aloof. They did not grin and babble to strange men, even when in the comfort of their home.

"What's your name?" asked Kisame with a grin as he knelt down to look Sasuke directly in his eyes.

"S'suke. I'm fwee." Sasuke shoved a thumb in his mouth and held up three fingers to provide a visual aid to his statement.

Itachi did growl, breaking the silent and aloof rule. He stomped across the room and snatched his little brother back away from the interloper. "We don't need you. You can leave. I can take care of Sasuke without you."

"You must be Itachi." Kisame stood with his grin still plastered across his face. "Your mother told me you were smart for your age."

It took every ounce of his strength to keep from pushing out his chest in pride. Everyone told him he was smart. He'd even been moved to the special class and away from the generic idiots found in ninety-five percent of the school.

This Kisame was smart too. He was using flattery as a ploy to make Itachi drop his guard. He couldn't give into him. He refused to. He was the man of the house when his father was away.

"I wike him," Sasuke said around the thumb shoved into his mouth. "He's tall."

Itachi looked at his brother as if he'd stabbed him in the heart. "Being tall doesn't mean a thing. I'm taller than you."

"But he's taller."

Itachi tugged Sasuke back even further. "You should leave now. I can handle things from here."

A rolling laugh erupted from Kisame. "You're cute."

A blush threatened to spread across Itachi's cheeks. He could feel the burn rising up his neck and in his ears. This man was good. Defeating him would be a challenge. He might even have to sacrifice Sasuke to the villain in order to insure his victory. Such were the decisions of leaders. The good of the many over the good of the few. "I'm a boy. Boys aren't cute."

Kisame arched a brow while folding his arms across a massive chest. "I say you are."

"I'm not cute. Only girls and kitties are cute. If you don't leave, it means war." Itachi attempted to put on his vicious face. It should have frightened the man into leaving. It worked on Sasuke, after all.

Instead of leaving, Kisame burst into laughter. "We are going to have a good time."

"Are we gonna pway?" Sasuke's thumb popped from his mouth at the thought of playing. "I wike pwaying wif twains."

"Be quiet, Sasuke. We're not playing." Itachi gave another tug to his brother in the direction of the stairs. "We're going to war."

Sasuke's thumb was back in his mouth as he was tugged after his brother. "Dun wik war. I wanna pway."

Large crocodile tears began forming in Sasuke's eyes, causing a small tendril of guilt to spread through Itachi. He really did hate when Sasuke put on the waterworks. "Well…we're gonna play war."

Sasuke sniffed a few times. "I wanna pway wif twains."

"If we get rid of that guy, we'll play with your trains." He needed Sasuke's allegiance if he was to be effective in dispelling the man from their home. "I promise."

"Otay." Sasuke trailed after Itachi into the older brother's room. "How pway war?"

Itachi hummed, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He moved to his carefully organized shelf dedicated to the art of war. There were several Nerf guns with their appropriate ammunition along with a pair of walkie talkies he'd received for Christmas the previous year. He was pretty set on offense. Defense was the first order of business to handle.

"Wait here." Itachi raced from his room and down the stairs. A quick glance into the living room showed the man tugging a few things from his back pack. Eyes widened at the sight. Guns! It truly was war.

Not a moment was wasted as Itachi turned all his attention on procuring armor for him and Sasuke. A colander and a smaller pot were piled in his arms. He looked sadly at the cast iron pots on the lower shelf. They were be ideal for defense but too heavy. He would need to grow a little before he could use them.

He exited the kitchen just as Kisame entered through the opposite door. Before rushing towards the stairs, he saw the intruder filling the guns with water from the sink. He was already arming himself!

No time was left to dawdle. They needed to prepare for an onslaught. Failure was not an option.

Upon entering his room, Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. There was definitely a lack of discipline with his brother. It was something they would work on when the interloper was vanquished from their home.

Dumping the armor to the floor in his room, Itachi scoured the connecting rooms for his brother. He found him seated on the floor in his own room playing with a Thomas, the tank engine. This wouldn't do at all. "Sasuke! We have to go to war."

"But Tachi…"

"No buts." Itachi took his brother by the hand and led him back to the war room. He settled the small pot over his brother's head and placed a gun loaded with several rounds of darts in his small hands.

Itachi took the colander, plucked some of the small trees that went with his army men toys and stuffed them into the holes. He'd seen it in a movie. It would add to his camouflage. Live plants were better but even he shuddered at the thought of taking from his mother's house plants. The winning of the war would not be worth the sore bottom he would receive upon his mother's return.

He took the more powerful gun since he was likely to be a better aim than his brother judging by the way Sasuke was staring down the barrel with curiosity. "Let's go. It's war. The enemy is already mounting his forces."

Itachi and Sasuke crept down the stairs towards the kitchen. From the sounds, Kisame was still inside. "When I say go, we attack."

"But…I wike him. He's nice." Sasuke's lower lip popped out and quivered slightly.

"I thought you liked me." Itachi wasn't above blackmail to get his way. "I want you to play with me."

Sasuke's eyes lighted up at the prospect. "Pway Twains?"

"Later. Now all you do is aim the gun at him and fire. He should go down quickly." Itachi pointed his gun at Kisame in example. "Ready? Go!"

Itachi jumped in the room followed by a stumbling Sasuke. The interloper was so big, they couldn't miss. Even Sasuke, who was more likely to shoot himself than his target, would have a large mass to strike.

Kisame turned just in time to have rapidly fired soft bullets fly around him, very few actually striking him. The attack must have been expected because almost instantly his hands lifted holding colorful water guns. The sprays of water landed true causing Sasuke to squeal with laughter and Itachi to duck for cover.

Kisame's laughter rolled through the kitchen. "I brought these water guns for us to play with but you brought out the Nerf guns instead."

Itachi fumed, water dripping down his cheek. Tears welled up in his eyes, forcing him to fight to keep them from spilling over. He wanted to prove to his parents he was a big boy but this man was taking over. Even Sasuke was giggling wildly and jumping up and down in excitement of water gun play. It wasn't fair. This was his house and his brother.

Fighting the tears became more and more difficult. He couldn't let Sasuke see him cry. He would lose what little standing remained with his brother if he let the tears fall. It wasn't fair.

"Itachi?" Kisame knelt before of the sniffling boy. "Did some water get in your eyes?"

A dishtowel was removed from the counter and used to dab at the rising tears. "Damn water. Its always such a hassle when it gets in your eyes."

Itachi looked up at the smiling face with a strange sense of newly found respect. He'd helped him keep face in front of Sasuke. Why would the enemy help him save face?

"Why don't we have a snack before we really use the water guns?" offered Kisame with a smile.

"Matos!" Sasuke jumped up and down excitedly, going immediately to the refrigerator with a wide grin. "I want matos!"

Kisame turned his pale gaze to Itachi, a thin brow arched high. "What does he want?"

A smile curled across Itachi's lips. His help was needed. It created a strange sense of elation, causing his little heart to thump with happiness. "He wants tomatoes. They are in the middle drawer."

Kisame pulled out a small bowl of cherry tomatoes and placed them on the table before a happily grinning Sasuke. "And you, Itachi?"

Itachi shifted on his feet, suddenly nervous. "Ice cream?"

Kisame's grin widened. "Ice cream it is."

Itachi helped Kisame by directing him towards the drawer containing the ice cream scoop while he climbed on the counter to pull down two bowls. Kisame didn't even say anything about climbing on the counter like their mother usually did, screeching for Itachi to stop climbing or he might fall. It was like a strange sort of mutual respect had developed between the two.

Hei liked it.

Kisame filled both bowls with the vanilla ice cream, adding whipped cream and a cherry to the top. "Here you go, Itachi."

"Thank you." Itachi accepted the bowl and immediately began downing the sweet treat. Unlike Sasuke, he had a particularly violent sweet tooth.

"Sasuke doesn't want any?"

Itachi shook his head. "No. Sasuke doesn't eat sweets much. He's weird."

Sasuke glanced up from his bowl of tomatoes. "Am not! Tachi eats wots of candy. He's gonna get fat."

"Am not!" Itachi growled menacingly at his brother. "I have a big meba...mebabolism."

Kisame patted his hand on Itachi's head. "That will mean there would be more of you to love."

Itachi's eyes grew wide. A blush stole across his cheeks, and down his neck. The comment sent his heart pounding in his chest. He was forced to turn his head to hide the smile turning up his lips.

His innocent mind began spinning. Until then, he'd been determined to marry his mother when he was older; now his mind was immediately changed. Kisame had defeated him in battle, could make yummy ice cream sundays, and he was really tall. He would marry Kisame instead. He would be generous and let Sasuke marry their mother instead.


Itachi glanced down at his empty bowl. "Yes."

"Pway now?" asked Sasuke, having finished his tomatoes.

Kisame rinsed the bowls in the sink and placed them in the dishwasher. "What do you want to play?"


"No!" Itachi stepped forward. "He's going to play water guns with me."

Sasuke sniffed slightly. "I wanna pway."

"I have more than enough water guns. If you like, after we play water guns, I'll play trains with you." Kisame offered Sasuke a filled blue water gun.

Sasuke's smile practically lit up the room. "Yay!"

Kisame led the way towards the yard. Itachi waited until the man exited the house before grabbing Sasuke and pulling him aside. "Kisame is mine."

Sasuke crossed his arms while poking his lower lip out. "Mine."

"Let me have him and I'll make Mother buy you a new train and a big basket of tomatoes," bargained Itachi.

Sasuke considered for a moment. "And a kitty."

"You drive a hard bargain." Itachi held his hand out to his brother who immediate handed over his water gun in confusion.

Itachi sighed and shook his head. Some days it felt like Sasuke was a lost cause. He returned the gun to Sasuke's hand and led his brother out to where Kisame was waiting in the late afternoon sun.

The afternoon went as followed. First were was water guns in the back yard, followed by trains in the living room, spaghetti-os for dinner, and then piggyback rides throughout the entirety of the house. Itachi particularly liked the rides. He liked how Kisame smelled. It reminded him of the time his mother and father had taken him and baby Sasuke to the beach.

Finally, it was Spongebob on the television with Sasuke sprawled across large thighs and Itachi curled up under one arm. Sasuke occasionally giggled at the antics of the yellow sponge and his pink starfish friend while Itachi nuzzled sleepily against Kisame's side. When they were married, days like today would happen every day.

He snuggled closer into the warm body and smiled. He really did like how he smelled. What had started as an instant dislike had transformed into something he couldn't define with all his intelligence. He was simply too young to understand the workings of the crush he was feeling.

He would have to grow up fast so he could marry Kisame and they could play water guns and he could get piggy back rides all day. Smiling happily, he dozed off into slumber with those happy thoughts spinning through his mind. Kisame was all his.


Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha quietly opened the door to their home at nearly midnight. The television was flickering on Nickelodeon's late night sitcom reruns, otherwise leaving the room in complete darkness.

Mikoto gasped and gripped her husband's jacket, her eyes wide and filled with tears. "Fugaku…look."

Laying sprawled on the sofa was their large babysitter, his hair sticking up in every angle and legs stretched out limply. Across his legs was a sleeping Sasuke, thumb happily placed in his mouth. Directly under his arm was Itachi, snuggled in as tight as he could with one hand gripping at the loose t-shirt covering the large chest currently acting as his pillow.

Mikoto darted up the stairs, returning moments later with a camera in hand to snap as many pictures as she dared without waking up the children. "They're so adorable. I just knew Kisame would be good for them."

Fugaku snorted as he went to the three boys, plucked the sleeping Sasuke from Kisame's legs, and lifted him on his shoulder. Sasuke whimpered a little at being disturbed from his comfortable spot before settling against his father's shoulder. "Kitty…"

Mikoto placed a hand on Kisame's shoulder, smiling down as pale eyes drifted sleepily open. "We're home."

Kisame moved to sit up, lazily running a hand through his hair. "Sorry about falling asleep. We played hard."

She smiled. "I can tell. Would you mind helping me get Itachi too bed? He's gotten too heavy for me to lift."

"No problem." Kisame easily lifted the limp Itachi into his arms. Long bony arms immediately latched around his neck and a face buried itself in his shoulder.

He carried the boy upstairs to his room and placed him on the bed Mikoto turned down. A small frown spread across the sleeping face at the lose of the warm body. "Mine…" he mumbled. "Not Sasuke's."

"I wonder what he's dreaming of keeping from Sasuke?" Mikoto pondered as she spread the sheet and blanket across her oldest son.

Kisame shrugged and followed her back downstairs where Fugaku was waiting with several crisp bills. "Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Uchiha. Tell the little guys I had fun."

"Would you be willing to watch them again before you go off to school, Kisame? It seems my sons have taken to you."

Kisame grinned widely. "I look forward to it."

With a wave, Kisame trotted down the steps and down the street to his house with a happy bounce in his step. He'd enjoyed his time with the two boys too.

The end

AN: Written for Gwyllion on ygal. She's such a sweetie.