The night passed quickly and slowly at the same time, but at least by the time it had come Wilson had a plan on how to handle what had happened last night, even if he still wasn't sure why it had happened. He was in the kitchen cooking breakfast when he saw House slowly come out of his room. "Hey, you want some coffee?" He asked casually.
House froze as he looked at Wilson with wide tired eyes, "I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Why? I figured after the night you had you'd be needing a hot cup?" Wilson said with a warm smile as he whisked the eggs.
House glanced around the room as he was on edge, "Wilson, I don't want to talk about last night, not this morning or ever," he said seriously.
Wilson looked at House with a sympathetic yet confused face, "Shit, that must have been one hell of a nightmare, but sure, if you don't want to talk about it then you don't have too."
House narrowed his eyes on Wilson some, "Yeah, well the nightmare isn't what I was talking about. I was talking about what happened after the dream, when you woke me up."
Wilson gave House a concerned look as he turned off the heat for the eggs and walked toward House to see a dark bruise on the side of his head, "House... I didn't wake you up, even though you did get pretty loud, because last time I did you had a fit and... what happened to your head?"
House kept an eye on him as he opened the bathroom door, "Yes you did, and nothing is wrong with..." he stopped as he looked in the mirror to see a bruise on his head.
Wilson stopped outside the bathroom as he watched House with worry, "Are you sure you're alright? I mean if you're suffering from delusions then I need to know."
House looked at Wilson with scared eyes, "Is this just you... messing with me or... do you really not know what I'm talking about?"
"No I don't, but you can tell me about it. Come on and have a cup of coffee," Wilson said pulling out a chair for him.
House shook his head, "No, I need a shower," he said as he started to close the door but stopped. "Listen, if this is just a show for me, then please stop it because I'm really not sure what to believe anymore." He said glancing at Wilson.
Wilson frowned, "House, I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but I think that maybe I should call Dr. Ryan and set you up for an appointment. You're obviously... going through a lot right now, maybe she could help."
House felt scared at the acceptance that maybe he'd imagined the whole thing, "No, it's fine. I... remember now. I guess I just wasn't completely awake yet."
Wilson didn't look like he completely believed him, "What happened in the dream House? You look.. freaked out?" He asked softly.
House shook his head, "Nothing important, I'm just going to take my shower. I need to be ready when Cuddy get's here."
"Yeah," Wilson said and when the door closed he let out a relieved sigh. A part of him felt bad, he knew that he'd scared House into questioning his own sanity, but House needed him right now and allowing there to be a wedge in their friendship wouldn't do anyone of them any good.
House sat down in the chair in the shower as he washed himself. The entire time questioning what had happened last night, rather it was real or a dream or a delusion and then what it meant? He loved Wilson like a brother but there was nothing sexual about their relationship and he didn't want anything sexual from Wilson, even in the 'episode' he'd pushed Wilson away. He wondered if that was what this was really about. Was it about him being scared to let Wilson love him as a friend, and his subconscious trying to tell him not to push his only friend away? Or... was he just losing it, again? It had just seemed so real. House was drying off when he had an idea to tell for sure if Wilson was messing with him or if he was telling the truth.
Wilson was sitting at the table with both their plates made when he heard House exit the bathroom, "Hey, do you... SHIT HOUSE!" He using his hand to block his view of House's bare body from his eyes so he only saw his head. "What the hell, did you forget how to wrap a towel around your waist?!"
House shrugged, "What's the point, we're both men and you've seen me naked before?"
"Only when there was a good reason too, like you needing help in the tub," Wilson said letting his hand drop as he looked back at his food. "I'm telling you now if you sit down at this table naked you're taking the chair with you."
House swallowed, Wilson wasn't ogling him in the least. "So, does that go for the big screen too?" he said trying to make a joke out of it.
Wilson half laughed half cringed, "I swear if you put your bare ass on my TV your baby grand will never be the same."
"That's not fair, my baby grand is worth a hell of a lot more than you're stupid TV," House argued.
Wilson shrugged, "All is fair in love and war, and putting you naked body on another man's TV is the start of a war."
"Fine, you're no fun," House said making his way to his room to get dressed. When he closed the door he looked back at the door with scared eyes. "You've got to pull it together," he said softly to himself as he sat on the edge of the bed for a moment trying to wrap his mind around the fact his memory hadn't been real.
Wilson stared at the door in confusion, last night the idea of seeing House naked had been alluring, but this morning he hadn't found him appealing. Hell, he'd masturbated to the thought of him, but he felt nothing for him in that way now. What had changed? It could be the fact I satisfied myself, and I'd been needing that release, he thought but wasn't quite buying it. Something about last night was different from most nights... but he wasn't sure what that was.
House felt embarrassed as he limped to the table with his crutches, how could he have believed that Wilson could do something like that to him? "Thanks for making breakfast," House said as he sat down at the table.
Wilson gave him a surprised smile, "Well thank you for thanking me," he replied with a goofy smile.
"I'm sorry about earlier. I must have gotten confused, I was pretty exhausted last night," House explained and then stared at the food. "So... I got pretty loud last night?" he asked taking a small bite of his food.
Wilson glanced at him to see House looked defeated and scared, which tugged at his heart. "Hey, don't worry about it. You got some horrible news last night and had some nightmares, but it'll get better."
House met Wilson's eyes for a second, then quickly looked back to his food and nodded. Here Wilson was being a good friend, a better friend than he deserved. "I think things will be better when I get moved back to my apartment. You'll get your life back and I'll... well... I won't be a problem for you anymore."
The way the words slid off of House's tongue sent a bad vibe through Wilson that made him really look at House. "You aren't a problem for me now," he said as wondered if maybe this was too far, maybe House thinking he was cracking up was going to be the thing that pushed him over the edge.
House looked up at Wilson with gratitude, "James... I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for you. You've... done more for me then anyone else has... way more than I've ever deserved. You deserve a better friend than me but... I wanted you to know I appreciate it, even if I don't always say it."
Wilson had to look away from the sensarity in House's eyes, "I feel the same way about you. Now, let eat before it get's cold." He said wondering if the guilty would swallow him whole.
By the time Cuddy made it over Wilson was almost done with the paper and House had packed up his room. "Hi," Wilson said greeting her at the door and holding it open for her.
Cuddy gave him a sympathetic smile, "How's he doing today?"
Wilson sighed, "It sounded like he had some pretty bad nightmares last night and he seems depressed. I guess nothing that you wouldn't expect," he said not keeping eye contact with her.
Cuddy chewed her lip, "Can I get your advice on something?"
"Sure," he said giving her a concerned look.
"I.." she swallowed as guilt hit her, "I went on a date last with... well another man of course," she said looking towards House's bedroom door that was still closed, "and I was wondering if you.. what or when.."
"Wow," Wilson gasped as he took a step back from her and shook his head, "not even a couple days before you," he said feeling slightly betrayed and he wasn't even the one she'd moved on from.
Cuddy couldn't believe he was going to give her a hard time about this. "He's HIV positive and we were just dating, it wasn't like were were 'married'." She said giving him a knowing look, "Also I'm not telling you so I can get your approval or blessing, I just wanted your opinion on when I should tell House."
"Tell him whenever you want," he said as he started to walk away from her.
"I have a right to move on, just as much right as he had not to tell me that he might be HIV positive, if not more," She said harshly but kept her volume low.
Wilson shook his head and looked at her, "I'm not being a smart ass with you," he said watching her. "House... Jesus, Cuddy, he loves you... it doesn't matter if you tell him today or a three years from now, it's going to hurt him, there's never going to be a good time."
Cuddy frowned as she tried to keep her eyes from watering, "I know... I just don't know what's worse, telling him now.. or him finding out on his own later."
"Tell him today," Wilson said softly after weighing the options, "he hates lies and if you don't tell him he'll think it's because you didn't think he could handle it, which will just make things worse, that's my opinion."
She nodded in agreement as she made her way to House's door and opened it to see House staring at a stack of boxes looking lost. "You ready?" she asked, but his gaze didn't move, "House?" she said, swallowing as he still didn't move and she waited. It took ten minutes or more before he's head slowly drifted her way.
House looked at Cuddy standing in the door of Wilson's guest bedroom with confusion. "How long have you been there?" he asked.
Cuddy gave him a strong smile, "Not long. Well... you better come on or you're not going to have a bed to sleep on."
House smirked slightly as he stood up on his crutches, "I guess as long as I have a pot to piss in I'd make it," he said limping after her.
"Yes, because you're such a simple man," Cuddy said sarcastically.
House shrugged, "I could be."
She smiled at that thought as she opened the door for them, "Greg, I doubt there has ever been a room where you weren't the most interesting person in it."
"Maybe, but a lot of those times the other people there didn't have a clue to who I was," he said slipping past her.
In the car things became silent, Cuddy wasn't sure if it was 'silent awkward', or if it was just 'silent'. She could tell House was thinking, but about what she wasn't sure. She sighed figuring it was best to let it be, if House decided he wanted to talk he would.
What's wrong with me? House questioned as he was still thinking about last nights dream/delusion. He looked up to see that Bakers St was the next road and swallowed, "Take a right up here, I want to stop by my place," he said.
Cuddy thought about arguing, but what was the point. He was going to be moving back to his place tonight or by tomorrow at least. "Okay," she said taking the turn and parking in front of his building. She watched as he stared at if for a while.
House put his hand on the car door handle but didn't open it as he looked at the outside of it. A lot had changed since the last time he was sitting outside the building, and yet it looked the same. He took a deep breath of air and got out of the car then made his way in the building on his crutches. He stopped when he saw his door. "Who did this?" he asked turning to look at Cuddy who was behind him.
"What do yo.." She started.
"WHO FIXED IT?!" He yelled looking at the door.
"I don't know, Wilson probably," Cuddy answered, wondering why it mattered.
House's jaw flexed as he unlocked the door and made his way to his bedroom with Cuddy behind him. His eyes scanned the bedroom for any sign that the night that had ruined his life had happened, but there was none. The bed was missing, the carpet scrubbed clean and even the wall that he'd thrown Young through. His hand rubbed the spot on the wall trying to feel for an indication it had happened, but the work was solid. "It's all gone," he said softly looking back at the room, "like it never even happened."
Cuddy could tell that this was upsetting to him in a way, but couldn't for the life of her figure out why. "It was bad enough that you had to endure what those men did to you, did you really think we'd leave it the way it was that night? It stunk of burnt flesh and ..
"It was MY BURNT FLESH! It should have been MY choice if I wanted it to be cleaned up!" House said shaking his head. "Now... it's like it never even happened, but it did," he said looking to Cuddy with haunted eyes, "I know because I can't forget it. I was in this very room that I was forced to kill men for the first time in decades and I was infected right here," he said looking down as he could see Young on top of him as blood ran out of his neck onto his face.
Cuddy's mouth hung open as she could see the horror on his face. The silence that filled the room was heavy with grief and loss as she tried to find some comforting words. "Yeah, I remember that night, we were suppose to have dinner at my place and spend time with Rachael and," she sniffled some, "I just thought you'd decided not to show."
House swallowed as he watched her, he'd never really gotten to hear how that night had been for them.
Her hands shook, "Then Wilson called and I," she half laughed, "I jumped on him. I told him that I didn't care what the excuse was that I didn't want to hear it. I was so.. so mad and now... now I wish more than ever that you were just being a jerk and what happened, hadn't happened." She looked away from him, "I was mad when he told me you were at the hospital, I thought you'd done something reckless again just to scare the shit out of both of us, so I marched into your room to tell you what an ass you were and...," she swallowed shaking her head.
"You had every reason to think that, considering th..." he stopped talking as she pushed him hard in the chest making him stubble back.
"Just stop it, okay! Stop being..." Cuddy said almost in tears, "the nice understanding guy! How is it that I put up with you being a jerk for years and finally when you start to show me your sweet side, something like this has to come along and ruin it?"
House could see the pain in her eyes and it ripped at him from the inside out. He had finally been on the right track to a woman who cared about him, who wanted a family, and knew how to handle him. He turned away from her as he was no longer able to look her in the eyes. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I guess it would have been better if I'd never even..." he said, unable to finish it, because being with her again, feeling her love had been the best thing he'd felt in such a long time. He took in a desperate breath of air as he tried not to concentrate on the pain in his chest, "I'm sorry," he practically whispered.
Cuddy wanted to yell at him but couldn't. They were both hurting and he was going through so much right now. She put a hand on his shoulder and felt it drop some.
"Please don't, it only makes all of this harder," he said tightening his hold on his crutches and looking where the bed had been.
She let her hand slide back down to her side and frowned, "Why would you ever want reminders of that night, Greg?" she asked and swallowed as she saw one of his hands shaking so bad that his entire crutch was shaking with it.
"You know why I hang on to things?" House said still staring at where the bed should be.
"No," Cuddy said softly with concern.
"To remember both good and bad, like my guitar in there... it was my first one, and it was also the one that my father pulled a string off of and choked me with. It's been with me through basics and college and different jobs, Stacy and you.. walking and not. Playing that guitar reminds me of all of those things, it lets me know they were real. What happened here that night, it was real... but now, now it feels like it did back with my dad, something bad happens and it's swept under the rug, like it never happened, like it didn't even matter." He said and walked out the bedroom door.
Cuddy followed him out to the car. She didn't have any idea of what to say that would help so she kept her mouth closed and drove them to a big furniture store.
"Hi there, my name is Brandon, how can I help you two today?" Brandon said with a big smile and his hand out to the man as he caught a couple looking at the beds.
House ground his teeth, he'd been hoping on avoiding the sales man. He noticed the hand but made no move to shake it. "It's flu season, and we were just looking at the beds, but don't worry we'll get you when we need you," he said flatly while staring the guy down.
Cuddy put on a apologetic smile, "Sorry, but his immune system isn't the best so.. you can never be too careful. We would appreciate it though if you could tell us more about the mattresses."
"Sure thing, by the way, you two make a cute couple," Brandon said walking over to the high end beds.
"We're actually not ..." Cuddy started but was cut off by House.
"Looking for something that could help with my leg," House said watching Brandon.
Brandon looked a little confused but didn't let that stop him, "Well now we're getting somewhere! So what kind of problem do you have with your leg?"
"I'm missing about 5 lbs of muscle from the right thigh," House answered casually.
"Oh.. wow, that must be pretty painful. It would probably help if you'd tell me what kind of mattress you were sleeping on before and if it seemed to help any?" Brandon asked.
House shrugged, "Just a regular mattress that I'd had for about seventeen years, couldn't say if it was any better or worse since my legs only been messed up for the past ten years or so."
Brandon smiled, "Well mattresses have changed a lot in the last two decades, so I'm sure we can find you something that will make you leg feel better than the old mattress you had. Here, get up on this one and see what you think," he said patting the most expensive mattress he had.
House walked up to the mattress and sat down on the edge carefully and rubbed his thigh some. Brandon watched him with concern and glanced at the woman to see her giving him a reassuring smile. "You should try it out too, you want to make sure you get something you both like," Brandon said.
Cuddy walked over to the other side of the bed to lay down, while watching House. "Hey, it feels pretty good. You should lay down with me," she said hoping to make him feel more comfortable.
He looked back at her and nodded as he slowly laid down and stretched out his leg, which hung over the edge some. He felt awkward laying down in a store with the lights on as he saw the sales man walk to his side.
"Let me show you the best thing about this bed," Brandon said with a smile as he grabbed for a remote above the man's head when suddenly the man had a hold of his arm in a death grip with cold eyes.
Cuddy swallowed, "Greg, let him go," she said softly as she looked at the sales man who looked scared.
House felt his hand shaking as he let go of the man, "I think things would go better if you'd just give us our space. I promise, if we find something we want we'll get you."
Brandon nodded with confusion, "Um, sure thing," he said putting his card on the side of the bed and leaving.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked him with concern.
He shook his head and found the remote. He pressed the button for massage and sighed some as tried to relax.
Cuddy laid there for a couple of minutes enjoying the bed, but when she looked over to House she realized he'd fallen asleep. "I think we've found the one," she whispered and got off the bed. She walked up to the counter while keeping an eye on him. "Can I speak with Brandon?" she asked.
"Hey," Brandon said hearing his name and walked over, "what can I help you with?"
"I've decided on that bed, the one he's on," She said with a smile.
"That's an excellent choice, I assume you want it in a California king," he said with a smile.
"What's the difference?" she asked.
"California king is about the same width as a queen but it's longer so his feet wouldn't hang off the edge."
Cuddy smiled, "That sounds perfect and I want to make sure the bed I get for him has the massage option."
Brandon pulled out a brochure, "I'm sure that will help his leg some, it's actually the base that changes when you get that option, and it will also move to set the bed up. If he has problems getting out of the bed it should help."
She nodded, "And you have all of this in stock, because we'd need it delivered today?"
"Today? Let me go and see about that," he said as he started to go to the back.
"Also I'll need a head and foot board along with a frame," Cuddy said with pleading smile.
Brandon sighed, "Listen, we usually sell bedroom suites together, but I'll go in the back and see what I can find," he said with a worn smile and left.
Cuddy literally crossed her fingers as she watched House to see his arm jerk in his sleep. How different this would be if he'd never been attacked. They'd be snuggling on all the beds together and then when that got it home... well they'd make sure it got worn in, but instead he was having problems containing his PTSD symptoms. She swallowed as she saw him jerk more and thought about the conversation she was going to have with him today, the only good thing was as much as he was going through this had to be small.
Brandon walked back up to the counter to see her watching her odd boyfriend, "So, what is your name?"
Cuddy turned around to face him, "Sorry I never introduced myself, it's Dr. Cuddy," she said with a smile.
"Well, I don't have a California king in stock, but one of our other stores do and we can get it delivered tonight, as for the hardware for a bed I'll show you what we have in stock that we can sell separate from a suite." Brandon said leading her to the back of the store.
Cuddy felt uncomfortable with House not being in her sight as she quickly made her way to the back with him.
"Here we go, sorry there isn't much selection, but this is all we have that fits that criteria," he said showing her the four he had.
"That one will work, it matches his other bedroom furniture the best," Cuddy said pointing to one as she started to make her way back so she could see House.
Brandon nodded as he tried to catch up to her, "So would you like to apply for financing through us?"
"No, I'll pay with my card," she said watching House with concern as some people were walking around the beds.
Brandon walked behind the counter and totaled the merchandise, "Where do you need this delivered?"
"221B Bakers Street, Plansboro, NJ," Cuddy answered glancing at him.
"Okay, with delivery and tax that will be $8064.63," Brandon said casually.
Cuddy couldn't believe her ears, her bed hadn't cost that much but it was almost ten years old and it didn't have massage of moving options. "So, exactly how much is the bed?"
"The California king mattress with the specialty base and warranty run $7000.00 and the hardware for the bed I can do for $350.00, and it's $100 for rush delivery and with tax that make it 8064.63," he explained hoping that she wouldn't pick out a cheaper bed.
She looked back at House who was still asleep and nodded, "Okay," she said looking back at Brandon as she handed him one of her credit cards.
"Hey, it's time to get up," Cuddy said softly with concern at the sweat on Greg's brow.
House blinked rapidly as he sat up on the bed and remembered that they had been shopping for a new bed when he must have fallen asleep. "Yeah, sorry I zonked out, we should probably look at some of the other beds."
Cuddy smiled some, "No, I think we found the right one. I've already bought it and it should be delivered to you place around 7pm tonight," she said with smirk.
"Thanks," House said softly as he stood up on the crutches with a grimace.
Her smile faded as she could see he was in pain, "You okay? Wilson said you had some pretty bad dreams last night, and you were jerking around a bit when you fell asleep on the bed here."
He swallowed as he took slow steady steps out of the store, "I'll be fine," he said flatly
Cuddy nodded even thought she didn't completely agree. "Gre... Hou..." she stopped as she wasn't sure what she should call him anymore.
House frowned as he looked at her, "Call me House, it's.. more normal."
"House... why did you let the salesman think we were still together?" She asked with questioning eyes.
He shrugged, "because it's weird to go bed shopping with someone you're not with, and then he'd start asking questions... questions I don't feel like answering or explaining."
Cuddy gave him a relieved smile as they got in her car, "That makes sense, I was just wanting to make sure that it wasn't for any other reasons."
House glanced at her, "What other reason would there be?"
She swallowed hard, "I don't know... maybe you still want to give us a shot, but Greg I can't... I have.."
"It's over, I know that. I wouldn't allow you to put yourself at risk for me even if you were willing!" he said loudly.
Cuddy bit her lip some, "If I didn't have Rachael to think about I'd be fighting you tooth and nail on this, but I have to put her needs first."
"I know, it's fine, I'm glad your letting it go. It's best for all of us," House said with a sad smile.
She felt her eyes water some and swallowed, "Greg... I need to tell you something," she said watching him. "I... last night I went on a date. It was something I already had scheduled before..." she stopped not knowing how to phrase it.
"Before my meltdown in your office," he provided watching her with hurt eyes.
Cuddy nodded softly, "Greg I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you, it's just... well.. I thought it was best if I try to move on. I need to try to move on..." she implored, "but maybe it was too soon. I don't know. I mean... I still love you, I still miss you."
"Don't, it's … good. You should move on, it's not like anything is going to change, right? So why not move on?" House said with a frown.
"Because... I love you," she said with wet eyes.
House choked up as he turned away from her to look out the window at the parking lot in front of the furniture store that they were still at. "It doesn't make a difference," he said as he concentrated on breathing.
"And I thought you loved me," Cuddy said watching him.
"I do," House said looking at her, "and that's why I'm doing this!"
She shook her head, "No, you don't. If you'd loved me then you would've trusted me enough to tell me what was going on. Hell, I'm the ONE person you should have told, unless you have a sexual relationship with Wilson that I don't know about!" She said and scoffed, "I'm sure you loved me as much as YOU can love someone, but real love means you have to trust the person you're with. Maybe this was a blessing, to keep us from making a mistake."
He couldn't believe his ears... had she really just said it was a BLESSING that he was HIV positive? His chest felt cold and empty as he looked out the window to avoid her. "I'm sure you loved me as much as YOU can love someone..." echoed in his mind. He wanted to call her an idiot for turning this on him, like he's love meant less because he hadn't been ready to tell her he might be HIV positive, but he didn't because it was a fight no one could win. Even if she agreed with him, he still would have HIV and he would still be losing her, so he kept his mouth shut.
Cuddy watched him as he stared out the window ignoring her feelings and it burned her up. "I feel sorry for you, I really do, because I don't think you'll ever really trust anyone and that means you really are going to be alone forever." She said waiting to see if he'd even try to deny the truth, but he didn't, he just sat there silently. "It's pathetic."
House gritted his teeth as he refused to let her cruel words bring him to tears. "I need to go by New Jersey Medical," he said absently.
She rolled her eyes, "Well, why don't I take you since I don't have anything better to do today," she said sarcastically as she drove in it's direction. As the minutes passed her anger at him faded, probably because it wasn't true anger, just pain and sorrow about the situation, not to say that she thought he'd done her right in keeping her in the dark. She glance at him a couple of times, trying to come up with the right words to apologize for her lashing out at him, but the words didn't come. When she finally parked at NMJ she thought she'd have a chance but he bolted out of the car before she even had the car in park. "Dammit," she said under her breath when she got out of the car to see he was already going in the entrance.
Jackie was entering her data from her last patient in the computer as she heard someone come up to the desk. "One moment," she said as she finished and looked up to see his cold blue eyes on hers. She gasped at the sight of him, "House... um... I need to set you up with an appointment with Dr. Hodges, he specializes in..."
"Shut up and give me the meds," he barked as his hands shook from pain, he'd over done it when he took off from Cuddy but he couldn't take hearing anymore of that shit.
Jackie stood up noticing how pale he looked along with the death grip and shaking of his arms. "You should sit down before you fall out. Dr. Tucker has written out some starting prescriptions for your condition, but you first have to have a consult about... about your..."
"Fuck the consult! I know what I'm in for, so just give the God damn prescription and I'll be on my way," House said through gritted teeth.
"I can't.." Jackie stopped as she saw him wobble and then lean heavily against the counter. "Please sit down," she implored.
"No," he said firmly, he was honestly afraid that if he said down he'd never be able to get up again.
"You're a stubborn ass, you know that right?" She said to see him look at her unphased. "There are protocols in place for reasons, getting this kind of news it can be hard to deal with, the consult will help you cope plus you still have to be tested again for confirmation." She said with pleading eyes as she saw Cuddy walk up behind him and hoped maybe she talk some sense into him.
Cuddy looked up at him with shock, "You haven't taken the second test?"
House rolled his eyes, "There's no point," he said coldly looking at Jackie while answering Cuddy's question.
"You don't know that," she said softly as hope filled her, "false positives happen."
"Maybe in your world," he said turning to look at her, "and why do you care, I thought this was a 'blessing'."
Cuddy grimaced at his words, she hadn't meant it that way. "I'm sorry, I was lashing out at you in the car. You have to know that I'm not happy about this. Please, do the second test and the consult, if not for you then for me." She pleaded warmly.
House laughed "Wow, leave it to you to try and make me having HIV all about YOU, and you call ME narcissistic." He said bitterly, "This has nothing to do with you or her or Wilson or anyone else. It's my burden, just like my father was and the leg and the attack and every other fucked up thing that's happened to me so you can quit telling me how I should handle it, that goes for both of you." He said seriously watching them. "Now, I'm asking you as nicely as I can to give me my prescriptions, and letting you know that I'm refusing the consult, which is my right as a patient. So, unless you plan on drugging me up and strapping me to a bed to make me do what you want, I suggest you give me what I've asked for and let me be on my way." He said to Jackie.
Jackie frowned as she opened a his file and took out the prescriptions, "Dr. House, I have a feeling this is the last I'll see of you for a while," she said which he didn't contradict, "please take care of yourself." She finished and handed him the prescriptions.
House nodded as he took the paper, "You too," he said as he turned and left with Cuddy quick on his heels. He was forcing himself to move quickly and was surprisingly succeeding until he tripped on his way out the door.
Cuddy ran over to him and bent down beside him and put a hand on his back which he jerked away from and she swallowed, "Are you hurt?"
He laugh bitterly as the pain (both emotional and physical) made him shake.
She grew concerned and as the crazed manic laughter continued him as he was laying face down on the concrete outside the hospital while people walked back giving him odd looks. "Listen, if your okay then we need to get you to the car." She said as a couple rolled there eyes at House mumbling something about drunks.
House's laughing grew, "You (laughter) really think I'm ALRIGHT!" he bellowed and laughed deeply.
Cuddy wasn't sure if he was laughing or sobbing as she frowned, "House, you're scaring me, I don't know what I'm suppose to do?"
He pushed himself over using one arm and looked up at her with shiny eyes, "When did you finally realize that being with me would be a mistake? Was it before last night?" he asked watching her. She looked away from him. "It was, wasn't it? I knew it." he with a scoffed laugh.
"Greg..," She started softly but was quickly cut off by him.
"Don't.. don't call me that, not after you just told me that you've already moved on to someone else and QUIT saying you LOVE me!" House yelled with pain in his voice. "All that time... from college to now you never said.. and now when it's all for nothing... now you decide to say it," he said in a horse whisper sadly. He took in a deep breath to try and calm himself some, "Just do me a favor and stop saying it," he said meeting her eyes.
"Okay," Cuddy answered with a sympathetic frown.
He nodded and tried to force his body upright but came crashing down to the hard concrete again. His jaw was tight from the pain as he scooted himself to the side of the door instead of in front of it.
"Let me help you," She said softly.
"You can help by pulling the car around," House said looking in the direction of the vechical.
"I'm sorry,but don't put yourself through more pain over me," Cuddy said truthfully.
He rolled his eyes, "This," he gestured to himself, "isn't about you, it's about independence. I'll be living on my own again soon and I'll have to deal with stuff like this on my own."
She thought about saying that pulling the car around wouldn't do any good if he still wasn't able to get up, but swallowed the statement and go the car. She was surprised to see him standing by the curb when she pulled up. He wobbled some while trying to get in, but he did it on his own and they silently drove off.