Guess who's ba-ack?...

HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT? I was watching the "Last Friday Night" music video yesterday, and, to my absolute shock, COREY FELDMAN WAS IN IT! I was like, HOLY BEJESUS! He plays Kathy's dad at the end. You know, where he's like, "Hun, we invented Friday."


Mikey was in a very bad mood for the rest of the week.

"She could've taken anyone!" Mikey exclaimed in disbelief in History. "Anyone! And she chose Nick Story?"

"Mikey, I don't understand how girl's brains work either. So please shut up and complain to someone else," Mouth said. He was extremely irritated and fed up with Mikey's whining about Elle and Nick.

Mikey didn't seem to have heard him. He went on and on for about fifteen more minutes about Elle's sanity before Mouth finally slammed his pencil down.

"Just go and say sorry to her if it means that much to you!" he told him. That sure shut Mikey up.


"Hey, it sounds like someone's down there," Brand crawled to a small boulder. "Listen." There was a sort of snuffling sound, but it was very faint.

"Maybe it's a way out!" Andy said hopefully.

"Maybe it's the Fratellis," Stef said grimly.

"Maybe Chunk got the police," Data put in.

"Maybe it's another one of Willy's booby traps," Mouth said anxiously.

Elle watched in awe as Brand pushed the boulder, revealing a small hole. Everyone strained to see inside.

"Brand, um... God put that rock there for a reason, and, um, I'm not so sure you should move it..." Stef quavered.

"Hello?" Brand called inside the hole. He leaned in.

A split second later, hundreds of black, furry shapes burst through the hole. "Bats!" Brand yelled over the squealing. They caught in Andy and Elle's hair, they picked at Mouth and Mikey's skin, tried to get in Data's jacket. Stef, meanwhile, was losing it.

"Rabies! Oh my God, rabies! We're gonna get rabies!" she screamed, flailing her arms around to get rid of the bats around her.

Soon the bats flew off in due course, leaving everyone panting hard.

"Rabies... rabies..." Stef was now rocking back and forth on the dirt floor, eyes wide.

"Man up, Stef," Mouth told her, but he hadn't been too masculine during the bat attack, either.

"Come on, you guys, let's see what's in that hole..."

"That's what she said," Mouth snickered, but he obeyed the order.


"Hey, if we keep going this far down, maybe we'll reach China!" Data said excitedly from ahead. "Maybe I can go see my auntie or something, haven't seen her in ages..."

"Uh..." Mikey stopped in front of Elle. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"So I was kind of wondering... er... do you- do you like Mouth?"

Elle stared at him blankly. She felt as though she had been punched in the stomach- she did not see that coming.

"I mean, I've seen the way you look at him, and you always laugh at his jokes, and Mouth is a great guy and everything, so I just thought-" Mikey rambled on, completely oblivious to the fact that Elle had not answered.

Elle's imagination went into overdrive as she tried to picture herself hugging and holding hands with that- that idiot. Mouth was her best friend. Not to mention he was arrogant and stuck up most of the time.

"No," she said firmly, stopping Mikey in his tracks.

"What?"

"No," she repeated.

Mikey let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Why do you ask?" Elle cocked her head.

"Oh- just wondering," he felt his face redden. She shrugged and forged on. A few seconds later, she gasped, "It's beautiful!" There was a huge waterfall cascading into a pool of water. The wall was lined with rock, and the rock was lined with-

"Rich stuff!" Data suddenly yelled, pointing.

Mikey let go of Elle and ventured to the waterfall, allowing the water to pour on his head, drenching him. "Wow!"

"It's like a giant piggy bank!" Data shrieked, going through the waterfall. "We're rich!"

"Gold and silver all over the place!" Mouth agreed, leaping into the pool. "Coins, rich stuff!"

Elle scooped a handful off of a nearby rock and examined them. Oddly, they looked like normal American currency.

"Hey, what year was that map made, Mouth?" she heard Data say.

"Dunno, but probably before... Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and... Martin Sheen?" he looked closely at the coin.

"Martin Shee- That's President Kennedy, you idiot!" Stef said.

"Well, same difference! He played President Kennedy once!" Mouth shot back.

"That's really smart, I'm glad you're using your brain!" Stef yelled back.

"At least I have a brain!" Mouth retorted.

"You're so stupid, Mouth!" Stef returned.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes!" She turned away from him, rolling her eyes. Mouth opened his mouth to say something, but Stef beat him to it. "Shut up!"

"Hey, you guys?" Elle called. "This isn't the rich stuff! We're in a wishing well! See?" she pointed at a small hole in the ceiling.

"Must be the old Moss Garden Wishing Well," Mouth mused.

"I used to believe that when you threw a coin in, it would turn into your wish," Andy smiled sadly at the handful of coins.

Elle saw Mikey and Data trading coins nearby. Obviously they hadn't heard they were in a wishing well. "Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop you guys!" Elle said, treading water to get to them. In response to their whines of outrage she said: "These are somebody else's wishes. Someone else's dreams!" Data looked at Mikey and understanding silently passed between them.

Mouth, however, took a different view of things.

"Yeah? Well, this one, this one right here-" he held up a coin- "this was my wish, my dream! But it didn't come true," he glared at all of them. "So I'm taking them back. I'm taking them all back." He dove back into the pool once more.

Mikey walked to the center of the room. "Come on, One-Eyed Willy! What's this got to do with the map?" he said aloud to no one in particular. "Is this just another one of your tricks?"

Suddenly, a quarter pinged! down the well, nearly hitting Brand on the head. "What the-" he picked up the offending quarter and tossed it back up.

"Who's down there?" someone called down a few seconds later.

"You guys! It's Troy!" Data said in relief.

"Troy! We're down here!" Andy yelled up.

"Andy?" Troy goggled in disbelief. "Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me!" she said patiently. "We're stuck down here. Please send down the bucket!" she pleaded.

"What the hell are you doing at the bottom of a well?"

"Don't ask stupid questions, Troy!" Andy snapped. "We're stuck! Just send down the bucket!" Troy obeyed. As everyone squabbled over how to get Andy up to the surface safely, Elle heard Mikey mutter: "Chester Copperpot." Then-

"Chester Copperpot!" he swiveled around.

"What?" everyone said.

"Chester Copperpot!" Mikey repeated. "He was a pro, he was an expert at this kind of thing, but he never made it this far! Look how far we've come!" his tone turned to pleading. "We still have a chance at this."

"A chance at what, Mikey? Getting killed?" Andy said, her voice high-pitched and tinny. "If we keep going, someone's going to get hurt. Maybe even killed. We're supposed to get the police, remember?"

"Maybe Chunk already got the police!"

"Well, maybe Chunk is dead!" Andy shot back.

"Don't say that! Never say that!" Mikey reprimanded her. "Goonies never say die!"

"I'm not a Goonie," Andy pointed out. "And I want to go home."

"But still!" Mikey looked around at all of them. "The next time you see the sky, it'll be over in another town. The next time we take a test, it'll be in some other school." He paused. "Our parents, they always want the best of stuff for us. But right now we've got to do what's best for them. Because it's their time. It's their time!" Mikey shouted. "Up there." He pointed. "Down here, it's our time! It's our time down here!" He pulled his best puppy-dog face. "And that's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket."

A smal silence followed this speech. Elle was almost in tears. She leapt off the rock and gave him a huge bear hug. Mikey staggered from the sudden weight, and then patted her back awkwardly.

Andy took another glance up. Then she looked at the bucket. "Okay. I'll stay."

A huge cheer erupted from them, echoing against the walls of the cavern. Then Data pointed out that Troy would probably notice if the bucket felt empty, so they conned Andy into leaving her jacket.

"ANDY, YOU GOONIE!" they heard Troy scream from the surface.


"Okay, Mouth, trasnlate this..." Mikey held up the map for Mouth to see.

"Copper bones," he began, and immediately Mikey began searching his pockets for something. Mouth squinted in the dim lantern light. "Westward foams," he cocked his head. "Triple bones."

"Okay, this must be the copper bones," Mikey held up the skull-shaped medallion they'd gotten from Chester Copperpot.

"Hey, look at this!" Elle said excitedly, pulling some spiderwebs away from a little square in the cavern wall. "Triple stones!" She pointed triumphantly at the stone groupings in it.

"Yeah! We gotcha now, Willy, we're right behind you!" Mikey said.

"Why couldn't I have had a sister?" Brand moaned. "A little sister instead of that?"

Meanwhile, Mikey was trying to fit the stones into the skull's eye and nose sockets. "No, no, that's too big... try the middle one!" Data suggested.

"You guys are crazy," Mikey said. "The middle one won't work!"

"It will! It will!" Data nodded energetically.

It fit perfectly.

"See! Told you!" Data said.

"Okay, then. That's one problem solved. But which way do we turn?" Mouth asked.

"West..." Elle muttered. "Counterclockwise!"

"Here goes nothing!" he twisted the stones slowly. Suddenly, a door appeared from either side of the stones, enclosing Mikey's arm. As Mouth, Elle, and Data tried to yank Mikey's arm out of the hole, there was a sound of creaking- another booby trap? Everyone looked up to see a ball rolling down a little railway.

"What the hell is that?" Stef wondered.

"It's one of Willy's tricks!" Mikey moaned, watching the ball swirl around them. "Move!" he shoved Elle and Mouth out of the way. Unfortunately, the floor fell through right where Data was standing.

"DATA!" everyone screamed, crowding around the hole. They strained to see him, but the darkness obscured him from view.

"Oh, he's gone!" Elle groaned, burying her face in Mikey's shoulder. "He's gone for sure!"

"He's really dead!" Andy gasped in horror.

"Pinchers of Peril," someone muttered. "Pinchers of Peril!" someone shouted. "You guys, I've been saved by my Pinchers of Peril!"

"Data! Is that you, buddy?" Mouth called down the hole. He looked pretty shell-shocked, but he was glad to see his Asian friend was, by some miracle, still alive. Then Data shouted something even better.

"You guys, there's a whole 'nother room down here!"