A Fruit Loop's Christmas Carol
By: Hordak's Pupil
Freely adapted from Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol
Author's Note: I decided to try something new with this fic- It's a story within a story. Everytime you see a section in Italics it means that it is taking place outside the narrative. It's kind of like how what Gonzo did it the Muppet Christmas Carol.
Stave I: A Story to Remember
"Curly was dead to begin with," I told my cousin Aeon as he sat on the floor. His parents had gone out for the night and left him in my care. The last time little Aeon was here he almost caused a disaster of epic proportions to the timeline (although I admit it was funny to watch the Observants run around like a bunch of headless chickens). I decided this time I would make sure to keep his powers in check and entertain myself with a story and what better story than that of a Christmas Carol with a timely twist. It was after all Christmas Eve and my duties were done for the night. "Yes, Curly Lambeau had left the mortal world for the other side," I said holding a flashlight to my face for effect.
"Who is Curly Lambeau," Aeon asked enrapt in the moment. I explained that Curly Lambeau was the founder of the Green Bay Packers. "That's a football team," he exclaimed waving his hands causing a football to appear- It was from Super Bowl I. Aeon had the ability to think of something and take it from any time in the timeline. I sent the ball back and told him of how Curly was the most corrupt coach in NFL history. The old coach had swindled fans out of their money and stacked the deck in the Packers favor making him despised by everyone except for one person. "Who's that Uncle Clockwork?" he asked as I waved my hand causing an image of Amity Park to appear before him. I zoomed on city hall where our story begins.
"One million nine hundred thousand and two, One…," I began counting until I heard noise come from the room behind me. "Fenton!" I yelled staring at my assistant with his hand on my thermostat, "how many times have I told you that heat cost money!" I yelled at him watching him slink away. He muttered something about it being cold I told him that I felt nothing and he was to go back to work. "Moron! Wasting my precious money," I said shaking my head nothing is worth more to me than money. I worked hard fixing pro football games to earn it and I wasn't going to have it wasted on heat. He apologized before sitting on the desk leaving me in peace and quiet until I heard the door open.
"Merry Christmas Uncle Vlad!" a shrill voice said as a tall man in a black suit and white cape burst in. It was my infernal nephew- Nicolai. "It is I come to wish you a Merry Christmas!" he said as I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath. "I couldn't hear what you were saying uncle," he said as I told him that I said that Christmas was a humbug. "Christmas a humbug surely you don't mean that Uncle Vlad?" he asked. I told him that every idiot who goes about with merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled in his fondue and buried with a fork in his heart. "Uncle," he said shocked.
"Nephew, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep in it mine," I said as he told me that I never kept Christmas at all, "then let me leave it alone then, what reason have you to be merry in the first place?" I asked him, he got $299 a week and he blabs about a merry Christmas. He retorted that I had no reason to be grumpy since I was rich enough, "there is no such thing as 'rich enough," I informed him. I asked if he had reason to be here besides torturing me. He said he wanted to invite me to Christmas dinner, "NO, I am allergic to sugar plums," I snapped as he asked me to please just once come and meet his wife, "why in the name Bret Favre did you get in married?" I asked him.
"I fell in love Uncle Vlad, you should see her," he said as I told him that love is even more stupid than a merry Christmas. "I am sorry to find you so resolute uncle, I will keep my humor and wish you a Merry Christmas," he went on as I shouted for him to leave, "and a happy New Year!" he shouted back as he hung a wreath on my door and left.
"There is nothing to worry about Kitty," I told my squeeze as I pounded on the door. She thinks this Vlad is a monster but I told him that it was a myth, "like eating pop rocks and soda at the same time," I assured her as the door opened a tall man with white hair appeared. I asked him if I could speak to Mr. Masters, "It's quite Important," I said as he smiled saying he was Masters and showed us inside. "Thank you sir," I said as we walked and told him about how we were collecting money for the poor.
"I thought you said it was important?" he asked as I him told that many of poor can't afford shelter and warmth and it's our duty as children of the Creator to care for those in need. "I see what you mean, tell me have the prisons been shut down," he asked, "and the treadmill acts and poorhouses haven't been deemed unconstitutional," he asked as I shook my head, "good I thought for a moment by what you said that something had stopped them," he said as I looked aghast at what he told me.
"Look Mister!" Kitty said finally getting her courage, "many can't go there and some would rather die," she told him as Vlad looked at her and laughed. According to him if they want to die that they should do so and decrease the surplus population. He pointed to the door and told us to go before he blasted out and threw us in a snow bank. "I told you was a meanie Johnny, let's go," she said grabbing my collar and walked back out in the cold.
"That wasn't very nice," I told my uncle listening to the story, "how can someone be so mean?" I asked as he transformed into an old man and laughed. I could feel my tummy rumbling and asked if I could get something to eat. He smiled and teleported to the kitchen, "do you have any cookies," I said waving my hands trying to make a cookie appear but uncle told me he would get them as last time I got it myself I nearly ruined something called the last supper. "It was weird anyway, they guy told the other they were drinking his blood."
"The pope is already upset because I let Martin Luther live, if I let you ruin Christianity I wouldn't hear the end of it," he said taking out a jar and told me to pick out some cookies. I asked him if he would go on with the story, "When you're done eating Aeon," he said, "so tell me what have you been up to, it's been a hundred years since I saw you last," he said as I told him about school, "I trust you are not using your powers in school," he said reminding me how I caused the north to lose Fort Sumter. I explained to him that the note I left on the governor's desk was a joke, "time is no joke, as a time ghost you should learn to use your powers responsibly," he said as I sighed and told him I apologized for causing that war, "President Lincoln lost his life because of that infernal war, actions have consequences," he said waving his hands and we were back in the living room. Uncle picked up the book again and began to continue the story.
"Idiots!" Mr. Masters scowled as the bell rang, "I suppose you'll want off tomorrow," he said as I told him if it was convenient, "it's not Jack and you would think me unfair if I didn't pay you. However you don't think it unfair if I pay you for no work," he said as I reminded him that it was once a year. "A poor excuse for picking my pocket every December 25," he said grabbing his hat before we walked out the door, "just be here all the earlier the next morning," he said leaving for his home.
Once he was gone from earshot I let out a shout of joy running down the street, "It's almost Christmas!" I slid joyfully on the ice with neighborhood kids chanting. I love this time of year everyone is so happy and even the oldest feel like a kid at heart. "Watch this!" I told the kids as I run hitting the ice with my belly and sliding down like a seal, "No one can…," I began to say until I hit the light pole and everything went black.
"Father are you okay?" I heard a voice say as my second youngest son Danny came into focus, "You were lucky you hit the pole next to the toy store where I was standing," he said as I told if he had any favorites. "I like the rocket ship that shoots into the air. I knew what he was speaking of, it costs 89.99 far more than I can afford but one day I hope to get it for him, "well I am sure Santa will give it to you," I said trying not to break his heart. Danny smiled told me that we're going home, "sounds good to me Danny boy," he said helping walk back while I rubbed my head.
"CLOCKWORK CLOCKWORK OPEN THIS DOOR!" I yelled pounding on the towers door, it had come to my attention that he had that infernal brat was in there and he was going to pay for his crimes. After a few minutes the time ghost phased through the door, "Chronos, I know you have your cousin in there and I demand he come to the temple and pay for his crimes," I told him taking out a list of crimes that range from destroying the Colossus of Rhodes to ripping the lower half of the portrait of George Washington. I showed the charges to the time ghost but he crumpled it up into a ball and threw it away.
"In case you didn't know Aeon is only 500 years old, he still a child. Children play pranks but you would know nothing about that" he looking at the sky, "Shouldn't you worry about Vortex anyway it looks like it's going to snow," I laugh and tell him it doesn't work on me. A single snowflake, "you know it's a long way to the Temple, why don't you stay and listen to my story," he said I as walked into the living room. Upon seeing me, the child hid behind his uncle, "Don't worry Aeon, he won't dare take you not while I am in charge," Chronos said as I huffed. The now elderly master of time sat down in front of us and picked up and old book. "Now where were," he asked the boy who answered that he was talking about Jack and Fenton walking home. "Yes, but now we turn our attention back to Vlad," he said waving his producing an image of Masters walking down the street, "now I must remind you at this that Curly is dead and decaying in his grave or else nothing that happens will appear wondrous," he said zooming in on the billionaire as he walked up to his door.
The child looked with awe as Masters placed the key in the lock and watched as the doorknocker transformed, "Curly?" Vlad said recognizes the face that now appeared. The appiriartion let out a blood curdling scream before racing into his house which seem dilapidated and run down for a rich person. The child phased through the floor and hid under the carpet. Clockwork laughed and told him that it was only going get spookier from here.