Chapter Eight: Grow a Pair
Clearly, this is not how I wanted things to turn out. I had everything under control, but I'm pretty sure that my mom had something to do with this. That's why she asked. She knew Liberty was in the house with us and she'd tricked me into saying those words.
Jacob is Liberty's daddy.
Sue Clearwater suffered from the delusion that Jacob and I were going to finally get together and form a Blackwater clan … yeah right.
That would entail two improbabilities: One that Jacob finally dump little bitch on her ass and Two that Jacob Black actually love me. Secretly, I think he's more likely to get rid of her than to love me…
But how Jacob reacted was not what I expected. Liberty, being the ball of joy that she is, coerced him into playing 'Scientist', which meant that she would carry around her microscope and dig around for bugs in the yard. She's a total Clearwater and I love it.
I loved how he interacted with her even before he knew, but Jacob wasn't finished with me.
He left me in the bathroom for God knows how long, knowing that I couldn't move an inch without him.
By the time he'd come back, my skin was soggy, pruney even and I was freezing, not like the last time he'd romantically started a bath for me.
"I'm surprised you came back." I looked at him, trying to read his expression. I knew Jacob well, but I didn't know what he was thinking this time. I couldn't tell, but I did know that it was showdown time.
"How could you not tell me?"
"How could I?" I asked back, looking down for a moment. "Get me out of here?" Jake picked me up before I could even finish. We were always putting ourselves in situations like this, situations that looked bad to people on the outside who didn't understand platonic yet intimate relationships.
Hell, we didn't either. When it came to us, there were no boundaries and that is more terrifying than anything, to know that you could let yourself go so deeply into someone that rationale didn't exist.
I squelched this idea as he helped me up wordlessly, not flinching when the water on my body drenched his shirt. Jacob helped me to my robe, yanking his shirt off which clearly needed time to dry. I knew what was on my mind and it shouldn't have been.
I wanted him so badly that I had to look away and slide on the robe so I wasn't standing there naked, so that something was there to separate us, and to keep my hands occupied. As I did so, I felt stupid. Rejected. Ashamed. Jacob would never love me.
"So … talk." He barked.
"What the hell do you want to know? You're the one to blame for this." I started. This, was good. I could play on anger, hold onto that emotion long enough for him to get pissed off and leave. Then, I could figure out what I was going to do. For real.
"Really?" Jacob looked at me in disbelief as I pulled out the drier and worked on my hair for a bit. I would've left it at that had he not grabbed my hand and turned off the machine. "Leah, how is this my fault?"
"You shouldn't have been fucking me when you had a fiancé. And then that stupid ass wedding … did you really think I was going to stick around and pretend like it was okay?" I sighed frustrated at the way my hair looked, but even more so how I was feeling right now. So revealed. "Fuck it." I couldn't pretend that it was his fault. I had to confess. "I left because I was pregnant and you were getting married to Reneesme and I didn't want to mess it up. You deserved to be happy after Bella and us having sex was just too good to work. Wrong," I corrected. "Amazing but wrong at the time. I left so that you could have your happy ending."
"Damn it Leah that's just stupid!" Jacob clinched his jaw. "Don't you see how different it could've been? If you had just told me … I wouldn't have-"
"What?" My arms were folded across my chest. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't let Jacob string me along like this.
"I wouldn't have married Nessie." He sighed. It was a lie. He would've married her and lived out all of his Bella fantasies regardless of what was going on around him. I rolled my eyes, really trying to hide back tears.
"You can't take it back and we are where we are and who we are. Who we are happens to be completely different that who we used to be." I paused. "I didn't want you to find out about Liberty at all because … I didn't want to make it harder on everyone and now she's attached and when we go back, I'll be the bad guy again."
"You can always stay." He offered, placing his hand on my shoulder which made my stomach flutter. The bathroom was feeling smaller by the minute and I could just imagine those thick, soft lips molding mine, him backing me into the wall roughly, ripping open my robe—Stop it.
"We have to talk about this because Leland and Johanna are in love with you. Nessie's a good mom to them but you—p"
"We can't even talk without you mentioning how much better she is than me. I know she is. That's why I left before and that's why I'm backing off now. Nessie can give you that 'All-American' fairytale. I can't. I can't make you happy because I don't even know what happy is anymore." I sighed. "This is hard." I muttered under my breath. "We both know that I have to go back to California and the kids can come and visit anytime, but I can't be here. It's too much for me." Because I love you, Jake, I added to myself. I had already admitted it in so many words anyway.
"So you're not even going to give me a chance?" He asked.
"Jacob, you are mar-ried. You are taken. You belong to her forever and this is what you wanted." I reminded him. We didn't take marriage lightly in the Quileute community. It was literally 'til death do you part.'
"I was stupid." Jacob whispered. "I don't deserve to even say these words to you. But I do love you Leah. You know that, don't you?" I nodded, too afraid to move any other part of my body. This is what I had been wanting to hear, what I thought I'd never hear. "You can't even see how much better you are than before. You're so much better, more focused, beautiful, intelligent, amazing. You have this glow that-"
"I have to get out of here." I whispered, finally exhaling.
"Let me help you." Jacob's hands were on either sides of my face before I could grab the crutches. I was powerless to move, and he knew it. He knew it and he did it because he could.
Feeling his warm, thick lips on mine made me realize just how much I'd been starving for this the last few years of my life. I closed my eyes instinctively and then opened them once I realized what we were doing. I was breathing heavily. My body had missed that touch. We kissed for way to long for me to blame it on him. I had kissed him back, nibbled on his lip, let his hands roam my body, reach for the tie to my robe.
"We can't." I whispered, knowing that in just a few quick motions, we could be making love again. "You're married and I won't let you cheat."
"Wake up Leah. We've been cheating together since you got back. Every smile, every intimate thought … all of the things that I told you that Nessie doesn't even know. About my dreams. Me and you talking about my mom and your dad … You have my heart."
"But she has you for life." I sighed, stronger that I'd ever been in the past. "So, I'm saying this now so you'll finally get it. You chose Nessie. We can't be anything to each other … and I mean it. It's over Jake."
He just stood staring at me for a long time, neither of us moving. So close, but still on different planets, in different universes. Jacob eventually left the bathroom, shirtless and looking all kinds of sexy. And I was able to hold back the waterworks until he left.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is what is called "closure." Did I mention that closure sucks?
It's been three weeks since God has answered my prayers, and Leah Clearwater has been eradicated from my life. Well, not really but she's not around as much. I was working on a way to adopt the twins, but I couldn't help but ignore it.
Jacob was walking around like his little brother had just died, had been ever since... I don't know what, but something happened that no one was telling me abound.
Forgive me for saying this, but why was he so into her? She was rude, obnoxious, inappropriate, uncultured … and I could keep going and going.
I should've been the one who was unhappy, finding out that he still harbored feelings of unrequited love for Leah Clearwater, who was just after all the mother of his two kids. Minor oversight. I was still trying to make it work, but it seemed like I was the only one. This marriage was becoming more and more of a struggle, but I was the only one fighting.
"Babe?" I called, trying to figure this thing out, but Jacob was numb. Like a zombie. And I was almost on the edge.
Hopefully our vow renewal would remind him of why he married me in the beginning.
We were at the point where we only spoke when necessary and I told myself that it was fine. So what that he wasn't there when they'd finally de-plastered my leg? No one should see a leg looking that gross anyway, but somehow, I still found an excuse to go over and see him.
Although we only looking at it other for a few seconds, it was enough for me to know that our feelings for each other hadn't simmered down. My heart, I know, was ready to pop out of my chest, but I'd learned better than to give it up so easily.
If nothing else, my feelings for him were more powerful than any imprint I'd ever experienced, and make no mistake I was 100% in love with Sam.
I waited for Jacob to crack a smile, breakdown his stoic look, finally shave off that peezy beard he was growing and mention the fact that I was walking like a normal human being again, but nothing. He did, however, wordless hand me a piece of paper.
In my imagination, I saw it as a note in code, a series of numbers representing a time and place where we could meet up secretly, and finally be free. But, that was not this note. This piece of paper started with the words I'd avoided four years ago … 'You are cordially invited…'
I mean seriously, who got remarried unless they'd been together for over ten years? They were working on year number give. Talk about insecure. A very mean, almost evil part of me wanted to show up and ruin it. Tell little bitch that once again, Jake had messed up and forgot that trusty little condom.
I had that effect on him.
I chuckled internally, a dry laugh. Four years ago, I would've video-taped our bathroom encounter and put in out youtube, revealing the video at the wedding under the guise of a "Wedding Slideshow." Then, everyone would've seen …
Even Jacob wouldn't be able to fake it or deny it. That would be fun, but there are kids involved and I'm not that reckless anymore, sadly for you guys.
Instead, being older, wiser, more predictable, and a little boring at times, I was going to face this situation and go to the stupid re-wedding ceremony and behave like everyone else. Rachel would be my moral support, Liberty and the kids would keep me busy, and seeing him kiss her would make it easier for me to leave.
But don't get too upset guys. Jacob and I not working out doesn't mean that I have to be alone…
History repeats itself. Seriously, it does. Like right now, I'm preparing to renew my vows with Reneesme, something that she came up with seemingly as soon as Leah rolled into town. Her around really made Nessie nervous and since she clearly didn't want anything to do with me, there was no need to keep chasing after her.
I'm not the kind of guy to put myself out there too much, not like I used to, and Leah rejecting me really hurt like hell. Us guys can be just as … insecure as girls. We just cover it up by being assholes, which was how I was treating Leah.
If I could get her to back away, then I'd be able to recover from her … rejection. I never wanted to feel anything like that again and I knew that Nessie would never do anything to hurt me.
Sure, it was safe and at times unexciting, but she was mine. And we could be good together, maybe even happy at times.
I could live with that.
And I was glad that Leah had stuck around to support me in this. She brought our little baby Liberty, a secret with which I shared with Leah. I caught her giving me glances and looks as I waited for Nessie to make her way down the aisle.
Just for a moment, I let myself think about how much differently I would feel if Leah Clearwater was the one walking down the aisle towards me. I could see Embry give me a look and I knew it was starting. Nessie was gorgeous, with her pale white skin and hazel eyes … you know the kind of girl that the world grooms you to drool over.
She put all of those blonde-haired commercial girls to shame and she was always so kind and pretty much perfect. Her skin was milky-wife, she had the right combination of thinness with small curves … she was petite. Visually stunning. As she walked down towards me, I stared back at her, but I could feel Leah's gaze as well. My eyes faltered for a moment, turning to hers, my heart breaking to see the look on her face.
She was dying inside.
My eyes found their way back to Nessie as I hoped that no one realized the moment I'd shared with Leah. No one interrupted the ceremony, everyone was cordial, and I was sure that I could get through this.
And everything was going perfectly … which is why I should've known that the other shoe was going to drop, and of course, it was Leah's fault.
I shouldn't have been at the reenactment of the stupidest mistake of Jacob's life. But I was here. I missed the first wedding, and this one was just as overly gaudy, I'm sure. I caught Jacob looking at me more than he should've been, the memory of his warm lips meeting mine, still fresh on my mind.
It has been three weeks already, and I still wasn't over it, but Liberty was loving it here and I didn't want to just leave. It was hard.
So I shouldn't have come.
For whatever reason, Liberty was just really finicky the entire time, and I was ready to leave.
"Let's just say bye to Jacob and we can go, okay?" I offered, en route to Jacob, but little bitch stepped in my path. "Hi." I squeaked out.
"The cast is off your leg." She noted. "So you'll be leaving soon?"
"No, I plan on staying for a little while." I answered back, just to screw with her a little bit. I wanted to get out of this hell immediately. "Now can you tell me where your husband is?" I wondered, politely, two seconds from knocking her out and getting this over with.
"This is for you." A random person interrupted us and handed her a microphone.
"Well?" I pressed.
"I don't know." Little bitch shrugged it off and I picked up Liberty who was now fussy. She was overdue for a nap. That was the problem. The half breed turned the mike on and started to thank everyone for being here, but I still didn't see Jake.
"We're going Liberty. We'll see everyone tomorrow." I explained, ready to leave. And that's when it happened.
"No!" She yelled.
"Please don't do this. We can spend the entire day-"
"I want to see my daddy!" Liberty screamed so loudly that the microphone picked her voice up and little bitch stopped talking. Everyone was staring now.
I ducked and tried to walk away, but that's when Jacob appeared. And that's when Liberty said loudly, with everyone still listening, "DADDY!"
Jacob's face crumbled, as did mine and "Nessie" dropped the mike, running off in tears. He took Liberty into his arms, calming her down, but gave me a look like I planned this. This was not my fault, but I knew in everyone else's eyes, I was the villain. Always the villain, always the bad guy.
Normally, I wouldn't get involved but I could hear how miserable Jake was whenever I called him. With Nessie throwing him annulment papers, ouch, I knew I had to do something to help. I'd seen my brother fall off the edge before, when I wasn't there to stop him, but now I was fully involved.
So, I did what I thought was best. I gave them one last chance. I had to lie to Leah to do it, she was expecting me and not him, but she'd forgive me. I told Jacob where she lived, where she spare key was, and left it up to him.
There was nothing holding him back anymore. He was officially released from Reneesme and she decided just to make the annulment easy, and not to fight over petty things. He was a free man and now it was time for him to be happy.
"Did you come here expecting some happy ending? That I wouldn't have moved on by now?" Leah wondered, running her hands through her hair. Six months later and it was already at her ears. Just as spunky as ever "I don't have time for this today Jake. I've got a twelve hour day and I-"
"What?" She paused for a moment.
"You have the day off and you have plans with my sister… You see, Rachel's been telling me you've been working like crazy, but I didn't believe her." I explained wondering if it was too late. I'd already done so much damage to Leah.
"What do you want Jacob?"
"Nessie and I are over. The paperwork has been filed and legally, we were never married."
"Stop being such an ice queen. I want to see if you'll still have me? Is it too late?"
"You're really asking me if I still want you?" Leah smiled like some really perverted idea just came to mind. "How do I know you're not going to get bored with me or cheat on me? If you can't even stay faithful during an imprint-"
"You don't. And I don't know if you'll get tired of me." I sighed. Leah was still making this difficult. "But you're the only one that knows so much about me and it doesn't feel awkward around you, even now. I don't know what I'd do if you said no."
"Oh Jake, don't be so dramatic."
"I'm not. I mean it." Jacob bent down until he was on one knee.
So, if I was the smiling girl at that Lamaze class, Jacob would've said all of those things to me. But Jacob was … spineless at best, and I didn't fall so easily for bull shit.
This is how it really happened.
"I'm not going." Jacob explained firmly.
"I can call the cops and they'll make you leave. You're too late." I lied, secretly beaming on the inside.
"The kids are with Rachel." He whispered. "Where's Liberty?"
"With a babysitter. I thought today was Friday." I explained, Jacob's eyes glued to mine. It was intense. It made me blush and then look away. When I looked back at him, Jacob was closer to me.
Our lips slid onto one another's like they served no other purpose but to be together. We were like that for a long time and when I reached up to pull off his shirt, I realized that old habits die hard.
This habit wasn't going to die.
"I'm seeing someone." I blurted out before we could work on baby number four.
"Is it serious?" He asked, looking hurt.
"Do I have a chance?"
"No." I responded with a laugh. "But sometimes you have to just take what you want."
"I love you Leah Clearwater." He whispered into my ear seductively, the only thing supporting me now being the wall. "I'll fight until I have you."
"You just want some ass."
"No. I want you. All of you. I don't want to share you and I don't want to share myself with anyone else. Just you. You are everything to me and I've been so miserable without you."
"I can't. I can't get hurt this time."
"I can't stay away. I've never felt anything…"
"Like it." I finished for him. "Will you be faithful to me?"
"Yes." He responded confidently. "I want you for life. No divorce. No annulment-"
"What are you saying?"
"I want to be with you forever. I want you to be a Black. We can all live together in California, wherever you want."
So what do you think I said? HELL NO! … Or not quite. I eventually said yes, but not immediately. I made him work for it (2 months, no sex). Jacob was finally able to prove to me that he could keep it in his pants and whip it out only for me. And it turns out that he can. Not all guys are dogs.
When I finally gave in, I swear the Earth stopped just for us, the stars aligned, the moon was full, the pigs were flying, there was a moment of world peace because … Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater were finally together.
And then he proposed and I accepted.
Fourteen weeks later
We all know what happened. Out popped baby number four, another girl whom we named Jenna Leigh, but the difference was by then, we were actually married. Imagine, me and Jake having a kid in wedlock. That was pretty cool. Traditional, but it felt complete. And no, we still haven't learned how to use a condom, if that's what you're wondering!
Everything that hadn't made sense before, all of the loose ends all led to this moment, where Jacob and I were married, living together and with our four kids in California. (Don't ever let a man make you leave an awesome city so you can be with him. This is 2012 people)!
It wasn't perfect. I had to cut back my hours at the hospital, but it was love, chaos, craziness … it was my life and it finally felt whole, like the world was on my side. I could kiss Jacob when I wanted to, however I wanted to.
We could hold hands, give each other looks, meet each other in the shower … share our most private dreams and thoughts. It was love on every level that I'd never even imagined.
So, I guess you can say that the title of my story is a little misleading. All this time, I thought that I was nothing more than a booty call for Jacob, a girl on the side that made his sex life wild and amazing, but we connected so much more than that.
I actually thank little bitch, in a way because … if she hadn't been in the picture, we wouldn't have gotten to know each other so deeply or even appreciated each other like we do. Sure, we argue and the kids run amuck every day, but I'm finally happy.
I'm happy and why shouldn't I be?
After all, I'm just the lucky Lolita that snagged Jacob Black for life, and don't tell him yet, but I think I might be preggers again.
(A/N: Weeks of pondering and I finally figured out how to end this so it wasn't deux ex machinus … or whatever that Latin term is. It means I'm finished and I love writing about these two! Leave your reviews, check out my other Jeah flick—After the Hurricane—which is getting an ending to the alternate ending. Thanks for the support … this is probably the least amount of time I've taken to finish a story. Luv. Grow. Change. And smile, otherwise people won't like you! j/k –NL)