Disclaimer

Naruto not mine...


"So, everything's ready for today?"

"Yup. He'll never know what hit him. Mwahahaha!"

"Where did you get that flashlight and why are you holding it under your face while laughing maniacally?"

"Because it's COOL."

"Ugh."


Sasuke…was unnerved. And had been all day.

Normally, a little bout of nervousness throughout the day wouldn't be cause for alarm and jutsu, but the strange feeling that had been plaguing him wasn't fangirl or Itachi-related.

And THAT'S what scared him.

As he walked the streets of Konoha, hands in his pockets and stick firmly applied up his ass, he felt eyes watching him.

Evil eyes.

Plotting eyes.

Eyes spilling over with hatred…

Sasuke shuddered and decided he needed to lay off the Ring Pops. They were starting to affect him.

Blinking himself out of his thoughts, he noticed Neji walking towards him, with a somewhat faraway look.

Thinking that a nice, friendly chat might placate his fears, he quickened his pace, eager to talk to the genius. For once.

Only to be shocked when the Hyūga spied him and dashed away in the opposite direction at what looked like Mach 4. Sasuke blinked, wondering what just happened. He shrugged and kept walking, the weirdness still fresh in his mind, roiling around with his uneasiness.

That was when he saw it. Or more accurately, HIM.

Itachi Uchiha, in all his genocidal, bishounen glory. Holding a large white box in his hands.

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

Paralyzed with fear at the sight before him; his bloodthirsty, family-killing brother, in KONOHA, of all places, holding a dubious box as though he was NOT a missing-nin with a bounty on his head and was NOT a mass murderer, just strolling through with his box.

Suddenly, things got very weirder.

Naruto appeared behind from behind him, holding what seemed to be a bag of colorful balloons. That, however, was not the scariest part.

Naruto was quiet.

Naruto was quiet.

Naruto was quiet.

Naruto was quiet.

Shit, no matter how many times Sasuke screamed it in his head, those words did NOT make sense together. The young Uchiha zoomed away like a bat out of hell, mentally noting to destroy every sweet in his house.


Hiding in the bushes of the familiar Third Training Field, the bizarreness of the day sufficiently creeping him out, he recounted all the things that were currently causing him to freak.

Lee and Tenten buying ridiculous amounts of soda.

Sakura and Ino carting what looked like a field of flowers.

Choji and Shikamaru carrying roughly half a marketplace worth of food.

Kiba and Akamaru pulling a wagon with Hinata and Shino in it, holding a MASSIVE block of ice.

And the truly strangest thing of all was that whenever he tried to get close to any of them, they would dash away with speeds rivaling Naruto when he sees an unprotected bowl of ramen. Which was pretty damn fast.

Sasuke had come to the conclusion that he had totally, officially, lost his FUCKING mind.

"Yo."

Letting out a shriek that would earn the respect of a prepubescent girl scout, Sasuke whipped around to see a surprised Kakashi behind him, Icha Icha Paradise in hand.

"Jumpy today, aren't you?" he said, a smirk barely visible beneath his mask.

Sasuke just pouted and muttered a "Hn." before sitting cross-legged on the ground. The Jonin flipped a page in his book, chuckling perversely at something only he could see.

A few minutes of awkward silence in which Sasuke kept glancing at Kakashi, then…

"Oh," he said, suddenly, closing his book. "I almost forgot." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cream-colored envelope. "I was supposed to give you this."

He handed it to Sasuke, who took it with shaking hands as he saw the neat, impeccable handwriting that bore his name.

Itachi's.

Eyes momentarily flashing to Sharingan, he angrily tore open the note, sending bits of envelope to the ground.

Foolish little brother. Do you know why you are weak? Because you lack…punctuality. Prove me wrong by coming to the Uchiha compound at 2:00 pm and not one minute later. I shall be waiting.

With love, Itachi

Sasuke blanched.


1:58 pm

The avenger scowled as he reached home. His formerly safe sanctuary had been tainted by his brother's presence. Somewhere deep within, the murderer waited, as did all the struggles and hardship he had been forced to endure.

His ass was grass.

In a spectacular show of badassery, Sasuke kicked the door down, rushing in, hands already forming seals and coal-black eyes flashing into Sharingan.

As he reached the door leading to the main plaza of the compound, he swung his foot out, shattering the door to pieces.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAS—"

"Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"

A loud whooshand a fireball the size of a minivan roared through the plaza and shrieked towards the throng of people.

Only to be dispersed by a large, somehow see-through fire blanket surrounding the crowd. As the smoke cleared, Itachi shook a shaking Naruto from his leg. "I told you the blanket would be required." he said tonelessly.

Sasuke's eyes (now normal) grew to the size of dinnerplates. Everyone, really EVERYONE was there. The Rookie Nine, Team Guy, even the Sand Siblings.

Stretching across the compound from end to end was an enormous table laden with all sorts of food. Bowls of rice, tempura, tonkatsu, whole turkeys and chickens decorated the expansion, as did plates of assorted vegetables and soups. In the center of this feast was a giant ice sculpture of the Uchiha clan symbol. Before it was a massive cake in the shape of a Sharingan eye.

Itachi cleared his throat rather loudly, bringing Sasuke out of his stupor. The older Uchiha turned towards the crowd, arms folded across his chest. "Let us try this once more. Three...two...one..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SASUKE!"

The fire blanket was then lowered and the crowed rushed him, hoisting the stunned child up, cheering.

Itachi simply stared at his brother impassively.


After the feast (where Choji and Naruto nearly killed each other over a ramen-stuffed turkey) and much sharing of cake (where Gaara had to be restrained to prevent the consumption of the cataclysmic treat), Itachi stood up and cleared his throat. He should get that looked at.

"Now," he said in his usual monotone. "It is time for the gift-giving."

Sasuke had never gotten by so many gifts in his life.

From Naruto (predictably) came a twelve-bag pack of instant ramen...with four missing.

Sakura gave him a handmade coin purse in the shape of the Uchiha symbol.

Kiba gave him a satchel of food pills and Akamaru gave him a lick on the face.

Hinata presented him with a porcelain hawk from one of the finest antique shops in Earth Country.

Shino gave him a first edition copy of Advanced Shuriken Training for the Budding, Brooding Avenger.

Shikamaru, Ino and Choji all pooled their money together to get a solid gold shogi board with the pieces made of gemstones.

Lee (exuberantly) gave Sasuke a red and black version of his trademark jumpsuit.

Tenten gave him a weapon set consisting of three fuma shuriken, two nunchaku and a flail.

Neji gave him a ring inlaid a ruby-red gemstone and the inscription read "Dojutsu 4ever."

Kankuro (shamelessly) gave the raven-hair a 2-year subscription to "Kunoichi Gone Wild", smirking suggestively.

Temari gave him a small paper fan with his name written on it in kanji and promptly roundhouse kicked Kankuro into the soda fountain.

Gaara got him a necklace.

Kakashi got him the ENTIRE set of Icha Icha Paradise.

Jiraiya...got him women's underwear.

Tsunade got him a box of expensive assorted chocolates.

Asuma and Kurenai got him a painting of Starry Night.

Guy got him a book titled 'Springtime of Youth' that he said would help him 'burn with the righteous flame of youth'.

Finally, it was Itachi's turn. Everyone waited with baited breath as the two stared each other down. With a flick of his wrist, Itachi pulled out a small object in red, black and white paper. Eyeing him warily, Sasuke ripped it off.

It was a small, handmade plushie of a scowling Sasuke and an emotionless Itachi holding hands. Everyone 'aaaawwwwed' as they looked at it, the two brothers silent.

Looking up, Sasuke choked back a gasp as he saw Itachi with outstretched arms, face as stoic as ever. Sasuke nervously looked around as the crowd nodded eagerly (the girls even more so, holding -to Sasuke's horror- cameras) and gulped loudly. Sighing loudly in his mind, Sasuke slowly walked forward and into his brother's embrace. The two hugged and a massive squeal erupted from the girls as shutters clicked.

Itachi held his little brother close, the two's arms wrapped around each other, time for them standing still.

"Sasuke?"

"...What."

"Happy birthday."

"...I'm still going to kill you."

Itachi hugged his brother closer, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"I know."


Read review, righteous~