"Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than to remember me and cry."
~Dr. Seuss

All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something,"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."

Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know.

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay

It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take – it's given

Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now, tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know.

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, the reason I hold on
Ooh, ooh, ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
'Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving.

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay, stay.
I want you to stay, oh.


Rihanna ft Mikky Ekko


For fucks sake.

Can't we have some fucking privacy?

Can't we just sleep?

Obviously not, conscience.

'Obviously not conscience' – fuck off, Anna, and tell whoever it is to fuck off. I want to sleep.

I don't think it's healthy that I'm actually speaking to you, conscience.

I'll tell you what the fuck is healthy – fucking sleep.

Calm your farm, Conscience, for gods SAKES!

I looked up to see Bella standing in the doorway, her flowing brunette hair cascading down her shoulders as she offered me a small smile. Her glowing ivory skin shone against the fading light of the sky, yet upon seeing my haggard expression – my exhausted face – the smile slowly yet steadily slipped from her face as she stepped into what was once her room, closing the door to give us privacy.

I didn't know why, considering that most of the people downstairs were supernatural freaks that could hear every word that would be spoken between us. I felt a sigh slip from my lips as I sat up, leaning against the wooden headboard as the dream catcher that hung on it dug into my knitted sweater. I didn't really mind; the sweater was like an itchy nightmare that wrapped itself around me and constantly forced me into thinking spiders were crawling all over my skin. Mom had gotten it for me for Christmas, which had passed a few days prior, and although I loved my Mom, I was beginning to wonder if she hates me.

She does hate you.

Oh, shut up, I didn't invite you to but in.

You never do, fuck head.

I'm beginning to wonder if you're some sort of entity; are you a ghost, conscience? Stuck on this Earth? Oh, god, you're not possessing me, are you? That would just be both fucked up and unfair, I mean, I've never done anything to you, or to any demons for that matter. Okay, I mean, I might have once fucked around with some salt and candles and called the ghosts of my ancestors to a meeting, but that doesn't mean I want someone possessing me. Seriously, all I wanted was to be like Mulan; for gods sakes, the girl gets a fucking dragon from her ghost ancestors, why wouldn't I summon my dead ancestors?

I think you're insane.

I think you might be right.

Definitely insane - I wonder how the mutt puts up with you.

Us, dear conscience.

Yeah. You're insane.

I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at my own inner banter, shaking my head slightly at my own ludicrous thoughts. I don't know how they hadn't cartered me off to a loony bin yet, but I'm sure they're coming. I guess it didn't help my sanity that my boyfriend was a werewolf and I was family with a group of psychotic vampires that were on the verge of being killed by a vampire government?

Yeah, best not mention that when they come to take you to the asylum.

I won't, believe me.

To say the least, it had been a hectic week leading up to the arrival of Santa Claus. Of course I, being a seventeen year old girl, no longer believed in Santa Claus (to the utter disappointment of my mother who was somehow under the impression that I was still a five year old idiot (another one of the reasons she probably gave me a knitted sweater with the pattern of horses trimming the hem)) however for the past month Bella had been forcing the concept of Santa down everyone's throat so that she could ensure that Renesmee's Christmas would be like everyone else's.

Because that's such a realistic want.

Would you shut up?

What? I'm just saying that it's not realistic – how could anything they do be like everyone else? They drink fucking blood.

The sound of Bella's boots on the hardwood floors echoed through the silent room as I looked out the fogged window. I supressed a sigh as I glanced to the slightly crowded calendar that hung on the wall – looking at the date in incredulous anticipation; in anxiousness, in nervousness. December 28th. Tomorrow, I would be left with the girlfriends of the wolves as the rest of my friends, of my family awaited the arrival of the Volturi.

Of death.

And as you can imagine, I was sort of bummed out.

Bella sat down on the end of the bed, her wide, doe like scarlet eyes matching my gaze as she allowed a small, almost optimistic smile spread across her beautiful face before she grabbed my hand. The feeling of her cold, corpse like grip wrapping around my palmy hand made me flinch slightly, yet Bella – ever the epitome of naivety – did not notice my resistance at her touching me. Her pristine white teeth pulled at her reddened, perfectly sculpted lips before she looked down at the bed; if she were still human, I just knew that a blush would be gracing her cheeks.

"It's been great having you here, Anna."

I smiled as best I could, yet I knew the attempted smile fell flat. I don't know what she expected – she was sort of sending my boyfriend into a war tomorrow, where he would await death that would come in the next few days and yet she was pretty much being pretty blasé about the whole 'dying' business. She tightened her hold on my warm hand, her smile remaining despite seeing my blatant unhappiness. "It's been good being here."

"You've done so much," She murmured, her eyes flickering up to mine. "Anna, I need you to do something for me."

"This isn't the moment where you tell me that you're going to lock me up in a dungeon and use me as a blood save for the rest of my life, right?"


Can't say I'm surprised, really, it was bound to happen. I'm sort of offended they didn't do it sooner.


Well, I mean, I have good blood, don't I?

Oh, my god, even I think you're a nutter.

Join the club, conscience.

Bella cracked a smile, shaking her head. "Urgh, no."

"Because I wouldn't be surprised," I admitted, before my face burst into a grin. "I'm kidding, Bells, lighten up."

"I wish I could," She muttered as her hand came to her hair – twirling it between her slender fingers. "I need you to look after Nessie for me."

"Look after?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"In three days, I will die. And so will Edward," She exclaimed, her eyes shining with unshed tears – tears that would never leave the barriers of her blood diluted orbs. "I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Nessie. With Jacob?"

"And what if he dies?" I muttered, not being able to contain he bitterness that infiltrated my words, biting my lip as I looked down. "There's a huge possibility that he will die."

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

I'm not going to fucking cry.

Oh, god, you're going to cry.

I'm not going to cry.

Why wouldn't you? I would if my life was as fucked up as yours.

Once again, your support, conscience, is unparalleled.

Glad to be of service, cunt.

Bella tightened her hold on my hand, and I glanced up to her. "He won't. I can promise you that. I will protect him. But I need you to protect my daughter – you and Charlie will be the only family she has … left."

I hung my head as I let out a rattled breath, running a hand through my hair. "This is all just a pile of fucking shit, isn't it? A pile of huge, warm, big cow dung and we're not even stepping in it – we're being pushed in it and forced to eat it! Us! We're being forced to eat shit, Bella!"

"Yep," Bella nodded, biting her lip at my ranting. "I wish I could still drink vodka."

My head snapped up. "What?"


Bella drinks?

She got drunk!?

How did we not know about this?

I don't know, maybe because I didn't talk to Bella for over five years?

That could be it.

"You drank!?!" I exclaimed, my eyebrows furrowing.

She laughed, nodding. "I had a vampire boyfriend. Sometimes I needed a drink."

"Fucking hell, Bella, why did you not tell me this!?" I asked, shaking my head in exasperation. "We could have bonded!"

Bella grinned. "I only drank a little bit."

"And when you say that, you mean you were pissing in the street."

Not only pissing.

Oh, that's just gross.

Bella giggled. "No!"

As we smiled, silence consumed the room as the ghost of our laughter bounded through the walls – both of our smiles dropping as we returned to the serious, sombre atmosphere that had consumed the house – both the Cullen's and Charlies – for the past few days. It was not an atmosphere that I wanted to be around, because in these last few moments that I had assured with Jake, I wanted them to be happy moments – not moments consumed by the dread that in a few days, we would lose each other.

Everyone had begun to say their farewells on Christmas – I hadn't realised it had been happening at the time, yet now looking back on it, I knew that it had begun. The process of saying goodbye. It had started with Leah and Seth – they had taken Sue into the next room for a conversation that I really didn't want to hear, for I knew if I did I would dissolve into a pathetic fit of tears.

Then it was Charlie and Bella – shared glances, small smiles, and almost defeated words were shared between the two. I knew that Charlie knew that something big was going to happen – I knew he knew that this was going to be one of the last times that he would be with his daughter, yet at the advice of his daughter and her husband, he had gone of the fishing trip with Sue yesterday.

I couldn't even begin to imagine saying goodbye to Jake. He had tried to, I know he had; lingering hugs, the choice of words, his inhalation of my scent – I knew he that he was taking in every moment, every memory he could before we would be separated. He had tried to bring up the subject, yet I wasn't having it: I couldn't.

I just couldn't.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what my life would be like once I lost them – once I lost him. It was a mindboggling thought, to know that in a matter of three days, seventy-two hours, the small amount of time that I had had with my soulmate would be cut short and I would be left upon the ruins of what would have been my future with him.

It was strange, now, as I looked upon my life with such a bitter gaze; I was so different now, so different now that I had experienced the intoxicating whisper that was the love that Jake gave me. My life was so changed, so unrecognisable now that it had been touched with Jake, and the simple thought of returning back to my life without him seemed to cause my chest to erupt in pain.

Wow, this is depressing.

Aren't I allowed to be sad?

Yeah, but this is going into Taylor Swift territory – . .

I sighed, smiling to Bella as I ran a hand through my dark locks – trying to ignore the heavy weight that seemed to weigh on my chest, and cause my head to throb as the thoughts in which I had been running from bombarded me; the countless scenario's causing my whole being to become shrouded in fear, in anxiety.

"Anna?" Bella asked, cocking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

I gave a curt nod. "Fine."

I went to stand up, before I felt a cold hand grip to my arm, stopping me from walking further. "Wait!"

"What?" I asked, cocking a brow.

"Will you?" She questioned, her whole face contorted in desperation as she plead. "Will you look after my daughter?"

I smiled weakly. "Of course I will, Bells."

Bella seemingly crumbled, her face contorting in relief as she grasped at my hand as if her life depended on it. "Thank you."

"But, I swear, if you come and haunt me, I will not hesitate in getting a priest to come and exorcise your greedy ass," I hissed, a playful tone to my voice. Yet as I looked to Bella, I knew that she knew that irrespective of my jokes, I was hurting. I was in pain.

Bella looked to the floor, shaking her head. "You should become a comedian."

"Well, I mean, I should become the President because I'm just that perfect, but alas, not all dreams come true, Bella, and I would rather you not force your unfulfilled dreams onto me," I stated as I made my way to the door.

Bella just sighed. "I don't even know what any of that means."

"And you never will!" I exclaimed with a grin, before my smile faded slightly, leaning against the door as I looked to her form on the bed. "Bells?"

She looked up. "Yeah?"

"Make sure …" I stopped myself, dropping my head slightly as I tried to get the words to leave my mouth. "Make sure that Jake doesn't suffer when it comes to … that."

Bella's eyebrows furrowed. "Anna-"

"I'm serious," I said with a hardened gaze. "I- I know what will happen. I'm not an idiot. But I just- I need to know that he won't be in pain when it happens."

Bella bit her lip, before she nodded. "I'll try my best, Anna."

I breathed out a sigh, before I nodded. "Well, then, C'mon, we better get back to the rest of the bloodsucking crazies before they come and abduct us."

"Sometimes, I worry for you."

"Join the club."

"Hey beautiful,"

"Hey corny," I shot back as I looked up to see Jake staring at me, his chocolate orbs staring at me in absolute adoration. An adoration I had never expected. Never wanted.

Until now.

I'm vomiting right now, just so you know.

Could you just fuck right off back to whatever part of the brain you came from?

Nope – I was evicted from your intelligence seeing as it's the size of a walnut.

Sometimes I think you're just here to annoy me, rather than guide me to the path of righteousness. Can't you just be like the conscience in Pinocchio? That conscience was nice! Can't you just be nice!?

Cry me a river, fuckhead, and stop complaining.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked, cocking a brow as he walked over to me – plopping himself down on the bed next to me.

I breathed out a rattled breath. "Trying to think of how to say goodbye."


Jake's eyes softened as he scooped my hand up in his, a sigh escaping his lips. "I really hate this."

"We could leave," I murmured quietly, my eyes just barely analysing Jakes expression. "We could leave, and live our life together."

Jake shook his head. "No. And you don't want that, I know you don't."

"I want to be with you," I whispered, running a hand through my hair. "I don't care how. I just want to be with you, Jake. Didn't you say we were soul mates?"

Jake smiled slightly, squeezing my hand. "We are, Anna."

"If you die, do you know what I'll have to do?" I asked, my voice holding a bit of desperation to it. "I'll have to join E-harmony or become a cat lady with the 27 cats!"

"I thought that was your original plan?" Jake teased, and I rolled my eyes, brushing away the falling tear.

I was being pathetic – this wasn't the girl he loved. This was … Bella. Desperate and needy and crying and urgh.

Well, it's still the girl he loved.


"It was, but then you sort of tumbled into my life," I explained with a small smile. "Or, well, my car made you tumble into my life."

He grinned. "Never thought getting hit by a car would give me a soulmate."

"Yeah, that's one fucked up story to tell the kids," I joked, before I laughed bitterly. "Oh, that's right, there will be no kids."

"Anna," Jake whispered, begging me to look at him.

I looked to him, his hand coming beneath my chin as he searched my face. "I wish we could be together. I wish it didn't have to be this way, Anna, but I need to help my friends. Our friends."

"I know," I murmured as I put my hand over his, smiling slightly. "That's what makes you great, Jake. That's what I love about you."

Jake's face split into a grin as he shook his head with a tinge of sadness. "The Universe really fucking hates us, doesn't it?"

"Yep," I said with a nod, laughing slightly. "I think we must be on some sort of list."

"What, like Santa's list?" Jake asked, cocking a brow.

I smacked his chest. "I told you I don't believe in Santa anymore!"

"Your Mom seems to think so," Jake said with a warm chuckle, before he pulled me into his arms. "I love you, Anna."

"I love you too," I whispered, clutching onto his chest. "I'll really miss you."

"I'm not dead, yet," He informed me, his brown orbs staring down at me with such … warmth. With such love."

I chuckled slightly. "No, you're not."

"I give you permission to move on, by the way," Jake told me with a smile.

I cocked a brow as I pursed my lips. "Oh, you give me permission, do you?"

I give you permission to punch him in the face. Or rip his shorts off and ride him like a cheap ride at the carnival.

Please, don't.

Please do. I am deprived. You are deprived. I mean, you can tell seeing as you're constantly masturba-

Don't finish that sentence.

Flicking the bea-


You're no fun.

Well that's your opinion.

And your vaginas opinion – that pussy just want a good time, and what do you give her? VIRIGINITY! No wonder the Universe hates you!

"I didn't mean it that way," Jake told me with a laugh. "I just meant that I … I'm okay with it. Sort of."

I cocked a brow. "Sort of? Are you unsure?"

Jake glowered. "I don't exactlylike the idea of some other fucker touching you."

"Well, if you didn't go and die, I would have some 'other fucker touching me'," I joked, quoting him.

He rolled his eyes. "But, fuck Anna, what I'm trying to say is I'm fine. I want you to be happy."

I sat there for a second, in silence as I deliberated and chose what words to respond with. I sighed, wrapping my arms around him before I gave him a smile, to which he returned readily. "I don't think you'll have to worry about it, much. I think I'll stick to my plan of becoming a spinster and professional cat lady with my 27 cats."

Jake chuckled, his body sagging against me. "Is it awful of me to be a bit relieved?"

"Nah," I said as I waved my hand in dismissal. "I think you can be a bit of an ass-"

"-I'm not an ass-"

"-Like I was saying, I think you can be a bit of an ass considering you're sacrificing a lot for your friends. For your family. For … me," I murmured, looking up to see him staring at me – absorbing every word.

"I would do it in an instant to protect those leeches from you," He whispered, his fingers tracing my cheek. "You're everything to me, Anna, everything."

I looked down to my lap, blinking away my tears as I nodded. Everything had changed so much in the past few months; I had fallen in love, completely and utterly into the abyss of love that I had once so cringed at. I had met someone who made me feel as if I wasn't just … some girl, but I was his girl. In these few months since I had returned to Forks, every aspect of my life had been completely eradicated and replaced with such foreign things.

And yet I basked in that.

Everything had changed; and everything would continue to change.

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the situation, before I smiled up at Jake; pressing my lips to his for a chaste kiss. "Who ever would have thought hitting a nudist would have given me my soulmate?"


Well this is awkward.

Has it been a week already? Wow, that week has gone incredibly slow!


Just kidding.

I know it's been a year. I know. And I feel awful! Okay, so I have no sob story, I have no excuse, I've literally just been ... lazy. Yep. Lazy. That's me.



First of all, you are now looking at a High School Graduate (I know, I can't even believe they let me out into civilisation. I'm pretty sure someone has to inform the government I've escape the oppression of the education system). So, yeah, I've been doing my final year at High School, which has been interesting to say the least. Another piece of news, I'm going to India in February! YAY! How crazy it that? It's pretty crazy.

But yeah, shit guys, I feel so incredibly awful that I let it get so bad. I doubt any of you will even care that I posted another chapter, and that's okay because I totally understand (ignore my sobbing in the corner).

Anywho, once again, so sorry, and yeah, I really need to edit this story. Fuck, I started when I was fourteen and apparently I had never heard of spell-check. It's actually mortifying. So, yeah, I need to get on that.

But other than that, Camelot is coming to an end. Another few chapters, and hopefully you won't have to wait a century to get them. But if you do, I apologise on behalf on my future laziness.

Oh, and nearly a thousand reviews? You guys are amazing. Thanks so much.