NAME: MEMORIES IN THE SAND
TYPE: NCIS (SLASH)
POINT OF VIEW: SPECIAL AGENT ANTHONY DINOZZO
I sat opposite him, he sat opposite me and I smiled one of those flashy DiNozzo radiant smiles that always managed to help me hide my true feelings.
It was one of my gifts. A situation would present itself when most people would lose all composure, commence bouts of anger and frustration. But I could still smile. And as I did a wave crept up along the seashell littered sand, foaming like sprite in a glass as it was poured. Instantly I felt reality wash over me.
This was it. I was here and now was now. And he was never coming back. He would never come back to me in the way I wanted him to.
I could feel the warm tears threaten to bathe my eyes that had become dry from being exposed to the air of the sea. But sadly no one wants to cry when they believe that there's still like hope. Maybe if I didn't cry he would notice that I was serious and this was serious and that I wanted him.
Maybe it would happen if I flashed him a beaming smile again, expose more teeth?
"So you're happy about this?" he asked frowning now.
Maybe I was wrong to smile.
Swallowing I shook my head and blinked two times too many. His grey hair gently lifts up in the wind as I gaze over at him. That soft, tender creamy skin that I used to caress on dark yet not so lonely nights as we lay naked in each other's arms. The world would go on around us, yet we had no care in the world because our world consisted of us two alone. My life revolved around him and I used to believe that I was at least his everything as well.
"You mean a lot to me, Tony but I have to –"
"...go", I said completing his sentence and I sighed loudly. "I knew this day would come."
"Then you were prepared for it...?"
"You're never prepared for something like this", I said and shrugged then I splayed my fingers out before me and blocked out the sun that was setting before us.
I felt alone and terrible lost: empty inside and about to be shattered into tiny hopeless pieces. There were always times like these when you kept holding on although you knew the time was near. The moment would present itself when he would say that line to me and then it would officially be over. But here I was still waiting on maybe that response from him that would place everything back as they were: as we were: the response from him that would brighten my day and make me smile again.
"I love you, Tony."
"Don't say that", I said quietly and winced. I couldn't handle this. "Don't say what you don't mean –"
"But I do mean it –"
"No", and my voice rose like a frustrated child, "because if you did you'd never let me go."
"Listen to me", he said in a softer tone and held my face between his hands. I turned away from him, trying to break the intimate gesture but he reached behind my neck and caressed it, his finger rubbing against my jaw line and near my right ear, "we can't do this because in the end things wouldn't be bright for either of us. Rule 12 –"
"Fuck Rule 12!" I said glaring at him. "Since when can you constrain what your heart feels by believing in a stupid senseless rule?"
Gibbs only looked back at me, his clear blue eyes appearing like two pools threatening to drown me within them. I wanted to allow myself to become captivated by it all. I love him so much. How was I supposed to move on? How was I supposed to be able to deal with all of this?
"It's like Runaway Bride only thing is, I'm Richard and you're Julia...you're gonna run like you did with your other relationships. You're gonna leave me alone, not understanding what I did wrong –"
"You did nothing wrong."
"Then why are you leaving me?"
"I can't do this", he said as if that could explain everything in the world to me.
"You can't or you don't want to? Forget it", I said throwing up my hands and I laughed hoarsely. "I'm such an asshole for ever believing that you would have wanted me in the first place –"
"Don't Tony me, Gibbs", I said sarcastically. "Well what you're waiting on?" and I gestured towards the stretch of sand around us, "run away."
"Not running anywhere. Staying here...with you."
I felt so terrible and my chest was aching. My stomach lurched as he moved closer and immediately I found myself springing up. Staggering a little way, I stumbled along the wet sand and vomited my lunch out. Eyes watering and pants wet from the rising tide, I felt even more hopeless and began to cry, my body shaking as I knelt there.
"Tony!" I smelt Gibbs' Old Spice before I felt his hands all over me as he held me steady in his arms, sitting beside me. Reaching up, he wrapped an arm around my chest and held me against him, pulling me away from the contents I had hurled up.
The warmth of his body behind me made me feel so complete yet broke. And as Gibbs caressed my face then my neck I sighed, feeling my stomach settle once more. Then he gently tilted my face so that I was looking at him and his lips met mine.
Thunder rolled in the distance but it didn't bother me as I welcomed his kiss that tasted like coffee and a pinch of tuna because he had that for lunch. Biting my bottom lip, he allowed his fingers to whisper against my left cheek. I moaned as my tongue sought out his and found it.
Running my sand covered fingers through his grey hair, I manipulated my body to face him entirely and pushed him softly back unto the sand. Gibbs reached behind my head with both hands and grabbed fistfuls of my hair as we kissed passionately and slowly, never fighting for air, never caring to breathe, deep and long.
"Good night, boss", McGee said picking up his backpack and reaching out to switch off his desk light. Abby's figure loomed by the elevator as she waited on him.
Throwing a glance at Ziva, DiNozzo grabbed his backpack and laughed. "Mr Right stood you up once and you're giving him a second chance, Ziva?"
She smirked and picked up her knife then went around her desk. "Unlike you, Tony, I like relationships that last."
Her misunderstanding about him sent a blow to his hear and swallowing he glanced at Gibbs who was reading something in a folder. Just at that second though Gibbs looked up at DiNozzo and their eyes met. And the seconds that passed brought back memories on either side about the times they spent together. But one memory that did stand out in common on either side was that day on the beach, the warm embrace and DiNozzo would never forget how they had kissed for the last time...maybe.
"Night, boss", he said feeling the tears come forth. Ziva stood waiting on him.
"Good night, DiNozzo."
As they left, Gibbs eyes remained on Tony's back. And when they had disappeared into the elevator, he switched off his desk lamp and rested his head on his desk. Seconds after he began to cry and less than a minute following that, one thought crossed his mind.
He still loved Tony. And letting go had been a terrible mistake.
A/N – Please, review and tell me what you think! Thank you so much for reading!