Sooooo ladies and gentlemen...this little kernal has been in my head for awhile now. It's based on the movie of the same name but I will be giving it a bit of a demented twist (because you know, that's always fun) :)))
Phil pulled into the arena parking lot while bobbing his head along to the song that was on the radio. Tonight was the last house show on the loop and then it was off back home for a few days. What exactly he planned to do on those days off was a little beyond him yet. Colt wanted to go see a movie though Phil wasn't completely down with that idea. The last time he had gone to the movie theater he had been bombarded by fans and it had just annoyed the crap out of him. There were times and places where he didn't mind giving autographs but if he spent the ridiculous amount of money it took to even go to a movie theater these days, he damn well wanted to be left alone so he could watch it in peace. Colt of course, thought the attention he attracted was one big game and as soon as anyone recognized him he went out of his way to put more attention on him. If Phil didn't love him he'd strangle the shit out of him for it.
He was barely out of his car when those voices called out to him. He turned around and saw that it was Kelly and Eve calling out for him. "Girls!" He slammed his car door shut and extended his arms. "Come to me women."
They laughed and hugged him tight. "Phil?" Kelly said, her voice way more perky and cute than usual. That meant she wanted something.
"That's my name. Don't wear it out."
She giggled and Eve poked his chest lightly. "Will you help us carry our stuff in?"
He rolled his eyes. Of course that's what they wanted. They were always trying to get him to do stuff for them and he more often than not gave in. Unless he really really did not like them he did make attempts to look out for and help with the girls. He had seen more than one of his colleagues over the years act like assholes to the girls and even if he himself was one at times, he tried not to turn the attitude towards them. "Is that all you see me as? Your luggage boy?"
"Of course not," Eve assured him. "You're also our sober driver, our therapist-"
"And our Philly-"
"Noooooo." Phil quickly put his hand over Kelly's mouth to silence her. "Don't even finish that. I will carry your bags for the rest of my life if you don't finish that sentence."
Kelly moved her face away from his hand and smiled at him. "Thank you." She and Eve both kissed his cheek and he just rolled his eyes and followed them to their car. He slung their bags over his shoulder and then went back to his car to get his. He followed them to the arena, spotting Beth and Natalya standing not too far away talking to each other. He was hoping they wouldn't see him but of course they did. The looks on their faces told him that he was going to get so much shit from them but he tried to ignore them. He got Kelly and Eve's bags into the diva's locker room and then started to head to the men's when Beth stepped right in his path.
"Oh Phil, can't you help me with my bags?" she asked, mocking Kelly's voice and batting her eyelashes as cute as she possibly could. "I'm just a helpless little lady I couldn't possibly carry them myself."
A pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist from behind and he didn't have to look to know it was Nattie. "Oh help me too kind sir." She was just having way too much fun with this already. "I just love it when big strong manly men like you help us poor damsels."
"Okay okay," he said as he shook his head. "You can stop that any time now."
"Ohhhh no we can't." Nattie gave him one last squeeze before stepping up beside Beth. "You're never going to hear the end of this."
"Why not? Why don't you tease them? They're the ones who couldn't carry their own bags into the arena."
"Yeah but come on. You really think they'll take it that well? They might go running to Daddy Vince and Mommy Laurinaitis and then we'll be in allll kinds of trouble." Beth shook her head in disgust and put her hand on his shoulder. "So while we settle for kicking their asses in the ring-"
"When you're not forced to sell Kell's god awful punches," Phil interrupted cheekily.
Beth scowled and Natalya punched his chest hard enough to make him yelp. "Don't even speak of that crap. That was just humiliating."
"I felt like I was getting hit by a toddler throwing a temper tantrum," Beth muttered.
"Well…her punches were better than Maria's sissy slaps towards Michelle that one time?" That was about the only thing he could think of that would possibly make her feel better.
"He's got a point," Nattie admitted.
"Him? Have a point? You're joking right?"
Phil froze for a second before groaning. "Noooo no no no." He slowly turned around, hoping that he was mistaken about who's voice that was. Unfortunately though, he wasn't. Cooper fucking Lawson was coming approaching them, smirking at him while keeping a tight grip on Connor to make sure he wouldn't run off anywhere. "Why are you here?" he asked, unable to keep the groan out of his voice. "Why why WHY are you here?"
Cooper's smirk just got even bigger. "What? Are you not happy to see us?"
Phil shook his head. Hell no he wasn't happy to see them. Mark and James's break-up had led to all three Lawsons disappearing from the backstage scene, which had suited him just fine. Nothing good had ever happened to him when they had been around. "Why are you here?" he asked again. He didn't give a fuck about how rude he was sounding. They were lucky he wasn't calling security on their asses. He knew for a fact James wasn't supposed to be backstage and he was sure Cooper and Connor had a ban on them too.
"Momma and Poppa Bear went to Fiji for a few weeks," Cooper replied. "Taylor's got kiddie patrol and I'm here with Captain Doofus over here."
"I am NOT Captain Doofus," Connor said, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. He was trying to wrench himself out of Cooper's grip but was having no luck with it. "Daddy told you to be NICE to me. And Taylor did too."
"Shut it Connor."
"Nattie! Help me!"
Without hesitation Nattie punched Cooper in the stomach and pulled Connor over to her. "Is that better?" she asked.
He nodded and dropped his head against hers like a big puppy. "Thank you Nattie." He saw the glare Cooper was giving him and stuck his tongue out triumphantly. He knew Cooper wouldn't cross Nattie to get to him. He liked keeping his limbs where they were.
"Well this has been fun," Phil said as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "But I really got to get-"
"We should all go out after the show," Natalya suddenly said, giving him a nice little vindictive look. Bitch was putting him in a bad position on purpose. "Get something to eat and uh…catch up."
Cooper snickered at the look on Phil's face. "I don't think Princess Straightedge wants to join us."
"Don't call me that," Phil snapped. He absolutely despised that nickname. He violently hated James for giving it to him. If he didn't have good cause to fear for his well being around the guy, he would have kicked his ass for it."
"Awwww why not Princess?" Cooper was apparently going to be as obnoxious as James now since the older man wasn't there to do it himself. Oh joy. "Are you too good to hang out with us anymore?"
"I've got better-"
"You're going," Nattie said shortly. "And that's final."
"Are you contradicting her?" Beth put more than a little bit of a threat in that sentence and Phil found himself deflating and shaking his head. "That's what I thought."
Cooper and Connor were both laughing at him and Phil angrily wrenched himself out of Cooper's grip and stormed off to the locker room. He slammed the door shut behind him and literally threw his bag down before kicking the nearest locker in frustration.
"You okay man?" Phil hadn't seen him at first but John Cena was sitting there at one of the benches, looking at him with wide eyes.
"I'm fine," Phil muttered without looking at him. He just glared at the locker before kicking it again and then picking up his bag so he could start getting ready for his match. He hadn't looked to see where he was on the card yet but he could do that after he got changed.
"Are you sure?" Typical Cena. Always soooo concerned. Phil knew he was just trying to be nice but now he was far from in the mood to put up with it.
"I said I'm FINE," he growled. "Just drop it, okay?"
"Okay okay." John held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry. Forget I even asked."
"What do you guys want to do?" Morrison asked as he changed back into his street clothes. He and Alex Riley had just taken on Miz and R-Truth in an "impromptu" match and now the four of them were looking for something to do. The only thing they had in the morning were their flights home so the night was theirs. The only thing they needed was something to do.
"The same thing we always do Pinky: try to take over the world," Mike said with a smirk. Alex immediately snorted and Mor rolled his eyes at him. Ron however, just looked confused.
"Why is your name Pinky now?" he asked Mor. He didn't give him a chance to answer before turning to Mike. "And since when did you want to take over the world?"
"…Ron…" Mike paused, trying to figure out if Ron was joking or not. Apparently he wasn't because he looked way WAY too serious. "It was a line from a children's cartoon. You know, Pinky and the Brain?"
"…Oh." Ron looked at the others awkwardly before shrugging his shoulders. "Now see I hadn't ever heard of that."
"You poor unfortunate soul," Alex said with a shake of his head. He got up and patted Ron on the shoulder before looking at Mor and Mike. "I say we go out to the bar. How's that sound?"
"Sounds like what we always do," Mike replied. "But it's a solid plan nonetheless. I'm in."
Mor rolled his eyes a bit but nodded along anyway. He was in too. It wasn't like he had any better ideas. Maybe he would get some after a few drinks.
Ron had no objections to Alex's plan so they finished changing and left the arena. Mor hummed under his breath, hoping that the others were too distracted to notice that the song was Pocketful of Sunshine. Stupid Natasha Bedingfield. Stupid Easy A for having to play THAT song. Fucking worse song ever… Despite thinking that though, he continued to hum the damn song. Mike eventually started to look at him funny but before he could say anything Alex and Ron both stopped in their tracks and pointed up to the sky.
"Look!" Ron slapped Mor on the chest with one hand and pointed up in the sky with the other. "Look man look!"
"Wha-" Something very bright flashed across the sky, going so fast that it was gone almost as soon as Mor saw it. "Uh…what the hell was that?"
"What was what?" Mike asked. "I didn't see it."
"You're kidding," Alex said incredulously. "You didn't see that thing?"
"No. What are you even talking about there was nothing-"
"It was this big light," Ron interrupted. "Moving real fast."
"Like a shooting star," Alex piped in.
Mike snorted at that. "Oh come on. That's a bunch of bullshit."
"It is not! We saw it!"
"And you're the most reliable witnesses?"
Ron shook his head and looked at Mor for support. "Come on man. Tell me you saw it."
"I saw something," Mor admitted slowly, not sure if he should say it because he wasn't sure if he wanted to egg them on. The only thing that made him do it was the fact that he went out of his way to not make Mike right as often as possible. He got way too obnoxious when that happened. "But I couldn't even begin to tell you what it was. It could have just been a plane."
"Planes don't move that fast dawg," Ron said. "It gotta be one of those shooting star things that Alex said."
"Or it was a giant meteorite that's gonna crash into us and kill us all," Mike said sarcastically. "Or maybe it was absolutely NOTHING and you guys are all IDIOTS!"
"Or maybe you are the idiot," Alex argued. "You ever think of that?"
Mike scowled at him. "Whatever." He started to walk away. "I'm going. You all can stay here and talk about your imaginary flying stars if you want. I've got better things to do."
"Oh for fuck's sake," Mor muttered as he rolled his eyes. Mike was acting like some bratty five year old that didn't want to play what the other kids were playing. It was beyond ridiculous.
"He just mad he didn't see it," Ron said wisely. "If he saw it and we didn't he be alllll over us."
"You think we could torment him the rest of the night with it?" Alex asked with a smirk.
"Nah," Mor replied. "He won't last that long. He'll crack and ditch us in two hours, tops."
Mor smirked. Alex was a complete dumbass to bet against him. Everyone knew that he knew Mike better than anyone. This bet was about as sure of a thing as it could get. "Sure. Hundred bucks and loser buys the winner dinner for a week?"