Here is my entry for the Foreign Slash Exchange O/S Contest. I have split my entry into smaller chapter's and will be continuing with the story.
Title: "Behind Blue Eyes"
Paring: Edward and Jasper
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I love to play with them! If M/M intimacy bothers you, turn and run away, fast and do not look back because if you do you will see cocks and other yummy parts!
A/N A special thank you to TexasBella Divinefor giving me my Texas advice and to Sue273 for all the UK knowledge! And to the Wonderful Nancy Harrytwifan for her wonderful pre-reading and Beta work! If you knew where I grew up and went to school you would truly grasp what being my beta really means! All mistakes are mine.
A special thank you to Mrs Agget! You know all you do and I thank you!
Growing up in a small Texas town was wonderful. The ranch was great... the horses, the barn, even the chores. I loved my parents and my younger sister Rose. The small town was safe, having little to no crime. Everyone knew everyone and watched out for everyone. I felt very blessed to have such a good life.
My parents did well for themselves. We had a beautiful home and Rose and I hardly ever went without. But above all, we loved and respected each other. Mama and Dad taught us that above all else.
Texas was wonderful - wonderful until the 8th grade. That's when I realized I was more attracted to to the guys on the posters in Rose's room than the girls in the posters in my best friend Emmett's room.
Emmett and Rose started dating over the summer before 9th grade. They were in love, anyone could see that. Emmett was great and I knew he would treat my sister like the goddess she thought she was.
Emmett and I were going into our senior year and Rose was going to be a junior.
As I packed my suitcase, I thought back to the day I told Rose and Emmett I was gay. It was at the end of 10th grade. I found Rose and Emmett in the living room at our house alone one evening, laying on the couch watching TV.
"Hey guys, I'm glad I caught you here. Can we talk for a minute?" I asked them, looking everywhere but in their eyes.
"Of course, Jasper. Is everything okay?" Rose asked, sounding slightly panicked.
I sat in the chair next to the couch as they sat up and looked at me.
"J, man, you know we are here for ya. What's up?" Emmett asked as he turned off the TV.
Emmett was a bear of a man, tall and muscular. But just one of his smiles that showed his dimples and the sparkle in his blue eyes and you knew he was a kind soul. He'd kick your ass if you hurt the people he loved, no doubt there, but he loved fiercely and cared deeply. I couldn't have picked a better person for Rose.
Taking a deep breath, I looked up at them both. Emmett looked concerned and Rose had a smirk on her face like she knew what I was going to say.
"I need to tell you both something very important to me. I wanted to tell you guys first. Aside from Mama and Dad, you two mean the most to me." I ran my hand through my blond ringlets. This was harder than I thought it would be. I was sweating and felt like I was going to puke.
"Jasper, just tell us. It will be okay. We love you, you know that, right?" Rose said softly and reached over and took my hand. Looking up, I saw Emmett nod in agreement.
Dropping my eyes back to the floor, I continued, "Okay, well... um... I'm gay." Blurting it out sounded like the best thing to do but now, I wasn't so sure.
"Jasper, look at me," Rose stated quietly.
Looking up, I will never forget what I saw: love, kindness, and happiness were clearly displayed in Rose's eyes. A single tear fell down her cheek. Standing, she walked over to me and pulled me up so I was standing in front of her.
Holding both my hands in hers, she looked me right in the eye. "Jasper, thank you for trusting me with this. Thank you for sharing this with me and Emmett. I love you." With that she pulled me into a hug and we both stood there and cried.
When she released me, Emmett pulled me into a quick hug and once he released me said, "Cool, dude. Glad we got that out in the open. I don't give a fuck who you like; you're you, it's cool. Let's order some pizza, I'm fucking starved."
We were all laughing as Rose and I wiped away our tears.
That was a scary night for me but ended up being a great night. I told Mama and Dad later that week and they took the news just as well as Emmett and Rose had. Mama said she had always suspected and had apparently been preparing Dad as well.
I decided not to tell anyone else at school or any other friends. The four most important people to me knew, and that was enough for me for now. They respected my decision and understood that being openly gay in a small Texas town while in high school would not be easy.
It wasn't easy. Other than porn and my hand, I had no experience at all. It wasn't just the sex. I mean, I'm a horny 17 yr old boy. I wanted blow jobs and sex and everything.
The thing I really felt like I was missing out on was the tender moments I saw other couples share: holding hands, gazing into each other's eyes, a quick peck on the lips.
Going to parties, seeing couples share affection, and being able to be with the one they loved. That was the most difficult part for me.
I realized if I stayed here in this small town, I would never have those things. I might find another gay male close to my age, I might date, I might even fall in love. But walking down the street holding hands? Going out to dinner? Those were all things that were just not possible here in this small-minded town.
Which brings me back to my packing. My senior year starts in one month and I'm going to England for the year. I'm going to be an exchange student. Mama and Dad were not crazy about the idea at first, but they knew how unhappy I had been lately and agreed to let me go. School work came easy to me and having no social life and being able to focus all my time on school, I had received high honors all of my high school years.
I was so excited to be going to England for the year. I would be a senior, just like I would have been if I stayed home. I wasn't looking for some crazed sexual experience, but England had to be more open minded than Texas, right? I was hoping for at least a little bit of fun while I was there.
I didn't know too much about my host family. I knew their last name was Cullen. The parents were Carlisle and Esme and they had two children: a daughter named Alice, who was Rose's age, and a son named Edward, who I would be in classes with. Mr., or should I say Dr. Cullen, was a surgeon and Mrs. Cullen worked as a curator at a museum, which I thought was very cool as I loved history.
Grabbing the last of my suitcases, I walked down the stairs and out to the car. Mama, Dad, and Rose were all taking me to the airport. Mama sniffled and held back tears the whole way to the airport. Two hours later, we arrived at the Austin Bergstrom International Airport.
Mama hugged me and told me how much she loved me. I promised I would email her and call as often as I could.
Rose surprised me with a big hug and told me to be safe. Have fun, but be safe.
Dad was next and this was the one I was dreading. He and I had always been close. Dad was a great man. He was my parent above all, but I knew I could go to him with anything and he proved time and time again that he would love me regardless of what the situation was. I knew Mama felt the same way.
"Jasper," my Dad said, pulling me off to the side. "There is a manila envelope in your carry-on bag. Once you are in the air, take it out and read it. Okay, son?"
"Okay, Dad, sure thing," I told him.
Pulling me into a hug, I heard my Dad sniffle a little causing a pang of guilt in my chest. I hated leaving them, but this was such an opportunity I just couldn't pass it up. They never once made me feel guilty about going, but I knew they would miss me, just as I would miss them.
Gathered back together, we talked, waiting for the time I needed to head to security. A woman who looked to be in her 40's walked by and my Mama stopped her. "Excuse me, ma'am, would you mind talking a picture of us please? My son is leaving for a year." Her voice started to crack.
"Of course. I would love to!" The woman sounded genuinely happy to help.
After Mama showed the woman how to use the camera and not to be intimidated by it's size, the woman snapped picture after picture. I felt like some damn movie star the way the camera was clicking away! Finally, the woman handed the camera back to Mama.
"Excuse me, ma'am, but could you take one with my phone too, please?"
Blushing lightly, the woman stated, "Why of course, sugar." After taking a few of us again, we all thanked her and she went on her way.
Sooner than any of us were ready to hear, the overhead announced that British Airways needed all first class passengers to the security area for clearance.
Mama and Dad became quiet and dad stated, "This is you, son."
"What? I'm in coach, Dad, you know that. I didn't save enough money over the summer for a first class flight."
"Jasper;" my Dad said, looking me in the eye as my Mama stood off to the side wiping away the tears that were silently falling down her cheeks. "Your Mama and I are going to miss you every second of every day. We want this trip to be a trip of a lifetime. Enjoy first class, kick back and relax, it's a long flight."
So overcome with love for my parents, I reached out and pulled them into a fierce hug, stopping only to grab Rose and pull her into the hug as well. We stood there hugging and crying until we heard the 'last call' for first class.
Pulling away, I reached down and grabbed my carry-on bag. Looking them each in the eye one last time, I turned and headed towards security, having already checked my other bags when we first got to the airport.
Security wasn't too bad. I had never flown before but really, it wasn't that big of a deal. First class was great. It had large seats with private movie screens on the back of the seat in front of you. After settling in by the window, I looked around the cabin. No one seemed to be close to my age, which was fine.
After we went over the emergency evacuation drills and other safety precautions, we were ready for takeoff. Takeoff was actually very cool. I loved the feeling I got in my stomach as we climbed into the air.
Settling back into my seat, I thought about my parents and the year I would spend without them. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I suddenly remembered my Dad telling me there was an envelope in my carry-on bag. Going through the bag, I found a manila envelope and opened it quickly. Reaching in, I pulled out the letter first and started to read it.
Your Dad and I are so proud of you for being brave enough to leave all you know for the unknown of another country. We understand that your host family will provide for your basic needs: school supplies, clothing, and food. But your father and I want you to enjoy your time there and experience all that you can. I hope the host family's son and you get to be friends and he can show you around.
Inside the envelope you will find $200.00 in cash. We will also deposit another $200.00 every two weeks into your checking account that the credit card in the envelope is linked to. Please be wise spending the money, but have fun and enjoy yourself.
We are here son, 24/7. If you need us, please just call. We love you son, take care.
Love, Mama and Dad."
Reading the letter, I had to wipe away the tears. I was really going to miss them. Looking further down the page, I noticed my Dad had also written something;
"Jasper, Your Mama doesn't know I've added this onto the letter and I would appreciate you keeping this between us. I know you are 17 and I know one of the reasons for leaving Texas is the hope to meet someone more like yourself. I've put a separate envelope in your suitcase with some condoms, packets of lube, and a 'beginners guide to safe anal sex'. I know you are probably hating me just about now, but son, I love you and I want you to be safe. Please read the book and use the supplies.
I love you, son. Have fun and please keep safe.
I wasn't sure if I should be embarrassed or touched. I guess both. At least he didn't give me the talk before I left; that would have been terrible.
Thinking about sex and condoms and blow jobs was getting me very worked up. I loved watching gay porn. I loved it when the top would really fuck the bottom, but what I enjoyed most was the tender kisses they shared. Corbin Fisher was one of my favorite sites. Those guys always seemed to not only enjoy the sex, but each other too. There was this one guy named Travis, oh God, he was fuck hot! The way he moaned and talked to the other guys and his cock - fuck, it was perfect!
I could feel myself getting hard. I hoped my first time would be special. I wasn't naive enough to think birds would chirp and words of undying love would be spoken, but I hoped it wouldn't be some club hook-up. I was such a fucking chick! I didn't think I looked like a chick, though. My hair was a little longer, blond ringlets about chin length. I knew my blue eyes were a very deep almost sapphire in color. My shoulders were broad and my stomach was flat, muscular, and lean. My jeans hung just right on my hips and my cowboy boots kicked ass. Well, at least I thought they did. Hell, I thought I looked fucking hot! I just hoped I could find a guy who felt the same way.
As my thoughts went over the next year I was going to be spending in England, I thought about the clubs there I had read about. About how people were more open with their sexuality then most people back home were. I thought about men dancing with no shirts on, sweating, bodies moving together to the beat of the music.
Fuck, I was rock hard now and barely an hour into the 13 hour flight.
Getting up, I made my way to the restroom. First class was great. I was going to have to remind myself to thank my parents.
Shutting and locking the bathroom door behind me, I leaned up against the sink and palmed my hard cock through my jeans. I was fucking rock hard. Slowly, I unzipped my jeans and brought them down to my thighs. My cock sprang free, pre-come already glistening on my swollen head.
Pulling one of my cowboy boots off and pulling my jeans off that leg, I lifted my leg up on the toilet seat. I licked my hand and slowly started to rub my palm over my swollen head. I brought my other hand up under my shirt and tweaked my nipples, twisting them until the pleasure teetered on pain. Slowly but firmly, I stroked my cock as I sucked my fingers into my mouth. Once they were sufficiently wet, I trailed them down over my balls where I tugged them a few times. I could feel the heat start to build in my stomach.
Slowly, I traced my puckered hole with the tip of my finger as my other hand continued to squeeze and pull on my cock. Moving my eyes down to my cock, I pictured someone kneeling before me, mouth open, eager for my cock. Their hands would be gripping my thighs, waiting.
"You want my cock?" I'd ask as I dragged my cock over his swollen lips. Looking me right in the eye, he'd drag his tongue around my cock, playing with my sensitive ridge. I would only be able to whimper in reply.
"Let me fuck your face, darlin," I would say and he would moan and eagerly open his mouth, waiting for me. With him still looking me in the eyes, I would push my head into his wet heat.
Closing my eyes, I could see my swollen cock sliding in and out of his puffy lips. Grabbing the back of his head and pulling his hair tightly, he would moan, sending vibrations through my cock.
Throwing my head back, I continued to run my finger over my puckered hole. As I pushed my cock into his imaginary mouth and deep down his throat, I pushed my finger deep into my ass, causing my hips to jerk and my hand to grip my cock tighter.
With my eyes closed, I fucked myself with my finger. Slowly adding a second finger, I fucked my self hard, pushing my fingers in and out, stretching my tight hole. I imagined my hand wrapped around my cock being his hot wet mouth. "Oh...Fuck!" I yelled out as I came hard all over the toilet. Leaning back against the sink, I tried to catch my breath. I couldn't wait to do that for real. Soon, I told my self, soon enough.
After cleaning up, I made it back to my seat. I was in my row alone, which was great. The airline stewardesses kept smiling at me, offering me everything I think they had on the plane. I knew women found me attractive, but I had yet to find a male who had even given me a second look. Pulling my iPhone out of my bag, I went to iTunes and then to my playlists. I scrolled down to my Emo list. Sitting back, I put my ear buds in and closed my eyes.
Listening to 'Mad World', I took a deep breath as the words set in:
"All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
No one knew me. No one other than my family, and I guess they were the ones that mattered, but I longed to be held by someone, to be loved by someone. I know I'm only 17 and I could hook up with any female I choose, but I wanted to stay true to myself and to meet someone who would like me, the real me.
My playlist moved onto 'Behind Blue Eyes'. This really was a depressing as fuck play list.
'No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be …...'
Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep.
I am woken later by an overly friendly stewardess who asked me what she could get me for dinner. Looking over the incredibly fancy menu and seeing those around me eating off of china and very crisp looking linen, I asked, "Could I please just have a cheeseburger and some fries, ma'am?"
Blushing deeply, she replied, "Oh of course ,Sir, I'll have that right out for you. And you make sure to tell me if there is anything, anything at all I can do for you."
She looked more plastic than real and it made me shiver. She scared me.
After eating my dinner, I settled back to sleep. I was about halfway through the flight and more sleep sounded great to me.
I was wakened by the overhead speaker: "Would all passengers please put your seats in the upright position. We will be landing in Heathrow Airport shortly. Please be aware that we will be in terminal three and you will be able to retrieve your luggage there. Have a good day and thank you for flying with British Airways."
As we taxied down the runway, I took the letter I had received from the Cullens out of my pocket and read it again;
"Greetings Jasper, We are looking forward to opening our home to you for this next year, we hope you will feel at home. Our home is quite spacious and I am sure you will find your room to your liking. We will meet you at the terminal to collect your baggage and yourself. We shall have a sign with your name on it; please keep an eye out for us.
Folding the paper back up and putting it into my pocket, I wait for the okay to get off the plane. When the plane came to a stop and we were given the okay to disembark, I waited until it was my turn to leave. Grabbing my bag, I put my headphones in and my iPhone in my pocket. I walked off the plane to gate three and looked around. All around me there were people hugging and some were crying. Everyone seemed so happy. I thought again for a second, wondering if I could do this, spend a whole year away from my family. But I knew I had to do it. I knew I was never going to find me in that small Texas town.
Looking around, I noticed a family of four looking right at me. They were holding a sign with elegant writing that read "Jasper Whitlock" in red magic marker.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave me a review and chapter two will be out in a week or so.
Penny and I have written a future take for the 'Toys 4 Tots' Fandom gives back fundraiser. Our story is of the Guiding Eyes boys! If you are interested let me know and I'll send you a link. For as little as $5.00 you get all the entries!
Thanks everyone. Take care!