AN: So this has been twisting in my mind ever since that Manga episode 462 in which Madara claimed Naruto was Hashirama's heir, the Senju heir… and ever since I saw a colored picture of Hanzo of Ame and the spiky hair of Yahiko of Ame. Total crack fic, but come on wouldn't it just be funny…
But he isn't a Senju!
"This is only the second time we've met, but I can tell the fire of the Senju clan dwells within you. I can see the first Hokage in you. Though dead he still lives on. He was my rival…and I admired him… and hated him more than anyone!" Madara's voice was filled with purpose as he spoke, wrapped in Tenzou's wood. "Senju and Uchiha; Fire and Hatred; Naruto and Sasuke!"
Madara laughed, "Sasuke has taken on-"
"Uhmm, I have a questions," Kakashi broke into his speech.
"What?" Madara turned his head to look at the Ninja confused.
"Well you make it sound like Naruto is the Senju heir as Sasuke is the Uchiha heir," Kakashi spoke in his lazy draw.
"Yes," Madara's confusion was evident.
"Why are you claiming Naruto is Senju? I mean he isn't a Senju and as such this takes a lot of the destiny pieces out of the picture," even Tenzou turned to look at Kakashi in confusion.
Madara sighed, wondering why Konoha ninja always felt the need to interrupt a good speech.
"I don't see how hard this is to see. Naruto is the son of the Yodaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato, correct?" At Kakashi, Tenzou and Naruto's nod, he continued. "Namikaze was a branch clan of the Senju, related to the First Hokage, so-"
"Yeah, see that is the problem," Kakashi interrupted again.
Madara almost wished he had his hands free so he could slap his forehead in frustration. "What is the problem?"
"Well, Minato-sensei was adopted into the Namikaze clan," Kakashi said folding his arms in front, as if explaining something to a five year old.
Dead silence met that announcement.
"…What?" Madara cried.
"Well, you see when I questioned Jiraiya and Tsunade about why she never adopted Naruto and raised him, as the Senju heir, she told me the elders blocked it based on how Minato was adopted. Apparently Minato's mother was a refuge from Ame during Hanzo's rein. She fled Ame and took asylum in Konoha and was pregnant at the time. She married a Namikaze who agreed to tell everyone the boy was his to prevent word getting back to Ame."
Madara and Tenzou were both frozen in shock. "Wait, why?" Tenzou asked in confusion.
"Well, funny thing that. Apparently Minato-sensei was the bastard son of Hanzo of Ame. He had Hanzo's blond hair, but the spike's were from his Ame mother including the blue eyes. She had orange colored hair. I am told it was quite common in Ame," Kakashi tilted his head. "Now that I think about it, very similar to the color all the Pein's had."
Madara seemed to be at a loss, before finally speaking up. "Ah… but his mother, she was an Uzumaki and they were a branch of Senju that never joined Konoha. In fact Kushina's great Aunt was the Shodai's wife."
"Yeah," Kakashi spoke up, "but Hashirama's blood wasn't in Kushina. Also, the tie between Uzumaki and Senju was similar to the tie you just described between Uchiha and Senju. So that means Naruto is just as related to you and Sasuke as he is to Hashirama. I happen to know of several descendents in Konoha who have closer ties to Hashirama and Tobimara than Naruto. So that means you have built this huge battle between Naruto and Sasuke based on a blood tie that doesn't exist."
Madara actually managed to look confused through the mask. Finally shaking his head he laughs, "Well Shit that sucks! I thought I had it figured out why the two keep fighting, well back to the drawing board…."
With that he disappeared from Tenzou's wood cage.
Tenzou and Naruto continued to stare at Kakashi.
"Ne, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto spoke up after a while.
"We need to have a long talk about this when we get a chance," the two jounin turned to him. "I mean how come everyone knows about my family but me?"
Tenzou released the cage around Naruto and nodded in agreement. "Yes, I am curious as well."
"Well, I have clearance as your sensei, and as Minato's student I knew some," Kakashi tilted his head, "Did I never mention that Minato and Kushina wanted to adopt me?"
Tenzou and Naruto just looked at each other and sighed.
"I give up," they both muttered.
And you all thought I wasn't writting!