Twenty-five minutes had passed since they arrived in Nashua and Erin had spent all twenty-five of them in the bathroom. Jim had tried to enjoy the respite as the only moment he'd been alone with his wife, but she was clearly too worried about Erin to focus on anything else.
"Do you want to check on her?" Jim asked.
Pam shook her head. "I think she's just psyching herself up."
"Okay," Jim agreed.
Two seconds passed.
Pam looked at her watch. "I'm going to check on it."
Jim nodded. When she was gone, he exhaled heavily. God, this day went off the rails, he thought, even by Dunder Mifflin standards. All he wanted was to spend the evening alone with his wife. In his tub. Was that so much to
"Arrgh bargla baal!" Dwight screamed as jumped out from nowhere and started pummeling Jim.
"Dwight, what the hell?" Jim shouted, trying to still the clearly insane salesman.
"You made a deal with powers you couldn't fathom, now you must pay the price!" Dwight screamed.
Jim is visibly shaken.
Jim: Just... why?
When Pam found Erin, she was in the process of washing her hands.
"Are you okay, Erin?" Pam asked.
Erin nodded. "Sometimes when I get nervous, I think I'm done and then I realize that I still have to go... oh!"
And she turned back to the stall.
Pam stopped her. "Erin, I know you're scared, but you just have to face this head-on."
"I'm sorry, Pam," Erin said. "I'm just not as brave as you."
Pam smiled. "I'm not sure about that."
Erin smiled brightly.
"Come on," Pam said, "Robert's waiting."
Pam: I think Erin's going to okay.
Pam decided not to ask why Jim and Dwight were rumpled and bloody, being oddly used to this type of thing at this point. "Come on," she said drawing him up from where he was seated.
Her husband stared straight ahead with terrified, unblinking eyes. "He was like a hurricane."
"I know, I know," she said.
They proceeded through the door to the conference room where their boss was waiting for them.
"Um, hi Robert," Erin began nervously.
"Erin," Robert California recognized, "I'm glad your here, I've been planning to have a very rapid conversation with you."
"You got the email," Erin said nervously.
"I did," Robert California acknowledged. "As the dozens of emails in response to it. Frankly I'm surprised to discover that our clientele are playing such close attention to our correspondences. It doesn't track with the information we've received up to this point."
"I just had something to say to you," Erin said, somehow becoming five years old, "you know, before you fired me."
"I admire your ability to establish a consistent timeframe," Robert California replied. "Please continue."
Erin nodded, gaining some strength. "Well, a little while ago, I made a really stupid mistake..." she took a breath.
"I was going out with the best guy in the world... and I got hurt and angry and I dumped him," she admitted. "And since then I've realized just how much I really love him."
A silence settled in.
Robert California blinked. "You realize I can't order Andy to date you, right?"
"I know that," Erin said.
"I mean, I did have myself ordained, so I could marry the two of you in case of emergencies, but..." he continued. "Certainly wouldn't hurt to keep him distracted from my wife..."
"That's not what I'm asking for," Erin said more forcefully. "I'm just trying to establish my frame of mind."
Everyone was silent.
"When I broke up with Andy, I made the biggest mistake of my life," Erin said. "I had the best thing I could ever hope and I gave it up. And then I had to go through my day knowing what I had, and... all I wanted was just to have Andy back. So, I did something really stupid. I made a wish that if I could have Andy back, and I bet my job on it, and now I'm really worried that I'm not going to get either."
After another moment, Robert California unmuted his speakerphone. "Did you get all that Andy?"
"Uh... yeah," Andy's voice awkwardly cracked over the phone.
Erin, Jim, and Pam exchanged awkward glances.
"Andy has been spending the last twenty-five minutes trying to convince me that you deserved to keep your job," Robert California said. "Not that it was really in danger, again not going to let anyone capable of distracting Andy go so easily... I kind of stopped paying attention to most of it but through it all one thing kept coming through: the feelings he obviously has for you."
Erin broke out smiling. "Really?"
"So, you see, Erin, you had what you were wishing for all along," Robert California said.
"So, Erin's not going to be fired?" Pam asked.
"Well, she was never going to be fired," Robert California said, then much lower added "oh, she'll be disciplined and the noose is definitely going to tighten on all of you..." then returning to audibility added "but I'd never fire her over something like that."
Pam and Erin shared a light hug.
"And so we see that Pam's wish is also granted," Robert California said. "Jim, is there anything I can help you with?" Robert California asked.
"I just wanted to spent my anniversary with my wife," Jim lamented.
"And so you have," Robert California said, gesturing to Pam. "Wish granted."
"No, wait..." Jim said.
But Robert California had already moved on. "But what about you Dwight?"
"I just wanted to prank Jim," Dwight said glumly.
Robert California nodded. "But why?"
"I wanted him to be miserable," Dwight explained.
"And is he miserable?" Robert California asked. "On what should be a day of celebration for him?"
Dwight looked at Jim. He did indeed seem miserable.
"Another wish granted," Robert California said.
Dwight's face lit up in a hideous, jack o'lantern-eqsue grin.
"Now, with everyone's fondest wish granted, disappear into the night, I believe Erin and Andy have some personal business to discuss. And I have a lot of work to do before dawn," Robert California said in a tone that made it clear there was no room for further conversation.
When the others were safely out of earshot, Jim approached Robert California quietly. "Hey, Robert, I was wondering if you could do one more thing for me?"
Later that night, Jim was behind the wheel. With Dwight safely passed out in the back drooling on an Erin that was too invested in her excited phone call to Andy to notice, Jim finally had his wife at his side.
"Day's almost over and you're still alive," Pam said softly.
Jim nodded, "I guess I get to have my cake and eat it, too."
"Always nice when that gets to happen," Pam said, looking back at Erin.
Jim theatrically pretended to look down at the dashboard. "Low on gas, though. Better stop here."
Pam didn't question him even though the tank was about half full. He pulled the car into the station and gestured for Pam to follow him out.
"So, it's not our gas station," Jim said. "But it is a gas station... so I thought this would be the perfect place for this."
He reached pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed. "Jim?" Robert California's voice broke through. "Are we doing this?"
"Absolutely," Jim said.
"Okay, so we're here to renew the vows of James and Pamela Halpert," Robert California droned. "I woke up my gardener to serve as witness, he's on conference..."
Jim and Pam exchanged their greetings with Robert California's gardener, then indicated they were ready to begin.
"Okay, the renewal of vows is a sacred occasion, basically it confirms that both parties feel their marriage wasn't a hideous mistake. If I could start by telling a story from my boyhood..."
Robert California continued his story, but Pam and Jim had long since stopped listening.
Pam: Pretty okay anniversary.
Jim: Looking forward to the next five.
At that point, Dwight jumped out off camera and lunged at Jim.
Pam: Dwight, no!