So here is the first inspiration for Ramblings of a Whipped Peen. If you are wanting to read this and haven't read Confessions of an Overworked, Underpaid Peen, you should do so first so that you know the story. This story will be from Rod's pov again and there will be no update schedule or anything. The chapters won't be that long but I hope you enjoy each of them. I just couldn't let Rod go!

The inspiration for this chapter came from Toy Story's Mr. Potato Head's quote of "I'm a married spud!"

Thanks to preciousfairymom80 who beta'd and loved this! You are my fav chicky!

I don't own Twilight but I do own Rod Pattinhead!


RWP 1 Engaged Peen

Where's my party hat? Where's my noise maker? When will the guys get here? I need to blossom my peenmance with them.

Edward and I were being taken out by some of the guys on the show for our bachelor's party. The wedding was in three days and Bella and Hot Puss insisted that we not have the bachelor's party the night before the wedding. Something about puke on her dress or some shit. Anyway, the guys were taking us out and we didn't know where.

They finally arrived and drug us out of the apartment, into an awaiting Hummer limo. Emmett and his need for all things big. Ever since Emmett cast Edward and I into the movie he was making, we had become great friends and all sorts of doors began to open for us. Apparently, this was no exception because this ride was decked the fuck out. The windows were so darkly tinted we couldn't even see out, so our destination was a surprise.

When we finally stopped and piled out, Edward began complaining about the location. It was the top strip club in the city, the kind where you threw down fifties and hundreds instead of ones and fives. The guys each handed Edward a small stack of cash, Emmett and Jasper's stacks being the largest as they had become our best friends, and in we went.

I tried not to look, but pussy was literally dripping off of the ceilings. And when someone bought Edward a lap dance, it was all over.

I'm an engaged peen. I'm an engaged peen. I'm an engaged peen!

Puss was all around me, rubbing against me, but I held tight to my mantra even though I was getting more than a little hard.

Save it for Hot Puss. Save it for Hot Puss. I'm an engaged peen. I'm an engaged peen.

After the bought and paid for violation, Edward tried to stay behind everyone else, constantly making excuses to go to the bathroom or to the bar, and pretty soon, he had consumed enough Patron that I couldn't feel my head, body, or my brothers. I was pretty sure he couldn't feel himself either. And when he began to fall over every time he tried to move, the boys called it a night and dragged our drunk asses back to the limo.

Emmett and Jasper deposited us in our apartment, sprawled across the bed in a slovenly drunken manner, and the next morning I awoke to the sight of my sweet Hot Puss right beside me. My mantra had worked and I was still an engaged peen.


So, there's the first little one shotish chapter. I hope you enjoyed it and as I mentioned above, I don't know when I'll update again, it will just be when inspiration strikes. Thanks for reading and don't forget to show Rod some love!