Title: A Crowd
Authors: gleefulmusings (formerly xanzpet)
Beta: flamen_minore
Fandoms: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Torchwood; AU Season Three and pre-series, respectively.
Pairing: Cordelia/Faith
Other Character: Jack Harkness
Rating: T
Warnings: Language, sexual situations.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, lyrics, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Snippets of dialogue may be incorporated from the original canonical episode(s) and belong to their respective authors/creators. The original characters and plot are the property of the author(s). The author(s) is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor should any be inferred. No profit is being made.

Summary: Jack likes scary things. Faith and Cordelia certainly fit the bill. Faith and Cordelia together totals it out.

He had been watching them for a little over twenty minutes now, and knew both were aware of his unsubtle attention.

It was slightly embarrassing to be so easily called out by two teenagers, but there was little he could do about it, considering the fact he was the only one in the club who appeared old enough to shave. Not that he needed to shave. His skin was as smooth as a baby's bottom, which was how both he and Ianto liked it. In fact, Ianto especially liked…


Stay alert, keep track of your surroundings. He nodded to himself.

It's just that it was so easy to become distracted by anything vaguely resembling reproductive organs, however, and the two girls upon whom he was spying looked as though they had been assembled from the wet dreams of Humbert Humbert.

Still, he could have remained professional. If they hadn't been groping each other, knowing but not caring that not just he but everyone in the vicinity was blatantly staring at them while touching themselves.

They were both gorgeous, but in different ways. The petite one was scary, but in a good way. The taller one with the long hair was scary in a scary way, like she could rip open your torso and snack on your ribs if you irritated her. It was pretty weird, considering the smaller one was the Slayer.


The idea was laughable, but on the grand scale of strange, he guessed it wasn't too bizarre. And he was betting she would think his job description even more laughable. He imagined walking up to their booth and announcing the supposed demon she was tracking for the past three nights was in fact an alien, and her laughing in his face. He wouldn't blame her; sometimes laughing was his only solace. He hadn't counted on the girlfriend, though. Still didn't know what to make of her, someone who knew about the Slaying and helped whenever the mood or appropriate footwear suited.

Watching them was an exercise in futility, as the girlfriend had noted his arrival the moment he crossed the threshold. The Slayer appeared to be on the lookout for all things supernatural, while the girlfriend watched everything, as if she were a queen and the world her court.

He wasn't sure which of them was more dangerous. That's what he liked about them.

He supposed there was no point in playing games, and sauntered over to their corner, giving them his brightest, most winning smile. The Slayer gave a sultry grin in return, but her girlfriend looked bored to tears.

"Was wondering when you would roll on by," the Slayer drawled. "Name's Faith. " Nodded toward the girlfriend. "This is the Queen."

He raised a brow. "Captain Jack Harkness, ladies," he offered, giving a small bow.

"You need to ditch that coat. It looks like something the cat threw up," the Queen advised, before turning to scan the room once more.

"It's all part of the package," he easily replied.

"Yeah, whatever. Faith, stamp the dork with a return-to-sender and ship him back."

"Aw, come on, C," Faith snickered. "He looks like fun."

The Queen snorted.

Faith turned back toward him. "You'll excuse Cordelia, won't ya? She can't be bothered. With anyone."

"Except you?" he leered.

She laughed. "She only bites when I ask, but that don't matter. Her bark can still take your nuts off."

Of this, he was quite sure. He was also hard. He made an attempt to placate Cordelia with a few lines uttered by her namesake in King Lear. She yawned in his face before fixing him with an icy glare which caused what blood remained in his face to pool into his feet.

"Listen up, Chiclet Teeth!" she snapped. "We've seen you stalking us on patrol, so if you want to keep that pretty head attached to your neck, you better start talking, or I'm going to bust out my pompoms and do a cheer as Faith rips out your small intestine through your nostril and uses it as a jump rope."

Jack blinked. "Vivid."

She shrugged. "I'm an artist."

Faith snickered into Cordelia's shoulder before looking up at Jack. "The Queen makes a good point. What you want with us?"

He shrugged. "Not you, not really. Thought we should compare notes. I've been tracking that thing you've been after the past three days. It's not what you think it is."

She snorted. "Nothing ever is. So pull up some cushion and give me the skinny. No use working against each other. Bottom line, the critter's killing people. I can't have that."

He nodded once. "I understand."

Cordelia held up a hand. "Not so fast." She cocked her head and appraised him. "There's something in your voice, some kind of accent." Her eyes narrowed and she pulled Faith flush against her. "Are you Council?" she demanded.

Faith's eyes widened.

He shook his head, completely lost, but impressed by her ear. He needed to stop impersonating the others; it left unconscious remnants.

"Never heard of any Council. I'm with Torchwood, a government agency of the United Kingdom. I'm based in Cardiff."

And why was he telling them this?

"Condolences," Cordelia smirked.

"It's not that bad," he halfheartedly protested.

"Where?" Faith asked.

"Wales," Cordelia replied.

Faith furrowed her brow. "Like Diana, princess of? Wow, that's a real country?"


"There are worse places," Jack said.

"Yeah," Cordelia agreed, nodding. "You're standing in one." She finally sighed. "Fine, sit down."

He grinned and hitched up his pants, noticing both girls considering his crotch. He beamed.

"It could be heavenly," he cooed.

Faith burst out laughing. "Hey, Queen, look! Another guy who thinks he's got paradise in his pants!"

"Yeah," Cordelia snorted, restless eyes once again scanning the room. "Paradise lost."

Faith laughed harder.

Jack laughed uneasily and took a seat, as far from Cordelia as possible.

Faith started hiccupping.

"So start talking," Cordelia commanded. "We have things to kill and bras to unhook." She rested her impressive bosom on the table and leaned in, smiling like a shark. "If you're helpful, we might let you watch."

Best assignment ever.