Sonic the Hedgehog and the Dance Pad of DOOM!

By: Theodore 'Blitz' Leung

theoleung@sprint.ca

Disclaimer: I don't own either Sonic the Hedgehog or Dance Dance Revolution, Sega and Konami respectively do. I just write because I want to write. I don't expect to get sued. At least, I better not get sued.

Author's Note: Another one of my little dry humour fics I wanted to try out. That'd be a third for me, the first two being Final Fantasy fics. Anyway, as you may be able to tell by the title or disclaimer, this is a Sonic/DDR crossover. Enjoy.

Author's Note ALPHA: Eh, BTW, don't mind the bad characterization and pathetic jokes, like I said, I suck at this.

Author's Note BRAVO: Do you expect me to make some 'Temple of Doom' references? Eh, I don't know, I might, though I don't remember much, let's just see what can happen.

Author's Note CHARLIE: I guess I should also point out the fact that there may be hints of Action and Adventure, but what's a Sonic fic without mindless machine bashing? Hehe

Author's Note DELTA: I hope I don't go off mindlessly onto story and forget about humour.

Author's Note ECHO: Are you sick of my notes yet? Good, because it's time to read.


Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest hedgehog in existence, defender of all those cute and furry, buster of robots, taunter of eggs, chopper of liquid sludge, bearer of emeralds, chaser of golden floating rings, masterer of the 'infinite hit Ancient Light against giant bi-pedal walker mechs' master, and a hedgehog without a single speeding ticket.

Now that THAT was said, our blue bomber hero…oh wait, the blue bomber is Mega Man. Our 'faster then a speeding bullet'…that's Superman. Very well, as we join the fastest hedgehog in existence, defender of all those cute and furry, buster of robots, taunter of eggs, chopper of liquid sludge, bearer of emeralds, chaser of golden floating rings, masterer of the 'infinite hit Ancient Light against giant bi-pedal walker mechs' master, and a hedgehog without a single speeding ticket; he is walking down one of the many streets of some unidentified location that will bound to be destroyed like Station Square when Chaos went berserk. Who ever knew living water could…have such a decorative sense.

Anyway, our blue b-…hedgehog was walking slowly, at least, slowly in terms of 'Sonic'. He zoomed down streets and traffic without a care, until something caught his attention, somehow, despite his speed.

"SHOW ME YOUR BEST DANCE!"

The blue hedgehog halted in his tracks, stopping in front of a neon sign as lights inside the open building flashed out towards him. He found himself staring at one of the local arcades in the city. Various loud sounds of gun shots, hard hitting punches, and other such sounds mingled together into a mess of a collection. Sonic gazed around the interior of the arcade. His gaze was taken by a machine that wasn't the standard button masher or shooting spree. Instead, it was something he never seen before.

Before him stood the eight foot tall machine. The screen of it stood at eye level, with two massive speakers under it. Before the machine was a pad of sorts, and arrows pointing up, down, left, right, on each half of the pad. The pad was the length of the speaker's side by side, and there was a support bar behind each one.

"What the heck is this?" Sonic asked to no one in particular. "A massive compass with surround sounds and visuals?" he muttered, stepping away from the machine for a moment. His attention was regained when someone actually stepped onto the platform, inserting a coin into it. With renewed interest, the hedgehog glanced up at the name of the game.

"Dance Dance Revolution…eh?" Sonic muttered, waiting for the current player on stage to demonstrate the game. The Hedgehog found it rather simple, watch the arrows from the bottom of the screen fly towards the top and hit the respective arrow on the pad when it hits the silhouette near the top. A mouth full, yet simple to him. He watched the current player play through three songs, without much of a problem.

"I don't see why I bother…it's so simple…" Sonic muttered, stepping away from the machine. Yet, his gaze was fixated onto the game, as it flashed and demonstrated, becoming for Sonic, reaching for him, asking him…

"…you've got to be kidding me," Sonic remarked bitterly, facing towards the screen and shaking the thought out of his mind. "Stupid voice in my head, go tell someone else that," he muttered next, dashing towards the exit of the arcade.

He ran face first into a wall.

"Ow…" Sonic whined, cursing at his concentration. He whacked the side of his head, blaming that voice before running off, being the fastest hedgehog in the world, and the only bi-pedal hedgehog, but that was besides the point as no cared that there was a blue, wise cracking, over heroic, super sonic hedgehog on the loose.

* * * * * *

The blue…hedgehog found himself running straight down a corridor, being chased by a massive boulder that rolled along in order to squash it. The deathtrap was no match for the hedgehog, as he blazed through the hallway with his super sonic speed. He glanced back, waving at the boulder.

"Sayonara, you over grown mass of rock!" Sonic insulted, though it would make anyone wonder why he would insult something like that, considering. He glanced back forward, then panicked.

The floor right in his path crumbled, leaving only traces of ground left, suspended by pillars that stretched endlessly into the endless darkness below, though all endlessness is theoretically impossible, but it was endless, never the less, though endless defies the laws of…

*Story writer it blasted by a lightning bolt*

…okay, I get the point.

Without further ado, Sonic leaped onto the first step, before leaping towards the next platform, before seeing the endl-…infinite amount of platforms in the distance. Though it won't matter to the hedgehog, as he leaped towards the next platform, we all have to remember one thing:

Fast feet fly far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far far…

*Story writer gets blasted again by a lightning bolt*

…far…

*And again*

*And again for good measure*

Sonic continued to leap around the platforms, as the begin to get further and further spaced apart. He glanced back, as the boulder was continuing to chase him, despite no feasible way to pursue, with the laws of…

*Lightning bolts strikes dangerously close to the author*

And so Sonic continues to run and leap from platform to platform, though his eye caught something about the platforms. Each platform he leaped on had an arrow imprinted on it, either pointing up, left, right, or down.

"What the hell is this?!" Sonic shouted out, leaping to the next platform as the rolling/levitating Jedi boulder rolled closer and closer. "Dance Dance Revolcrusher?!" he questioned, leaping onto the next platform, though, he over estimated, leaping over the next platform and down into the endl-…bottomless pit below. What followed him was a dark, ominous, painful, evil, hideous, defeating voice:

"Nice try. Come back when you have more practice!"

* * * * * *

"I don't believe I had a nightmare about Dance Dance Revolution…" Sonic told himself, sighing softly as he walked, at a normal pace - and I do mean NORMAL pace- down the streets of the city. His mind was preoccupied with a certain boulder of doom chasing him through a certain hallway of dancing while he was in a certain dreamlike state last night.

"SHOW ME YOUR BEST DANCE!"

Sonic stopped in his tracks, finding himself outside the same arcade again, unconsciously guiding himself there. He mumbled something in coherent, though it went along the lines of stupid arrows. Without much more at stake, he entered the arcade again, finding a surprise at who was waiting at the machine.

"Amy…?" Sonic muttered, approaching her side. She glanced at him in surprise, before giggling well…girlishly…though making no attempt to relatively show her deep undying love for the other hedgehog.

"Hi Sonic!" she exclaimed, turning her attention back to the machine as someone was beginning their first song of the trio. "Do you play DDR too? It's so fun," she squealed, anxiously waiting for what the current player can do. It dumbstruck Sonic that Amy was more interested in some…DANCING GAME…more then this lovable hero of a hedgehog.

"Um…not really…I just…admire the flashing lights…" Sonic responded, unable to comprehend what was with this game. It was like it hypnotized those who watched it, or perhaps it was the dancers who shook their body. Sonic shuddered at the though when imagining someone more…obese…try. Amy giggled again, as though reading his mind like some crazy psychic that is always wrong anyway.

"Hey Amy," another voice piped in, joining the female hedgehog on her other side. Both of the DDR spectators turned their gaze to the new comer.

"Oh, hi Knuckles!" Amy exclaimed, giggling girlishly again. "Here to play, or just watch?"

"Just watch," the echidna answered, shaking his head. Amy sighed disappointedly, glancing at Sonic, who gave a similar response only earlier.

"What, are you chicken…?" Sonic provoked, friendly, to some degree, unfriendly in others. Knuckles reacted instinctively.

"Not as chicken as you are," he replied harshly.

"Oh yeah?!" Sonic answered back, not one to back down from it, though he initiated it.

"Yeah!"

"I bet I can mutilate you!"

"I bet I can bury you six feet under with a bomb!"

"I bet you can't, Knuckle Head!"

"I bet I can, Sonic the Turtle!"

"Echidna Slag!"

"Hedgehog Grim!"

"Boys…" Amy replied meekly, unable to intervene into the war the words. It failed at going as such, the pair continuing to duke it out with little remorse now. "Boys…" Still nothing.

*THWACK* *THWACK*

Both Sonic and Knuckles lay flat on the ground, dazed, stunned, and with a rather large and not so nice looking dump on their head. Amy sighed softly, her mallet held in her hand.

"Boys…" she repeated to herself, this time not referring to the sprawled out figures on the floor, more towards their immaturity, if there was any way to distinguish… "Boys, why don't you try to actually play the game instead of debating it…" Sonic was the first to get up, slowly, but surely. He was also the first to respond.

"Fine, I'll show you I can whip your echidna hide back to where it belongs!" Sonic exclaimed, leaping onto the now unoccupied pad. Knuckles grunted.

"Not before I give you a pit stop with the devil," Knuckles replied, also leaping onto the platform. They both inserted enough coins for the machine, then began their competition. Amy watched with slight glee.

* * * * * *

"Hey Amy, how's it going?" Tails asked, approaching the female hedgehog at the arcade. He glanced down at the pair of figures sprawled across the floor, laying on each other, legs dangling on the pad. Both looked dazed, neither Knuckles' nor Sonic moving at all. "Er…why does this look like Mosh Mosh Revolution?"

"They got just a little overexcited on the Dance Pad…" Amy replied, holding a mallet in her hand.

*Cue Tails' sweatdrop*

"Did…you do that?" Tails asked, glancing at the hammer, then the lump on each head of the players.

"No, they just collided head-to-head, that's all," Amy replied, putting away her mallet and approaching the unconscious pair, shaking them awake.

"Ah…so it was Mosh Mosh…" Tails spoke softly, helping Amy with the task at hand. Both refused to get up, causing more difficulty for the waiting crowd of people. Amy was next in line, though it would be difficult to play over them. They eventually dragged Sonic and Knuckles off the pad.

"Excuse me for a moment," Amy spoke, drawing her mallet again and slamming it into Sonic's toe.

"!!!!!! WHO?! WHAT?! WHERE?! WHEN?! WHY?! HOW?!" he exclaimed, leaping to his feet…er…foot…and holding his other foot in pain as he hoped around. Amy giggled…sadistically…before doing the same to Knuckles. He awaked with much the same reaction, getting a round of laughter from the hopping pair of crazy dancers who hurt themselves in the process.

"Watch the professional do it, boys…" she smirked, stepping onto the pad as the pair of 'in pain hoppers' settled down, only rubbing their injured toe and head now, waiting for Amy to show off, if she could. They suspected she would be no better then them at this wretched game. As though reading minds again, she giggled more, inserting her coin into the machine.

"Hey…what's she doing…?" Sonic asked, noting a four quick taps to the down arrow. The pair of failed DDR dancers glanced up to Tails.

"Maniac setting, hardest difficulty," he replied without much cause, wondering what the response would be.

"H-Hardest difficulty…?" Sonic muttered, quickly collecting himself and watching Amy. She decided a song, though Sonic didn't catch the title of it, only to see the 'Ready' message flash across the screen. And so the lyrics begin…

Dream a dream, lover, take me in your dream

Take me anywhere you please, boy, you're aking me scream

Dream a dream, lover, love is just a dream

If you wanna set me free, boy, you're making me scream

*Cue sweatdrop*

It isn't quite known if Sonic was sweat dropping to the lyrics of the song, or if it was the compacted nature of the song: Down, Up, Down, Left-Right-Left-Down-Left-Up-Left (Eighth Chain), Right-Up-Right-Down-Right-Down-Right (Eighth Chain), Left-Do…

*Author's get zapped by thunder bolts*

And now we shall disregard the rest of this as Sonic continues to try to keep up with the music/lyrics of the song Amy chose to play. *Mumbles* I should start wearing rubber boots.

*ZAP*

And so Sonic gazed and gaped in awe as Amy tore up the pad, stepping completely with the song, hitting each arrow with perfection, something Sonic would never expect to happen. He only continued to watch….

* * * * * *

*ZAP*

Okay, enough with the running gag.

*ZAP*

ANYWAY, Tails stepped up onto the pad, though Sonic was expecting no surprise from his duel tail friend, seeing all he could possibly see done by Amy, who seemed to be the better of the pair, normally would say quad, by Knuckles and Sonic just stink. Back on topic, Sonic saw all the surprises, and would expect a similar performance by his fox friend.

Two credits were inserted into the machine.

"Nani…?" Sonic questioned.

"Just watch…" Amy whispered as Tails selected some other mode of play that Sonic couldn't distinguish. Again, the Maniac 'code' was plugged in, and Tails picked his song.

"Amy…" Tails spoke softly, who in turn threw the player a sunhat. Smiling, the fox donned it, making sure to cover over his eyes partially. The song began, with a small piano solo as it headed into the piece.

Left (Player 2), *Wait*, Right (Player 1), *Wait*, Up (Player 1), Left (Player 1), Down (Player 1), Right (Player 1), [Up-Left-Right-Down-Up-Left-Down-Right-(Player 1)-Left-(Player 2)-Up-Down-Down-Down-Down-Down-Down-{Left- Right}(Sixteenth)-Down (Player 1; Eighth)], Up-Left-Down(Player 1; Eighth)…

*Waits for thunder bolts*

*None*

Sonic stared at Tails' moves, who glided across the pad, back and fourth, from player one side to player two side, hitting each note with not only his feet, but with his pair of tails as well, and he was quite accurate too, throwing in a few spins in some cases, letting his tails hit all the notes in another. In two instants, part of the same chain of steps, Tails vaulted over his…tails…hitting a pair of middle arrows with his tails and flipping over, continuing the chain in the process.

"What…the…hell…are…you…two…smoking…" Sonic stammered, dumbstruck.

Tails hit the pause, slamming his foot into the player 2 down arrow, completely freezing the song. Using the momentum from the previous eighth right arrow, he turned counter clockwise, throwing the sunhat into the crowd, brushing back some of his fur on his head. On cue, Amy threw in another hat, the fox on stage catching it and donning it, continuing the spin, his foot falling onto the player 1 left arrow as soon as the music started up again.

"You should be asking what Tails' is smoking…" Knuckles muttered, the pair shaken by such manoeuvres. They only stared in awe as the fox continued to tear up the pad.

* * * * * *

"All it takes is a lot of time and practice," Amy told the pair, who's jaws hit the floor in what they saw from the two people they knew playing DDR. Slowly, Knuckles and Sonic regained their composure, shaking the surprise out of their system while trying to act 'cool'.

"Time, practice, and money," Tails added, checking his wallet for more change for another round of DDR once he regained his breath, as if he ever lost any in the first place.

"That's it, I have a new goal in life! To be the best in the DDR universe!" Sonic exclaimed, trying to sound impressed, but not fully, while trying to make it sound like he wasn't jealous of certain skills either.

"And so will I!" Knuckles exclaimed as well, wondering the same from them. Heck, the sudden surge of confidence and inspiration seemed so…sudden. Both bounded onto the pad, preparing for another round of torment as they began their life long training for a life long goal they made in a life long time ago.

* * * * * *

Both Knuckles and Sonic lay on the ground, AGAIN. On top of each other, AGAIN. Unconscious, AGAIN.

"Mosh Mosh…" Tails commented softly, shaking his head.

*Some time later that the Author doesn't want to write since he's too lazy to fill in more plot points and gets write to a point where Sonic can do good.*

We see our hero, Sonic the Hedgehog, onto the Dance Dance Revolution pad, taking on one of the hardest and fastest songs in existence: MAX 300. His movement, graceful. His timing, perfect. His stance, superb. He hit each note in tone, with beauty and finesse. In fact…

*ZAP ZAP ZAP!*

…okay, I'll lay off the ballerina talk.

Sonic the Hedgehog completely tore across the pad, hitting each key in tone with the 300 BPM music brought before him. Quickly, and effortlessly, he hit each arrow, the crowd cheering on the blue blur as his feet raced around. The only pause in movement came with the freeze arrows, and the pause, as Sonic did some crazy stunt we don't want to describe.

The crowd erupted as the song was completed, with near perfect accuracy. Sonic gasped softly, though exhaustion wasn't in his vocabulary, why should it be, considering he can basically move at the speed of light, who cares?

He stepped off the pad, soaking up the applause like a mega-egotistic sponge, enjoying it.

His sponge-like attitude was abruptly ended by the shaking of the DDR machine. Quickly, the hedgehog turned around, seeing the DDR machine come to life, somehow, somewhere, its 'eyes' glowing with anger, as it hopped menacingly towards Sonic.

"What is this, the Dance Pad of DOOM?!"

…of DOOM…

…of DOOM…

…of DOOM…

…of DOOM…

…of DOOM…

…of DOOM…

…of DOO-

*THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP THWAP *

Well, at least it wasn't a thunder bolt.

*ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP*

I stand corrected.

Sonic didn't take long to do anything, he instinctively curled up into a back and slammed straight into the machine, blasting it into a million pieces. The threat of the Dance Pad of DOOM was over.

Or it would've been, but the machine emitted some sort of knockout gas, taking Sonic out.

* * * * * *

The blue hedgehog slowly awakened, focusing, finding himself focussing on some DDR machine nearby. Slowly, he got up, seeing the blank, metallic room he was imprisoned in with his roommate: a DDR machine.

"Where am I?!" he shouted out, glancing around.

"Welcome to my arena, Sonic the Hedgehog," a voice told Sonic. He recognized it instantly.

"Eggman!" Sonic yelled out. "Why have you taken me here?!"

"If the DDR machine wasn't obvious enough, I am here to challenge you to a DDR duel, against my ultimate creation," Robotnik answered, laughing evilly.

"Er, why…?" Sonic questioned, not seeing the point. It was not like he was going to die to the DDR machine or something, not even get fatigued.

"Why? I don't know why," the mad scientist answered. "I guess it's because this is a fic without any point, you know, plot without point, and I do stuff to satisfy the author so that he may satisfy the reader? Besides, you read the title of the fic, you must have figured something like this would've happened."

"I guess so…" Sonic mused, glancing at the top of the page and reading the title again. "I guess so."

"Anyone, enough with plot details! It's time to D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!"

*Zapped and Thwaped for Yu-Gi-Oh reference*

"And…behind door number 1, the challenger, METAL SONIC!"

And with those words, the metallic hedgehog appeared, as the sound of cheering erupted from the hidden speakers. The machine seemed to 'absorb' the fans, taking the cheers as his own as he leaped onto the pad, beckoning for Sonic to come.

"Fine, you asked for it, tin can speedy wannabe," Sonic whispered, leaping onto the platform as well.

"And it's nice to meet you as well, sir," the hedgehog answered in a C-3PO like voice. Sonic stared at the machine in silence. "The duel shall be one song, one song you have never heard of, and you will most certainly hate."

"Try me," was the reply. The DDR machine flashed to life, the song title pulsating across the screen.

TUNAK 300

"T-TUNAK…300…?" the blue hedgehog replied, as the song quickly blasted to life, sounding like MAX 300, but a remix there off, with some strange…arabian like voice singing something as the arrows went by. Sonic lost his concentration, completely to the hideous music.

"C-Can't…lose now….must…focus!" the hedgehog shouted, finding the power within himself to go gold. Meet Super Saiyain…er…I mean, Super Sonic! The golden hedgehog, with renewed energy and concentration was quick in regaining his foothold, blast each note as they came in doubles and triplets, nothing could stop the golden wonder. A back flip, a front flip, the hedgehog tore it apart as he danced to the beat, completely shouting out the music as he played. In time, victory was his.

"Victory is mine!"

I just said that.

Robotnik laughed evilly again, as Metal Sonic fell to the ground, deactivated. Sonic flipped backwards and over the bar, waiting for the next challenge.

"Oh no, that was only the first challenge, it's time for the second."

"Bring it on, Eggman!" Sonic shouted back, not afraid as the golden hedgehog awaited it.

"Very well, it is time to play MOSH MOSH REVOLUTION EXTREME!"

*Cue sweatdrop*

Fin

Author's Note: Well, that ends that, it was stupid, it was pointless, and it was dumb, but I hope you had fun reading it. I hope it sparks towards you, being only my third humour fic done, I hope it was alright.

Author's Note ALPHA: I don't own Sonic or Dance Dance Revolution, Sega and Konami respectively do. I wish I owned DDR, that would rock.

Author's Note BRAVO: I threw in a lot of references there. I thank Megatoyko for the Mosh Mosh Revolution Idea (www.megatokyo.com - look for comic 172 and 173).

Author's Note CHARLIE: The TUNAK 300 reference came from a friend of mine, who found it somewhere else. He sent me the MP3, a remix of MAX 300, and I must say, it's fun to listen to, and annoying at the same time. http://home.the-7.net/~jon/TUNAK300.mp3 to find it.

-look for his specific post and look for some very small text

Author's Note DELTA: The song Tails played was Abyss, and it was based off a freestyle by Lil_B, who's video I watched. Check it out at www.ddrfreak.com, it's a blast.

Author's Note ECHO: I feel like a crispy friend, pancake like chicken after all that. Ah well. *ZAP*

Author's Note FOXTROT: Anything else I have to mention? Um…don't think so, I'm pretty sure you're sick of these notes, so I'll leave you all. I hope you had fun reading it, though I doubt it, I have no faith in my ability to write this stuff. *Shrugs*

Author's Note GOLF: Wow, you still reading? Two words: BAI BAI!