This story stands alone for now. It is not related in anyway to any other Diana/Shayera story I have posted here. It will primarily feature Helena/Dinah, but will include the other women as well. It is femslash, so it goes without saying that if you don't like those types of stories, then you should move on. I have not read the comics, but I loved the cartoon series for the Justice League. Just as I drew inspiration from the episode "Grudge Match" for a Diana/Shayera story I did, that evolved into something bigger than I imagined, I also considered the chemistry between Helena/Dinah in that same episode. Do not look for comic book canon. I have drawn a little from what I know of the comics however. This story is being written with ltlconf, who co-authored Her Other Woman. Finally, this story is a very belated birthday gift for a special friend. Her only requests were that I write for any characters, but she wanted comfort/healing and something racier than I had done in the past. Happy birthday lilbit1016. Racier is coming in later chapters...
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my laptop.
"I don't understand." Helena's reply was a mixture of a plea and a need for comprehension. Things were not supposed to be this complicated. Love was supposed to be simple. You met, sparks flew, and everything got wrapped up in a neat little package. Of course Helena knew that nothing was ever easy, but love was supposed to be the one thing that you fought for. But that was not happening, and the abandoned feeling was a crushing weight on her shoulders. Stress settled in her neck, and she was pretty sure that she had cried more in the last couple of months than she had in her entire life, and that was saying something. Love was not supposed to make you miserable daily; it was supposed to be uplifting. Whoever wrote these "facts" about love clearly had never met Dinah. In fact, Helena was sure that they hadn't, because her love had brought her to the precipice of sheer misery.
Inwardly Dinah felt terrible at the pain she was causing her one time best friend, who she couldn't define just now. "I don't know what I can say to make you understand. I just know that I can't do this. It's too hard Helena, and I am…drained. I have nothing left to fight with. I can't breathe, and little other than you makes me happy. But love is not enough. I can't do this. I'm sorry."
Helena stopped fighting the tears at the beginning of the conversation. She sat, silently weeping, her knees cradled to her chest.
Dinah hated the pain she was causing the brunette, but whatever fledgling love she had begun to feel was coming to an end. Too many obstacles stood in their way of happiness, and her resolve to stand against everything had slipped away that morning. Reaching out, Dinah lightly stroked the hair of her companion. "I do love you Helena. Never doubt that. You have been the bright spot in my life these past months, and you will never know what you came to mean to me. But I'm tired. How much more can I take? How can you continue to hold up against all of this?"
"Because," Helena sniffed, "you mean that much to me. Don't give up, please. Do you want me to beg? I am willing to debase myself that far, because you are worth it. I can't believe that you would just give up."
Dinah sighed, "Helena, I am tired. I am tired of everything. I can't hold your hand in public, I stammer when people ask about us, and the only allies we have are within the Tower. It isn't enough. You deserve better, and I don't think I will ever get there. I can't be what you want me to be."
"Diana and Shayera did it. Look at them. They are in love, and they don't care what people think."
"But I do Helena."
Anger began to rise in the brunette's chest, "Then you are a coward. I don't want to believe that about you, but that is what you're here telling me."
Dinah couldn't do anything but nod her head. "You're right. I can't argue. You deserve someone who will fight to be with you…and that isn't me."
"So everything up to this point?"
"I don't regret it. But it can't continue. This will blow over, and we can go back to being friends."
"Go to hell Dinah. I can't believe you just said that to me. You expect us to be friends after this? What? We take time apart, and when you believe that no one will say anything, then we hang out again? Fuck that and fuck you for saying it. "
Dinah knew she had deserved it, but it didn't mean it stung any less. "I hope," she struggled to form words, "that given time you will change your mind. I want you in my life, and I can't imagine not wanting to talk to you, and be near you."
"Would you have taken this shit from Oliver?"
Dinah recoiled. "Helena, it isn't the same."
"Here is how I see it. We fell in love. And when it got tough, you caved. You are going to be very lonely settling for what is easy. You settled for easy once, and where did that get you?"
Before she could think about the repercussions Dinah slapped Helena. Simultaneously rubbing the red mark on her cheek, and wiping away tears, Helena spat, "Get out! Don't come near me ever again. You are right. I do deserve better."
Regret crept in the moment that she had struck Helena, but Dinah didn't apologize. She stood, turned her back, and walked out of Helena's apartment. The moment she shut the door behind her, Dinah heard Helena wail. Dinah took a few steps and crumbled to a heap in the hallway. She openly wept, and felt nausea settle in her gut. Leaving Helena had been the hardest thing that she had ever done. She had just walked out on her best friend and the woman that she had fallen in love with.
Several months earlier…
Helena, Dinah, and Shayera sat around a table in the cafeteria within the Tower.
Between mouthfuls of food, Helena sputtered, "Shayera, are you really not going to the Christmas party? Fuck John. Who cares if he goes?"
Shayera sighed, "I am tired of dealing with him. I get that he has moved on, and I am happy for him. I just can't stand that every time he sees me he slaps this look of pity on his face. He is passive aggressive about me not dating, and frankly it has gotten old."
"All the more reason you should go. Kiss everyone in the place, or whatever. But you're letting him win. Are you even in love with him anymore?"
"Hell no. I just am tired of him."
Dinah grimaced, "Then tell him that."
"I've thought about it, but I know him, he will just turn it around, and somehow end up the martyr. It's what he does now."
"The answer to your problem," Dinah started, "is not to kiss everyone at the party. The answer is to take a date that is smoking hot, and kiss them in front of everyone."
Shayera laughed, "And who would that be?"
Helena sat back and contemplated the thought. "There are hundreds of superheroes in the Tower. Surely one of them would be a suitable date. What are your necessary qualifications?"
Shayera shrugged. "I don't know. It would need to be someone who is intelligent, good looking certainly doesn't hurt, and really it would be the icing on the cake if they had some serious fighting skills. If I walked in with someone who could conceivably kick John's ass that would be awesome! Is it evil of me to want to make him jealous?"
Helena and Dinah smiled. The blonde shook her head. "I don't think so. I think it is natural. As long as you aren't pining for him, I think you are in the clear."
Shayera scowled, "I am definitely not pining for him anymore. I haven't in a while. Looking back, I realize that he did me a favor. But it would be nice to have a distraction for just one night. Honestly, though, I don't think there is anyone in the Tower that fits the bill. Superman, Batman, and J'onn are about the only ones that really could be considerations. But Superman is with Lois and frankly too goody two-shoes for me, J'onn is sweet, but I am not the least bit attracted to him. Batman would probably spend the whole party brooding, and I want someone who can have fun. Sorry guys, but unless we suddenly sprout some new members quickly, I am going to pass on going to the party."
While digging through her brain cells to find an answer, Helena inadvertently dribbled food on her chin and chest. Without thought, Dinah leaned over and wiped the crumbs away gently, smiling at the silliness that Helena always seemed to be. "Nice shirt Helena. Where did you get this one?"
Helena looked down at her chest. Splayed across the front in semi-stretched writing it read "I love Caulk". Helena laughed, "It was a gift actually. Flash gave it to me. You should have seen him grinning ear to ear when he did. He read it out loud several times, making sure that I got the reference!"
Shayera and Dinah laughed along with their friend. "And speaking of dates," Shayera offered, "are you going with Question?"
Helena's smile dropped a little. "I guess. Guys, seriously, I need to offload that one. I am not sure what I was thinking, but he isn't exciting in the slightest. His conspiracy theories are starting to work my last good nerve. Honestly, every goddamn thing I do is met with, 'Did you know…', and really I don't give two shits about his diatribes. He started in the other night as I was eating Oreos. It was all I could do to keep from telling him to shut the fuck up and walk out."
"Why didn't you?"
Helena shrugged, "They were his Oreos, and I was hungry."
Dinah laughed uproariously, "When we go back to Gotham, we will hit up the grocery store. I will buy you your own Oreos. Stop sleeping with him for his cookies."
Helena stuck out her tongue, "Yeah but if I let you buy them does that mean I have to start sleeping with you?"
Dinah snickered, "Tempting, but I don't think my husband would appreciate me diddling my best friend."
"Your loss then, and free cookies for me."
Shayera looked between the two women. If she didn't know that Dinah was married, and devoted to Oliver, she would have sworn that there could have been something between the two Gotham heroes. They flirted playfully, and they always seemed to be touching in some way. But Shayera had kept that thought to herself. They were all really good friends, but no touching or flirting happened between her and Dinah or between her and Helena. It was just their dynamic she supposed. Helena and Dinah would be lost without each other. Shayera was content to just go on the ride with them.
Helena broke Shayera's thoughts, "So is Ollie coming home in time for the party?"
Dinah leaned back and twisted the large diamond ring on her finger. "He says he is, but you know how that goes. He may or may not show up."
"Well, if he doesn't, you can save me from my horrific date."
"Helena, break it off. Be done with that terd. You deserve so much better. You have had nothing positive to say about him as it is."
Helena shrugged nonchalantly. "It's whatever. Everyone is guilty of settling to some degree, while secretly wishing that they had more."
Dinah disagreed, "That's not true. I didn't settle."
Shayera cringed inwardly. She knew Helena wouldn't agree with that statement. In fact Helena and Dinah had almost come to blows once over Oliver. Helena's opinion of Dinah's husband wasn't high, and that was putting it lightly. But Helena had realized that fighting with Dinah about Oliver was causing damage to their friendship, so Helena resolved to keep her opinions to herself. She had, however, confided in Shayera that she thought Oliver was slimy, but never had anything solid other than her gut feeling. That was enough for Shayera. Helena's gut was almost always spot on.
Shayera had another reason for not liking him, or rather not trusting him: He was John's best friend. She had seen firsthand the two in action. It was how her friendship with Dinah had started. Shayera had worried that when she and John split up that Dinah would stop speaking to her, but she had done the opposite. She had held Shayera when she cried the first few months, and had introduced her to Helena. They quickly became nicknamed, "The Three Amigos", and it was rare to see one without the other two in tow. Most importantly, Shayera had confided in the pair, and she was dead certain that nothing she had ever said had made its way back to Oliver or John. And so, in Shayera, Dinah and Helena had earned unwavering loyalty.
Ignoring the comment from Dinah, Helena went on, "Where is Ollie these days?"
"Switzerland. He left a week ago, and said he would be back in time for the party. But he usually ends up conducting business longer than expected anymore, so I am not sure when to expect him."
"How come you never go with him?"
"He says I would be a distraction. He is worried that I would be bored while he is in his meetings, and he doesn't want to feel guilty about me not being entertained. I tell him that it's silly, but he insists that I concentrate on things here. Really, I love the time I spend with you all, so it is manageable."
Helena smirked, "And the time you spend with your vibrator too I am sure."
Dinah swatted her friend, "You have Oreos, and I have…" But the blonde cut the sentence short. She had almost said too much, but it was enough for Helena to latch onto.
Helena squealed, "OH MY GOD! You named it didn't you?"
Dinah blushed, "Sshhhh. No I didn't. Don't read anything into that."
"Liar! Tell us what you named it."
"I didn't dammit. Drop it."
Helena looked at Shayera who was struggling to not laugh out loud. "Shayera, do you believe her?"
Shayera threw her hands up. "Oooh no, I am not even going there."
Helena winked. "Chicken. Fine, if you won't tell us, how about I guess? Mr. Happy?"
Dinah continued to blush, "No smart ass. Quit."
"Not Mr. Happy huh? How about Mr. Tickly?"
Dinah licked her lips and haughtily whispered, "Why does it have to be a Mister?"
Helena sat back shocked for a moment, and then played along. "Really? So it's Misses Happy?"
Dinah leaned into Helena's space, and gestured for her to come closer. Helena grinned and leaned in as well. "Helena, love, there is no vibrator. If there was, I wouldn't name it Mister or Misses anything. So get your damn head out of the gutter."
"You put it there Dinah."
Dinah's grin was downright devilish. "You'd let me put your head wherever I wanted wouldn't you?"
Helena opened her mouth to reply, knowing that she was being baited. Shayera sat there with her knowing look, and said nothing as this had been commonplace for the two for a while now. But nothing witty was coming to mind, so Helena sat back and grinned, "Whatever Dinah."
Dinah sat back as well, satisfied that she had won.
But just as the conversation was about to turn somewhere else Flash walked by the table. Helena reached out and grabbed his arm. "Wally, let me ask you something. If a woman intimated that she could put your head wherever she wanted, and you would let her, what would you say to that?"
Flash's face lit up with instant amusement, "Is she hot?"
Helena, staring Dinah directly in the eye, answered, "Meh. She's at best a 6."
Dinah nearly choked, as Helena laughed, and Shayera couldn't contain her mirth either. Flash stood pondering the thought, "Is she a strong six, or a pity six?"
"Maybe a six and a half. But that is pushing it."
Flash shrugged, "Six and a half is doable, but I am not sure that warrants a phone call the next day."
Dinah's eyes went wide. "Assholes. All of you."
Helena cocked her eyebrow, a shit eating grin on her face, "Never start something you can't finish. Thanks Flash. Wait…one more thing…you ever have a girlfriend who had a vibrator?"
Flash stood stammered for a moment. But only just. "Yes, I did."
"And did it have a name?"
"If there is one thing I know about women, it's that they name their vibrators."
Dinah interjected, "Oh what a bunch of bullshit. That isn't true!"
"Do you have one?" Flash teased.
"Then how would you know?"
Dinah sat flummoxed. There really was no good answer.
Flash continued, "I named it too."
Shayera barely managed, "W-What?" Her cheeks were beginning to hurt from laughing at the exchange. "You named your girlfriend's sex toy?"
Flash nodded like it was natural.
"I simply must know. Please, Wally, tell us."
Wally looked around, and leaned down and whispered, "VTC. The name was a by-product of an unfortunate accident. Hence the reason I am single now."
"VTC?" Helena couldn't figure out what the initials stood for.
"Vibrating Tooth Chipper. I turned it on too soon."
Helena fell to the side from laughing hysterically, crashing into Dinah. The blonde caught her friend and laughed right alongside her hugging her around the shoulders. Shayera eyes began to water. It was all too much. "W-Wait a second Wally…whose tooth did it chip? Yours or hers?"
The comment sent the group into deeper fits. Wally stood for a moment and ran his tongue across his the front of his teeth. "All I will say is that the League has excellent dental insurance."
Shayera exclaimed, "Wally, that is…I don't even know what to say to that!"
"I do." Dinah interjected, "Sit down and share more!"
Flash grinned, and pulled up a chair. Helena leaned up, and suddenly looked at the watch on her wrist. "Shit! I am late. I gotta bolt guys. Sorry. Save some good stories for me Wally."
Dinah had a quick pang of emptiness when Helena sat up, but she shoved it down. Like most inappropriate feelings she had, she buried it, refusing to acknowledge that it even existed. "Where are you off to so fast?"
"I have something I need to do. It's secret…"
"You have secrets?"
"One or two. I promised a friend a favor, and I'm late."
Dinah chuckled, "A friend a favor?"
Helena smacked her lips, "Not the kind I'll do for you later if you bring Oreos."
Dinah shook her head, and smacked Helena's ass. The dark-haired woman laughed, and rubbed her backside as she exited. With a smile on her face, Dinah looked over at Shayera. "What?"
"I didn't say anything." Quickly shifting the focus, Shayera asked, "Well Wally? Give us the good stuff."
The remaining three passed the next few hours laughing at Flash's ridiculous stories.
Helena dashed through the corridors of the Tower, knowing that she was running slightly behind. Huffing she shoved open the door to her destination. Waiting inside one of the many training rooms was her newest friend, Diana.
"Sorry Diana, I got caught up in the cafeteria with Shayera, Dinah, and Wally. I lost track of time."
Diana smiled, "Don't worry about it. I haven't been waiting long. You ready?"
Diana walked over to a mat and began stretching. "What did you tell them you were doing?"
"A favor for a friend."
"An unnamed friend?" Diana's smile was light.
"I don't know why you won't let me tell them that we are hanging out. No one would care."
"Dinah might not, but I know Shayera is not a fan of mine."
"Give her a chance, and you might be surprised. I thought she was bitchy at first, but since her and John split, I realize now he is the asshole. Shayera is quite funny. And you guys would get along great."
"I doubt that."
"Really Diana, what happened?"
"Specifically? Nothing. She and I just never got along."
"It's probably because you are both stubborn, and have similar personalities. All I am saying is that you should give her a chance. You'd like her, I'm sure."
Diana shrugged. "Have you been practicing?"
"I have. Thanks for doing this with me. I know I will never take the Amazon trials, but I am trying to soak up as many fighting styles as I can. Who better to teach me the Amazon way than you?"
Helena joined Diana on the mat. They routinely stretched and did breathing exercises before sparring. Pre-asswhipping is what Helena had lovingly named it. Helena was a great fighter, but Diana was overwhelming. Their friendship had struck up out of chance. Helena had been in the training room while Diana was hitting a heavy bag. Zatanna had walked in, and had headed in Diana's direction. Quickly realizing she was about to be cornered, Diana had grabbed Helena and pleaded softly that she start sparring with her. Helena complied, and Zatanna had walked away without ever bothering them.
"How's the situation with your stalker?" Helena teased.
"The same. I avoid her."
"Why don't you just tell her that you aren't interested? You tend to be pretty forthcoming with your feelings with everyone else. Why not just tell her to blow?"
"Oh," Diana filed the saying away, "I can't. I know it would hurt her feelings, and I am trying to be nicer these days."
"Soft and cuddly Wonder Woman?"
Diana laughed, "Just less abrasive. I am aware that my attitude makes it hard to be friends with me."
"Maybe that is part of your charm too though."
Diana shook her head, "Probably not, but thanks anyways. How have you been? Still debating the Question?"
"Ugh. Not debating anymore. Just trying to figure out how to bow out gracefully."
"Tell him, what was it? Blow."
Helena laughed, "Good job, and used properly."
Diana beamed. "I pay attention. I admit learning slang, and trying to loosen up a bit has been an eye opening experience."
"Well, only a few more lessons, and I will give you your first shirt."
Diana rolled her eyes, "No way I wear anything that says I love Caulk."
"I got something better for you."
"Really? And what does it say?"
"First answer some questions. Ready?"
Diana sighed. "Hit me."
"Nirvana or Guns N' Roses and why?"
"Nirvana if you want to hear the rawer garage band style, but GNR can't be overlooked, as Axl Rose's vocals are unique, and Slash is arguably one of the best guitar players."
Helena smiled, "That was too easy. Ok, give me 3 slang phrases and tell me what they mean."
Diana closed her eyes in thought, "Hell to the No. It is a more emphatic way of saying no. Peace out. It means goodbye or I am leaving. What up playa? It means what's going on."
"Good job Diana! Ok, now I am going to make it harder. Give me some lines from one rap or hip hop song."
"Also called tracks…"
Diana giggled as she spouted, "Listen, your ass is about to be missin. You know who's gonna find you? Some old man fishin."
"DMX! Excellent choice Diana. And finally, what do we never, ever tell people, even under threat of torture?"
"Our dirty iPod secrets. An example would be Britney Spears. Although she has good hits, it is not necessary that we reveal we like her to anyone."
"I'm impressed. You are picking this all up nicely. Did you like the tracks I chose for your first iPod?"
"I did. I like hip hop. I was surprised, but I do. Thanks for doing this for me Helena. I am trying so hard to learn more to become less stiff and more culturally integrated."
"I am who I am, and there is nothing wrong with the way I speak."
"Ok, your turn. Teach me how to fight like you do."
"Sure you are ready?"
"Just pull a punch or two. You rattled my brain the last time, and I am pretty sure I developed a s-s-s-stutter because of it."
Diana felt terrible. "I am so sorry."
Helena laughed, "I'm kidding Diana. But thanks for the concern."
"Stand up and let's go. I will try not to knock your block off today."
Helena chuckled, "My block appreciates that."
The two sparred for a while, with Diana giving Helena pointers, and sharing a laugh or two in between. Once they were both completely drenched with sweat, and both huffing from exhaustion, they plopped back down on the mat. Helena sat with a strained look on her face. "That is some serious cardio. My body is going to ache for days."
"You will recover faster if we do this more."
"Hey, changing the subject, are you going to the Christmas party?"
"Probably not. I am not one for partying. And I, well, I can't dance."
"Shut the French door!"
"What?" Diana's face read nothing but confusion.
Helena snickered, "It's slang for disbelief in the statement you just made."
"Oh, no really, I can't."
"What kind of dancing are we talking about here? Slow, fast, bumping and grinding?"
"No, no, and I don't know what the last two are."
"Bumping and grinding? You're kidding?"
"Ok, so when you listened to the hip hop songs, it didn't make you move around?"
"It did, but I look like a fish flopping. No way could I do that in public."
"Nonsense. Stand up."
"Diana, get up. We are going to start dancing lessons right now."
"I can't. Really, it's fine."
"No way. You are too cool to not know how. Besides it's easy. You have had sex before right?"
Diana blushed, "What does that have to do with it?"
"It's simple. Like sex, you react to what your partner does on the dance floor, and you follow suit. That is the simplest way to explain it. So, stand up, and I will put music on, and I will teach you how to dance."
"But then we won't be even."
"You are teaching me cultural relevance and I am teaching you my style of fighting. If you teach me to dance, then what am I giving you in return?"
"Not everything has to be give and take. Sometimes you just give your friend something they need and expect nothing in return."
Diana cast a warm smile. "You and I are friends?"
"Of course silly. That goes without saying. I got your back…which means what?"
Diana laughed, "If I have to throw down, you are willing to do it with me."
"Exactly. So stand up, and I will show you how to move."
Diana reluctantly stood and dropped her head shyly. Helena thought it was one of the cutest things she had ever seen. "It's okay Diana. I won't tell anyone we are doing this."
Diana laughed, "Only because you know I could put you through a wall if you did."
Helena chuckled, "Yes, that is an excellent reason not to betray your trust. Hang on a second." Helena walked over to one of the far walls, and bent over to a small speaker system. She docked her iPod and scrolled until she found something suitable. When the music began, the speakers thumped, and it was blaring through the room with an excellent beat.
Helena walked back over to Diana and took her hands. She placed them on her hips and began gyrating slowly to the rhythm. Diana stood, frozen stiff, unmoving, and unwilling to humiliate herself.
"Diana, it's like sex remember?"
"Except that I don't want to sleep with you."
"Fair enough, although I am not sure if I should be offended or not. It's just an example. Just try it. Move with me. Your hands are on my hips, so mimic the action."
Diana still stood still.
Helena laughed, "Diana, either start moving or I am going to invade your personal space in a major way, which could be translated how?"
"You are going to get all up in my grill."
"Which can be used to mean?"
"That someone is trippin or trying to taste the Koolaid."
"Very good. Now move your damn hips."
Slowly Diana began to move, trying to copy exactly what Helena was doing. She looked and felt awkward at first, but her shyness began to slip away, and her movements became more graceful.
"See? I told you this was easy. Now get closer."
"Get closer. Proper bumping and grinding is done in a closer proximity."
When Diana didn't move, Helena laughed and jerked the Amazon's arms forward. Diana stumbled right into Helena. "Diana, how the hell do you get laid?"
"I know you can score any chick you wanted, and I say this in love, I have no idea how with as shy as you come across. What are friends for if not to dance with?"
"This is weird, dancing with you."
"Would you prefer someone else?"
"No. I'd prefer not to do it at all."
"Get over that. Because you are going to the Christmas party and you are going to, what exactly?"
"An acceptable answer, although not necessarily the best."
"Better I guess."
"Lay my game down."
Helena laughed, "Much better! You pick up things so quickly. Now, I am going to turn around, and you are going to press into me, and we are going to move together."
Diana chuckled, "Shouldn't I buy you a drink first?"
Helena shook her head in pure amusement, and turned around slowly. She backed up until she touched Diana's pelvis. Slowly she began her rhythmic movements again. Diana responded instantly, although Helena nearly fell over laughing because Diana didn't put her hands on her, instead settling for crossing her arms.
Helena threw her hands out, palms up to her sides. "Give them to me."
"Because it isn't sexy to dance like that. Give me your damn hands."
Helena practically had to pull Diana's arms, and then settled the Amazon's hands on her thighs this time.
"Okay Diana, better. Now get really close, like you could whisper in my ear. And you can move your hands in rhythm with the music."
"I am not feeling you up."
"Which could be said differently how?"
"Copping a feel."
"Good, now do as you're told. I promise I won't press charges."
And for the next five songs or so Diana mimicked movements by Helena, and by the end, Diana was enjoying herself. And as the fifth song faded and the sixth started, Helena was grinning. "Diana, seeing as how we are friends…"
"And you are a great fighter…"
"Where is this going?"
"Out of curiosity, and I know what my answer would be, do you think you could kick Lantern's ass?"
Diana snorted. "That's a stupid question. Of course I could."
"And you are gorgeous."
Diana stepped back confused, "Thank you? Really Helena, we are friends, but I…"
Helena laughed at Diana's discomfort. "I am not hitting on you."
"But if I was, what would we call it?"
"Spitting your game."
"Excellent, I am bringing you a shirt next time. Anyways, back to what I was saying, you are intelligent too. Smarter than most everyone I would say, and you are trying to expand your knowledge so you can do what?"
"Step up my game."
Helena beamed. "You are the best student ever."
"Helena, I am confused. Why are you complimenting me?"
"Because I changed my mind. I do need something in return for the dance lessons."
"Keep an open mind?"
Diana's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "You want me to kick Lantern's ass for you?"
Helena doubled over. "No, silly. Hang on, what if I said yes to that?"
Diana shrugged. "I got your back."
"Holy spit! Yeah, Diana! We are definitely good friends. Which makes you what?"
"Which is spelled how?"
Diana grinned, "D-O double G!"
"I love you. Really, I do. But back to what I was saying, you fit all the criteria."
"What criteria? What in the hell are you talking about?"
"Ok, you know how I said you and Shayera could probably be good friends if you just tried?"
Diana became suspicious. "Yes."
"So, Shayera won't go to the Christmas party because she doesn't want to run into John. She isn't in love with him anymore, but he is a passive-aggressive asshole, and he does this roundabout dance about how he has a girlfriend and she isn't seeing anyone."
"Extremely. Anyways, we were talking earlier and I asked her if she was going to take a date what the criteria would be. She said intelligent, good-looking, a fighter, and preferably someone who could kick John's ass. It would totally make him jealous."
"SO?" Helena squealed, "Diana, that is you!"
"Oh hell to the no! NO. NO. NO."
"You can't argue that you aren't all those things."
"True, but I am sure that when Shayera said those things, she was thinking of a man. Let's not overlook the fact that she hates me. And I am pretty sure that I am not wild about her either."
"Who do you dislike more? John or Shayera?"
"John. He is…" Diana searched for the best adjective, "a douche nozzle."
Helena laughed, "You aren't going to need me soon. Seriously, you would be a perfect date for Shayera."
"What part of 'I am not a man' did you miss?"
"She never said she wanted a man. I was there. You can't argue that. "
"But you know it was what she implied."
"Diana, you are perfect. John would die if he thought Shayera was with you. Plus he would probably cry to Ollie all night, as misery loves company."
"You really don't like him do you?"
Helena grunted. "No, but I tolerate him, because I love Dinah, and she loves him. I still don't get it."
"What don't you get?"
"I just think he is wrong for her. He half-ass pays attention to a wife who adores him. He is gone all the time, and he never wants her to go along. I don't get that. It's like he wants a Stepford Wife or something."
"I don't get the reference."
"He wants her to be the perfect housewife. Cook, clean, raise babies, relegate her to something less than what her potential is."
"But does she want those things?"
"Maybe, but her fire burns brighter than that. It's like he slowly extinguishes it with a smile. I just have a gut feeling that he is a dirtball. Who, other than a complete tool, could be best friends with Lantern?"
"Shayera loved John."
"And we see how that ended up. Shayera got smart. I wish Dinah would too. I am sure that there are a million people out there that would give their left arm to be with her."
Diana recognized the signs, but said nothing. If Helena was in denial about how she felt, there was nothing that could be done. And Diana wasn't even sure if Helena or Dinah for that matter would be open to pursuing a relationship with another woman. Which led her back to…
"There is no way I am taking Shayera to a Christmas party. Yes, it would make John crazy, but honestly, we would probably kill each other by the end of the night. And then Clark would be upset, and you know how he gets. I would rather be hit a million times by a million different villains than to get the 'I am disappointed' speech. So I am saving him the trouble of burying a League member and any wrinkle lines that would follow."
"Okay, let me take a different tact. Answer everything honestly, or you will force me to use your own lasso on you."
Helena smiled, "Humor me Diana. You are intelligent? Yes or no."
"You are a good fighter?"
Diana sighed. "Yes."
"And you could wipe the floor with John using only one arm?"
"What? Maybe. No. Possibly. Which arm?"
"The correct answer is yes."
Diana laughed, "Fine. Yes."
"And you think Shayera is hot?"
Not realizing what she was answering, Diana instinctively said, "Yes."
Helena danced around. "I knew it!"
Diana struck her standard Wonder Woman pose. She thrust her hands on her hips, spread her legs, and glared. "Not funny Helena."
"It was a little joke. But she isn't terrible looking?"
"No," Diana gritted.
"Maybe, she is even a little bit pretty?"
"And perhaps, maybe, just maybe, she's a little smokin'?"
"Pushing it Helena."
"Seriously, I am not asking you to sleep with her, kiss her, or marry her. I am asking, as my friend, that you escort my other friend to a Christmas party. I would like for all of us to hang out together. I know that you guys will get along famously. And it doesn't have to be anything romantic, because I am pretty sure that Shayera is not bisexual so you are in the clear. Unless part of your super powers is turning women to the darkside."
Diana couldn't stop the laughter. "The dark side?"
"Or whatever you are comfortable calling it. Look, she needs a date that will set John on his ear. But I would be happy if you just threatened him once or twice so she can enjoy the party. Do it for me?" Helena batted her eyelashes, and pursed her lips.
"If Shayera agrees, I will take her to the Christmas party. But, and this is a big but, if I hate her or she is rude, I am done, and you owe me ten favors."
"Ten Helena. Eleven if we end up in a fist fight, and you better have my back."
"Deal, but what do I get if you actually enjoy yourself?"
"A stay of execution."
Helena laughed, "Sounds fair."
A/N: The premise for this story crept up into my head months ago. But I was in the middle of writing Her Other Woman and didn't want to start something new. So, here we go again. I am editing future chapters now. The updates should come once a week. I am about 6 chapters done. It was important to stay ahead on this one, because the last one had me flying by the seat of my pants more than once. Again, it is co-authored with ltlconf. I hope the first chapter offering had you laughing! Let me know what you thought...