A/N: Spoilers through Mash up with my own take on the I kissed a girl episode. As much as I love writing Santana, I've been a Faberry at heart. But riverkirby asked (demanded) that I write a Pezberry one shot. I guess I haven't learned how to say No yet. So here it is. It's basically her musings about being in love with Rachel and finally deciding to act on them. Hope you like it.
Rated T for language, because it is Santana's POV afterall.
PEZBERRY ONE-SHOT mentions a bit of Quinn sided Faberry, just because I couldn't resist :) Oh, and quite a bit of Finn bashing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any music mentioned
I don't own, Streisand, Barbie, Jolly Green Giant or Britney Spears either
So I bet you're wondering when it started. But to tell the truth, I only know when I first realized it. I was always a bitch to everyone; it wasn't like I singled Berry out or anything. But anyway, when Berry said that the only thing I'd be able to do in the future is dance on a pole, it really hurt. And not just because I was embarrassed by her in front of glee, but because I realized that I really wanted her to think better of me than that.
Yeah, I cried. But mostly because I realized that I probably never had a shot with her. There was no way in hell I was coming out of the closet. Most of my friends, and by that I mean glee club, knew of my relationship with Brittany. But being with Brittany was different than admitting that I was…gay. And it wasn't like I was going to pursue Berry or anything, but I still couldn't help that I was infatuated with her.
Sure I hate the way she dresses like the love child of a toddler and a grandma and there you go, I just threw up a little in my mouth at that very disturbing thought. But when she wears those easy access skirts that leave very little to the imagination, I admit that yes, my imagination does wander. And on the very rare occasion when she dresses let's say, like Britney Spears, then I will gladly stare at her and even compliment her. And don't even get me started about what that chick looks like in leather, because seriously that day even an ice cold shower wasn't enough.
Where was I? Oh yeah, so I gave Frakenteen mono to expose his cheating with Quinn. I thought that would make Streisand see Finnept for what he was, but I did that all for nothing it seems. Seriously, what Q and Berry ever saw in him? And I know you're thinking that I slept with him so I must have seen it too, but truthfully I just was so far in the closet at that moment that I thought I should like the captain of the football team no matter how much of a douche he is. Plus, when I got to reveal it to Berry later and it broke them up? It was almost worth it. Not really worth it, but it made what I had to go through almost bearable.
The next thing I knew, Rachel (and when did I start to refer to her as Rachel in my head?) was throwing a party. Of course I wanted to go, but I couldn't seem too eager. And sure I went off on Brittany and Sam kissing, but the person I really wanted to throttle was Blaine. I mean, he's GAYER than I am; what the hell is he kissing Rachel that long for? And then he sang a duet with her. And I might've gotten a bit carried away when they sang "Don't you want me?" Because, Hell Yes! I did want her. And I even said it. Good thing everyone else was as drunk as I was.
Then on top of everything Miss Holiday came back and I sang that stupid song with Brittany. Rachel was like the only one that saw through it, that maybe it wasn't just a Brittany thing and that maybe I was into girls. I hated her and loved her for it at the same time. How she can always see through my bullshit? And she isn't scared of me; she stands right toe to toe with me, though she's like gotta be a foot shorter than me or something.
So she's always standing up to me and she learned to stand up a bit for herself as well (which makes me happy). And when she came up with the idea for writing original songs, and Quinn took her side, well I couldn't let that be. It was actually fun to write a song but Rachel's song! God, it was amazing. I mean, I was so damn proud of her that I even broke character and hugged her. Of course I voted for her to win MVP, she sure as hell deserved it.
Things were going well until Finneptitude knocked her in the nose. Now all of a sudden she wants to change one of the things that I secretly love about her. Oh hell no! Except I didn't have the balls to stand up for her, and the Quinn went with her to the doctor and is giving her her own nose? Shit, I think that blondie is as in love with Rachel as much as I am. Even though I didn't have the guts to embrace who I was, and refused to get on stage with my Lebonese shirt, I was proud that Rachel refused the nose job. That was the only thing that made the whole 'Born this way' fiasco worth it.
And then Prom happened. I wanted so badly to win Prom Quinn, because then I felt like that meant that people accepted me. But our school was more interested in tearing Kurt down than raising either Q or me up. And really, I love Q like a sister but she and I always seem to be competing. At least she was as far in the closet as I tried to stay, so I wouldn't have to compete with her directly. Not that I ever intended to compete for Rachel anyway.
When Rachel complimented my singing and said she'd like to sound like me I almost jumped her right there. If it wasn't for my awesome self restraint, I would have. At least now I knew I could control myself around her. Well, I could until New York. Finwad kissed her in front of everyone and lost us National's, so of course it was natural for me to go ballistic. Maybe I went a little overboard with the voodoo doll of Rachel, but the idea of her willingly sucking face with that T-Rex was infuriating. I had the whole summer to get over it. To get over her. The funny thing was, I knew I wasn't alone in the whole depressed thing, because I could see that Q was right there with me. At least I didn't go all punk and get a ridiculous tattoo.
I think dropping out of New Directions wasn't my best idea, but I just couldn't get over the grudge I was holding. Sure blaming my leaving on Rachel getting all the solos was a bit hypocritical since she really doesn't get that many. And also, because who the hell was I kidding, I loved hearing the girl sing. Mostly I loved watching her sing because that meant I could stare at her uninterrupted for 3 or 4 minutes and no one would be able to call me out on it. Call me 'out,' get it? I fucking crack myself up.
Being out of the loop in glee made me get caught off guard when Rachel called a bunch of us girls in to talk about her virginity. Seriously, that was the oddest conversation. It was hard enough not picturing me taking her V-card right there on those desks. Come on, seriously, when she's talking about giving it up how can you not think about giving it to her? But then she was talking about being with Finn, and thank God Quinn spoke up first. And the Barbie actually had some pretty decent advice, and Rachel seemed almost convinced on waiting. But almost wasn't good enough, I wanted to throw in my two cents.
Coming from me, telling the girl to wait wasn't cutting it so I sort of had to improvise. At least I didn't have to exaggerate because sleeping with the Jolly Green Giant was worse than a sweaty sack of potatoes. And she was agreeing with me, and Quinn, until Tina the Vampire had to open up her fucking mouth. I never wanted to go so Lima Heights on somebody and by the way Q was shuffling in her seat, I was sure she'd help me hide the body. Maybe we could dig two graves and toss Finability inside.
When I knew that they slept together, I couldn't take it anymore. I went off on Finnocence more so than usual. Not only did I kick the douche's ass in dodgeball but I also got to see Rachel look all hot trotting around in those way to short to be called shorts. And she looked fucktastic. Like seriously, I won the game so I should get to claim my prize, and fuck her brains out. That's how fucktastic she looked.
But after that, things all went to Hell. Not only did Captain Dickwad out me to the whole school, which ultimately made me have to come out to my parents, but I had to see him cuddling up and whispering in her ear. And that's when I saw red. What if he was talking shit about me with her? Slapping that asshole was the best thing I did in a while, and the thought that Rachel didn't even yell at me for it just made it all the sweeter. Of course I should have known that the girl with two gay dads would defend my right to love who I wanted. Why was I scared of her finding out? Right, it was because being gay was one thing that Rachel would be fine with. I wasn't sure she'd be fine knowing how often I was perving on her.
So I was forced to come out to my parents who surprisingly for me already knew about my sexuality. The best thing was that they were okay with it. And since I was feeling brave, and my friends in glee club were supporting me, us girls decided to sing "I kissed a girl." I might have brought it up as a duet with Rachel, which was the most brilliant plan I may have ever had. And that is saying something, because all my plans or fucking brilliant. When some jock wanted to 'straighten' me out and the girls all defended me, I never felt so accepted. But when it was Rachel who responded, when the guy accused us all of being lesbians, with "so what if we are?" I was infused with a new courage I never knew I had.
We sang our suggestive song perfectly, Quinn even got a few moments with Rachel but at the end of the song I couldn't hold it in any more. I needed to know what it'd be like to taste Berry's cherry chapstick. I pulled her to me in front of the entire glee club and kissed her for all I was worth. And let me tell you, Rachel's one hell of a kisser. It might be that I'm just a little bit in love with her, but really, it was outstanding. It was what I had been missing. The fact that she kissed me back spurned me on, and since I caught her off guard and her mouth was wide open, I was able to slide my tongue in without protest. That's when she returned my kiss with fervor. Our tongues were dancing and my hands were roaming over her magnificent body.
Fuck! I had to pull away breathless, and Rachel wasn't even panting. Her breath control will come in handy later. As I opened my eyes, I saw Rachel staring back at me. I chanced a glance at all the shocked faces around the room. Sugar, Puck and Rory were more than turned on by our display. Shue and Shelby looked ready to reprimand us. But the look on Fuckwad's face, as well as Q's, was priceless. I smirked at them before returning my attention to the person who deserved it.
"I've been wanting to do that since you dressed all clown hooker our sophomore year." I replied with an easy smile, though inside I'll admit my stomach was tied in knots.
"Then what took you so long?" Rachel smirked as she claimed my lips again.
What the hell did take me so long? But all thoughts went out of my mind when her tongue found mine again and her hands…so not manly.
And that is how I got the girl. That is how I fell in love with Rachel Berry, and the best thing was that she loved me right back. Well, that maybe was the second best thing. Because that girl is DYNAMITE in the sack. Yes, having sex with Berry is the best thing about it all, because the things she can do with that big ole mouth of hers…
A/N: First ever Pezberry, please let me know what you think? Thanks!