Unexpected Circumstances

Summary: Burt meets Carole at the Parent/Teacher Conference, but she isn't the one who catches his eye. Burt's looking for a different kind of woman. Kurt is in for the shock of his life. One Shot. Crackfic.

Disc: I own the world.
Note: This is a one shot of something I would LOVE to see more of. It needs to happen people.

Kurt grinned happily to himself, locking the front door before toeing off his shoes. 'Mission Accomplished.'

Wandering into the kitchen, he began pulling out ingredients from the fridge, quite intent on starting dinner. He didn't even notice that his father was sitting at the kitchen table until the man sighed.

Startled, Kurt whirled around before smiling at the look on his father's face. The man looked positively lovesick, and Kurt was internally cheering.

"So did you have a good time at Parent's night?" He asked, fishing for information. He had successfully introduced Burt to Carole and had then found an excuse to leave the pair alone. Now he was excited to hear about the fruits of his labors.

"Wonderful" Burt exclaimed dreamily, eyes unfocused and chin resting on one hand.

"And...?" Kurt wheedled, turning back to his dinner preparations.

"I met the most wonderful woman" Burt continued, all but ignoring Kurt's activities. Kurt, for his part, was mentally congratulating himself. Had his father not been in the room, he was sure he would have been jumping around and dancing.

"Well what was she like?" Kurt asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"She reminded me of your mother" Burt gave another happy sigh, looking completely lost to the world.

Kurt felt a shiver go down his spine. Carole reminded Burt of his mother?

Kurt had loved his mother and she had adored him, however there were certain things about the woman that still, even after her death, scared the shit out of him. The untouched Hell's Angels motorcycle in the garage that he knew wasn't his fathers. The box of leather chaps and accessories that were not made in a men's cut. The way they still got calls from the local penitentiary from people who claimed to be her friends. Kurt shivered again.

"H-how so?" He asked, voice slightly shaky. He wasn't quite sure how Carole could resemble his mother in any way.

"Mmhmm" Burt was beginning to remind Kurt of a lovesick teenage girl, something he was sadly intimately familiar with. "That attitude, and those glares and..." The man shook himself slightly, trying to fight the urge to say completely inappropriate things to his teenage son. "her absolutely caustic tongue. I'm surprised you haven't noticed." He finally focused on the boy currently engaged in making them some Mac and Cheese. "You...you don't mind...do you?" He asked, worrying his lip between his teeth. He had been on a few date's since his wife had passed, but they were few and far between.

"I don't mind" Kurt replied quickly, turning and giving his father a genuine smile. "I am fully supportive of your desire to re-enter the dating scene, and I'll be sure to cook Carole a wonderful meal when you decide to bring her home with you."

Burt was relieved that Kurt was taking this well, and gave his son a smile before suddenly looking quite confused.

"Carole?" He asked, trying to place the name. Carole...Oh! "You mean that horrendously boring woman you introduced me to?" He gave his son a slightly nauseated look. "She spent the entire evening whining about how it was the school's fault her son can't keep it in his pants" Burt rolled his eyes and snorted, clearly unimpressed.

"Oh..." Kurt said, not quite sure how to take that comment. "Then...who were you referring too?"

Burt gave his son a look that made Kurt feel like he was missing something extremely obvious. Completely confused, Kurt held up his hands in surrender, shrugging and gesturing for his father to continue.

Sighing, Burt rolled his eyes.

"Sue Sylvester of course"

Kurt stared in shock before fainting dead away

-the end