How to Write Dramione

AN: This was inspired by the story In a Nutshell by Jewels5.

First, I'd like to say that I love a good Dramione story. But anyone who reads them has to admit that they follow a very strict outline. So, for those who wish to write their own, I have compiled a list of just how to go about writing a Dramione story.

It starts in their seventh year. Voldemort was defeated during either fourth, fifth, or sixth year. On the strange occasion that Voldy is still around, the Golden Trio isn't on a horcrux mission for one reason or another.

Over that summer Hermione has "changed." You MUST mention that her hair is no longer "a tangled, bushy mess", "frizzy", or "previously bushy". Her hair MUST now be "still curly, but falling in golden ringlets over her shoulders". She has also miraculously become best friends with Ginny, who is somehow in the same year as her now. When you first describe Hermione's clothing, it has to be something tight-fitting, that the canon Hermione would never wear. Such as a halter top and shorts. Be sure to contrast it with her school robes. She and Ron have either broken up, or never went out, so now that little snag is out of the way. Hermione gets her Hogwarts letter at the end of the chapter, finding out that she has been made head girl.

Meanwhile, in the second chapter, Draco has "changed" too. This is simply the author's way of making their fantasy Draco and Hermione perfect for each other. Draco has to be sexy. Preferably use the phrase "quidditch-toned muscles." The reader is left wondering how seeking can make one muscular. Personality-wise, Draco will have been brooding or thinking about who he really is all summer, finally coming to the decision that he was never a real supporter of Voldemort, that e just did it because A: his father made him, or B: he wanted to protect his family. Either way, he's now to be perceived as a softie who still thinks that he's prejudiced against "mudbloods". During the summer, he must think about Hermione a minimum of three times, referring to her as "Granger" or "that mudblood girl". When he receives his Hogwarts letter, he is made head boy, and gets a "shiny silver badge, with the letters HB emblazoned on it"

After two short summer chapters, the third chapter takes place on September first, and the chapter is titled "Kings Cross" "Going Back" or "the Head Boy." You see, this is the chapter Draco and Hermione find out who the head girl/boy is respectively. They make this discovery when one enters the heads compartment to find the other already there. If Hermione is the one who enters, she is only late because she was talking to Harry and Ron. When she enters, she notices how hot Draco is now, him having "grown a few inches" and he hasn't changed into his robes yet, so se can see his "quidditch-toned muscles" through his thin muggle t-shirt. If Draco is the one who enters, he notices similar things about Hermione. How her hair is now "no longer that bushy mess, but soft golden ringlets." she's working on notes for head duties, and she smiles, making Draco notice how cute her smile is, and how she's no longer buck-toothed.

Whichever one enters first, they try to be polite to the other. They have an impromptu heart-to-heart, where Draco explains how he's not really evil, and how he wants them to cooperate this year. Draco throws in a few insults when Hermione makes a smart-alec comment, leading to a shouting match that ends when the other prefects enter for the meeting.

There's a lot of useless prefect round information, but Hermione notices that Draco isn't as much of a jerk judging by how he leads the prefect meeting. If the fic is in Hermione's perspective, he chapter ends with her pondering if he has really changed or not.

During the fourth chapter, they arrive at Hogwarts. There's the opening feast, where the sorting is skipped over, and Dumbledore is very, very, very OOC. After the feast, either McGonagall or Dumbledore informs them that they have to share a head dorm. The reader is left questioning Dumbledore's sanity.

After that disappointingly short fourth chapter, we are introduced to the head dorm. It MUST resemble the Gryffindor common room, described as "cozy," "warm," or "inviting." There must be two individual bedrooms, Hermione's is either lavender or red and gold. Draco's room must be green. After our heads are acquainted with their rooms, Draco and Hermione joke with each other, and Hermione falls asleep "with a smile on her lips."

Now, you must take a week, month, or maybe even a year long hiatus. By now, most authors have used all the clich├ęs she (yes, the author tends to be female) can think of, and now must now use their own creativity *gasp* to further the plot. In some cases, the author will simply abandon the story entirely. In others, the author will return from their hiatus with either fluff or angst. Angsty arguments will occur either way.

If the author chooses to add fluff, it comes in the form of unexplained friendship, spontaneous heart-to-hearts, or impromptu hugs between Hermione and Draco. After the fluff, the angsty arguments will ensue. Draco will insult Hermione, and she will retaliate with punches and jinxes. This argument results in the two of them ignoring each other.

In this next chapter, the best friends intervene. The author has decided that Blaise Zabini is Draco's best friend, and Ginny is Hermione's. Inexplicably, of course. During their discussion, Ginny will call Blaise a "man-slut," while in her head, she thinks he's hot. Somewhere in his chapter, the author mentions that Ginny and Harry have broken up. Meanwhile, Blaise is admiring her "fiery red hair," her "fiery temper," and her "fiery personality." You MUST use the word "fiery" when describing Ginny. She is a red-head after all. The two of them plan to get Draco and Hermione together, having decided that they would make a perfect couple. Also decided upon by the author is the idea that Ginny and Blaise are perfect for each other, and therefore, they are both OOC accordingly.

From this point foreword, the author will spend more time on Ginny and Blaise than on Draco and Hermione. This is simply because the author likes that pairing better. Why the author didn't just write a GinnyXBlaise story, the reader will never know.

After a lot of pointless rambling and shallow plot, Draco and Hermione have miraculously and unrealistically become a couple. They aren't just any couple, but an obnoxious one that spends all their time glued at the face. Draco calls Hermione "'Mione" and Hermione may call Draco "Dray" or "Drake." Inexplicably, Hermione and Ginny now get along with all the Slytherins.

The next chapter, Harry and Ron find out about Hermione and Ginny's relationships. Both of them WILL go into "overprotective-big-brother" mode. They will hex, curse, jinx, and otherwise harm Draco and Blaise. Draco will come out with a broken nose.

After more shallow plot, the author realizes that se hasn't resolved Harry and Ron's hostility towards Draco and Blaise, so she hurriedly explains that away. After one more filler chapter, Dramione lives happily ever after.

THE END