Thoughts in Summer
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book.

Part I : Trust

I miss you.

It's been only two weeks since I last saw you and I miss you so. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss knowing that you're okay.

Except that you're not okay, are you? You haven't been so after that awful Third Task. My God! Even now I want to curse the Ministry. What were they thinking when they organized that tournament? They knew the history—they knew students had died before in that. And another innocent died. Cedric didn't deserve to die and you didn't deserve to be broken. It hurts. I feel so let down. I've always trusted those older than us so much. I thought that they would do their best to keep all of us safe. They failed and spectacularly at that.

My faith disappeared when you did. I could not believe it. You were gone. You weren't here. This wasn't something that had been expected—you could see it in the reactions of everyone around, including the professors. That made it even worse. I don't know how I survived through those hours. Ron and I were out of our minds, we were so worried about you. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, you came back.

And it did.

You were broken.

You weren't Harry anymore. You were a poor, shivering shell of what my Harry was. You looked like you had been through hell and you had never expected to find your way out.

I hope you're no longer there. I pray every night and day that you're no longer residing in the horror that you must have seen. I'm wishing with everything that I am that you'll have the summer you need to mend yourself back together. I just can't hold out that much hope it will actually happen.

There are times these last few days that I've hated your family so much that it astonished me. I never thought I could despise someone so much. But I do. How could they be so cruel to anyone? Even if they didn't love you like family should, that was no reason to belittle you, make fun of you and tell you you're worthless day in and day out. No one deserves treatment like that, least of all you. Especially now, when what you need is someone to hold you and tell you that it's not your fault, it was never your fault and one day things will get better if you just take it one breath at a time.

You won't get that this summer. That thought worries me so. I think I'm almost obsessed with thinking about you. All I ever do at times is worry. I worry that you can't sleep at night. I worry that you're having those nightmares. I worry when you wake up it gets worse when you have to face the Dursleys' contempt. If I could, I would spend the whole summer with you. I don't care what the conditions would be so long as I could be with you, making sure that you know that we care. It won't happen. No one would let me do it. It's too dangerous, they would say, it's better that you all stay away. Then whoever would be saying those patronizing words to me will tell me that you're perfectly safe and that nothing can hurt you during the summer.

Of course, whoever that would be would be one of the same fools who allowed that blasted tournament to take place. And whoever that would be would not be exactly considering your mental health, now would they? It tears me to pieces that no one else seems to care about what you feel. In spite of myself and everything I always was, I can't help but question what Professor Dumbledore was thinking when he handed you over to those uncaring fools. Surely there had to be another way. There is always another path to take if you just look hard enough. I just can't believe that the only thing that could have been done was to leave you in the company of people who would shut you in a closet, hoping that you'll disappear.

I've spent too much time thinking about this. Can you tell? Like I said before, I think I'm getting a little obsessed. When I saw you in the infirmary, crying like you couldn't stop the tears, something in me came undone. I've always worried about you and Ron. You both have a knack of getting into so much trouble. I worry all the time that this time you've managed to get yourselves expelled out of Hogwarts. I worry that this time you'll get yourselves seriously hurt during your exploits. But this is different. This time I'm worried that you'll lose yourself and you'll never come back to us.

Sometimes I think you still haven't come back to us. You blame yourself too much. It wasn't your fault, I wish I could say that to your face. It was never your fault, certainly not your fault for being born and not your fault for living. It's the fault of those who hate without thinking and I include your family (and I use that word loosely) along with the Death Eaters. Are they any better? Really they hate wizards without giving any of them a chance and Death Eaters hate Muggles with no reason. Death Eaters kill people and your family has never done that but to my mind, they've done worse. They've tried to kill your spirit.

And you're spending another summer with them. So I worry. I write to you every day, desperately needing to know that you haven't given up on life just yet. I need you to know that we care. I need you to know that we love you, we don't blame you and we just want things to work out for you. I can't find the words to say everything that needs to be conveyed. I tried to say it in that kiss but I don't know if it worked. So I keep on worrying and I keep on hoping and it's killing me that I can't see you.

I miss you. I need to see you. I need to let you know that you can put your trust in me because I'll never let you down, not in any single way.

So please—come back to us somehow. I want to see Harry again when we all meet at Kings Cross station.

Author's note—Part II should be up shortly. As always, please leave any comments, remarks and constructive criticism you might have in a review. Thank you!