Hey guys. Here's my first Story. I had it up here before but I took it down to rewrite it because I thought I could write it a lot better this time and I have betas. I already have about 5 chapters written so I should upload about one a week. Please remember to review and add this to your favorites if you like it. Reviews mean a lot to me and really inspire me to write more. (: Also check out my ones shots if you want!
Numb. No pain, no emotions, just numb.
"I should be in shock. Maybe I am. Who knows?"
You would think that losing my other half would be enough to at least make me feel some kind of emotion, sadness, anger, anything at all! Oddly enough, I can't even find it in me to cry for my lost love. I can't find anything to feel besides numbness.
I stared up at the plain white ceiling above me. How long had I been laying here? Hours? Or was it days? Maybe I had been there for months. I wasn't completely sure. Time just didn't matter to me anymore. I looked over to the alarm clock on my nightstand, and the neon green numbers revealed that it was 6:00. I wasn't sure whether it was 6:00 AM or 6:00 PM.
I soon realized that it was 6:00 PM when Charlie opened my bedroom door, holding a slice of pizza and a glass of water.
"Hey Bells, I thought you might want some dinner. Is pizza okay?" He asked.
As soon as the smell of the pizza reached my nose, my stomach did a flip and I felt the sudden urge to vomit. I jumped out of bed and ran full speed to the bathroom, almost knocking over Charlie on way there.
"Bella, what's wrong? Are you all right?" I couldn't answer. I was too busy emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Charlie appeared behind me and held my hair back while I continued to throw up.
I stood up with shaky legs and rinsed my mouth out with the glass of water Charlie had brought up for me.
"Must be the stomach flu," I mumbled to Charlie.
"Do you need me to stay home today, I'm sure I can find somebody to cover my shift," Charlie said staring at me worriedly.
"No, go to work, I'll be fine by myself for the day," I insisted.
"Are you sure, because it's really no problem if you need me to stay with you today Bells…"
"I'm sure," I replied.
"Well, okay honey. Why don't you go lie down and get some rest? I'll call and check on you later," he replied wearily
"Thanks dad," I mumbled as I shuffled back to my room.
Where could I have gotten the flu from? I haven't been around anyone with the stomach flu. I haven't been eating very much lately either. I sighed as I lay back down on my bed. Maybe I should just get some rest. As my mind wandered, the numbness crept back in, smothering me like a blanket and soon I fell into a dreamless sleep.
I was nauseous for the rest of the week. It became routine. I would wake up, smell breakfast, run to the bathroom, puke, and then feel fine for the remainder of the day. On the fifth day, Charlie asked if I wanted to go to a doctor. My immediate response was no. Doctors would remind me of his adoptive father. I couldn't afford to let the numbness slip away now. I told Charlie that if I wasn't better in a week I would see a doctor.
It was Saturday, which meant I had the whole place to myself. Great, I thought sarcastically. I would have to find something to distract me.
After two whole hours, the entire house was spotless, dinner was made, and all of my homework was done. So much for distractions, I thought. I sat down on the worn leather couch and stared at the television. If I turned it on something could remind me of him, and I could lose that sweet numbness of mine. But what else was there to do? I sighed and clicked the T.V. on.
I went through all the channels until I found one that I was absolutely certain wouldn't give me any reminders of him. The Spanish Soap Opera channel. Perfect. I wasted a good hour trying to follow the story line using the minimal Spanish skills that I had learned in school.
My mind had stayed clear of him until the commercials started. First it was only a stupid ad about beer. It was the second the commercial that got me. It was an advertisement for a car. Not just any car, though. No, God wouldn't give me mercy. The car was a Volvo. Turn it off! Turn it off! My mind yelled. I couldn't do anything. My body stayed still, eyes still glued to the screen.
As expected, I felt a horrible tear in my chest. It were as if someone was trying to rip my heart out. Could I be having a heart attack? My throat tightened, and I realized it's getting harder to breathe. I sat on the couch for god knows how long trying to calm my breathing and hold myself together. I knew I wasn't doing a very good job.
After I could somewhat breathe normally again, I realized what just happened.
I lost my numbness. I lost the one thing keeping me from a pain worse than death. It was gone, as simple as that. How was I going to deal with this pain? I needed the numbness to protect me!
I needed him to protect me.
That thought alone brought back more pain. I wrapped my arms around myself. I had to, because I was falling apart at the seams. I had hoped that I could hide behind numbness forever, but I should have known better. I knew first hand that even the best of things can be taken away from you at any moment. They'll be gone forever. Forever, my mind repeated. I hated that word now. It used to bring me so much joy, but now it just reminded me of everything I'd lost.
I knew I needed to get up and find something to do before the pain took over. Grudgingly, I rose from the couch and made a quick getaway up the stairs to my room.
I guess I'll check my email to see if Renee had sent anything, I thought. She would get upset if I didn't answer her right away.
I sat down in front of my ancient computer, and something caught my eye. The date on the calendar said it was October 15. That couldn't be right, could it? That would mean that my 'monthly visitor' would be five days late, and I'd never been late a day in my life. That date had to be wrong.
I ran downstairs to check the calendar on the fridge. I was met with the same result, October 15. My mind began to panic, but I forced myself to stay calm. I needed to think this through. It's just stress, I told myself, don't jump to conclusions.
Besides, we were only together that one time. It was the night of my 18th birthday. I had somehow convinced him that his body was what I wanted for my birthday, and to my surprise, he gave in. It took over an hour of begging on my part but eventually he reluctantly agreed. At first I could see that he was terrified that he would accidentally hurt me, but once he let go and gave into his desires, he became more relaxed. It was the most magical spectacular night of my life.
He had told me that his kind couldn't have children, and I believed him. I noticed that my hands were starting to shake, and my palms were slightly sweaty. Calm down, I told myself. This isn't possible. I decided to give myself one week. If in one week I was still throwing up and Mother Nature hadn't arrived then. I would start to freak out.
"One week," I whispered.
Thanks for reading! :D don't forget to review and let me know what you think! Next chapter should be up in a few days.