Hey everybody! I hope you all had a great Christmas (: Here's chapter five. Don't forget that if you leave me a review, I'll send you a teaser for chapter six.
Also I added a poll to my profile, I need some input on if Bella's baby should be a girl or a boy, so just vote or tell me in a review
I woke up the next morning to find that I was still clutching the picture of Edward in my hands. As soon as I looked at his gorgeous face again, all the emotions from last night flooded through me and I had to fight hard to hold back a sob.
Thoughts were racing through my mind at a million miles an hour.
Why had he left these things? What about the flower? And most importantly, what was he sorry for? It wasn't like he knew about the possibility about me getting pregnant. If he had known that he never would have left. Or would he? No, he wasn't like that. Even if he didn't love me, he would never abandon his own child.
I wished that there was some way I could tell him about all this, about his child. He would be the most patient, loving dad out there. But he could be anywhere; there was no way I could find him even if I wanted to, and believe me, I wanted to.
I sighed-my child would have no father. That fact was especially hard for me to deal with since I knew first hand what it was like to grow up without a father around all the time. Sure, my dad and I were close now, but when I was younger, I only saw him a few times a year at best. As a child, I always felt as though I wasn't important enough for my dad. That was a feeling I never wanted my own child to experience. There had to be something I could do, anything! I wanted my child to grow up with a solid family, not a broken one.
Beyond frustrated, I decided to write Edward a letter. I knew there was a slim chance he would read it, but I felt as though I needed to get my feelings out on paper. I wanted him to know how grateful I was that I was having his child, but at the same time, how upset I was that he wouldn't be in the baby's life.
Rising from my bed, I walked over to the old wooden desk in the corner of my room. Picking up a notebook off the desk, I went to rip out a piece of paper but stopped myself when I realized that I wanted to use nicer paper for this. I ended up using paper for the scrapbook my mom bought me for my birthday.
I picked up the pen, and proceeded to pour my heart out onto the paper.
I know there is a very slim chance of you reading this, but I'm praying that Alice will see me write this and send you back to me, because I really need you right now. Not only do I miss you so much that it hurts to breathe, but when you left, you left more than just me behind. You left behind something I want to thank you for. Thank you for leaving me with one of the best gifts that anyone has ever given me. Thank you for giving me a child. I know you're probably shocked right now, and believe me, I was too. But once the initial shock wore off, I realized what an amazing miracle this baby is. A little piece of both you and me, or a mini Edward as my mind likes to picture.
I know that I should be angry at you for leaving me, but I can't find it in me to be angry. Even though it devastates me that you don't love me anymore, I know that I can make it through if I have our child by my side. He or she is going to be living proof of how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You may not love me anymore, but I still and always will love you for the rest of eternity. If you read this letter, I'm hoping that you decide to come back. If not for me, then for your child. I know that you would make a wonderful father and it tears me up inside to imagine our child growing up without getting to know you. It also pains me when I think about what a great grandparents Esme and Carisle would be,they're both so loving and kind. Or Alice, she would have so much fun shopping for a baby. And I just know that Emmett would enjoy making fun of my huge tummy. I really do miss your family. So if you're reading this, please come home. I miss you.
I signed my name and by then, I was crying so hard that my tears were falling onto the paper and creating wet spots. All I could do now was pray to god that Alice would have a vision of me writing the letter and come and help me.
I looked over to the clock and realized with a start that writing the letter had taken me over an hour and I was already 10 minutes late to school. I briefly thought about not going. Just the though of staying home all day and staring at Edward's angel face in the picture sounded so entertaining but, I would need to take a couple months off to have the baby and I needed to go as much as I could now.
I quickly got up from my desk and tried to find something to wear. Ultimately deciding on a baggy sweatshirt and jeans which seemed to be what I wore most these days. I ran to the bathroom and pulled a brush through my tangled hair with one hand and brushed my teeth with the other in order to get everything done quicker and then splashed cool water on my face to remove the evidence of my tears.
After completing all that in a record two minutes, I hurriedly ran down the stairs. Slipping my shoes on, I grabbed a pop tart from the cabinet, slung my back pack over my shoulder and headed out to my truck.
Today was one of the few days I cursed my truck's lack of speed. I ended up missing nearly all of first period which meant I had to go straight to biology.
I parked my truck all the way in the back of the parking lot since my spot had been taken and stepped out. Immediately, I put my hood over my head because of course, it was raining.
I ran through the rain taking care to avoid the huge puddles that were forming and made it inside still relatively dry.
The hallways were almost completely empty except for a few stray kids who were wandering around. One kid, I think he might have been a freshman, laughed as he walked by me. I found that a little odd, but kept walking anyway. I got a pass from the office and made my way to biology, surprised to find that I was only three minutes late and class hadn't even started yet.
I took my seat at the empty table in the back of the room when the teacher started to write notes on the board. I attempted to listen to what he was saying, but it just kept going in one ear and out the other. This class was hard for me. Not the material, no, that was easy. The memories were what got me.
About halfway through the class, I noticed that Lauren Mallory and her friend Brittany were staring at me and whispering to each other. It was obvious they were talking about me.
I froze. They couldn't know. Could they? The only people that knew were my mom, my dad, and the doctor that I saw. There was no way they could have found out. They were probably talking about how lifeless I've been lately. I let it go and continued listening to the teacher dwell on about the parts of animal cells.
The bell rang about fifteen minutes later and as I made my way out the door, it became more apparent that Lauren and Brittany weren't the only ones staring at me. Mike and Eric were looking at me sadly and Mike even looked like he was about to cry.
This frightened me. Someone must've known and was telling everyone. I continued to receive those weird looks for the rest of the day until I arrived at lunch.
I took my usual seat next to Angela and she gave me a sad smile just like Mike and Eric had when I sat down.
I decided to just go ahead and ask her what all the weird looks were about. It was better to ask Angela about it since she was the only real friend I had at this school anymore.
I opened my mouth to speak but was quickly interrupted by Lauren standing on a chair and clearing her throat loudly.
"Everyone, can I have your attention please?" she asked in her annoying high pitched voice.
All at once, everyone stopped the conversations they were having and turned to look at Lauren.
"Thank you. Ok, so you all may have been hearing some rumors today and I would just like to set them straight."
As soon as one of the teachers in the cafeteria noticed Jessica standing on the table, she walked over to find out what was going on, but it was too late.
I stopped breathing and stared at her with pleading eyes, but she just grinned wickedly.
"Yes, Isabella Swan is pregnant with Edward Cullen's baby. My mom works at the pharmacy that she bought her prenatal vitamins at yesterday."
I felt like I was going to die. This was not how I wanted the whole school to find out. I felt like everybody in the school was staring at me, and in reality everybody was.
It was silent for a long moment, until everybody started talking at once. I could make out little pieces of what people were saying like,
"Oh my gosh! No wonder he left her!"
"She does look a little fatter."
"What a slut! I bet she's not even sure who the father is. He deserves so much better."
I felt like I was going to puke. I needed to get out of there and fast. I tried to get up from the table as fast as I could, but being me I fell face first onto the ground.
"All that baby weight's really bringing you down. Huh Bella?" Lauren sneered from above me.
"Lauren! That's enough leave her alone!" said Angela.
"Here, let me help you up," she said, offering me a hand.
"T-thanks Angela," I mumbled as she helped me up.
As soon as I was upright, I bolted outside to my truck and didn't even bother to sign out in the office. I couldn't go back in there. Not when everybody would be staring at me. It was hard enough dealing with this on my own, but now everybody would be judging me, laughing at me. I didn't know how I was going to face everybody.
I got into my car, laid my head against the steering wheel, and just cried my eyes out. I knew there was no way I could drive home like this; I would get into an accident for sure. So I decided to just wait it out and hope the tears would end soon.
Unfortunately, an hour later and the tears were still pouring rapidly down my face. This stress could not have been good for my baby. I took numerous deep breaths in order to calm down which helped a little. My tears turned to quiet sobs.
Just as I was about to drive away, I heard a tap on the passenger side window. I literally jumped out of my seat before looking over to see who it was. To my delight, I saw Jake staring at me with worried eyes.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
"Sure," I replied as he opened the car door.
"What's wrong Bells? Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just a bad day at school." I hoped he would just let it go, but being Jacob, he had to find out what was really bothering me.
"Come on, what's really bothering you?" he asked.
"I don't really want to talk about it Jake."
"Whatever it is Bella, you can tell me."
He was so nice to me. If I told him that I was pregnant, he would never speak to me again, I was sure of that
"It's just…some girls were being mean to me, that's all," I said.
"This has to do with him doesn't it?" Jake asked in a slightly annoyed tone.
I sighed. "Yeah," I said in a small voice.
"If only he was here right now, I swear to god I'd break his face for what he's done to you," Jake growled.
"Jake, let's just stop talking about it," I mumbled.
"Okay, but you know that you can tell me anything right? I'll never leave you Bella, I swear," Jake said, staring into my eyes.
Maybe I should just tell him. I mean, he'd have to find out eventually. I decided to just go for it and hope for the best.
"Anything?" I asked in a barely audible whisper.
I took a deep breath. "What if I told you I was pregnant?" I whispered almost wishing he didn't hear me. He did hear me, though; the look on his face said it all.
I saw several different emotions cross Jake's face at once: anger, sadness, confusion.
"It's his, isn't it?" Jake said calmly at first.
"Did he know before he left? If he knew, I will go find him right now and tear him limb from limb!" he yelled.
"Jake, please calm down! He didn't know, I swear!" I explained quickly hoping to calm him down.
He took a few deep breaths before talking again.
"If I ever see that idiot again, I'll make him pay for this," he said a little calmer this time.
"Do you hate me?" I whispered sadly.
"Bella, no! Of course not!" he said "I have an idea, what if you and I raise the baby together? I can sort of be like a step dad or something." He smiled softly.
Was he being serious? He couldn't possibly be offering to help me raise somebody else's baby!
"What? I expected you to never want to see me again, but here you are offering to help me. I don't deserve you Jake."
"Bella, I would do anything for you, you know that. You're my best friend," he said sincerely.
"That's awfully nice of you Jake, but you don't have to do this." I said, still in shock.
"I want to."
I didn't know what to say. A part of me was happy that someone was going to be there to help me and be like a father to my baby, but another part of me felt like I was betraying Edward somehow.
I thought about it for a minute and came to the conclusion that if Jacob was willing to help, then I would accept that.
"Okay," I said apprehensively.
Jacob leaned over and pulled me into a hug. I pulled back after a minute and looked at him.
"Jake, you know we're going to be doing this as friends right? Nothing more."
"Sure sure," he replied quickly but I could've sworn I saw a bit of sadness on his face.
It was obvious that Jake had feelings for me, but I couldn't return those feelings. Not now anyway when my heart was with someone else. I felt bad for saying this to him but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.
"So that's what you were crying about, the baby?" he asked.
"Sort of, some girl at school found out and she felt the need to tell everybody."
"I'm sorry, Bells, I know it must be hard for you," he said in a comforting tone.
After that, Jake and I just talked. I told him about how I was scared of not being a good mom, how I wished Edward was here, and how I was grateful that he was willing to be there for me. Jake was easy to talk to. He didn't try to interrupt or tell me I was wrong for feeling that way, he just let me talk it out.
Eventually the school bell rang and the parking lot began to fill with students.
"Well I guess I should be getting home now," Jake said, as he opened the car door.
"Why were you here anyway, didn't you have school?"
"The reservation schools closed early today, some kind of teachers meeting."
"Oh, ok well I'll see you later I guess," I said
"All right. Bye, Bells," he said
"Jake," I called just as he was about to leave.
"Thanks for everything," I said and gave him a small smile.
"No problem," he said leaving the car.
I started to drive home, and for the first time in a long time I felt some hope. Hope that everything would work out eventually and that my child would get to have everything he or she wanted out of life and that made me smile. Jacob could never replace Edward and would never be my baby's father but, he was comforting to have around and I'm sure that he would give my baby all the love he or she needed.
After arriving home, the first thing I did was run upstairs and grab Edwards picture off my nightstand.
"I'm not trying to replace you," I whispered to the picture.
"I just want to give our child the best life possible. I will always love you though Edward Cullen," I said quietly and felt a few tears fall.
Awhile later, I hear the familiar sound of the front door opening and Charlie hanging up his gun.
"Bella, you home?" he yelled. "I want to talk to you."
Oh no, I thought, what now?
"Yeah dad, I'm coming"
I headed downstairs and saw Charlie waiting on the couch.
"Is something wrong?" I asked him.
He sighed, "I heard about what happened at school today," he said carefully.
"How did you hear about that?" I yelled.
"Your principal called the station and said she was worried about you."
Great now even the school principal knew I was pregnant.
"Listen Bella, I'm not saying you have to, but don't you think it would be better to go live with your mother for a while? You know, it's probably not good for you to stay here surrounded by all these memories."
I froze. I couldn't go live with Renee! I had to stay here in case Edward ever came back!
"No!" I said quickly, "Dad, I really want to stay here with you."
"You sure Bells? I'd hate to see you go, but I just want what's best for you."
"Yeah I'm sure," I said.
"Ok, well I'm just going to order a pizza for dinner tonight, so you're off the hook," he said with a chuckle.
"Alright dad," I laughed.
Before he could get to the phone, it rang.
"Bella it's for you," said Charlie.
"Hey it's Jake. You want to come over and watch a movie at my house?"
"Sure! Sounds like fun."
"Okay come over in like 15 minutes."
"Dad, I'm going to go to Jake's to watch a movie, is that ok?
"Sure have fun!" he said. I could tell he was happy that I was actually going out for once.
As I got into my car, I couldn't help but feel as though somebody was watching me. I looked around in all directions but found nothing. Stop being paranoid I told myself, and drove off to Jake's house for the movie.
Thanks for reading, have a great new years and don't forget to review (: