Now I'll never know

This is a cute fanfic that I couldn't get out of my head. Warning slash, charictor death, and mpreg disclaimer I don't own the song or charictors, except my oc. The song is Just a dream by Carrie Underwood.

Story: Jagger and tori are getting married, but Jagger's the army and has to leave. He dies in battle and tori is left alone with their new baby.

Prolog: Jagger slept peacefully in his bed, ignoring the rain outside "Jagger, Jagger wake up" someone couched. Jagger kept sleeping "so that's how you wanna play? Then I guess ya won't mind if I leave" they said, moving to leave. Jagger grabbed their arm, they giggled "come on sleepy head time to wake up" Jagger slowly opened his eyes, to see his new fiance, tori staring down at him. "Hey beautiful" he said kissing him, tori kissed back, they pulled apart and Jagger put his arm behind his head. Tori set his chin on Jagger's chest "what's wrong?" Jagger asked seeing the look on tori's face, "nothin' I just wish you didn't have to go" he said. "I know I don't want to go, but I swear I'll be back, I'll always be here for you" Jagger promised. Running a hand over tori's dragon birth mark, tori smiled. "I'll be holdin' ya to that" he said, Jagger smiled running a hand through the bluenette's hair. "You're so beautiful, I can't believe you're all mine" he said. "I was just thinkin' the same thin'" tori told him smiling.

It was two

weeks after the

day she turned

18

Tori took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves, he felt a hand on his shoulder. And turned to see rai "it's ok to be nervous" rai told him, tori smiled. "It's only two weeks after the day I turned 18 and I'm already gettin' married. Why would I be nervous?" Tori joked.

All dressed

in white

Tori stood in his room all dressed in white "you look beautiful in that dress" he sister told him. He looked at his white dress, matching elbow length gloves, white pantie hose, and matching shoes. He pulled on his white shall and vial "I hope Jagger thinks so" he whispered. "Of course he will" his sister told him.

Going to

the church

that night

Tori thought about Jagger and how they were going to the church that night. He smiled imaging his life with Jagger "we'll be happy together forever" he whispered.

She had his

box of letters

in the

passenger seat

Tori drove to the church, he had a box of Jagger's letter's in the passenger seat. Tori looked over at them thinking about the time they'd been apart 'that was the longest time of my life' he thought. 'But now we can at least have some time together. Before he has to leave' tori bit his lip 'no don't think about that, this is supost to be a happy day.'

Six pence

in a shoe

Tori passed back and forth trying to stay clam "ow" he said annoyed, he reached down. And pulled off his shoe "who puts six pence in a shoe?" He muttered, dumping the contence on the counter. And slipping his shoe back on, mutter a few curses.

Something

barrowed

Starla came to check on him "stop chewin' on your lip, I doubt, Jagger will like to see ya bleedin'" she told him. "I can't help it, I'm missin' somethin'" tori said. "What?" Starla asked looking him over to see what was missing. "I don't have somethin' barrowed" tori told her, starla smiled, tori nodded passing back and forth again. Starla grabbed his arm and pulled him in front of her "here now you do" she said ping her broach on him.

Something

blue

"That everythin' ya don't need somethin' blue?" She joked "no, I got that covered" tori laughed. "Kay glad ya calmed down, it's time to get ready" she said. As she handed him, a bouquet of blue and white rose "thanks, sis" he said smiling.

And when the

church doors

opened up

wide

Starla kissed tori's forehead and went to her seat, tori took one last look in the mirror. Before walking to where, bastion was waiting for him "thanks for walkin' me down the isle" tori whispered. "No, problem I told you, you're like a brother to me" bastion whispered. "You're defiantly like my older brother the way you protect me" tori whispered. Turning when the church doors opened up wide, bastion gave him a comforting smile.

She put her

veil down

Tori looked across the church at Jagger standing with his brothers. Slade and chazz, tori smiled and he put his veil down. Bastion offered him his arm, tori took it. And started down the isle with bastion, Jagger smiled at him.

Trying to

hide the

tears

He smiled back trying to hide the tears, Jagger held out a hand to him, tori took it. They smiled at each other and turned to the minister, taking out pieces of paper. "Jagger the time we've spent together is the happiest time of my life. And I want to spent the rest of my life with you" tori read, Jagger smiled and read his. "Tori I always felt like something was missing til I met you, now I can't picture my life without you." "do you Jagger Princeton to be your life partner?" The minister asked "I do" Jagger said sliding the ring on tori's figure. "And do you tori wakame take Jagger Princeton as your life partner?" He asked "I do" tori said, sliding the ring on Jagger's figure. "You may now kiss the bride" Jagger lifted tori's veil and kissed him.

Oh she just

couldn't

believe it

Tori sat by the window, looking out at the rain, he looked down at his now growing stomic. "I can't wait for your father to get back and he can see you" he whispered. He saw a car pull up out front, 'Jagger' he thought running down stairs. He pulled the door open to find bastion, "bastion?" Tori said, bastion gave him a sad look "I'm sorry he whispered. Tori stared eyes wide "no, no please no" he whispered. Bastion looked down tori threw himself into bastion's arms. And sobbed into his chest "I'm sorry tori" he said. "I knew this would happen, I knew when he joined the army somethin' like this would happen " tori cried, sobbing. Bastion rubbed his back "there's nothing you could've done, it was his idea to join and you couldn't have talked him out of it.

She heard

trumpets from

the military

band

Tori cried all all the way to the funeral, bastion and rai tried to help him, the way he could. He was the only one, he saw chazz sobbing hard on slade's arm. He heard trumpets from the military band.

And the

flowers fell out

of her hand

He felt fresh tears in his eye and the flowers fell out of his hand. Bastion put an arm around his shoulders. And rai squeezed his hand, he saw slade trying to be brave. And hold back his tears, while chazz sobbed into his chest, trying to stop his tears. Tori turned to the casket and felt fresh hot tears slide down his cheeks. Bastion whipped the tears away, while rai tried to comfort him.

Baby

Why'd you

leave me

Tori tried to stop, but couldn't, the tears kept coming "baby, why'd ya have to leave me?" He whispered crying on bastion's shoulder, bastion stroked his hair soothingly.

Why'd you

have to

go?

"Why Jagger? Why'd you have to go?" Tori sobbed "it was just his time, you don't know when, you don't know why. And you don't know how, but everyone's time come eventually. And it was just his time, I was it wasn't though" bastion told him. "But it's too soon he was only 24 and we're startin' a family" tori sobbed "I know, I know. But at least you'll always have a part of him" bastion whispered, rubbing tori's stomic. Tori nodded "that's true and at least they'll know he died a hero" tori said.

I was

counting

on forever

Tori picked up the flowers he doped and stood up "I'm ok I need to do this" he told them. They nodded understanding and watched him walk up to the casket. He looked and saw Jagger was dressed in his military uniform, 'I was countin' on forever with you' he thought.

Now I'll

never

know

'Now you're gone and now I'll never know' tori thought crying silently. He pulled out a picture of his pocket, it was of him and Jagger, Jagger had his arms around tori. He placed it in Jagger's hand, he turned back to bastion and rai, they smiled. And held out their arms, tori stepped into them and they hugged him. He shied still crying at his loss 'now she'll never know him' he thought.

I can't even breathe

Tori pulled at his collar "calm down your going to hyperventilate" bastion warned. Tori sat down and sipped the water they gave him 'I have to be strong for my baby. But it feels like I can't even breathe' he crushed the empty paper cup. "Man up you wimp, Jagger didn't fall for you because you act like a girl' tori took a deep breath. "I have stay strong, Jagger would want me to" he whispered.

It's like I'm

lookin' from

a distance,

Tori walked over to slade and chazz "how ya holdin' up?" He asked "bout how you'd expect" slade said "you?" "I think I've pretty much cried myself out" tori answered. Chazz sniffed "you too?" He asked, tori nodded "I can't believe it, it's like I'm lookin' from a distance, ya know?" He asked "yea" slade said.

Standing in

the

background

"It doesn't even feel like my life, it's like, like I'm standin' in the background. Watchin' someone I don't even know" tori said "we know, what you mean, it feels like that to us too" chazz said sniffing.

Everybody's

saying

Slade looked over at the coffin, holding back tears, tori touched his arm. Slade looked at him "It's ok to cry, he's your little brother after all" tori said, slade shied. "Everybody's saying, that it'll be ok, everything will be the same, but it's not. And it won't, Jagger's gone, so how is it supost to be the same?" Slade asked "I know, I know" tori whispered patting his arm. Chazz lay his head on tori's shoulder "there's so much I never told him" he whispered.

He's not

coming

home now

"I know what you mean, I-I never told him about are daughter. I-I wanted to suprize him, because he was supposed to come home a month be for her. But, he's not comin' home now" tori whispered.

This can't be

happening

to me

"He always wanted to have a girl" chazz said "I know and I know he would've love a boy too. But now he'll never even get to hold her and she'll never know her daddy. And I'll never see him again, this can't be happenin' to us" tori said, close to tears again. "I know we feel the same way, we're here if you or the baby ever need anything" chazz told him.

This is just

a dream

"Thanks" tori told him, glancing over at the casket "just a dream" he whispered. "What?" Slade asked "when bastion first told me, I kept thinkin' this is just a dream. But now, now I know it's not" tori told them "sorry to interrupt, but it's time to start" rai said. "Yea, okay we'll talk latter" he said.

The preacher

man said let us

bow our heads

and prey

They looked up as the preacher me stood up in front of everyone. "I know that loss is never easy and that when you lose someone so soon it feels unjust. But we must believe in the lord for this his plan, now let us bow our heads and pray" he said.

Lord please

lift his soul

"Lord please lift his soul and protect him from harm" the preacher said. Tori clenched his fists to stop them from shaking. Rai reached over and squeezed his hand for support. Tori nodded over at him to show it helped.

And heal

this hurt

After the speech tori's body shook with silent sobs, bastion squeezed his shoulders. "It'll be ok, we'll see you through this and heal this hurt" he said, tori looked from him to rai. Who smiled at him "thanks you guys, it's good to know you've got my back" he said. "Always will" rai told him, smiling kindly "and we'll be there for you and the baby too" bastion told him. Tori smiled teary at the two, then at his stomic.

Then the

congregation

all stood up

and sang

He smirked, till he heard the preacher, then the congregation all stood up. And sang, tori tried desperately to try and hide his tears.

The saddest

song

Tori rubbed his stomic feeling the baby move, 'this is the saddest song you know isn't it?' Tori thought, the baby moved, as if to answer, tori smiled sadly down at it. 'Your father would be so proud of you and mommy is proud of. And can't wait to meet you' tori thought, rai tapped tori's arm lightly, tori turned to him. "Um I was wondering if it'd be ok to um-" "you want to feel the baby kick?" Tori asked, rai nodded "go ahead" tori said smiling.

That she

ever heard

Rai smiled "I felt it kick" he said exitidly "really?" Bastion asked "feel for yourself" tori told him. Bastion lay a hand on tori's stomic "I felt it" he said "I heard that when someone, put a hand on a person, who's pregnant stomic, they're blessing the baby" rai told him. Tori smiled that's sweetest thing I've ever heard" he said.

Then they

handed her a

folded up flag

Tori stood watching the men carry the casket, they set it down, then handed him a folded up flag. He held it close bastion put an arm around his shoulder and rai squeezed his hand. Tori looked at them smiling slightly, he looked over at slade and chazz. Slade had his arm around chazz's shoulders.

And she held

on to all she

had left of him

Tori screamed his lungs out "it's ok you're doing great" chazz said holding his hand. Tori screamed one more time, before chazz heard crying "it's a girl" a nurse said. He saw the nurse hold up a pink bundle "what's her name?" Chazz asked "June wakame Princeton"tori said kissing her forehead. 'That was the month they met' chazz thought watching, as tori held on to all he had left of Jagger.

Oh and

what could

have been

Tori held June close, when slade came in "she's beautiful" he said. "She has her father's eyes" tori said. Thinking about what could have been "she's got a strong grip" slade said smiling.

And then the

guns rang

one last shot

Tori sat on his bed rocking, June to sleep "I wish your father could see you" he whispered. "Wish granted" someone whispered in his ear, as two strong arms wrapped around him. He turned "Jagger?" He whispered "that's right I promised I'd be back" Jagger said. Tori leaned onto his chest and heard the guns he'd been hearing since the funeral ring one last shot.

And it felt

like a bullet

in her heart

"I thought you were dead" tori sobbed, June cried too "Shss I'm fine see, don't cry you two are too cute to cry" he said. Tori looked up at him tears streaming down his face. "I didn't want to believe it and if I did it felt like a bullet in my heart" tori said, rocking June to sooth her.

Baby

why'd you

leave me

Jagger held June in his arms, he saw June had black hair tipped with turquoise. And gray eyes like tori and full lashes like Jagger, tori smiled at the two and hugged Jagger. "Baby? What's wrong?" Jagger asked noticing tori's body shake. Tori looked up at him "Why'd you leave me?" He asked.

Why'd you

have to

go?

"I didn't want to, I had to go" Jagger told him "why'd you have to go?" Tori whimpered "you know why I didn't have a choice" Jagger told him. "I know, but I didn't and don't want you to go" tori said. Jagger past June to him "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I want to stay with you two forever" Jagger whispered.

I was

counting

on forever

"I was counting on forever with you" tori told him, Jagger kissed the top of tori's head. "I know so was I, but you know no matter what we'll be together in here" Jagger said poking tori's chest. "I know, but I still missed you" tori whispered.

Now I'll

never

know

"I missed you too" Jagger told him, tori kissed June's forehead "you want to know somethin' funny? I actually thought chazz would propose to me when we were kids. But now I'll never know if he would've, but that's ok, he's my friend and I care for him. But you're the one I love with all my heart" tori told him smiling. Jagger kissed him "I'm glad, it's funny according to slade I finally one upped him. But I don't really care" Jagger said laughing.

I can't

even

breathe

Tori laughed and leaned on Jagger "please don't leave again, I can't even breathe when you're gone" he said. Jagger held him, letting June hold his figure "I know how you feel" he told him, tori smiled up at him.

It's like I'm

looking from

a distance

June cried and tori opened his eyes, he saw he was in his bed alone, he felt tears sliding down his face. He whipped his eyes and got up, he walked over and picked up June. "Hungry?" He asked, unbuttoning his shirt and held June up, she latched on. And begain sucking he sat on the bed looking out the window "it's like I'm lookin' from a distance" tori whispered. As he petted June's head "you're such a good girl and I don't ever want that to change" tori told her.

Standing in

the

background

Tori placed June on the bed and put pillows around her. So she wouldn't fall off and buttoned up his shirt. He got up hearing the mail, he turned on the baby monitor. And went to get the mail, he shied standing in the doorway, "feels like I'm standin' in the background of my own life" he whispered to himself, walking to the mailbox.

Everybody's

saying

Tori grabbed mail out of the mailbox and headed back inside, he tossed the mail at the foot of the bed. Not caring if it scattered, he sat down, June gurgled and reached up wanting to be picked up. Tori picked her up "everybody's sayin' that it'll get better. But I'm not sure that's true" he whispered shying, he noticed something.

He's not

coming

home now

He brushed some of the letters away to see a package, he picked it up. And stared eyes wide at the return address "it can't be, it's not possible, he's not comin' home, right?" He whispered, the return address was where, Jagger had stationed.

This can't be

happening

to me

Tori set, June on the bed surrounded by pillows and opened the package. He pulled out a stuffed kuriboh doll, a letter fell out of the package, tori picked it up, he unfolded it.

Dear tori

I saw through your little act,

I knew you were pregnant.

And I knew you wanted to surprise

me. well I wanted to surprise

you, too.

Love, Jagger

This is just

a dream

The letter shook in tori's hands ' he knew? He knew' tori thought hugging the letter to his chest. 'This is just a dream, right?' He thought, he looked over at June playing with her kuriboh. He smiled tearly and picked her up and hugged her. "Enjoy your new toy, it's a specal toy from daddy because he loved you very much, even though he never got to meet you" tori whispered hugging her.