This is the english translation to my german story, music box. I wrote this last year in time to christmas, so yeah... This will be my present for you all because I won't be online on christmas. After all, it's a family holiday D:
Please excuse my crappy english and feel free to correct me. I'm still learning and english is sadly not my mother tongue ;_; It was hard to translate it because I tend to write poetic, which is hard for me in english. But oh well ~_~
Kuroshitsuji, Ciel Phantomhive & Sebastian Michaelis belong to Yana Toboso.
We found the meaning of life...
... but then, I've lost you.
"Do you still remember the time when we used to visit this place, young master?" Your head was lying on my shoulder and your eyes were half closed. The music box that I've once gave you to your birthday, was laying on your lap playing a soft and sweet melody. It was a touching tune which made me shiver out of joy, even though I shouldn't feel like that as a... demon. Demons don't fear. I shouldn't fear. But then, it's hard when your beloved one is breathing hard. Not because they're in pleasure but in pain and suffering... I'm not stupid, I can see that! Lover... answer me...
"Well, yes, Sebastian", you said, "I still remember and I won't forget these times... Never." You closed your eyes and your mouth adorned a beautiful, breathtaking smile. But it was a forced one... I can see that. "And... Do you still remember our first kiss?" I asked finally while playing with your silky hair. Nodding timidly, you looked up to me. As you used your alluring voice, chills went down my spine. "Yes, I will also remember that." The temperature of your body was slowly fading away, leaving your body slowly colder and colder... It wasn't because of the pure, white snow. Taking off my coat, I slowly placed it over your small, petite body, bewaring you from the cold...
"Sebastian... Tell me. When you told me the first time that you love me... Was that a lie?", your blue eye was looking at me. Slowly, I reached for the eyepatch and removed it, exposing the other eye with my mark. They were drawing me into your world of sadness and sorrow. The last piece of love and warmth almost gone. "But young master, you, of all people, should know it the best. I shall never lie."
Satisfied, you closed your eyes and smiled gently. "You know... When I said, 'I love you, too', I lied. Because, you, of all people, should also know, that I would never say these words." You said with a mocking tone. But still, it broke my heart.
Heart? Which heart? What was that painful feeling that spread oh so slowly in my chest? Was that really my heart?
Was that love?
My throat feels dry. Too dry, for my taste. It felt like you were using your tiny hands to choke me... "I'm... sorry."
"Sebastian." You said once again, taking my full attention. "Did I hurt you?" Cold as ice hands strocked my cheeks. Considering the pain in my chest, everything is fine... Well, not really. But no, you didn't hurt me. "Oh... The music has stopped..." I mumbled to myself, winding up the music box so it started to play. Sorrowfully you looked to the side and studied the fresh snowflakes falling from the sky. "Pitiful, isn't it?", You asked gently. I prefer not to answer.
"I mean the snow, moron." I don't understand. Why the snow...? "I mean, it falls down and doesn't survive on it's own. Too much pressure and heat will kill it. Snow needs, just like we humans, something to life. Something that is always around it and protects it... For snow, it's coldness." You said with your monotone voice. "But for the humans, it's oxygen. Sebastian! I'm a human!" Your voice held a strong and determined tone. But then, it vanished as fast as it came. Now you were just mumbling, but I could clearly still hear your voice. The sadism slowly faded and left a bittersweet taste. "But then again, I still need you."
That confession... was a surprise. "I truly feel honored, my Lord." But even that won't fill the small gap in my heart. "Humans are just like the snow... pathetic. Dirty. Cold. Like I said. I'm a human. So does that make me a pathetic, dirty and cold fool, too?" I went silent. But inwardly, I wanted so bad to slap you. Scream at you and say that you're unique. The most precious thing in the world... "I'm a spawn of the devil. I wasn't born to be a noble and if that curse wouldn't last on me, I could do whatever I want to." Why are you talking about yourself like that? Where is the proud, little noble? These words aren't even worth to come through your soft lips!
Quietly we were watching the horizon being veiled with mist. Snowflakes were covering our sight... Will this be the last time with you? I don't want to last like that! I don't want to lose you! Even though you don't feel the same like I do... There are so much things that were just to good to be true... Will you make them real for me once again?
"Sebastian," you said once again. "If you had a free wish, what would you wish for?" Ha. The answer is obvious. Do you want to hear it from me? "Of course I would wish for health and happiness for you, young master." A soft breath of air stroked through your hair. I must say, in my entire life as a demon, I've never came upon such a beautiful creature as you.
Snow was still falling down. True that, snow is piteous. It falls and overlies the ground with it's conspecifies even though it knows that it won't last long. By no later the sun comes and shines upon them, they will fight. That's the only thing you share. The will to live and fight for your pride. But then again, you're different from the others. You never were like them.
"Soothing, huh?" your voice was so close but it felt like you were far away. Nodding slowly, I closed my eyes and leaned into your touch. Those little gestures of yours were welling up my hope. "Do you forgive me?" For what? Were there more lies? But then, I think I looked so confused that you showed some pity. "Because I lied to you! I...", but you couldn't end the sentence. You were coughing loudly but not out of your asthma. Warm blood dripped down my white shirt. "Tell me, Sebastian..." I stroked your back in hope it will sooth you. Minutes went by...
The snow beneath us wasn't that pure and white anymore. It was sprinkled in red... But we didn't care. Why should we, if it wasn't something new to us? It was a sign... My stomach turned when I thought about that... "Sebastian, I'm still waiting for your answer!" It's time... "I've never been mad at you, young master. And I won't ever be."
A comfortable peacefulness hushed us. We never had to speak in order to understand each other. You know what I feel and you know what I'm thinking about. And that is, what really matters. "Hey..." you whispered softly. "Thank you." I turned my head, but you instantly turned away from me. "Don't look at me! Just listen!" Why are you shaking? "Thank you for the time you spent with me. That you always were protecting me. And also, thank you that you forgive me..."
What are you talking about? Stop it... It's breaking my heart. But in reality, I'm sitting there like a marble statue. "I'm so tired..." you mumble while leaning against me. Cold... No! You shouldn't sleep now! It's not the time for that!
"Young master... Would you like to accompany me to hell?" I asked, but you only laughed softly. "Moron. Who would like to go to hell with you?" you answered calmly, but that answer just hurts so much...
"I lied." You said simply. Huh, that's nothing new. But... Why? Why are you lying to me? When the most hated thing of yours are liars? Wasn't your first order 'never lie to me'? But why are you doing it? "When I said that I don't love you. Because, I think I've grown fond of you." Did you really said that? So my hopes weren't that impossible? "Hey, the music is slowly nearing its end..." You smiled. "You know what just came into my mind? If I were a music box, you could wind up me so that I have new energy! Wouldn't that be great, Sebastian?" I laughed softly. How naive you still were. But that's you.
"But then again..." You began, but shook your head. "No... I think... I could change my mind about that. You know, hell... Maybe one day..." These words spoken by you were warming me slightly. Your breath was stroking my face gently and when you leaned forward, I resisted the urge to lean in. Closing the last small gap between us for mere seconds, you softly mumbled something.
"Merry Christmas, my moron."
Then, you closed your eyes slowly. In time your pulsation stopped, the music came to an end. Snow was falling down, a little snowflake on your nose.
"Merry Christmas, young master. I love you, too."
But in the end, a soft, real smile crept to your pale lips. It was only for me... till the end.