All right, this little plot bunny has been bouncing around ever since I saw Doug's real review of Breaking Down Internet Reviewers Everywhere. Er, sorry, I meant Breaking Dawn. Anyway, all I own is the plot bunny (though technically by now everyone has a little share of Shakespeare).
This is fic number 50: go me! It only took me a little over two years too… so in other two I might reach double digits. Yay?
"Spoony, NO," Nostalgia Critic tried again to convince his fellow reviewer. "This is a bad idea. Where did you even GET this idea?"
"Dr. Insano gave it to me, saying he broke the fourth wall to get it… I think he's been in contact with Linkara again," Spoony mused absently as he reviewed a sheet of paper on a clipboard. Nostalgia Critic and Spoony weren't alone at Spoony and Miles' place; about thirty other reviewers were there as well.
Nostalgia Critic buried his face in his hands, muttering dour predictions to himself about how this would end, especially so soon after the Moulin Rouge fiasco. Sticking the pencil behind his ear Spoony got everyone's attention. Everyone present knew that Spoony was going to have them put on a production of Hamlet. It'd been in the e-mail inviting them.
"All right, people. I've got a loose casting set up; anyone who doesn't have a role will be background people and fill in any blanks that show up, 'kay?"
Oancitizen looked aggravated. "This is Shakespeare! You can't be casual about Shakespeare!"
"No, this is Channel Awesome," Spoony smirked. While Oancitizen sputtered furiously Nostalgia Critic started to bang his head against the wall. This was so going to blow up in everyone's faces but Spoony didn't seem to care. Then again, he was Dr. Insano's alter ego.
"Anyway, a few girls will have to play boys but hey, the reverse happened all the time back then so whatever. Oancitizen, because you annoy me you'll be the messenger. Whenever messages are needed to be given… that'll be you. And you'll also try to keep us vaguely not completely ruining the play…"
"Yep. Linkara, because you're a dramatic guy and my best buddy, you're the title role. Iron Liz, you'll be Horatio. That means you live."
"I'm not the love interest?" Iron Liz commented bemusedly. Spoony shook his head, "No, that's Obscurus Lupa since she's good at being psychotic and ditzy."
"Hey!" grumbled the redhead.
"Handsome Tom and 8-bit Mickey, guess your roles."
"Rosencrantz…" began Handsome Tom, and 8-bit Mickey finished, "And Guildenstern."
"Precisely. Sad Panda and Welshy, you two are Francisco and Bernardo."
"What about me?" beamed Film Brain as he passed an ice pack to Nostalgia Critic. Gratefully Nostalgia Critic pressed it to his throbbing forehead.
"Film Brain, you'll be the English ambassador."
"Ahem," went Luke Mochrie, arms akimbo. Checking his clipboard Spoony said, "Luke, you're some random dude named Marcellus. Nash, you're another random dude named Cornelius."
"What about me?" pouted Nostalgia Chick.
"Chick, you're Queen Gertrude. Nella and Elisa are your attendants. Cinema Snob is King Claudius."
"Goody," Cinema Snob said flatly.
"Angry Joe, you're Orsic because that's a cool name. Benzaie- you're a priest. Bennett, you're some guy named Reynaldo. I'll be the gravedigger and Dr. Insano is the Norwegian captain."
"What about me?" asked MarzGurl. Spoony responded, "You'll be the Player Queen and Phelous is the Player King. Jew Wario- any trouble being Polonius."
The blonde man shrugged. "It's the price to pay for being the oldest…"
"Exactly. Miles, you're a gentleman."
"Yeah, for letting you do all this stuff here," grumbled Spoony's big brother before it hit him. "Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO."
"Yes," smirked Spoony. "It's just a bit part."
"Thank you! You're a good brother."
"Too good," muttered Miles under his breath.
"Pushing Up Roses, sorry but you're Boltimand. Paw Dugan, you're Laertes."
The pair nodded.
"Todd in the Shadows, you'll be the ghost of Hamlet's dad."
"What about me?" asked Suede.
"You're Fortinbras, which means you get to live too!"
"That's always nice."
"Oh: Nostalgia Critic and Other Guy, stick around because there's a pair of clowns you too might need to play."
Removing the ice pack Nostalgia Critic began to bang his head against the wall again. This was so stupid; they were Internet reviewers, not classical actors.
"Okay, we can keep the scripts on hand because otherwise this would get unbelievably off the rails… Ed and I are in charge of filming…"
"Let's do this in the park," suggested Nostalgia Chick. "One acting company puts on Shakespearean plays in Central Park sometimes."
"That sounds like a good idea," agreed Spoony. "Everyone: to the park!"
Some more reluctantly than others the members of Channel Awesome headed off to the park to do this thing.