My friend and I have this annual tradition to write dirty Harry Potter fics and see who came up with the most disturbing one, so this may not be to everyone's taste but I thought I'd post it anyway.

I cleaned this up a bit (got rid of some of the smut) because otherwise I don't think it would have been appropriate to share with fellow Happy Potter readers.

Warning: If you're looking for a good, wholesome story then turn back now. If you want a bit of funny, pointless smut, read on...

The silver bearded man quietly hummed to himself as he wondered the deserted corridors. A small smile crept upon his lips as he thought of his brilliant plan once again. As he continued smiling a rather large tent formed at the front of his cloak. He chuckled quietly "won't be long now."

The Great Hall

"Ronald!" Hermione scolded "change it back this instant! It's unhygienic!"

"Aw, but Hermione, don't you think it's kind of cute?" Ron said with a stupid grin on his face as he watched the small field mouse run around in circles, obviously dazed from all the noise people and bright lights.

Harry laughed at the two's bickering but immediately stopped after receiving a deathly glare from Hermione. Harry cleared his throat, looking guilty, "Uh, I think you should change it back now, Ron."

Rom huffed but did as he was told; with a flick off his wand the mouse turned back into a goblet with the pumpkin juice still inside it. Ron took a sip as Hermione grimaced in disgust. Harry turned away from the two and took a sip of his own pumpkin juice, juice which had for some reason been given to him by his headmaster; but Harry didn't like to dwell too long on his headmaster's strange actions. The sixteen year old wrinkled his nose at the juice; there was something about it, he couldn't decide whether he liked it or not. Nevertheless he took another swig of his drink, finishing it and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. A little while later the three friends were leaving the Great Hall and making their way back to the Gryffindor common room.

Ron turned to Harry with a slightly worried expression. "You alright, mate? Bloody hell, you look like you're about to be sick!"

"Don't worry, I'm fine." Harry replied, half-heartedly. They continued walking but as they did Harry began to feel slightly queasy. All of a sudden the boy had a strong urge to go and see Professor Dumbledore. Harry tried to shake the thought out of his head, "can't blame myself for wanting to see him, he is very comforting, especially if I'm not feeling that well." He thought.

But as they were walking Harry's head filled with more thoughts of Dumbledore. The man's smile, his laughter, his large, comforting hands on Harry's cheeks... his hands caressing Harry's body. Harry's legs began to shake at the mere thought. He groin ached slightly as he longed for the scent of the older male.

"This isn't right" He thought, trying to remain composed on the outside, while inside he was feeling confused and scared of these new and powerful emotions. "I shouldn't be feeling this way towards a teacher, especially someone so much older than me, not to mention he's a man! Oh no, I'm not gay, am I? But I like Ginny!... Right?"

He managed to make it to the common room without collapsing because of his shaky legs. Just as he thought he was safe a sudden realisation hit him. he frantically turned to Ron, grabbed his shoulders and almost screamed in his face "I'M IN LOVE WITH DUMBLEDORE!"

Ron stood there for a moment, completely shocked. He was at a loss for words. He turned beetroot red as he turned to see the two had gained the attention of the entire common room.

"Ron," Harry spoke quietly, but with an urgency his red-haired friend had only heard him use in life and death situations. "This may sound crazy to you, but I realise now that I am in love with Dumbledore. Please you have to –" but his sentence was cut short as a tall, cloaked figure entered the room. His piercing blue eyes searched the room for a certain green-eyed boy, finally his eyes found their target. He swiftly and gracefully strode over to the boy, stopping just a foot in front of him.

"Harry?" He held his breath as he waited for the student's reaction. Surely the love potion he put in the teenagers juice would have kicked in by now. "Harry, how are you fee-?" His words were muffled as Harry pounced on the elder, covering Dumbledore's lips with his own. The teen aggressively shoved his soft tongue into the other man's mouth. He expected to be pushed away, perhaps expelled from school for such behaviour, but at that moment he couldn't care less. This is what he wanted, his hands tangled in Dumbledore's silky, silver hair, his body pressed up tightly against his love's and his tongue grinding against the headmaster's. But to Harry delight and surprise, Dumbledore placed a hand on Harry's firm, round ass and, with his other hand, grabbed a fistful of messy, black hair and pulled the boy even closer, dominating their kiss. Harry moaned into Dumbledore's mouth, making the two incredibly turned on. Both of their packages rubbed uncomfortably against the fabric of their clothes, both craving to be touched.

The kiss grew more and more passionate as their breathing became uneasy and gasps, moans and groans filled the silent, still student filled common room; the young boys and girls unable to move or take their eyes away from the pure shock. Dumbledore broke the kiss and the two gasped for air, though he soon began kissing and licking at Harry's neck, now and then sucking on the boy's ear lobe, making Harry shiver in pleasure. The headmaster could see the boy wanted him badly and decided to tease the boy a bit longer.

He placed one of legs in between Harry's and started to rub against Harry's swollen member with his thigh. Harry flung his head back and let out a loud moan, delighting the older man. Dumbledore leaned against Harry's ear again and began breathing dirty nothings "You look so beautiful right now, I can't wait to be inside your tight, hot ass!"

"oh, Professor, take me now!" That was all Dumbledore needed. He moved the two over to the open, roaring fire and sunk to the floor with Harry in his arms. He began ripping off Harry's clothes, excited at the fact that he would finally get to see Harry's naked body squirming in pleasure beneath him. he cloak, shoes, socks, jumper, T-shirt, jeans all came off until the boy was finally stripped down to his boxers. A cute blush had appeared on Harry's cheeks, making him look even more delicious.

Dumbledore leaned down to give Harry a tender kiss before pulling his pants completely off. The teacher smirked, admiring the splendid view of his beloved's erect cock. "I don't think I can restrain myself any longer, Harry."

Harry quietly chuckled. "Put it in."

Dumbledore lifted Harry's legs onto his shoulders so he had a clear shot at Harry's rear. He aside his deep purple cloak and undid the belt on his black trousers; he could see Harry arousal twitch with anticipation but decided to tease the teenager once more. He undid his buttons and zip painfully slow, Harry almost reached in and got the man's cock out himself, it was taking so long and he was so horny. Finally Dumbledore pulled his trousers and underwear down slightly, making his hardened member whip out from the restraints of his pants. Harry almost had a heart-attack at the sight, it was so huge! Harry's heart pumped wildly in his chest, he was surprised it didn't break his ribs.

The older man pulled something out of his cloak pocket: lube. He dribbled it over his rigid organ and began stroking it slightly to spread the substance; he closed his eyes and bit his lip at the sensation. He knew Harry was watching, enjoying every second of this sexual display, which only thrilled him more.

He heard Harry's voice, shaking with desire, "Professor, p-please."

Dumbledore opened his eyes and smiled fondly down at the boy, who was looking up at him through lust-filled half-lidded eyes.

The elder positioned himself at Harry's entrance and pushed only the head inside. A deep groan rumbled in his throat and he slowly, as so not to hurt Harry, pushed the rest of his aching cock into the younger male. Finally, he was in.

Just as the headmaster was about to start moving a small voice squeaked from their audience; a small, first year boy with sandy hair and soft, delicate features stepped forward, nervously. He swallowed painfully before speaking in a high but quiet voice, "p-p-please, sir, p-please stop this, this isn't right." Tears had started to form in the corners of his light blue eyes from fear and shock. Everyone's expressions softened, inwardly applauding the boy for his courage. It was silent again as they waited for Dumbledore's reaction.

"Fuck you, kid!" The man began pounding mercilessly into Harry's tight and unbelievably hot ass. Dumbledore began hitting the teens' prostate with each thrust, making Harry scream in pleasure. The couple both knew the other was nearing their climax as the thrusting became more frantic. All of a sudden Dumbledore felt Harry's insides squeeze around his loaded cock, signalling the end for the both of them.

"HARRY!"

"ALBUS!"

The two screamed each other's name as they simultaneously came. Dumbledore shot his essence within the boy as Harry exploded over his chest and face.

Dumbledore collapsed next to the breathless, completely spent Harry and tried to regain his breath as well as composure.

He slipped the love potion antidote into Harry hand, whispering "antidote" into his ear, then turned to kissed him once more before standing up and sorting out his clothes. He looked down at Harry lying completely naked by the roaring fire, dripping in cum and sweat. The man smiled, "this was fun, we should do this again someday."

He then looked at the shocked faces staring back at him and he chuckled merrily. "Goodbye, everyone." He chimed, in his casual cheery voice. He walked to the door but before leaving turned back around to cast a spell on the students to make them forget the last ten minutes; everyone except Harry. Dumbledore left, leaving it as if Harry had never exclaimed his love for the man.

Meanwhile, Harry snapped out of his afterglow, he was a bit confused as to what just happened and why but could remember it clearly unlike the other Gryffindors.

"... OH MY GOD!" Harry screamed as he remembered he was lying completely stark naked in the common room. He looked down at himself and the colour instantly drained from his face as he saw what he was covered in.

"What the hell are you doing?" He heard a girl shriek. He looked up to see people were starting to gather around him, all looking shocked and sick. He desperately tried to find something to cover himself with, but his clothes were scattered around the room and there wasn't any other useful thing in sight.

There was suddenly a flash of white light, blinding Harry momentarily. "Wow, this will sell for loads!" Harry recognised the voice straight away as even more dread flooded his system. His sight came back and the sight of fifteen year old Colin Creevey with his usually camera in his hands came into view. Too embarrassed to get the camera, Harry Potter rushed across the room, up the stairs and into his bedroom to hide.

"I won't ever hear the end of this!"

No flames please, this is just a silly, funny fic.