Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the rights to Plants vs Zombies. I do own a copy of the game that I can't seem to stop playing however. That is more fun with gardening than I ever thought possible.
AN: I am rather pleased with myself here. This is, as far as I can find, the first time anyone has written this particular crossover.
Himawari, according to what I can find, means 'sunflower'.
FAIR WARNING: There will be some Sasuke bashing, but really, it's his own fault for being an arrogant jerk. Well, that and I needed a target for the slapstick. Just so you know, this isn't because I hate Sasuke. I actually find him an interesting character. He's just the funniest target I had available.
I attempted to write these in order, but some could probably make sense if switched around. Oh, well. It's not like this was meant to be a truly cohesive adventure or anything.
Those who have played the game will probably notice that I didn't really stick to the plant personalities as portrayed in the Suburban Almanac. They're fun and all, but really weren't going to work for what I wanted to write.
Without further ado, let the madness commence!
NARUTO VS ZOMBIES
Chapter 1 - Everything Has to Start Somewhere
-'Tobi's' secret space-time dimension-
The man who called himself Madara was doing some spring cleaning. He found that it helped him clear his mind and allowed him to better focus on his plans. Every so often, he even came across something of great importance that he'd forgotten about.
This was understandable as he had a tendency sometimes to just suck up anything that looked interesting into his private space-time storage without properly checking it out first.
Like this book right here.
"Harnessing the Power of Death, A guide to the uses of necro-chakra for fun, profit, and brains by Dr. Edgar Zomboss," he read aloud to himself.
Intrigued, he opened to the table of contents.
"Chapter 1 - Making your endless army of tireless minions..."
'Madara' blinked. How had he overlooked this for so long?
Naruto walked slowly back to his apartment with a huge grin on his face. Iruka had passed him! He'd even said that he respected Naruto despite the stupid fox sealed in him! Sure, he had been used in a traitorous plot by Mizuki, but he had been recognized. For himself! He'd even gotten a kick-ass jutsu in the process!
Absolutely nothing could bring him down at this point.
When he got to his door, that claim was put to the test when he saw a huge package waiting for him. Naruto was wary of packages left for him. While he'd never gotten anything dangerous like a mail bomb, some cruel villagers liked to leave him things that, while not harmful, were no less hurtful. Once he'd gotten a package on his birthday and, thinking he'd gotten a cool present, had opened it excitedly to find nine dead baby foxes. He'd spent the day crying and digging tiny graves for each of them.
Inspecting the package, he found it was addressed to him with a return address, which took a load off his mind. He never got nasty things that were sent by post. The people who sent mean things never left anything that could identify them on what they sent. Checking the return address he read 'Bloom & Doom Seed Co.'
Naruto blinked for a bit before remembering where he'd heard that name before and his wide grin returned.
"Hey, mister! You got any more cool plants for me?" Naruto asked the shopkeeper, grinning under his goggles. He liked this particular garden shop since he always got the neatest plants here.
The shopkeeper was, in fact, one of those who held a grudge against Naruto. However, he was also a professional and would not turn away anyone who wished to spend their money unless they caused actual trouble within the shop. What he would do was guide Naruto to purchasing the things that no one else wanted. Plants that were already close to dying or plants that were so odd that no one else would even look at them. And not only was the demon brat happy to pay full price for something he'd have to significantly discount to anyone else, it kept coming back for more!
This time... this time he was ready to offload something that had been sitting in the back room since his grandfather had built the shop. It was some ridiculous flower seed that supposedly needed 'solar chakra' to grow. The handy instruction booklet for describing the process was patently ludicrous and the catalog included was clearly a joke. He had a sort of grudging respect for whatever merchant had convinced an ancestor of his to purchase the damn thing as no one with half a brain would believe any of it. Which, of course, meant that the demon brat was the perfect mark to sell it to.
"Actually, I hear you've got your graduation exams coming up in a few months, right?" the shopkeeper asked with calculated casualness.
"Yep! I'm gonna pass and be a super-awesome ninja and go on to become Hokage, dattebayo!"
Urg, the demon brat even had the same kind of verbal tic as that foreign skank that was always bothering the Yondaime. It would have made perfect sense for her to consort with demons too...
He shook off that train of thought and went back to the sale. The sale always came first.
"Well, then," he said with false pleasantness, "I think it's high time I let you look at a super rare plant that only a great ninja could grow."
The demon brat's eyes widened with anticipation. Hook, line, and sinker.
"Really? Show me, show me!"
"Hold on a sec, I have to go get it."
The shopkeeper disappeared into the back and went to the dusty little box off in the corner. He opened it up and removed a seed packet with a childish picture of a smiling sunflower on it along with the aged booklet and catalog. He chuckled a bit at the catalog. If this company had ever really existed, then it had surely gone out of business by now. But if the demon brat wanted to send its money to them anyway, who was he to stop it?
The demon brat was bouncing on his feet when he returned and the shopkeeper plastered his standard pleasant smile on his face as he presented the merchandise.
"Now there's only one seed here because it's so rare, but you'll never find a better flower anywhere," he started off only to be interrupted by the demon brat who was already looking over the booklet.
"Hey, mister, what's 'solar chakra'?"
"Ah," the shopkeeper said as if he hadn't just been rudely interrupted, "solar chakra is why it takes a great ninja to grow this flower. Very few ninja are able to perform the process necessary to create solar chakra and this flower cannot grow without it. The booklet there has everything you need to know about it, but even then most ninja can't accomplish it. I'm only selling this to you because you're a very special young shinobi and I think you just might have what it takes to do this."
The shopkeeper gave himself a mental pat on the back for his ability to lie with such a straight face.
"Wow!" the demon brat said in awe. "And what's this?" it asked opening the catalog.
"That is in case you manage to grow the flower and want to order more plants direct from the supplier. You just fill out the order form here," he said helpfully, pointing out said form to the demon brat, "put the proper amount of money in an envelope, address it to the company," he continued, pointing out the address needed, "and mail it off. It might take a while to ship, but you'll get it eventually."
"This is so cool! How much?"
The shopkeeper smiled as he went to ring the purchase up. All too easy.
Naruto could barely contain his excitement as he raced home to start on growing his special ninja-flower. He had gotten a decent sized pot for it and already picked out a good spot in his apartment. He planted the flower seed and put it where it would get plenty of sun and sat down to read the booklet on 'solar chakra'. Now, most ninja would have taken one look at the instructions and written the whole thing off as a gag. However, Naruto hadn't had anyone explain chakra to him in a way that would make him think the procedure described was impossible. So, naturally, he went at it with everything he had, fully confident he could succeed. As with a fair number of other things in his life, Naruto would manage to do the 'impossible' through confidence, faith, hard work, and sheer bloody-minded refusal to give up.
Naruto didn't get it down that day. The instructions said that he essentially needed to mold chakra with direct sunlight to make 'solar chakra' and by the time he started making any progress, it had started to get dark. Fortunately, he didn't have class the next day, so he was up at sunrise and starting to work after a quick breakfast.
He finally managed to get the hang of the process around lunchtime, but it took him until mid-afternoon before he managed to channel enough of it into the flower seed.
To his surprise, the seed instantly sprouted into a full-grown flower that looked exactly like the picture, smile and all. To his further astonishment, the flower proceeded to yawn.
"Good morning!" it said cheerfully with a mildly feminine voice.
"Holy crap, you can talk!" Naruto yelled out, pointing at the flower.
The flower just cocked its head curiously at him and replied, "of course I can talk! Who are you?"
Naruto blinked at the dismissal of his surprise, but introduced himself anyway. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Future Hokage!"
"A pleasure to meet you Naruto-sama! It has been so long since a gardener has bothered with plants like me." the flower said happily.
"Um... what's your name?"
"Hm?" the flower blinked. "Oh, I'm just a sunflower! We don't have names."
"Really? Why not?" No names? That was even weirder than a talking flower.
"We don't need them, silly! We know who we are," it said simply.
Naruto blinked. That... almost made sense.
"Um, would you mind if I called you Himawari-chan anyway?"
"Not at all! Naruto-sama honors me!"
"Oh, and I'm not a gardener. This is just a hobby of mine."
"If Naruto-sama is not a gardener, then what is he?"
"I'm a ninja of course!" he exclaimed before rubbing the back of his head. "Though, I haven't actually graduated yet..."
"I'm sure Naruto-sama will make an excellent ninja then!"
This... this was even cooler than he'd thought! He had just wanted another cool plant, but he'd instead gotten a new friend! One who believed in him!
Naruto had ended up filling out everything he could afford on the order form from the catalog and spending his entire savings on the purchase. He had needed to bum ramen off of Iruka until the next check came in, but he felt it was worth it. Especially now that it had finally arrived!
Opening the door, he called out, "Tadaima!" He couldn't wait to tell Himawari-chan everything!
AN: I was originally intending this as a one shot, but the sheer number of little portions just kept growing. So, I have separated it out into sections, each section containing a series of little ficlets. This isn't meant to be a serious adventure, it is meant to be a fun lark into the land of silliness and I hope you will remember to read it as such.
So, please leave a review!