A/N: I'm still not SM (damn it) all credit goes to her for creating these characters and put them into my own world. Beta by: Wolfchild, thanks cuz.
Summery: A thousand years ago they were so in love and about to get married but all of that changed when he signed up to fight in the civil war and never returned.
So much has changed in my very long life, but the one thang that hasn't changed is my broken heart. A thousand years ago I was in love with my childhood friend, Jasper Whitlock, and my memories of how we first met and our life before he disappeared were as clear today as they were back then.
We met when we were both five. My family and I had just moved to Huston, Texas. From the moment that Jasper and I met we were inseparable. Our parents had known that we were goin' to get married when we got older and Jasper and I knew it as well. It was like it was fate or somethin'. He proposed to me on my sixteenth birthday with his great grandmother's ring. I screamed yes which caused our parents to come runnin' to see what all the commotion was about.
When they saw Jasper kneelin' in front of me, in my grandmama Marie's rose garden, with my hand in his, my mama and Mrs. Whitlock burst out cryin'. Jasper and I looked over to our families with big smiles on our faces and once Jasper finished slippin' the ring on to my finger we walked over to our families hand in hand. Everyone congratulated us and my older brother Emmett clapped Jasper on the shoulder and told him that it was about time. I blushed at that and my mama slapped Em up side the head.
Two nights after the proposal we celebrated with a big celebration dinner with our friends, neighbors and the minister of our church. Everyone was so happy for us and all the women wanted to see my ring. Once the dinner was finished mama, grandmama and Mrs. Whitlock whisked me into the parlor so that we could start to plan for my weddin'. Unbeknownst to me, my mama and grandmama had already made my dress. When they showed it to me I was in awe of its beauty. It was a white cotton eyelet lace dress with light blue ribbon trim on the ¾ length sleeves. The waist had a light blue buttoned belt and there was a lace veil. Grandmama handed me a flat box and when I opened it, it reviled a pearl and cameo choker. I was overwhelmed and didn't know what to say. I got up and went to give grandmama a big hug and I whispered thanks in her ear. She told me to think nothing of it, that every bride should have a set of pearls. Her mother had given it to her and now it was time to pass it on to me. I thanked her again and placed a kiss on her withered cheek. I sat down again and Mrs. Whitlock passed me a small wrapped package. I opened it and found a pair of wrist length lace gloves inside. She went on to tell me that they were the gloves that she had worn for her weddin' and she havin' no daughters of her own wanted to pass them on to me so that I could wear them and if I had a daughter with Jasper then I could pass them on to her on her weddin' day. I had everything covered: the somethin' new and blue was my weddin' dress, the somethin' old was the choker, the somethin' borrowed were the gloves.
Jasper and I didn't want to wait too long to get married, so we decided to get married the first week of October. I knew that we would be able to pull off the weddin'. A week before the weddin' I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. I couldn't believe that in seven short days I would be marryin' the man of my dreams. Everythin' was set. My dress had the last minutes alterations done and Jasper had his suit. I thought that everythin' would go great but I was blind-sided in the middle of the week when Jasper came to me tellin' me that he had signed up to join the war. I couldn't believe that he would do somethin' like that to me when he promised that he would always be there to protect me. I was mad at him for breakin' that promise, for lyin' to the recruitin' officers and tellin' them that he was older than seventeen and that he didn't come to me first and tell me what he wanted to do. I would have supported him if he had come and talked to me first instead of sneakin' off and doin' it. I was so mad at him that I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him at that moment so pickin up my skirt, I ran from the house and went to the place where we had first met; the pond that separated my family's land from his. I sank down onto the flat rock that was at the edge of the pond and let the tears that had been threatenin' to fall since I'd left the house, fall. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost. I must have cried for a good hour before I felt two strong arms wrap around me from behind. I didn't need to look to know who they belonged to, because they were the same arms that had held me for seven years whether it be in a playful way or a lover's way. Those arms that were wrapped around me were Jasper's arms.
The tears came again and Jasper tighten' his hold on me and let me cry. Once I was all cried out, we talked he told me his reasons for wantin' to join and I told him why I was angry with him. He agreed that it wasn't the wisest thang on his part, sneakin' off and joinin' up when he should have talked to me first. He apologized and then I asked him if we were still goin' to get married. He told me that we were, but that we would have to wait until he was on leave because he would be leavin' in a couple of days. I was saddened by that thought and I made him swear to me that he would return to me the same way that he left. He promised me that he would always come back to me because what we had was true love and that nothin' could ever stop true love. It may get delayed but it never dies and it never goes away. I nodded then kissed him with everythin' that I had. I made a vow to myself right then and there that I would make our last couple of days together the best and that I wouldn't think negatively because thinkin' of what could be or what might happen would just drive me insane. I wanted him to leave with a clear mind and no worries.
Jasper's daddy gave him a plot of land for us to start our own family on. It was in the middle of our families' proprieties. Jasper asked me if I wanted to go and take a look at it with him. I told him that I did, so he stood up and took my hand in his and helped me up. He already had his horse, Eclipse saddled up in the barn. He helped me up onto Eclipse and then he climbed up behind me and we rode off to the plot of land. It was wide and spacious. There was a little house already on it, but I could see that we would need to do a few repairs to it. There was a space set aside where I could have a garden which I was thankful for. Jasper helped me down off Eclipse and we walked into the house to see what it looked like inside. It was cozy and a little dank but I knew that I would be able to make it come to life with some new curtains, a new coat of paint and a few other bits and pieces to make it more of a home. Jasper showed me the kitchen which was a moderate size, the bathroom and the master bedroom. I loved everythin' about the house and knew that in no time it would be our home. I couldn't wait to welcome people to our new home. Jasper then led me outside and to the back of the house which was surrounded by the forest and I could hear water runnin' so I figured that there was a river not to far away.
As we were walkin' around the house, I could tell that Jasper was takin' stalk of the things that needed to be fixed and once we got back to the front of the house he turned to me and said
"What do you think Darlin'?"
"It's perfect Jasper and I can't wait to welcome people to our new home"
He smiled at that and repeated "our home". He then wrapped me in his arms and just held me. That was goin' to be one of a hundred of things that I'd miss when Jasper went off to fight - his arms and how safe, at peace and the sense of home they bring. Jasper pulled back from the hug and placed a kiss on my forehead and said
"I'll need to fix the roof first before I leave"
"Are you sayin' that you want to live in this house now?"
"Yes my Darlin' I would love to spend this time before I have to leave with you in our home and not surrounded by our family"
"I would love that Jasper"
"Great. I'll get to work on the roof then. There are only a few shingles that needs mendin' so I should have it done by tonight and then we can move in"
"While your doin' that I'll pack my things"
"Well then we best get back so that we can get started"
I nodded and after kissin' me, he helped me back up onto Eclipse and we rode back home. We went to my house first to tell my parents our plan. Mama was unsure at first but daddy told her that I was a woman and would be a married one soon, so I should be able to spend a couple of days before the weddin' with my future husband. Mama agreed and she told me that she and grandmama would help me pack. I thanked them for agreein' and for helpin'. Daddy and Emmett offered to assist Jasper in the roof repair and Jasper accepted. When they left, mama, grandmama and I went to my room. There was a flurry of activity goin' to make sure that I would have everythin' that I needed. Mama said that she had some new curtains that she had made awhile ago and that I could hang them up in my new house. Grandmama made sure that I had some preserves, pots, kettle and meat so that for the time that Jasper and I was livin' in our new home; I would be able to make dinner for us. She told me that it was a good thing I was a good cook and Jasper wouldn't have to suffer threw over cooked, burnt or under cooked meals while I learned. I just laughed at her and once everythin' in my room was packed we put everything into the wagon and then grandmama, mama and I got into the wagon and I drove over to the new house. I could see Jasper with his shirt off up on the roof swingin' a hammer, Em was up there as well measurin' the shingle sizes, my daddy sawin' the shingles into the right size and Mr. Whitlock lookin' over other things that needed to be fixed.
I must say that Jasper without a shirt on was a very sinful sight to see. You could tell that he spent his time workin' on a farm by the muscles that he had. He wasn't nearly the size of Emmett, but Jasper was well built. I pulled on the reins to get Twilight to stop her trot and daddy came over and helped us out of the wagon. When Jasper saw me, he smiled his crooked smile at me and I blushed and went about gatherin' things to take into the house. It only took a couple of trips from the wagon to the house to get all of the stuff into the house. Mama, grandmama and I then went about the house puttin' things in place. Just as the sun was settin' Jasper had the roof finished and I had dinner just about done. Mama, daddy, Mr. Whitlock and Mrs. Whitlock all agreed to have dinner in our new house with us so once Jasper had washed up we sat down at the table, gave thanks for our meal and then began to eat. While we ate we talked about what vegetables I wanted to plant in the garden come spring, buildin' a barn so that we could have some animals of our own and how we hoped that it wouldn't be a bad winter. We stayed away from the topic of Jasper leavin' soon and I was grateful for that.
Soon dinner was over and our parents back at their own houses. It was just Jasper and I in our new house. It was a pleasant change; I didn't know what to do with myself. It was surreal to be livin' with Jasper in our house. It was somethin' that I dreamt about often but now to have it be real, it boggled my mind. I went over to sit with Jasper on the couch after gettin' the dishes done and put away. He held his arm out and I moved so that I was curled into his side. He wrapped his arm around my waist and just held me. I knew that he was memorizin' every inch of me for when he went away. I could feel the tears pricklin' at the back of my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I needed to be strong for Jasper. We talked well into the early hours about things that we wanted to do to the house and about our wedding day and how beautiful it was goin' to be.
The days passed and before I knew it, it was the mornin' that I was dreadin' I would have to say goodbye to Jasper today. I looked over at Jasper to see that he was still asleep; he looked so peaceful almost like an angel, and well he was my angel. It pained me to see him with not a worry on his face knowin' that soon, he would have a haggard look oh his face from the things that he was goin' to see and the things that he was goin' to do. I still thought that he was an idiot for wantin' to go off and fight but I knew that nothin' that I would say or do would change his mind. I cried at that thought but made sure to not get to loud least I wake Jasper and he sees me cryin'. I decided to get up and make him a big breakfast so that he could have one last home cooked meal for who knows how long. I placed a kiss on his forehead and then slipped into my housecoat and made my way to the kitchen and started to cook his favorites and start to make coffee for him. I knew that it wouldn't take him long to make his way out of the bedroom once the smells of the cookin' got to him.
As I was watchin' the eggs to make sure they didn't burn, I felt Jasper's strong arms wrap around me from behind. I sigh at just the simple contact. I placed one of my hands over his and leaned back in to him so that my head was restin' on his shoulder. I wanted to stand like that forever but I knew we couldn't, I turned my head and placed a kiss on his cheek and then when back to finishin' breakfast. I asked Jasper if he had everythin' and he told me that he did. I plated the food and then we sat down to eat, talkin' minimally. I kept starin' at my engagement ring wondin' if I was to ever have a weddin' ring. Jasper placed his right hand over mine and gave me a gentle squeeze and said
"I'll be home again and then we shall get married. I will always make my way back to you, no matter how long it takes. I promise you that"
I just nodded my head to overcome with emotions to reply. When we were finished eatin' I made my way to our bedroom and got dressed, we were goin' to see his mama and daddy and my family and spend some time with them until it was time for Jasper to leave. I put on my blue calico dress that Jasper liked and I made sure that it didn't look like I was cryin', which I was silently. After pickin' up my white gloves, I made my way out of the room and in search of Jasper. I found him outside just starin' at the house. I made my way over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him lookin' at the house. I wondered what was runnin' threw his head and as if he could feel my wonderin' he squeezed me closer to him and said
"I'm not sayin' goodbye, I'm just imaginin' what this house will look like once the war is over with a couple of children runnin' around and their beautiful mama watchin' everythin' that they are doin' to make sure they don't get into trouble while there daddy watches their mama"
I had to wipe my eyes because I could just see what he described.
IcouldseeJaspersittin' ontheporchintheporchswing,meattheotherendhollorin' atalittlegirlthatlookedlikeJasperandalittleboythatlookedlikeme,tobecarefulandnotgotofar.
Jasper placed a kiss on my head and told me not to cry that it won't be long till he's home again with me and then once we're married we will start to our family. I nodded my head and then asked him if he was ready to go and visit everyone, he told me that he was and after he grabbed his duffle bag and we headed over to his parents house. The walk was a quiet one, my mind was turnin' with the what ifs. I had to stop thinkin' like this, I shook my head lightly. We reached his old house then and we went inside, my parents and Em were already there and I could tell that just by lookin' at my mama and Mrs. Whitlock that they were already cryin'. As soon as Mrs. Whitlock saw Jasper she got up out of her chair and came runnin' over to Jasper, he dropped his duffle bag just before she wrapped her arms around him and started to cry uncontrollably. I made to let go of his hand but Jasper just tighten his hold on my hand and wrapped his other arm around his mama and tried to comfort her.
Finally Mrs. Whitlock was able to gain some control over herself but the tears were still streamin' down her face and it was gettin' more and more difficult for me to keep my tears at bay. Jasper led his mama back to her chair and then we just talked while Jasper kept promisin' that he was goin' to come back again. All too soon for any of our likin' it was time for Jasper to leave. I knew that I had to stay strong more so right now because there was no way that Jasper was goin' to leave with the image of me cryin' to carry with him. We were all goin' to escort him to town where Jasper was goin' to meet up with the rest of the people that was goin'. We all climbed into Mr. Whitlock's wagon with me sittin' next to Jasper, my head on his chest. The drive was a silent one and before we knew it we were rollin' into town. Jasper told his daddy where he needed to go, and Mr. Whitlock drove over to the saloon where they were all meetin' up. I asked Jasper why the saloon and he said that it was so everyone, if they wanted, could have a last drink for who knows how long. I nodded my head because it made sense. There were a lot of families around and all the women were tryin' hard not to cry, some were not very successful.
These were all men that we grew up with. I saw my friend Elizabeth and after tellin' Jasper I would be back I went over to see her. I could tell that she was about to cry and I asked her what was wrong and she told me that he long time beau, Jackson had told her that he was goin' off to fight not twenty-four hours after he proposed to her. She also told me that she was tryin' to stay strong but it was hard. I hugged her and told her that I knew what she was goin' threw, that Jasper was also goin' off to fight and that he told me after we got engage. I showed her my ring and she showed me hers. Just then Jackson and Jasper came over to us from different directions. The men shook hand and Jackson promised me that he would take care of Jasper which I thanked him for and Jasper told the same thing to Elizabeth and she thanked him as well.
Jasper told me that it was time to go and so with a hug to both Elizabeth and Jackson I left with words of safety to Jackson and a promise to come and visit Elizabeth soon. We walked back to the family and after a round of hugs we stood and talked for a few minutes till we heard the commandin' officer shout that it was time to pull out. Jasper gave his mama and mine a kiss on the cheek and told them that he would see them soon and then he gave hugs to his daddy, mine and Em. He then pulled me aside and without a care for who was watchin' he gave me a searin' kiss and told me that he loves me forever, that he will see me again and that when he gets back we will get married. I told him the same things and then kissed him again.
The commandin' officer called out again and Jasper started to walk away with another 'I love you'. I could tell that the tears would be comin' soon but I tried to hold them off. All around me there could be hear 'Iloveyou', 'I'llreturntoyou',and 'I'llmissyou'.It was gettin' harder to hold the tears back and before Jasper got too far I yelled out his name and when he stopped to look back I went runnin' to him. He dropped his bag and held out his arms for me. I ran straight into his arms and just held him as tight as I could, wishin' that we could just disappear and never be found. Jasper squeezed me and mumbled in my hair that he had to go. I nodded my head and released him as I heard the commandin' officer yell again. I stepped back from him and he placed a kiss on my lips and told me that love last forever. He then picked up his bag and went and got into the line behind Jackson.
I felt as though my heart was breakin' the farther that he was gettin' from me. Once everyone had fallen into line the commandin' officer told them to move out and the shear sadness that I was feelin' made it hard to breath and I thought that I would never breath right again till Jasper was by my side. I wrapped my arms around myself, as if to hold the pieces of my heart together but it didn't feel as if it was workin'. Jasper turned back to look at me and I saw a shot of pain flash in his eyes and I knew that it must be killin' him to see me cry. I gave him a watery smile in hopes to convey that I was goin' to be alright but I don't know if Jasper bought it or not. He did give me a smile back and then turned around.
I just stood there cryin' long after Jasper had left my sight, I felt two arms wrap around me and although they were not the arms that I wanted around me at this point I knew that they also were a sense of home for it was my daddy who had his arms around me. He told me that it was time to go and I could only nod my head because I was cryin' too hard to speak. He led me over to the wagon and then I felt Emmett's arms around me liftin' me into the wagon. Once I was settled, Mr. Whitlock started the drive home. Em wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry on his shoulder. I was glad that he hadn't enlisted as well because if he did I didn't know what I would have done with myself. I had a fear in the back of my head that Em might still go and enlist but I had to keep pushin' that thought away because I wasn't ready to let another man that I love go off to war.
We got home and all I wanted to do was be in Jasper and my house. My mama didn't think that it was a good idea but daddy told her that I needed some time alone and that he or Em would check on me in a couple of hours. Mama was still unsure but she agreed, I thanked them and then walked to our house. Once inside and the door was locked. I made my way to our bedroom, crawled onto Jasper's side where his scent still lingered and cried some more. I cried so much that I cried myself to sleep. I had a horrible dream in which Jasper's body was lying in the dirt somewhere with blood seepin' out of his head and the look of death in his eyes. I screamed so loudly that I woke myself up cryin'. I sat there on the bed and rocked back and forth whisperin' a prayer to God to look after my Jasper and make sure he comes back home to me. There was a knock on the door and I was shakin' so bad that I stumbled on my way to answer it. I had trouble openin' the door thanks to my shakes but when I did, I saw Em on the other side, one look of my face and he walked in without sayin' anythin', shut the door and picked me up and walked us over to the couch where he sat down and told me to cry all I want that my big brother was here and he wasn't goin' to let anythin' happen to me. I started to cry at his promise and Em only rocked me and told me that everythin' was goin' to be alright.
Once I had finally calmed down he asked me what had happen and I told him of the nightmare which caused some more tears to fall. He told me that, that wasn't goin' to happen because Jasper promised that he was goin' to return to me. I just nodded my head and let Em continue to hug me. My stomach had started to grumble and Em suggested that we head up to mama and daddy's house and have supper with them. I nodded again and after washin' my face we headed up to the house. We walked in and I could tell that mama had been cryin' also by the red the rimmed her eyes; Jasper was like a son to her. I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her and just held her while tellin' her that Jasper was goin' to come home. We then had dinner though I didn't eat that much and retried to the livin' room where mama took out her sewin' and began to do some mendin' while we sat and talked; I mostly just listened.
It was gettin' late and I was tired so I told them that I was goin' home. That's when Em suggested that he moved out there with me and make sure that I'm alright and don't stop eatin'. I told him that it wasn't necessary but he wouldn't listen and daddy said that it was best if I wasn't left on my own for a couple of days at least. I knew that I couldn't win a fight against my daddy so I relented and Em went and packed some things to bring with him. When he came back into the livin' room, we said goodnight to mama and daddy and made our way back to my house. I wasn't in the mood for talkin' anymore so I got into my nightgown, said goodnight to Em and then crawled into bed.
A/N: So there you have it the first chapter of my new story. I hope that you all like it. *waves* Until next time, LW