Monster – horrible – freak – inhuman – die – MONSTER.

Words like that continued to play inside his head, over and over again like a broken record that kept playing the same song over and over again. He couldn't get those words out of his head and it annoyed him more than it probably should. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. It was just a damn bullet that nearly killed him, not a head injury. Then why did he act like this – so much unlike himself? It didn't make any sense at all.

And honestly, he just wanted it to end already. The suffering his own thoughts gave, the pain he felt shooting out through his whole body whenever he moved even a little bit. Never had he felt this bad and never was he going to either. This would be the last time something like this would ever happen. He would personally make sure of that.

He knew how to do it and what needed to be done to get this over with. But one thing he also knew, was that he wouldn't be able to do it himself. He knew he wouldn't be able to get a hold on the things he needed to do what he planned and there was no way in hell any of the people watching over him would let him get something like that. Especially not the headless rider and the underground doctor.

When it came to the informant, he knew that man would do whatever it took to end his life just as much as he himself wanted it to end. But when he thought about it, the man seemed to have changed when he found out about these things that was going on, the disappearance of the monster of Ikebukuro, the man who no weapon could kill... no known weapon, that was.

No gun had been able to penetrate through his heart. Even if this one had been way too close to killing him, he had only just damaged his heart a bit, making him unable to breath for himself without a machine or gas mask to help him catch his breath again. That was one of the many thousands of things that annoyed him so damn much about this whole situation.

He could have been lying there for hours or even days – even though that didn't seem very likely – before he heard footsteps getting closer and closer to the room he had been forced to get stuck in for quiet a while now. He knew who it was and knew what was going to happen but he didn't bother doing anything about it. What could he do anyway?

He felt something he never had felt before and never thought he would ever feel. Almost like something was building inside his stomach, like a knot that wouldn't get out. The hell was this feeling? It was uncomfortable and he wanted it gone but he didn't even bother doing anything about it and just let it be like that.

Shizuo heard the footsteps stop suddenly and he assumed the person who had dared to near the monster's cage stopped just to look in at him. He knew who it was and he could almost see that Cheshire cat like grin spreading over that pale face.

But he didn't know that the raven haired man actually looked a bit sad when he saw how he was lying there, back to the door and almost looking lifeless. The only thing that showed the monster was alive was the slow beeping from the machine the man had been attached to, both to show he was alive and to actually keep him alive.

Izaya stood there, leaned up against the frame of the door with his arms crossed over his clothed chest. And he simply just watched the now former bodyguard lie there, weak and almost lifeless. It was horrible seeing his worst enemy like this and yet he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. Not to end the misery nor to make them better somehow.

After taking a deep breath in, he finally pulled himself together and walked into the room, noticing how the blond suddenly started to shake. Or maybe he had done it before too and he just didn't notice. He didn't know why and he would find out about that sooner or later.

He only stopped walking when he was right next to the bed the blond was lying on and he finally managed to put on his own facade again, the facade of him not even being anywhere near worried.

"Ne, Shizu-chan... Are you gonna lie there for the rest of your life - what's left of it, that is – or are you actually going to try and get better?"

He didn't get an answer and it made him furrow his thin raven colored brows slightly more. So without hesitating for even a single second, he grabbed around the other man's shoulder and quickly forced him to roll around even if it hurt him in any way.

"Oi, Shizu-cha-..."

He stopped immediately when his eyes fell down on the man's face and every emotion he felt before was replaced with surprise of this man's face.

The blond was... crying?

The monster of Ikebukuro – the immortal monster – was actually crying?

It didn't make any sense what so ever. But seeing those tears roll down this man's face, Izaya couldn't help but let his heart almost sink. This wasn't fair. This wasn't like the Shizuo he knew and hated. This wasn't real. This had to be one big fucking nightmare. It couldn't be real. He wouldn't believe it.

Even though tears were making their way down his cheeks, falling from his blank amber eyes, Shizuo let the corners of his lips slowly tug back into a weak smile as he reached forward to grab around the informant's hand, holding a tight yet still weak grip around it.

He knew what he had to do, knew what was needed in this situation.

And then he spoke. His voice was lowered and the tone weak just like before, almost a harsh whisper that made Izaya's eyes almost tear up.

"Kill me..."


A/N: OMG, so sorry for very late update. And well, for the depressed mess this has turned to. Also sorry for it being so short. I will try to make the next one longer and will work harder to actually get it updated more often. But you see... life just isn't easy. Alright, thank you for sticking with me and reviews are loved very much.