So, this is my entry for SouthParkFan8's Christmas Contest!
Warning! I don't own South Park, Toys R Us (or their catchy song), any of the toys, there's some swearing, and yeah. That's it. Enjoooooy! :D
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Echoed the blonde's squee's of childish delight as he soared down the smooth polished isles on a tiny scooter, in the only South Park Toy-Store, Toys-R-Urs.
Kenny, being not only drunk, but an excellent lock-picker, had decided to spend Christmas Eve in the closed, isolated store, playing with the toys like he was still nine years old.
Of course, as South Park barely had enough money after the third Mecha Streisand incident, there wasn't any CCTV, alarms, or anything. Kenny was free to do whatever he pleased, and of course, when he was drunk, nothing could stop him.
"I don't wanna grow up, I wanna be a Toys R Urs kid! Kid! Kid!" He sang joyfully, as he wobbled his way past the Barbie's and the Monster High dolls, balancing on one snow-soaked, converse-enclosed foot on the two wheeled piece of cheap plastic.
Carelessly, he skidded around the isles, clutching the handlebars in a vice like grip, and hunching down to the height of a four year old. But in his heart, Kenny really was a four year old.
Soon, he came hurtling towards a mountain of stuffed animals, and with no control whatsoever, he found himself being flung from the crappy little scooter, and into the lap of a colossal, fluffy polar bear.
"Heyaaaa, sexy momma!" He drunkenly slurred, as he hit on the stuffed bear. "Wanna come to my plaaaaace?"
The furry beast replied by tipping over, pinning Kenny to the ground, crushing the scrawny teen.
"Bit desperate, aren't we?" He said, flashing his signature perverted smile. Throwing the polar bear off of him, he decided to wander on, azure eyes widening in excitement like, well, a child in a toy store.
Sapphire eyes widened even bigger when his hands clutched around a large, shiny Nerf gun.
"Nowsa time for some fun!" He grinned wildly, ripping off the cardboard so ferociously that his fingernails bled, but he didn't really give a crap. It was the gun he cared about.
Once it was free from its cardboard prison, the blonde lovingly wrapped his arms around his Christmas present. This, heart-warming moment between boy and plastic, however, didn't last long, as Kenny eagerly loaded the gun with the bullets, and put on his 'Okay, Imma gonna shoot stuff, so screw you' face.
Taking aim, he began to pelt a stuffed giraffe in the neck, until it collapsed. Having a sense of glory, and a taste of success, Kenny continued his mission of collapsing as much stuff as possible.
Humming the Mission Impossible theme as loudly as he could, he began to run around, sticking close to walls, and doing as many duck and rolls as possible.
In a different part of the store, Bebe began picking up as many nail polishes as she could, and stuffed them into her purse. Having followed the drunken Mc Cormick boy with curiosity, he had lead her here, were, she had decided to raid the make-up section. Besides, she could put all the blame on Kenny, so, she could seem completely innocent. Kenny didn't even know she was here, and if anyone had wondered where all the make-up went, Kenny would've guessed that in his drunken state, he had done something with it.
Simple. She got free make-up, and her previous ex got the blame!
While inspecting the quality of Pink Sakura Blossom, Bebe sensed someone coming. Most likely, Kenny, but of course, knowing her plan would be foiled if Kenny spotted her, she instantly went into panic mode, and frantically looked around for a place to hide.
Where can I hide! WHERE CAN I HIDE! She thought quickly, blue eyes searching desperately.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. The footsteps grew louder and nearer.
Bebe panicked, and flapped her hands about in wild gestures, until she noticed the Christmas Tree, in all its splendour, about three isles away from her, just enticing her with its broad branches, ideal for hiding under.
The humming of the Mission Impossible Theme got dangerously close, so, without any second thoughts, she dived under the tree, internally moaning about how the needles where ruining her jacket.
From her hiding place, she spied upon the blonde boy, who ran around the isles with a Nerf gun like a little kid.
Smiling at the chance of revenge for breaking her heart, she grabbed her phone and began to record Kenny's Nerf Gunmanship.
Smiling smugly as she finished her recording, she moved her hand to return her phone to its home in her pocket, when her arm knocked a branch, and made the tree swing dangerously.
Screeching in fear, she leapt out, and ran carelessly out of the store, just as the golden star that normally graced the summit of the tree, fell from the sky, and one point decided to lodge itself in Kenny's heart, ending his fun in the toy store.
Back at Stan's house, Stan lay casually on his bed, tossing some random object in the air, and catching it again.
Suddenly, he sat bolt upright, and gasped "Oh my God! She killed Kenny!" , before returning to his amusing little 'game'.
Over in Starks Pond, a young red-head sat, singing his lonely Jew song, when he suddenly stopped, and yelled, "You Bastards!" before returning to his song.
Kenny woke up on a bed of soft clouds, and realised where he was. Heaven.
"Kenny? Kenny!" Asked a voice. Kenny sat up and faced Jesus.
"Oh, hey Jesus" Kenny smiled casually, as meeting Jesus, for him, wasn't really a huge deal.
"So, as you know tomorrow is my birthday, and you're invited! So c'mon! Let's say we get some cake!"
Perking up at the bribe of cake, Kenny immediately leapt up, and gestured for Jesus to lead the way to the Heavenly cake. After all, Heaven's cake is the nicest cake, and no one in their right mind would refuse an invite to Jesus' birthday! The guy gave out presents! Why would you not want to go?
The next morning, as the sun tinted the sky with an orange glow, all the South-Parkian teens (excluding Kyle) woke with joy, and clumsily charged down the stairs, to tear open their presents, and see what 'Santa' had got them.
Stan tried to pull a happy face to find he had got a baseball set. The sport he hated the most. He smiled and thanked his dad for it, while making a mental note to use it for whacking Cartman, and seeing if his blubber would ripple.
Cartman awoke to mountains of toys, and almost every game there was imaginable. He thanked his mother by calling her a bitch who should be in the kitchen, making him lunch. Liane made a mental note that he was getting coal next year. Maybe even gym lessons.
Craig woke up, went downstairs, picked up his present, flipped everyone off, and returned to his room, to enjoy his Christmas, the boring way.
Tweek woke up, and tried to open his gift, but his jittery hands forbade him from doing so. Eventually, he coaxed his new thermos from the paper, and immediately put it to use by filling it with his precious coffee.
Bebe smugly smiled on Christmas morning, after her successful getaway the night before. She sat comfortably in her room, uploading her video of Kenny, only to annoyance to find the comments, Sweet dude! From Stan, and Awesome! From Kyle. She scowled in anger as her plan to humiliate him failed - Miserably.
Wendy smiled as she got up and smiled in delight to find her present, a new Toshiba Satellite C660* laptop on her desk. Now she could do even more studying, after her previous laptop broke from her extreme study sessions.
And Kenny? Well, he woke up, still tasting the delicious cake on his lips, and smiled, but he only smiled wider when he realised he was still clutching his precious Nerf gun.
"Thanks Jesus! You rock dude!" He yelled, grinning madly, with eyes sparkling in pure delight.
Kyle sulked in the corner of his room. Great. It was Christmas, the day when all his friends forget he exists. Just fantastic.
Deciding that he had to do something, he pulled out some paper, and began to write, and funnily enough, his book, Why being a Jew on Christmas Sucks, became a bestseller.
And Cartman, being the dick he was, bought a copy, just to sacrifice to Hitler.