Greetings and salutations, my fellow ponies! Allow me to introduce myself! My name is Fancy Pants, stallion extraordinaire of Canterlot. Throughout my life, I have been a professional adventurer, and gentleman's gentleman! Perhaps you have heard of me... if so, I hope it has only been of those very best of my achievements and accomplishments. I should like to get to know you all, and perchance we could be good friends, perhaps. I am glad that I have been given the great and good opportunity to speak to such humble and esteemed ponies such as yourselves, and am of the hope that my words can better your lives in some way.
One of the things I pride myself on, is being a self-made Pony. My fortune was forged in the fires of my own hard work, a product of my own tears and sweat. I believe a pony should only possess what they have earned by deeds, not simply be handed fame and fortune as a result of the circumstances of their birth. For only those who have worked hard, can appreciate the hard work it takes to attain such wealth and prestige. That is why I respect you, my good ponies... for only you, who toil in the factories and fields and shops, can see the value and importance of that which I speak.
I came up from the humblest of beginnings, on the poorer side of the streets of Manehatten. I studied hard, and work hard as a grocery store Clerk, working hard and saving my bits. I eventually earned enough money to put myself though College, and there my life truly bagan. I went out west, and was a cowpony of the open plains, where I fought ornery Rustlers and befriended the Buffalo tribes. I came back to Manehatten, and served as the city's police chief, cleaning up the city's crime spree, and getting rid of the powerful goat crime families that held everypony in their merciless grip. many of those Don goat families still speak my name in fear, let me tell you!
My great adventures have taken me far afield, as well. I have gone on Safari to the Zebra Country, and with the aid of my Zebra coolies brought down many a fierce Chimera while on the hunt. In service to Equestria, I was the leader of my own platoon, the rough trotters. We made our mark during the great pony wars... and it was during this war, that I made my famous charge up the San Kettle hill- an adventure which I was awarded the iron bridle, by Princess Celestia herself. I even braved the dangers of the greatest adventure of all... marriage... and the result is my beautiful, pink-haired unicorn wife Fleur Delis, a few years younger than I am, and who sits beside me now. I have lived a charmed life, and I thank Celestia for all the good fortune I have been given.
But having settled into the life of the elite of upper-crust Canterlot, I have discovered an enemy far greater than any I have ever faced on the battlefield... snobbery. Rich, spoiled corporate ponies who were born with their mouths in a golden feed bag, and have never had to dirty their hooves with real, backbreaking work. Their class elitism sickens me, and makes me long for a return to the open plains of the safari, or the roaring sounds of canon fire on the battlefield. Oh to be rid of these sickening snobs like Jet Set. although the nobles and royalty are usually a bit more humble than the common rich, I have run into snobs like that arrogant Prince Blueblood... a Stallion such as him, is a thing I can barely stand!
It is you, my good common ponies, who have my esteem! You, who slave away in the mills, and work in the mines, to build up those rich ponies's fortunes. You are the cogs, you are the wheels, who keep the machine of Equestrian society going forward. Without your effort, without your aid, the these spoiled elites who play while you do all the work, would not have the fortunes the flout at the art galleries, or on the racetrack. I do not understand why our great and good Princesses Celestia, who has my deepest devotion and admiration, does not do something about these social parasites!
Oh to be rid of these sorry realms! To sail far, far away on an airship, and never return to these arrogant, rich ponies! Yet... we all have our roles to play in society. The mare Rarity, whom I did not recognize as one of the harmony bearers, tried to fit into this elite and spoiled world, thinking their was some kind of treasure to be found here. But I could have told you, my dear Rarity, that the greatest treasure lay with your friends, and that she was ignoring far greater wealth in her friends, rather than trying to fit in with these fools! Still, I am glad to have had the chance to meet such an esteemed ponysonage as herself, and I do hope she has come away from our acquaintance a little wiser.
I would love to board one of the great airships, and leave these foolish rich children far behind me, as I return to some forigen field where my knowledge and ability might be of more use to our great and glorius kingdom. But alas, we all have our roles to play in society, and mine is here, keeping these vultures at bay in court, so they do not exploit you, the common pony. I must continue to play the part of a spoiled, rich snob like the rest of them, so that I may undermine them from within. Now, as much as I enjoy speaking to you, my good ponies, I must be off, for I much more to accomplish ere this day is done! Tally Ho!
(May continue this if enough people like it, but we'll see.)