Title: Five ways to misuse the Gate
Author: Shenandoah Risu
Rating: G
Content Flags: It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Spoilers: none
Characters: Everett Young, The Destiny Crew
Word Count: 414
Summary: Our Gate is far too important as a lifeline to be used for certain non-standard practices.
Author's Notes: Written for prompt set #131 at the LJ Comm sg1_five_things.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with. ;-)
Thanks for reading! Feedback = Love. ;-)


Five ways to misuse the gate

Memo to: all Destiny personnel

From: Colonel E. Young

Attention all personnel:

Our Gate is far too important as a lifeline to be used for certain non-standard practices, which include but are not limited to the following:

1. Peeling purple sweet potatoes. Pvt Becker spent all day yesterday scrubbing the outside of the Gate because someone had used it to speed up their potato peeling chores while the Gate was dialing out. We don't know what kind of chemical interaction purple sweet potato juice has with naquadah, so until the safety of this activity can be determined without a doubt there will be no more potato peeling on a dialing Gate.

2. Projection Screen. We lost several large bed sheets last week when those responsible for striking the projection screen for movie night neglected to remove it from the gate. The sheets were torn and vaporized by an outgoing self-dialing activation. As you well know, we have a finite supply of linens aboard Destiny. From now on, movie night will be held in the mess hall only.

3. Steam-cleaning. As tempting as it may be to stuff your dirty laundry into the Gate's steam vents so they will be treated by the exhaust of a closing Gate connection, please do not try this ever again. The steam is too hot for clothing, and we are reasonably sure it is laced with unpleasant chemical byproducts. Lieutenant Johansen is standing by in the infirmary with rash ointments. Please see her ASAP if you tried this stunt.

4. Whirligig. Apparently we have some pre-schoolers among the crew who thought attaching small colored flags to the Gate would be entertaining. Please see Dr. Park who spent all afternoon in the Gate subfloor compartment, picking shredded fabric and paper out of the Gate gears. She will explain to you in great detail why this was a bad idea.

5. Disco Ball. Despite the fact that our previous dance parties have been great successes, please stop by the Gate room today and pick up your mirrors. While Mr. Brody assures me the Gate did not sustain any damage from spinning with mirrors attached to its face, Dr. Rush and I agree that it's just plain tacky. Please see Lt James and Varro who have volunteered to develop a proper disco ball for the next dance night.

Thank you for your immediate and absolute compliance.

Colonel E. Young



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