Small one shot. Was attacked by a plot bunny.
WARNING: This fic does have attempted suicide, while i would read it as a teen(considering i am one) does not necessarily mean everyone would. Please read with caution.
He didn't want to do it anymore. Poppy Pomfrey and Hermione Granger had healed his physical wounds, but he simply couldn't live with the trauma. He would do it tonight. It was hopeless.
Hermione had received an owl in her chambers. The piece of parchment only had one line: Meetmeinmyoffice.
After seven years of that handwriting, she knew who it belonged to. It was from Professor Snape... Severus. She called him that in her mind nowadays. She appreciated the irony.
Hermione Granger, Gryffindor Princess and know-it-all extraordinaire, was in love with the bat of the dungeons.
When she had been healing him, she had seen another side of him; a more personal side. The way he would squeeze her hand for comfort when they had to magically purge his body of all the venom. The way they had become almost friends. Then everything changed. When he was released from the Hospital Wing, he became depressed, she was sure of it.
He drank for more hours than he slept. He ignored her. She had to admit that stung the most. When she assisted Poppy, he would make his silence towards her all too apparent. She sighed. He was damaged. Probablybeyondrepair,she reflected as she descended the stairs to the dungeon. She knocked on his office door.
"Enter." It had taken a while, and a lot of spell work, invented by Hermione herself, to bring Snape's voice back. She opened the door. He was sanding in front of his desk. "Happy Halloween, Granger." She had forgotten the date. She suppressed a wince.
"And to you, too, sir. Was there something you wanted?" The Professor's face was mostly blank, as usual, but there was a hint of awkwardness in his eyes.
"It has come to my attention that I never thanked you for... all you did." He produced a small notebook from behind his back. He looked at it, and held it in his hands for a brief second before holding it out for her. She accepted it gingerly and curious to find out what was inside, she opened it to the first page.
This book is property of the Half-Blood Prince
"This book is a work in progress. It has everything that was in the potions textbook you so loathed, as well as all the new additions I have made over the years." To his discomfort, he saw her eyes glistening with tears.
"I...I can't accept this. This is important to you. Why are you giving it to me?" He sighed.
"I wanted to convey my thanks. I won't need it after tonight." She observed him critically.
"Are you going somewhere, sir?" He paused for a second and nodded once. "Well... I'll keep it safe for you until you get back. Is that alright, sir?" He nodded again.
"You may go." She looked at him for a second, confused. Then shrugged and turned to walk out of the portrait hole.
Hermione entered her rooms feeling very confused. Why was Severus is such a good mood? Or, at least he's in a giving mood. She considered the factors. His 'Happy Halloween' was a bit suspicious, considering he had lost Lily on this day. Maybe he was trying to test her? Only, it didn't feel like his tests usually did. And why the book? And those strange parting words: Iwon'tneeditaftertonight.
This wasn't the first time the words had crossed her mind that night, either. There was one moment it made her think of. She was caring for him, about a month after he had woken up...
"How are you today, sir?"
"Have you ever felt like you wanted to die, Granger?" The question made her freeze and almost drop his healing potion.
"What?" She whispered.
"You heard me." His black eyes bore into her amber ones. She was shocked, but she answered anyway, catching the hidden meaning behind a statement as bleak as the one just made.
"I believe the only time suicide should be considered, sir, is when there is literally no other option..."
Then it clicked. Lily was killed at 11:00 PM.
"Oh, fuck!" Shit,shit,shit,shit. Her mind raced. It was 10:55.Suddenly she wasn't so interested in sleeping.
She Summoned her robes as she ran out the portrait hole, sprinting to the dungeon in record time. Despite the stitch in her side, she summoned enough venom in her voice to make the little man in the portrait run with fright.
"If you don't get out of the way, I'm going to kill you." Then she started banging her fist on the door.
"Severus! Open the damned door! Please, don't do it! This isn't your last resort!" The clock struck eleven. She pointed her wand at the portrait. "BombardaMaxima!"
The scene that met her eyes when the dust cleared was not something she ever wanted to witness again. Severus Snape was in front of the fire, kneeling. His wand laid next to him. She saw him make the first cut with the silver razor blade.
"No!" She screamed. "PetrificusTotalus!" Blade in the opposite hand, hovering over his left wrist, his frame froze. She ran over and knelt in front of him. She worked quickly and efficiently to heal the gash on the inside of his arm, aware the whole time of his eyes on the back of her neck as she bent down. "Incarcerous." She whispered.
Just was soon as she had unfrozen him, the ropes were binding his wrists. She stood up, towering over him.
His kneeling position looked like that of a hostage, but there wasn't time to think about it. It took her a while to put her anger into works, but when she did it came out in a rush of rage.
"Why...? How could a man capable of such incredible bravery be guilty of such cowardice. I-I'm repulsed. Terrified. What the fuck were you thinking? You think you have it bad? We all have nightmares, Severus, but you don't see me trying to off myself in front of the hearth! You don't see Harry with a gun to his head! Or any of the Order! Do you know why?" She spoke with such a vengeance, that Snape looked up at her for the first time.
"Because they appreciate the life they have. You should to! Your survival was a miracle. They watched friends die. So did you. Those people gave up everything so that we could be peaceful and happy again! You are acting like a selfish, cowardly bastard." He stared her right in the eyes and sneered.
"Ah, so poor little Miss Granger finally figured it out. I'm not a friend to you, I'm just a cowardly bastard, and you wondered why I wanted to off myself." He scoffed. She was angry, she could feel the magic crackling around her, but made no attempt to control it. Then they heard footsteps into the blown in living room.
"Severus? Hermione? What in Merlin's name just happened?" The scene was quite odd, Hermione reflected in the part of her mind that wasn't overcome by rage. Snape was still on the floor when he spoke.
"That's none of your concern Minerva." Severus said.
"Severus-" Then Hermione spoke, turning to face the Headmistress.
"Enough! I'll tell you in the morning, but right now, I need Professor Snape to myself." Minerva cast Hermione a curious look before climbing out of the wall. Hermione quickly cast a Repairo and Muffiliato for good measure.
"Why do you care anyway, Granger? I'm not one of your little causes, I am a full grown man. If I want to off myself, I should damn well be allowed to off myself." Hermione knew she had tears in her eyes, but she still looked down him.
"And... an to think that I... that I..."
"Spit it out, Granger." Even after an attempt on his own life, Severus Snape was still the master of sarcasm.
"And to think that I still love you."
The words had a profound impact on the man on the floor. Even the worlds greatest Occlumens in the world couldn't mask these feelings. This eyes widened and his mouth hung open slightly; he looked to be in shock.
"Wh-what?" He said horsely.
"I love you. That's what I wouldn't let you off yourself tonight." She said sadly. He looked like a fish out of water at this point.
"But you can't love me. I'm... I'm the Bat of the Dungeons, the Greasy Git, Snivilous." He said the last one with just a hint of contempt. The bullying he had received at the hands of the Marauders was not something he was likely to forget in a hurry. He hid his face in his hair. Hermione knelt in front of him once more.
"Severus Snape you are a bastard. You are horrible, spiteful, and bitter. But you are also compassionate, brave, loyal, and one of the single smartest people i have ever met. You make me happy, and you almost killed yourself. You almost killed my heart, because you'd already stolen it you insufferable man." In those couple of sentences, Severus changed. He make someone happy.
But... "How can you think that of me after... after everything I've done? I've murdered, tortured, raped, and broken people beyond repair. How, Hermione, how?" She liked the way he said her name. She noticed, just in time since he was hiding behind his hair, that a tear had made it's way to the end of his nose and dropped onto the green hearth rug. More soon joined it. Hermione put her finger under his chin and tried to lift his head up, but he turned away.
"Don't you turn away from me, Severus. I want to se the man I love." Her heart was pounding. Head still turned, he said,
"Can you at least take this damn ropes off me?" His voice was rather course and gruff from crying, but it wasn't biting. He simply sounded tired.
"Do you promise never to hurt yourself again?" Severus didn't say anything. "Please Severus." His eyes snapped up to meet hers.
"Don't you dare." He said in a deadly voice, "Don't you dare manipulate me, Hermione. Ever." This time, it was she who bowed her head.
"I'm sorry. I-I just care about you and I don't want to be constantly worrying about you and you... dying." She took several deep breaths. "I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm trying to save your life and my sanity. Please, Severus, I'm begging you." His black eyes were red with crying, and no longer closed off. They were wide with agony, regret, fear, and... trepidation? That'sunexpected.Hermione thought to herself. He finally nodded, sealing their promise.
She severed the bonds with a quick slicing charm. She grabbed his wrist. The one with the Dark Mark, and below that, a silvery line. A memory of tonight's events.
"Let this be the last scar you get borne out of hatred, Severus." And then she bent down and kissed the newly healed scar and trailed up to the Mark. He flinched, recoiled, and trying to pull his arm back to hide the ugly blemish from view. But she kept her hold on his wrist. Looking deep into his eyes, she said,
"I love you. Every part of you." This time he met her eyes as he started crying. Tears poured down his cheeks. He tried so hard to keep that first choked sob in, but once it was out, there was no stopping the others. Hermione couldn't stand it. She couldn't watch the man she loved in so much pain. She didn't think about it as she wrapped her arms around his skeleton-like frame. He tensed and stopped crying.
"Let it go, Severus. Just let it go." Just like that, something broke. The dam that held in Severus's pain and sorrow burst. Hermione gently rocked him, not saying anything. Not judging. After about five minutes and a soaked through blouse, she spoke softly to the broken man.
"Severus, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay."
"How can you be so sure?" The voice sounded meek and tickled her neck.
"Because I love you. The rest of the world can sod off." His hand came to grip the lapel of the dressing gown. He started off muttering, but soon his voice became loud enough for Hermione to hear. He repeated it over and over again.
"Don't ever let me go, Hermione. Please don't let me go. You can't. I'd brake." She put her face in his hair.
"I'll never let you go, Severus. I refuse. I'll be here. Always." With that, she grabbed both sides of his face and tilted his head up. She planted a chaste kiss on the older man's lips. His eyes were wide with disbelief. He brought his left hand, the one that had been holding her lapel, and touched his lips.
"Hermione." He whispered. His eyes focused in on her. He leaned in ever so slowly and their lips met again. Their tongues dance.
"Severus." She gasped as his hands trailed down her sides and his lips met her neck.
He hadn't know something like this would, or could, ever happen. He was lying next to a beautiful witch he had just made love to on the rug in front of the hearth. But this wasn't a common whore; it was... her. The woman who had brought him back from the brink of death. In one, short night, she had become his everything.
He brushed the tangled curls out of her face. She was so beautiful. He was just about to lean down and kiss her, when he heard the portrait door open. Hermione woke up.
"Wazzit?" She looked at Severus and smiled, but it fled from her face after seeing his horrified expression. She whipped her head around to see what he was so horrified of.
Minerva McGonagall was standing a few feet away from them with a completely shocked expression.
"Hermione? What...?" Hermione laughed and flipped on to her front, careful to keep the blanket from slipping down.
"Good morning, Minerva. How may we help you?" Minerva was opening and closing her mouth in shock. Severus soon realized Hermione's plan, and despite his obvious discomfort, decided to play along.
"Do shuck your mouth, Minerva. Surely you can't be that much of a prude." They herd her teeth click audibly before she started asking.
"What... what happened?" Hermione immediately went on the defensive.
"Why should I tell-"
"No, it's okay, Hermione. I'll tell her." He flipped to face his colleague. "I almost committed suicide last night. Hermione stopped me, and we had a rather enjoyable night. It has certainly been a less that enjoyable morning since you walked in." He sneered. "I don't want to say anything beyond that. Please leave." Minerva finally left in a daze. Hermione turned to him.
"I love you." Severus smiled a small smile. It was his first genuine smile in years. He looked down at the witch next to him.
"And I love you."
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