disclaimer: disclaimed.
dedication: to mouldycookies, who has a great sense of humour. seriously guys. she's wondrous.
notes: what am I even doing with my life. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I can't help it. this is what I do late at night when I haven't slept; I write badfic.

title: testing, testing
summary: In which Sakura realizes that her best friend's relatives are all jerks. She reacts by throwing things. — Non-massacre AU; Shisui/Sakura.

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"Sasuke-kun, why is your family so…"

"Idiotic."

"Yeah, that."

Sasuke looked bored. He shrugged in the way of children, both shoulders up in a vague way that mostly conveyed confusion. They sat on the porch together, stretched out lounging in the sun, and bored and waiting for something to happen.

But really.

Itachi was idiotic.

Or more accurately:

Itachi's friends were idiotic.

Or even more accurately:

Itachi's best-friend-slash-cousin was idiotic.

It was quite sad, really. Summer in the Uchiha house was oft-characterized by Mikoto screaming and forever sunshine and Shisui.

Sakura liked Mikoto and she liked sunshine, but she wasn't so sure about Shisui.

He was sort of weird. Like, he spent a lot of time around the house and sometimes he said weird things that were… sort of mean only not. And he had this horrible grin that sometimes made him look like twelve-year-old Naruto at his most mischievous, and if that was not a terrifying sight, Sakura didn't know what was.

"Oh, Sakura-cha~n—!"

They both looked in Shisui's direction. He seemed very pleased with life as he dragged a stoic, sighing Itachi behind him.

Sakura smiled queasily. Sasuke glared. Shisui waved enthusiastically in reply.

The motion wilted rather pathetically underneath Sasuke's furious glare.

Everyone was seriously underwhelmed.

"I'm going for a walk," Sakura said, nauseous smile forcibly in place. She stood up, wrapped her arms around herself, and headed for the street.

Shisui followed her.

Itachi watched them go. "Aren't you worried?"

"Hn?"

"About Sakura."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever seen Sakura mad, Nii-san?"

"No—"

"UGH."

There was the sound of flesh smacking flesh, and Shisui went flying across the yard followed by pine cones, large chunks of dirt, and a lawn chaise or two—pretty much everything Sakura could get her hands on, actually.

Shisui made a sound that felt like pain, and passed out.

Sasuke sat back with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I rest my case."

fin.