This was written because, well, because I lost a bet to Mentalgal. That is the one and only reason I would ever post this. Ah yeah, and I don't own the Mentalist.

"If I was dying I'd call you."
"Really? What would you say?"

A sorta follow on from that conversation. Jane's been captured by Red John and about to be killed. Red John is letting him write one letter to say goodbye.

You know, it's funny, no one ever really thinks about what they would say to their loved ones if they were given the chance before they died. I've certainly never thought about it. Mostly because until recently, I didn't think I'd have any loved ones to say goodbye to. People don't want to believe they're going to die, so they don't think about it, and I have to say, I am one of those people. It used to be all I wanted to do; disappear and die. But you changed me, Lisbon. You made me a better man. And since this is most likely my last chance to say it, you and your team became my family of sorts and we each had a role that we played.

You and I were the couple together since high school. Constantly arguing with each other but would help each other with anything in an instant, without a second thought. Out of love, I suspect, though I'll suppose I'll never know for sure now. Cho was like the protective big brother you never had. He had your back even when you didn't want it or didn't think you needed it. He will continue to do that, I'm positive, long after I'm gone. Van Pelt would be your little sister of sorts. The sort of little sister that pretends they don't want to be like the older sister, but secretly they want to be just like her when they grow up. As much as you tried not to show it, you tried to protect her. More than you did with the guys. I know you saw yourself in her, and want her to do the best she can without making your mistakes. And finally Rigsby. Rigsby would be the little sisters on again off again boyfriend. The relationship we all watch and secretly hope will work out in the end. Even you. Even if it means you might lose one of them, you'd rather they were happy in love than resenting the job and alone. And I know that sometimes you wish you made that choice.

I'm telling you all this to prove a point, just like always. You and your team are the only family I have and I want you know, I know what it's like to mourn and I don't want you to go through that. Not for too long anyway. Not like I did. Don't make my mistake. And this may sound awfully cliché, but I don't want you to blame yourself, and please, move on. Life will go on Teresa, even without Patrick Jane. But I want you to truly believe this: It was my fault. I shouldn't have gone after Red John alone, not when I had so much to lose. It's true, you know, the saying 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.' Very accurate. And I've had to learn that the hard way too many times in my life.

I really hope I don't cause you any more pain than I have to Teresa, because that would be one of the worst things I could ever do. But at least from my death you'll get Red John. I'm almost one hundred per cent sure he'll turn himself in once I'm dead, he's gotten so used to the challenge that he would be better off in prison than living without it.

I don't know why he's doing this, letting me say goodbye. I suppose it's meant to be some kind of mental and emotional torture. But it's not really. It's actually kind of therapeutic, being able to tell you everything I've ever wanted to. Tell you things like I always knew you were a Spice Girls fan, like how I was always secretly jealous of any man who got near you, like I love you.

I love you Lisbon. No jokes, no tricks, no games. Just three words that I could never say to your face. I. Love. You.

And also, can you please tell Rigsby that he owes Cho and Van Pelt fifty dollars each? They had a bet that I would never tell you. They thought I didn't know about it. Ha. As if they could hide anything from me. As you can probably tell, I'm trying to make this easier for you. I hope I can at least do that. He's telling me my time's up. I did something for the first time today, I prayed. I do so hope I'm wrong about the afterlife. And if I am wrong, I'll be waiting for you on the other side. If the big man lets me in that is. I sure hope he does.

But for now, please just make sure you do one thing for me Teresa.

Get the bastard.

Love always,