GALBADIANS INVADE DOLLET
A large-scale Galbadian invasion of the costal city-state of Dollet was narrowly averted yesterday. Completely unprepared for the assault, the Dollet forces were at first thrown into a state of utter disarray, attributed to the fact that the Dollet foeces had no appointed commander.
"It was crazy," says one soldier. "One minute, we're in the bar getting blasted, then these Galbadian punks come in and start emptying the tap! They took my Trauma card, too! You know how long it took me to get that?"
Fortunately, with the help of a so-called "mystery band" of soldiers wearing blue-black uniforms, the city was saved from Galbadian hands. "They just came out of nowhere," said Galbadian soldier Wedge. "I don't really remember it all because I sort of hit my head, but I do remember getting my pay docked." When asked to clarify, his commanding officer entered and ended the interview.
It seems, however, that the true objective of the Galbadians was in fact to reactivate the disabled communications tower to the west of town. When asked why the Galbadians placed so much interest in the tower, Galbadian commander Biggs only replied, "Why the heck should I tell you?" and stormed out, muttering something about "little SeeD twerps."
The Galbadians will be allowed to continue their plans with the comm tower, an arrangement few are happy with. "We could have taken them all," claims a mysterious soldier named "Sei-fer Al-ma-sy. Remember that name, pal." He continues, "If we hadn't been ordered to pull out, we would've been heroes! I can't believe—oh, crap, that's my ship." Here he ended the interview and ran away.
Now, all citizens must turn to recovering from the damage done by the invasion. "Now I don't mind if they want to mess around with radio dishes or whatever," says one citizen, "But what did they gain from having one of their robo-jerks step on my car? I hadn't even paid it off yet!"
All Parliment members appear to have fled the city, and were not available for comment.