Oh so you think you know me now
Have you forgotten how?
You would make me feel
when you dragged my spirit down?
Who's Laughing Now? - Jessie J
Here I was again, crying in the suffocating, claustrophobic confinement known as the supply closet. Story of my life. He'd say something, a harpoon of anger aimed at me, and I'd take it, letting it out in the forms of sorry tears. He'd rant and rave and I was always ready to take it, a punching-bag, girl-scout, naïve-geek loser.
It was hard to believe that exactly six months ago, he'd embarrassed me in front of my colleagues at Rounds, and I ran out of the patient's room to hide the tears that were smearing my crappy make up. I was such a sad, socially-inept person, and he was a stomping Julius Caesar, ready to gleefully crush anyone that fell beneath his wrath.
He'd crushed me so many times I lost track already. Well, not really. It was only twenty seven…so far. But on the twenty-seventh time he'd done that, I had a moment of enlightenment, an epiphany if you will, that getting what I most desired was just barely reachable – his respect.
Simple as that. I wanted to be treated like I was significant. Like I wasn't just a piece of Juicy Fruit stuck on the bottom of his Reeboks. I wanted him to treat me the way he treated Carla. I was a smart, hard-working, albeit frivolous young woman in her late twenties that would do anything to transcend any obstacle in her way. All obstacles that were thrown at me I've overcome – except Dr. Cox.
But then I had a ground-breaking revelation. What if I could earn his respect by putting him back in his place? Anyone wants revenge, it is as simple and just a part of human nature as the instinct to run or to fight. I, Dr. Elliot Reid, wanted to be the one to do the crushing for once. I wanted to wipe him out, to utterly destroy him the way he always enjoyed doing to me.
I had never meant to fall in love with him.
I'll admit that my plan of revenge was not the most adequate. I fished for his attention at first, wanting to imprint myself in his memories so that I'd haunt him in his dreams. I got a hair-cut, worked at developing a back-bone, and did (unintentionally) a number of idiotic things in front of him.
But that's not the worst of it.
I walked in on him changing, I talked dirty to him without even realized, I built tension as thick as walls, and I fought battles with Jordan that were worse than Antietam. I started to want him to want me, so that when he finally did, I could tear him out from right under and shatter his soul into thousands of pieces that no skilled jigsaw puzzler could put him back together.
I wanted to laugh sadistically in his face, twisted by emotional pain. Who's laughing now, Cox? It's not you anymore! But I suppose that I should have known that no one could beat the 'Mighty Cox.' He was always one step ahead. But it was a mile today, after I'd caught him in the arms of his pregnant ex wife.
I got too involved. He made me believe that we could build something, even though the words had never come out of his mouth. I wanted to stand out. I wanted his attention. I should have listened to Jordon when she told me to back off, that he was a womanizer, even though she hated me. I should have never decided to change. I should have cried and got back to work like I always did on that faithful day. But worst of all, I should have listened to Cox…he tried to warn me himself.
My story begins six months ago…in simpler times…
The following chapters will be longer, I promise. I already have Chapter One ready, I'm just testing the waters here, so consider this a prologue. BTW, it would be so awesome of you to review! Thank you for reading and if there's anything you want to see feel free to let me know. :)