Here is today's advent offering for the 5th December and this time it's some femmeslash for you all. Thank you to the lovely Bambino for stepping in and pre-reading this for me. I own nothing of Twilight unfortunately, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.
'Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.' – Kate Clinton
I slipped in through the heavy wooden door. It was unlocked of course – a sanctuary like this always stayed open for the lost souls seeking comfort.
I wasn't a lost soul, but I was seeking comfort.
It was dark in here, but I didn't search out the electric switch; the soft light from the candles at the front were more than sufficient for me to find what I was looking for.
She sat in the second row of stalls, her back to me. Her long dark hair was loose, trailing down her back, hiding her face from me at this angle. The candles gave her the appearance of an angel, creating a hazy glow around her that threw the curves I could see into sharp relief.
I shuffled slowly towards her, not sure if I was welcome, not sure if I was interrupting something. Reaching the end of the row, I could finally see that she was staring straight ahead, her eyes almost glazed over as she was captured in the light's gaze. She didn't turn to face me when I reached the end of her row, but then I wasn't really expecting her to. I could feel the slight vibration of her body though, and knew that she was aware of my presence.
I sat down next to her, slumping in the seat and looking ahead just like she did. I was happy to wait and I knew that she had to be the one to break the silence.
"You shouldn't be here." It was so softly spoken that I almost didn't hear her speak.
I glanced at her profile. "Do you want me to leave?"
She didn't answer so I took her silence as permission to stay.
I waited for what seemed like forever for her to speak again, but she remained quiet.
"Where are your parents tonight?"
She blinked slowly, as if she had forgotten that I was here. The thought stung – in a perfect world I would have liked her to be as obsessed by my presence as I was by hers. It would never happen though. She was too good, too pure.
"They're at parent's evening at the school. They won't be back for a while."
The twisted part of my brain tried to work out if that meant I would have more time with her or not. "Do you want me to stay or you prefer it if I left?" I had never dared to ask her before, unable to face her rejection.
Her head turned to face me for the first time today, her eyes flicking over my hopeful expression. "You can stay."
It was a big concession for her and I couldn't help the grin that spread across my mouth. I thought I saw the corner of her lips quirk up, but it was gone in the flicker of the candles. Glad that I had at least gotten some encouragement, I was now happy to wait for her.
The clock ticked on. Five minutes... ten minutes...
The wooden pews were hard and uncomfortable and I wriggled around a bit to try and get comfortable. I didn't know how she did it – sitting there for hours at a time, pins and needles running up her legs – without moving. Years of practice, I supposed. Her punishment to herself for being as she was.
I didn't bother with self-sacrificing anymore. I had given too much over the years to the people around me to be worried about their judgment.
Finally, she stirred from her position, shifting the balance of her weight and I perked up, hoping that this meant that the 'Asking for Forgiveness' part of the evening was now over. She stood up and stretched her arms above her head, her spine making a grotesque popping sound as it clicked back into place. What interested me more, was that when she raised her arms, her plain white shirt rode up, exposing a tantalising sliver of bare skin along with the top of her underwear. She was wearing black lace tonight, a sure sign that despite her protests, she had been hoping that I would make an appearance tonight.
Part of me was a little hacked off that she took my presence for granted, but the overwhelming part of me was shivering with excitement. She wouldn't have worn the lace unless I was going to see it.
She turned abruptly to look at me, and I immediately snapped my eyes upwards from her stomach to her face. A faint hint of a smile danced around the corners of her mouth, before the inevitable guilt took over once more and her face fell. She walked past me without saying a word, the tops of her legs brushing against my knees as she squeezed past me in the narrow pews. Without a backwards glance, she headed towards the back of the church out of my sight. The soft echo of her footsteps on the stairs leading to the upper gallery where the church organ was kept let me know where she was going and I waited for a few seconds before following her.
It was always best to allow her a bit of time to herself; she didn't like it when I pushed her.
I climbed the stairs slowly, one hand on the railing, helping me keep balance. I pushed the door open at the top and then looked round, puzzled, trying to spot her location. I took a couple of steps onto the gallery before my arm was grabbed from behind and I was pushed back against the wall.
Angela rounded on me, her mouth frantically meeting mine, her hands grasping and pulling at my clothes as she forced her tongue into my mouth. I welcomed the assault, giving back as good as I got, my fingers quickly seeking out and unbuttoning her shirt, pushing the garment back over her shoulders and onto the floor.
She eased up on her kiss then, the pace slowing as our mouths began to move together more languidly. I broke away from her lips then, dotting bites and kisses over the skin of her neck and shoulders as my hands slipped behind her back, one holding her closer to me, and the other carefully unhooking her bra. My mouth moved to her breasts as they were exposed and I dragged the straps down and off her arms, tossing the unneeded garment to one side as my searching lips reached one of her nipples.
I bit down on the puckered flesh, enjoying her surprised gasp of my name, before soothing the sting of my teeth with tiny flicks of my tongue. She grabbed my hair tightly as I licked across her chest to the neglected breast, lavishing the same attention upon it as the other, while she moaned and shook, her nails scratching at my scalp.
I was surprised when she unexpectedly pushed me away from her. Hurt at her rejection washed over me for a second, before her lips took control of mine once more. I kissed her back eagerly, trying to pour all of my feelings into that one gesture. Her hands, which up until now had remained carefully resting on my shoulders, now began to run over my body, stoking my passion. Her fingers danced over my neck, briefly cupping my face, before skimming down over my breasts, palming them while her thumbs teased my sensitive nipples through my clothes. She unzipped my sweater but didn't bother to take it off, instead she brushed the tips of her fingers down over my stomach, again and again, each downwards sweep venturing a little lower than the last.
Finally she grew tired of that game, breaking away from our kiss to focus of her hands as they undid the buttons on my jeans. I stroked her hair back from her face as she did, a litany of pleas for something, anything, as she tugged the waist band of the heavy fabric down a little...
...just enough to slip a hand inside my panties.
I jerked as she did, not expecting the bold intrusion. Usually she spent so long berating herself for her wants and desires that she was hesitant to do anything at all to me. But today... Today her fingers slid right down into my underwear, finding the wetness that had begun to flow there upon seeing those lace panties. Her thumb carefully sought out my clit, rubbing over the sensitive flesh there which swelled at her attention, while two of her other fingers plunged inside me with no warning.
I shrieked at the feeling, squirming uncontrollably as her fingers withdrew and then thrust back into my body.
I wanted to shy away. I couldn't get enough.
She hushed me as I began to babble crazily, begging and pleading and promising all sorts of impossible things, if only she would keep doing to my body what she was doing right then.
I whined as her thumb left my clit, only to hum in contentment as she moved her hand farther down my centre, adding a third finger to the two she had inside me and driving them in and out more powerfully. She pressed the heel of her hand against my clit and I took my cue from her, grinding down and bucking frantically, the swirling sensation at the core of me building with every plunge of her fingers, every sparks that shot out from the bundle of nerves at the top of my centre.
My stomach clenched, tighter and tighter, until I yanked Angela's head back towards me, forcing my lips against hers, biting and sucking as I tried to stop myself from wailing out my release.
Heat shot through my body, as my core muscles contracted and grasped at her fingers and my entire body shuddered in pleasure.
I tensed, throwing my head back against the wall, and then it was as if every bone in my body went limp. My hands unclenched from the death grip they had on Angela's hair and my legs struggled to support the rest of me. I laughed drunkenly as she slid her fingers out of my underwear and I lifted her hand to my mouth, sucking my own juices off her fingers. I knew that if I just left it to her then she would wipe her hand on the floor or something, and I was too sated and at ease in that moment to let her ruin it for me.
"You seem happy," she murmured, an odd note in her voice that I chose to ignore.
"I am happy." I smiled. "I'm here with you, the beautiful girl in the world, and now I'm going to show you just how much I love you."
I tackled her, wrapping my arms around her back so that her fall was cushioned when she hit the floor. It was carpeted, but I didn't want her to get hurt at all. I knelt between her legs and stared down at her half-naked body. She was beautiful – long dark hair all rumpled, glasses askew, chest heaving in a way that made her breasts look mouth-watering, soft creamy skin, nipples that could cut glass...
So fucking gorgeous.
I leaned over her body and took one of her breasts into my mouth once more, sucking at the hard nipples and placing hot, open-mouthed kisses over the rounded flesh. She arched her back, encouraging my attentions, and I repeated my actions on her other breast as I felt my way down her body to the waist of her pants. Getting them undone was no challenge at all and I released her from my mouth as I slid them down her long legs, pulling off her shoes, and finally baring those lace panties to my gaze.
"I like those."
Her hands fluttered self-consciously down to her underwear, before she stilled herself and rested them by her side. "I thought you might."
I beamed up at her and lowered my mouth to her ankle, licking in an unbroken up to the back of her knee where I sucked lightly at the sensitive skin there. Her leg kicked out automatically and I giggled at the reflex, duplicating my actions on her other leg. I smoothed my hands over her thighs as I did, encouraging her to spread to them wider before I kissed a spot on the smooth inner skin, sucking hard enough to leave a dark blemish – the only place she would ever let me mark her.
One of her hands came down to grab at my hair, tugging upwards, and I followed her silent instructions, taking a moment to rest my face against her clothed centre, before flicking my tongue out along the crease of her legs in short licks.
There was no pleading or begging, like I had done, instead my only indication that she welcomed my actions was the speeding up of her breathing. Hooking my fingers into the waist of those panties, I yanked them down, urgency taking over my actions. I wanted her to feel as good as I felt, and that meant stopping with the teasing I had been engaged in.
Sliding my hands under her thighs, I hooked her legs over my shoulders, and then ducked my head to lick up her centre, curling my tongue around her clit at the top. Her quiet sigh of pleasure spurred me on, and pointing my tongue out, I plunged it into her, lapping at the juices I found there. I repeated my actions several more times, before flattening my tongue against her folds, taking long, slow licks and avoiding her most sensitive spot.
I kept this up until she whined my name quietly, and at that acknowledgement, I swiftly changed tactics.
I sped up my movements, now paying special attention to her clit, sucking on the swollen nub and gently nibbling down on the hooded flesh, earning me a shout of pleasure. One hand gripped her ass, tilting her hips up towards me that I could reach every part of her, while the other stroked up her thigh, brushing delicately over her outer folds, before sliding inwards towards the entrance of her body.
Timing it carefully, I lashed at her clit with my tongue, waiting until she was quivering with need, her hand tightening painfully in my hair, her heels digging into my back and mumbled curses falling from her lips, and then pushed two fingers inside her, twisting and scissoring them as I did. She shrieked loudly as I did, her thighs tensing and closing in on my head. She was so close.
Continuing my attention with my mouth, I twisted my fingers once more, before curling them forward, searching along the front of her inner wall until...
"Bella!" she screamed my name as she came, her body tensing and pulsing around the fingers I had inside her.
I didn't stop my attentions though. Instead, I twisted my fingers again and sucked on her clit, throwing her into a second orgasm. Her body trembling, she kicked out frantically...
...and an awful crashing sound rang out through the church as her foot caught one of the organ pedals.
We both froze as the last vibrations of the instrument tremored through our bodies and silence fell throughout the building.
I was about to comment on our lucky escape when a voice called out from outside.
"Shit! My dad! Get off me!" She pushed me away, scrambling back on her ass and then to her feet as she frantically looked for her clothes. Her underwear and pants were next to my feet so I handed them over wordlessly, guiltily enjoying the show as she hopped about, tugging them on so forcefully that I thought they would tear for sure.
"Angela?" The voice was closer now, and Angela glared at me as she drew her bra straps up her arms, reaching behind her to re-hook the garment.
"What are you doing?" she hissed at me. "Don't just sit there like an idiot. Get up and get dressed!"
I ignored the sour tone to her voice, standing up leisurely before doing up the fly of my jeans that she had left undone.
"There. All dressed."
She glared at me as she tugged her shirt on, her hands moving so frenetically that most of her buttons ended up done up wrong.
"Angela? Is that you?" Reverend Weber's voice came from inside the church door now, and as we heard him begin to climb the stairs, Angela grabbed my hand and shoved me into a small alcove behind a curtain, raising her finger to her lips in the universal sign for quiet.
We both stilled as we heard the footsteps walk closer, and I held my breath nervously.
"Is there anyone up there?" Angela's mother's voice called up.
There was a terrifying pause before Reverend Weber replied. "No. I think one of those bats must have got into the pipes again. I'll have Derek take a look tomorrow morning; it's too late to try and sort it out now."
His footsteps retreated back down the stairs and I let my breath out in a sigh of relief once he had shut the main door behind him.
"Oh thank God," I laughed. "That was a close call. Are you alright, baby?"
I reached for Angela who still looked worried, only for her to violently slap my hands away.
"Get away from me, Bella!" she spat out. "Don't you see what you just did? You almost ruined everything!"
I flinched back from her vehement reaction, raising my hands in protest. "Angela, he didn't catch us..."
"But he nearly did!" she swore at me under her breath. "He nearly caught us and then what would have happened?"
"Well, then he would've found out the truth." I was taken aback by her response.
"And what truth is that, Bella?"
I hesitated, at a loss for words. "Well... that... That we're together... That we... love each other, ...and that you're gay, like I am."
"I am not gay!" She bit out, her eyes flashing fire. "I'm not a freak like you!"
I could feel tears begin to burn the back of my eyes and I willed them not to fall. "I'm not a freak." My assertion was smaller, less confident now.
"Of course you are," she laughed bitterly. "Do you think that this is normal – that this is what people do? You think this is what love is – hiding from everybody, sneaking around after dark?"
I swallowed hard, wiping impatiently at my eyes as the first tear began to slide down my cheek.
"I never wanted to hide," I reminded her. "I wanted everyone to know, to see us together."
Angela's face hardened. "Why would I want to be seen in public with you, Bella? You're disgusting! I don't love you, I never loved you. You're a heathen and a whore! Get away from me!"
My tears were now running freely down my face as I stood there in shock.
I didn't understand how Angela could say those things to me, how she could think those things about me. I had given every part of myself to her and for her to think that...
I shook my head and reached out to her pleadingly. "Angela..."
"Didn't you hear me? I said, get out!" she screamed, pointing at the door and leaving me in no doubt as to her meaning. I ran, sobbing and struggling to catch my breath as I did.
I couldn't believe she had said all those things, couldn't believe she could be so cruel. I knew that she hadn't been ready to come out yet, but to say I was disgusting, to say that I was a freak, to call me a whore...
Charlie wasn't in when I got home luckily; he would've only started asking questions about why I was so upset. Stumbling up the stairs, I ran into my bedroom and locked the door, throwing myself onto my bed and finally losing control of my emotions as I cried for everything I was and everything I would never be.
The next day I walked around school like a zombie, my head down, my eyes glazed over. I got some weird looks but better they criticize my appearance than know the truth about my heartbreak. As I stood in the lunch queue, a laugh from across the cafeteria caught my attention.
Angela sat there, chatting happily to her friends, completely oblivious to the pain she had caused. My eyes narrowed as I caught sight of her hand. Resting on top of the table, her fingers were entwined with someone else's – Ben Cheney's...
She looked up suddenly and caught me watching her. For a moment, her gaze appeared almost challenging, but then she turned away, completely ignoring me.
And with that gesture, my hurt started to wane as my anger began to rise.