Okay, this is my first attempt at TT fanfiction. This is also my first attempt at a screenplay-style narrative, which, I can unabashedly admit, is influenced by the bloody brilliant episode transcripts that are on the TitansGo website. They've all been written by Alan Back, so all the credit of style goes to him. Other than that, the idea, though obviously unoriginal, is definitely my own.
This is not a BB/Rae romance fanfic, just BB/Rae, which in itself is, according to me, pretty entertaining. If BB sounds a little too... confident in talking back to Raven, and Raven herself is not getting as mad as she could... well, there's certainly nothing implied by that. *winks*
Disclaimer: I am simply a relapsed TT-addict who suddenly woke up one morning, thought, "Hey, that show with Starfire in it, I wanna see it again!" and now literally breathes TT facts(for now... until my next obsession). As is clear, if I owned the TT, I wouldn't have forgotten it at all, and consequently, wouldn't have had no relapse. Get the picture?
(Opening shot: The exterior of Titan's tower with the backdrop of a clear blue sky, signifying a lovely day. Zoom into the middle ops centre window; a big screen with two garishly dressed monkeys in a tropical forest setting comes into view: one is dressed in fluorescent green combat armour, with a familiar cheeky grin on its face as it flashes the victory symbol. The other is fitted with bright blue armour, it has its hands on its (non-existent) hips and glares at the camera with a cocky smirk. Flat digital music, reminiscent of Super Mario plays in the background. A countdown suddenly begins: '3…2…1…' flashes in bright red, and with a huge pixel explosion, the game begins. The two monkeys pounce onto each other and begin the pommelling routine; the sound effect provided by the game is drowned by the very unconvincing external sounds provided by the only two gamers in Titans Tower –Beast Boy and Cyborg. Both game-freaks are concentrating on the screen with wide-eyed attention, drool dripping from their mouth and fingers working on the controls with superhuman speed.)
Cyborg: Aw, yeah! Pound him –pound him, I tell ya!
Beast Boy: You are SO going down, dude!
(Cut to a view of the entire room, which reveals another Titan slumped comfortably on the floor in the far right corner, book in her hand. This is obviously Raven, and the next few seconds keep her face in view as she tries to read through the growing commotion of indecently loud music and fighting. Through the passing seconds, her annoyance at the disturbance becomes plainer and plainer on her visage.)
Beast Boy: (from o.c., as Cyborg laughs maniacally) Hey –that's cheating! No tail-pulling! (Raven raises an eyebrow, her eyes still focused on the pages in front of her)
Cyborg: (from o.c.)Oh yeah? Says who?
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) Says the Master of the Art of Manic Tai-fu Banana Wrestling, Level Thirteen!
Cyborg: (from o.c.) What're you doing, you –NOOOOOOOOO! (ominous music echoes loudly, Raven's eyes finally leave the book as she focuses on the oblivious gamers' backs, a red vein popping dangerously on her head.)
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) Sweet!
Cyborg: (from o.c.) Oh, you are so gonna pay for that!
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) How 'bout a payment of some banana split!
Cyborg: (from o.c., gasping dramatically) Why you little –take that! And that! (Raven is still glaring in their direction, and begins to gnash her teeth)
Beast Boy: (from o.c.) Arrgh!
Cyborg: (from o.c.) In-your-FACE!
(Pull back to frame the faces of both the boys, behind whom hooded Raven suddenly shoots up, black energy crackling around her. Sight gag: her face has swelled up, and she has shark-worthy fangs.)
Raven: (snapping her book shut) Enough! (sounds of something crashing and a cat yowling sound out; in addition, the television glare on the boys' faces flickers away and the blaring music ends abruptly.)
Cyborg: Aw, man!
Beast Boy: (turning around to face her) Hey! What was that for?
(Sight gag ends)
Raven: I'm trying to concentrate. (she indicates her book)
Beast Boy: Yeah, well, could you concentrate somewhere else for once? We're in the middle of a game and you have your own room!
(Raven's eyes become furious red slits as black shadowy tentacles branch out from her cloak to increase her height drastically, as in Nevermore and Birthmark with Dr. Light. Cyborg pales and emits a girlish shriek as he drops the game controller.)
Raven: (bending over Beast Boy, who cowers with fear and transforms into a turtle, tucking his head and limbs immediately into his shell) I will not be driven away by a stupid meaningless toy!
(The head pops out of the green shell immediately, eyes wide open as though in shock, immediately Beast Boy resumes human form)
Beast Boy: (with same fanatic wide-eyed glare) A meaningless toy? Dude! (bending towards a bemused Raven, who resumes normal form) This is THE most awesome game in the history of GameStation history –Super Mega Monkeys Edition Nine-point-Oh-point-Six-point-Six! Featuring new and improved player trophy rooms with a wider range of backgrounds, accessories and tile-patterns, able to link player scores and details with e-mail contacts and a free collector's edition bathtub rubber monkey in a colour of your choice! (Sight gag: his face bloats up to fill the entire screen, while positive floods of awed tears flow down his green cheeks. At the end of his line, he holds up a bright green rubber monkey and squeezes it, which makes it emit a high-pitched unnatural squeak. Gag ends.)
Raven: (obviously unimpressed) Now I know why the Titans' official bank-account is nearly always empty.
(We are watching her from what would be Cyborg's point of view; Beast Boy's head pops up even closer to glare at her.)
Beast Boy: The money's to help us defend the city better, right? Well, this little baby here helps us do just that. (he brings up his controller in her view and strokes it lovingly)
Raven: (eyebrow raised) Really? Enlighten me how.
Beast Boy: (glaring at her again) FYI, Raven, this game is tailored to bring out the best performance in its players. It is a test of speed, of strength, of perfect reflexes and constant strategy! Especially for those of the superhero breed, this game is the perfect virtual combat practice! (he gesticulates wildly as he speaks, flapping his arms as though he's trying to charm a snake)
Raven: (deadpan) Perfect practice for the fingers, you mean. (sweat drop forms on Beast Boy's head)
Cyborg: (the back of his head popping into view) She's got a point there, B.
(Cut to front view of all of them once more: Raven behind the couch, Beast Boy on it, but facing her, and Cyborg watching both of them.)
Beast Boy: (whose face slumps into a pout at Raven's comment) You know what, forget it. (flashes a wicked grin) You obviously would suck at it, anyway.
(Cyborg's eyes widen with shock and his jaw drops. Raven crosses her arms above her chest, looking somewhere between annoyed and amused.)
Raven: Are you actually trying to goad me into playing this stuff?
Beast Boy: (raising his eyebrows and smiling slyly) What do you think?
Raven: (smirking) Well, since I've already caught on to you, I'd say you've failed. Miserably.
Beast Boy: But now that I know that you know that I've indirectly challenged you, my attempt is successful because the challenge of challenging you is clear to you which is clear to me which is what I wanted in the first place! (he speaks all of the above with his arm raised in a triumphant pose, a sparkling pink background behind him)
Cyborg: (his eyes are mere spiral squiggles) Yo! What have you been reading? (he pauses) Scratch that –have you been reading?
Beast Boy: (grinning) All the effects of a nice, long Super Mega Monkeys work-out, my friend. (he flexes his arms, using the controller like weights)
Raven: You find me converted in my beliefs. The thing makes you logical, by Azar!
Beast Boy: Come on, Rae-rae. Play wiv me. (he morphs into his cute kitten form and mews)
Raven: Do not call me that. Ever. Or I will feed your spleen to the GameStation.
Beast Boy: (returning to human form to throw the following line)Aw, is wittle Rae-rae scared I'm gonna totally kick her butt in a super mega awesome way?
Raven: (black aura surrounding her again) Correction. I will feed your spleen to the Gamestation, make Cyborg play the ridiculous game for 12 hours straight, and then eject the spleen and feed it to you.
Cyborg: (leaning in cautiously and whispering into her ear as the black energy fades away) Come on, Raven. You're not gonna turn down BB's challenge, are you? It's just BB!
Beast Boy: Yeah… hey!
Raven: (smirking) All is not lost. At least you still can't figure out blatant insults soon enough.
Beast Boy: (after blowing a raspberry at her) Well, are you in it, or not?
Raven: I may be half-demon, but even I have limits. (She turns away to leave.)
Beast Boy: Fine. Say what you like, but you're just chicken. (he phases into the animal in question and clucks loudly to prove his point then phases back, smirking) Some half-demon.
(Snap to a view of Raven's hooded face as she moves away; she stops abruptly at his comment. A green feather floats down beside her head. Cut to the two other Titans who are watching her caped back as she stands still. No one moves for a second; then her precious book floats away from her grasp under the influence of her dark power and settles itself neatly on the kitchen counter. She creates a patch of dark energy and sinks right through the floor and shoots up sitting on the couch instantly, spooking both boys badly.)
Raven: Just so we're clear, I'm only doing this once, so you can shut up about this subject once and for all.
Beast Boy: (holding the game controller out of her reach with a gleeful smile) Nuh-uh. You're not getting off so easy. This is a challenge, so all you can ask for is winner's privileges!
(A black bolt of energy clumps him on the head and easily snatches the controller from his grasp to deposit it in the unenthusiastic gamer's hand.)
Raven: (rolling her eyes with a resigned expression) Fine. If I win, you will never make me play any other game ever again, nor will you disturb me when I need quiet.
Beast Boy: Deal! And if I win, I get to make you play any games anytime and I can play them whenever I want, too!
(Raven doesn't look too happy with this state of affairs but simply nods.)
Cyborg: (jumping into view dressed in black and white –the official referee colours) Alright! Super Mega Monkey showdown between BB and Rae… ven! (a sweat drop forms on his temple when he nearly utters the undesirable pet name and hastily corrects his mistake as Raven glances at him with a full four-eyed Trigon-esque glare) First –choose your character.
Raven: (glancing down at the controller) I don't know how this thing works.
Beast Boy: (Sight gag: he morphs into the geek look he momentarily obtained in Episode 257-494 as he explains) Okay. These buttons here are the front-back-left-right. This one brings up the interactive menu whenever you want it. This is just to select what you've picked. During the game there are special functions to the buttons, like this one's for kicking, and this is for punching. This and this one will activate the high-speed tail-swinging action. This, this and this draws your talons and sends it into an awesome flying kick-
Raven: Monkeys have retractable talons? Nice.
Beast Boy: (continues non-stop) And that and that unlocks this COOL move you can do with your ears…
(Cut to a crayon-drawn version of the exterior shot of the Tower. The smiling sun rises higher on one side of the tower, reaches its zenith and sinks towards the opposite horizon while cheerful music(the elevator types) plays. Snap back to the three. Beast Boy, still in nerd form, is still droning on, Raven has her book back in her hands and is thoroughly engrossed in it, and Cyborg is slumped on the couch arm opposite them, drooling freely and snoring, the floor beneath him covered with stacks of dirty plates.)
Beast Boy: And then Gamerferlifah did this stupid move that he really shouldn't have and he dropped 99 positions on the world-wide scoreboard, and –
Raven: (shutting her book with a snap) Beast Boy, enough.
Beast Boy: (finally losing his nerd look)Huh, what?
Raven: I said, enough. I just finished my book and thus have no reason to continue with this idiotic garbage. If we're playing, we'd better start now, before I change my mind.
Beast Boy: Uh… right. (chuckling sheepishly, he glances around and notices the sleeping Titan)Cy! Cyborg, dude, get up!
(He shapeshifts into an elephant and trumpets loudly.)
Cyborg: (sitting upright abruptly) Get that nasty tofu –huh? Where's the trouble? I'm not sleeping! What time is it? Who won?
Raven: (rolling her eyes) Nowhere unfortunately, sure you weren't, you don't wanna know, and we haven't played yet. Now can we just get this done with?
Beast Boy: All impatient to get totally smackdowned by me, huh? (his cheeky grin slips off his face and shatters with a crash at her expression) Okay, uh, what colour armour do you want?
Cyborg: (stage-whispering) Pick anything but blue. Not blue, not blue –I'm Blue Bazooka!
Beast Boy: Black Bludgeon? (Raven shrugs, Cyborg beams and flashes him the thumbs-up sign) Okay, um, uh, what's your name?
Raven: R-A-V-E-N. It's very simple, Beast Boy, you don't even have to use your brain too much.
Beast Boy: (sticking his tongue out at her) Let's see… 'R-A-E-R-A-E'…
Raven: Do you even know how important a spleen is?
Cyborg: (trying to intervene as the other two exchange death stares)Yo! Give our girl a hard-core name –she's a tough one and deserves a tough name.
Beast Boy: (thinks for a moment, then a light bulb flashes by his head) I got it! R-A-E… Z-E-R. Raezer, get it? (both Raven and Cyborg groan and smack their foreheads)
Raven: Fine, whatever. Let's. Start. Now.
Beast Boy: Okay! But get ready to get blown over, Raven, 'cause you won't know what hit ya!
Cyborg: (back in his referee uniform, to Raven) Although usually I'd disagree with little grass stain here 'cause I know I can beat him at any game any time of the day with my hands tied behind my back and Mad Mod controlling my brain… he does rule at this game. So, uh… good luck!
(Cyborg places himself behind the couch so that his head pops up between the other two –Raven looks bored and resigned, and Beast Boy has a very obvious look of pride as he holds onto his controller like it's a machine gun.)
Cyborg: (lifting up a remote) Alright, players! Fingers on the button! Set! FIGHT! (he clicks a button)
(The irritating music restarts. Snap to a view of the screen. There are two monkeys, out of which Beast Boy's garish green one is already familiar to us. The second one is garbed completely in black, with deep purple accents: the look on its face is amazingly like its player's. The pixel explosion happens and the game begins. Immediately Beast Boy's monkey performs a flying tackle on the other one and begins pommeling its opponent. A virtual dust cloud engulfs the two monkeys within it and we can see an occasional tail or limb jut out. Cut to front view of the three once more. Cyborg has his mouth turned into a perfect 'o' as he watches.)
Beast Boy: (sticking the tip of his tongue out, a mad grin on his face while he concentrates on the screen with maniacal wide eyes) You are so getting toasted, Raven!
Raven: (her expression perfectly normal; she could be simply watching a movie, except for the fact that her fingers are working overtime on the controller as well) Think again.
(Sounds of a whiplash and a blast are heard. Beast Boy and Cyborg's jaws drop simultaneously and hit the floor with a loud metallic 'clunk'. Cyborg turns to stare at the goth as though she's the alien in the house, not Starfire, and Beast Boy resumes his fanatic expression with a shake of his head, a vein popping on his forehead.
The camera remains focused on the three as the battle on Beast Boy's behalf goes from bad to worse. Cyborg is staring at the screen with a permanent saucer-eyed look. Beast Boy goes from determination, to desperation, to despondency in quick succession. Only Raven's expression remains calm and unchanged. Meanwhile, the glare and the flashes from the screen which is reflected on their faces complete the picture: several ominous explosions sound, at the end of which the shadow of a mushroom cloud is superimposed on the three Titan's faces. In addition to that, we can hear constant, and often inexplicable sounds: the siren of an ambulance, the trumpet of an elephant, the roar of flowing water, ending with the sound of fireworks exploding, throwing a wide range of colours reflect on their faces. At this point, Cyborg's lower jaw is literally unseen, and his eyes are open so wide that his glass one pops. Beast Boy has an almost similar look on his face, except for his eyes which resemble a stereotypical brain-dead zombie's eyes. Cut to the screen: we see Raven's 'Black Bludgeon' standing with one foot placed on a completely crushed green monkey. The words 'GAME OVER' flash in bright red for a moment after which an equally large 'RAEZER IS THE WINNER' flashes for a long time.
Snap back to the three who have retained their previous expressions. Raven watches the screen stonily for a second, then flings away the controller.)
Raven: (standing up) Well. That was a colossal waste of time.
(She turns to leave, but pauses, glancing at the two dumbstruck teammates. She seems to ponder over something for a moment, then shifts to stand in front of Beast Boy.)
Raven: (Leaning in to face Beast Boy's frozen visage)Three things, Beast Boy. One: 'Smackdown' isn't a verb. Two, because I know you're wondering: the spleen helps fight diseases. Unfortunately, it's not so effective with rabies, which will make it much less important for you. And three, (Leaning in even closer with a smirk on her face) you just got Rae-zed.
(Keeping the smirk still in place, she floats away; the two stunned gamers glance at each other before their eyes roll upwards; in unison, they keel over backwards, their legs sticking in the air.
Fade to black.)
A/N: Okay, "tai-fu" is pretty much a combination of tai-chi and kung-fu... lame I guess, but hey, that's BB! Nerd extraordinaire!
And I'm not very familiar with hard core "gaming" facts and know-hows, and I've only once played on an XBox(call me cave-woman if you will, I was too busy drowning in Regency England anyway!)
Oh, and "from o.c." is what I take to mean "off-camera".
AND, if my humour is not too obvious(I can be vague sometimes... *sigh*) the verb 'raze' is what I had in mind for Raven's gaming name... which is also what Miss Empath herself puns in her last line.
LASTLY: Please review! Or I shall have Starfire feed you clorbags some glorg! *giggles*