Hey guys I'm back! Here's the sequel as promised! The response I got to the first chapter of love never dies (which you should check out :P) really overwhelmed me and cheered my up after such a crappy day so I thought I'd reward you all with a chapter of the sequel Do you ever get those days where it all goes to hell and you think 'what am I even doing here?' well that was my day today essentially lol I had a god awful translation exam, but then all your reviews and story alerts really cheered me up so thank you so much!
Don't forget to review- tell me what you like, don't like want to change etc thank you!
I do not own twilight
It had been 3months since I officially moved in with the Cullen's after Charlie's conviction and a lot had changed in that time. My nightmares had all but stopped; I no longer flinched as much when people came towards me and, much to Alice's delight, discovered fashion. Don't get me wrong I wasn't anywhere near as obsessed as she is, but I liked looking good, it makes you feel good when things are going crappy. I was definitely a lot braver now too. I had even started showing people my music. Okay at the moment it was only our family but it was still a huge step for me. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. After Charlie's conviction it became apparent that the only way to get the nightmares to stop and build my confidence was to tackle my issues one at a time. I didn't want to go to therapy because I'd have to explain to a total stranger what was going on in my life. It took a while to reach a solution to this but eventually we found one. Poor Jasper unknowingly became my psychiatrist.
I was sitting in the Cullen's vast library trying to concentrate on wuthering heights but I just couldn't focus. Edward, Emmett and Carlisle had gone hunting, Alice and Jasper were busy doing god knew what, and Esme and Rose were planning the new design of Rose's bedroom. I was trying to finish reading wuthering Heights for English but I just couldn't focus. Everything kept going round and round in my mind. Carlisle had suggested that I go and see a therapist to try and work out my problems but I couldn't; I couldn't even tell Edward what happened never mind some nosy, just-got-my-degree-so-now-im-qualified-to-poke-into-your-personal-life therapist. Besides they wouldn't understand. No one understands how I feel, well except maybe for Edward but I can't talk to him because he could just read my mind and I would feel like I wouldn't have to tell him. I didn't know what to do. Just then Jasper walked in carrying what looked like a book on the war.
'What's got you so confused?' he asked. I didn't know if I could tell him, but he looked genuinely concerned. Wait… Jasper knew I was confused…. Jasper! I had forgotten that he could feel emotions. Maybe he could help me…. I looked up and realised he had sat beside me, still patiently waiting for an answer.
'Jasper… could I…. well… Could I maybe… talk to you? You know about what happened?'
End of flashback
Don't get me wrong it wasn't as easy as all that, I mean I couldn't just blurt it all out and then that was it. It took time and a lot of breakdowns, but between him and Edward I was able to get through it. At first Edward had to sit with me, because he seemed to be the only one who could bring me back to the present when I got too sucked into a memory, but eventually he was able to be there less and less until I didn't need him there at all. Which in a way was a good thing, I always felt self-conscious with him there, a fact which him and Jasper both picked up on, although I didn't know why. I'm still having sessions with Jasper, although they are only 3 times a week now instead of every day. I still get anxious when people come too close, or when they sneak up on me but I'm getting better.
As well as moving on from what happened, I'm also spending more time with each of the Cullen's to try to get to know them better and feel more comfortable in the house. I love living here, but I still don't feel completely safe unless Edward's around and Jasper said it's important to feel safe with each of them because, as much as he tries to be, Edward won't always be around. Alice and I normally go shopping, she loves having someone else to dress up who won't be too difficult, and Rose sometimes comes too. Emmett keeps trying to introduce me into 'Emmett's amazing world of practical jokes' (his words not mine); when he told me I thought he actually owned a joke shop, and when I told him he spent 45 minutes fantasising about it. With Carlisle I normally tag along to the hospital, I like watching him work. The blood makes me a little squeamish but he's so compassionate that I can't help but watch him work. Then there's Esme. We do different things all the time; sometimes we bake, sometimes she wants ideas for a new renovation, other times we're gardening, but whatever it is I'm always relaxed and more often than not I have to stop myself calling her mum. I can't help it; she's so loving and is always making sure that I'm okay. She reminds me a lot of my mum which is probably why I keep wanting to call her that. But I don't want to replace my mum and I'm not sure how she would feel about me calling her that. You can probably tell which of the Cullen's I'm most comfortable with. I'm getting there with the others too but I'm always anxious for a while before I relax whereas with Esme I'm instantly relaxed. I trust her.
Finally there's Edward. We've become really close. We spend a lot of time together since he's the one I trust most so I guess it's only natural but I can't help but feel there's another reason that I can't put my finger on. I enjoy spending time with him and every day I learn something new about him; and him about me. I can see in his eyes that he likes my company too; his eyes always light up when he sees me. He makes me happy. I don't really understand it at the moment, why I get butterflies and why my heart pounds every time I see him; I've never felt like this before, but we've got a long time to figure it out so I'm trying not to worry; for now anyway.
And that's it for now guys! Again thank you so much for your support it means the world, and don't forget to tell me any ideas/ questions you have. I'll answer them all providing that it doesn't give too much away.
Also the next chapter of love never dies will probably be up next week for those of you who are reading it