A/N Inspired to write this thing during Practical Entrepreneurship today XD A quick little thing starring my OC Carmen (Half of my Puerto Rican Duo) and various Hetalia characters. It focuses mostly on a Spamano break-up, which makes me sad because those two belong together whether Lovino admits it or not. Oh well. This is weird and I can't decide a genre yet. This is going to be a multi-chaptered fic, but the genre for each chapter will probably be different. They all will lead up to a certain point, though. It's not all randomness.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia or any countries. Though if I did, I'd be rich and make Hetalia an actual yaoi instead of just fan-service.

WARNINGS: Guyxguy stuff and language. Human names and country names used!

PAIRINGS: Spamano, mentions Gilbert/OC, and various.

Chapter 1: Stupid Toño

Lovino Vargas sighed contentedly as he sprawled out on the plush bed in one of the many guest rooms at Alfred's house. He loves to mooch off of his fellow nations, and America was stupid enough to not even notice the extra curl bounding around his home. It's perfect pickings for Romano.

"Hmn… I'm hungry. I should go eat one of the hamburger-bastard's McDonalds meals and see if he notices…" the southern half of Italy thought maliciously as his tummy started making the rumblies that only hands or McDonalds could satisfy.

Lovino reluctantly rolled off the bed and ambled down the hall to the kitchen stocked with junk food and pretzels.

As the nation began rummaging through the cabinets in search of a Happy Meal, the sound of footsteps pounding down the hall leading to the food storage room ensnared his attention. The door soon burst open, revealing an incredibly flustered brunette.

It was Carmen Jones, Puerto Rico, the hermano menor—little sister—of his lover and one of the occupants of Alfred's household.

The island trudged up to the somewhat stunned Italian and placed a petite hand on his shoulder.

"Lovino! I'm… I'm so sorry. But I have to tell you this! Toño is cheating on you, Lovi!" Carmen wailed thunderously as unshed tears began to well up in her cloudy blue eyes.

"Wh-what are you talking about, stupid?" the tsundere nation stuttered out incredulously, immensely puzzled by the situation presented to him.

Puerto Rico sighed forlornly, "He's been sleeping with Gilbert behind your back… Sometimes with Francis as well… I promised not to tell you, but I think you have a fucking right to know. I know this sounds weird and unexpected but… I broke up with that bastard Gilbert… and it'd be best if you broke up with Toño as well…" After her words of warning sluggishly diminished to nothingness, the salty liquid cascaded down her face, each one following the damp path of its predecessor.

The lonely island spun deftly on her heel and tore down the hall, leaving a bewildered and heartbroken Romano in her wake.

After relocating the troubled girl, huddled under a quilt on her bed, Lovino was forced to face the daunting truth of her words. Antonio Fernandez Carriedo had been sleeping around behind Romano's back for months before that point. The pair had been a couple for over two years… Carmen was distraught because she loved Spain and Lovino as family and her own boyfriend, Gilbert Beilschmidt, had been whoring himself out as well.

It was quite the shock for the poor twosome of now-single nations.

Carmen sobbed quietly into Lovino's chest as the male brunette observed his peaceful little world burn down around him, almost oblivious to the poor female's body-wracking cries.

Romano felt his life slowly drain out of his body and dissolve into the air as he began to weep along with the girl he was embracing.

The recollections of happier times swirled around his hazy mind, each pleading to be regarded with the upmost courtesy.

The desperate slurs mumbled over dampened pillows. The sweet nothings whispered across heated skin. The drunken declarations of love bellowed for the world to hear. The sloppy kisses of adoration shared every moment possible. The humorous susurrations muttered under the breath. The passionate vows of a bond that was never to be never shattered.

They all meant nothing. Not now.

The 'unbreakable' promise that was meant to last for an eternity and beyond, now entirely worthless. Like a piece of paper flapping in the harsh wind. Meaningless. Useless.

Lovino clutched onto the girl crying into his shirt tighter, as if she was a lifeline to sanity.

His memories whipped around his cerebrum as he relived every embrace, touch, caress…

Everything that had come to make up his being.

His entire aura and person being drawn away with every passing moment.

Every second, his wits siphoned off as the reminiscences tear at the weakening connection to his depleting sanity.

Once his mind was about to be lost to the abyss, the female he was desperately clutching on to broke his illusion of madness and returned him to reality.

"L-Lovino…" the island stuttered as she gazed up at the nation with puffed eyes as red as hers. "We shouldn't cry over something so fucking stupid. We don't need those morons!"

Romano nodded after deciding that he might as well try to get beyond his first love. "You're right! That stupid tomato-bastard only ripped out my heart! I can… I can… I can't do it, Carmen!" South Italy lamented despondently, tears threatening to escape the confines of his fused eyelids. His resolve didn't last as nearly long as he wished it to.

The female brunette stood heroically, "Let's go get revenge, Lovi. God knows we both need it." The island extended a sun-kissed hand toward the cry-baby nation. The Italian considered the appendage for a moment, then surrendered and grasped the tanned limb with a pale one of his own.

"Alright, Carmen… Do you think it'll heal my horrendously stupid, broken heart?"

"I hope so, man. You sound like a fucking shoujo character and it's scaring me."

A/N Alright~ Awesome~ Okay, some notes:

"His tummy started making the rumblies that only hands or McDonalds could satisfy." IS a Llamas with Hats reference, if anyone has seen it.

Yes, Alfred only eats junk food and pretzels. The pretzels are his attempt at eating healthy.

Toño is a nickname that Carmen calls Antonio.

Yes, Lovino is really that heartbroken. It's Antonio, after all.

I called him a cry-baby because he cried. Not because he cries a lot. I just felt like calling him that. :P

XD Yes, I did end the chappie with a joke. I can't leave you guys all depressed.

Okee dokee! See ya next chapter!