A/N: No beta! I saw the episode and I needed to get this out TONIGHT. So many emotions! I feel so inspired again, even though it's terrible. This is not a reconciliation in any respect. This is me having to purge my feelings. But I have another coming that has a happy ending. Both needed to be written just for me peace of mind. I hope you still read this.
Disclaimer: NOTHING BELONGS TO ME. The heartache I feel belongs solely to GG. Thank you so much for making these amazing characters that make me feel so much. Seriously. It's beautiful.
Lily Bass could hear the screams from down the hall. She had stood vigil at her son's bedside for so many straight hours she had lost count. She hadn't slept. She had eaten. Her husband of one year begged her to come back but all she could remember was the name of the husband before him and the son that had not woken up.
Someone was still screaming.
It was that scream that struck Lily's heart. She knew her son was still in critical. And she knew who had just found him.
"Can you feel this?"
"Yes," she said, her voice like death. Her voice was as cold and empty as she felt.
It was like death.
The doctor wasn't startled by her sharp tone.
"Where is he?"
"You're going to have to lay back, miss."
"Why am I alone in here?"
"In your condition?"
"My condition?" Her voice was hoarse and she felt herself about to break. "You just told me my baby's dead."
There was only slight hesitation.
"Lay back, miss."
"You need to—"
"Where is he?" Tears were streaming down her face. "What have you done with him?"
The doctor just stared.
"Where is he?"
Lily's trek down the hallways was arduous. The girl's screams were getting louder and louder. As much as she wished she could just turn away, she knew that she couldn't. She couldn't let the girl suffer just as she was.
The first thing that she noticed was that Blair was covered in blood. Lily knew it wasn't her son's blood. That was what was most horrifying. Blair's hospital gown was spotted, her bare feet tracking her own bodily fluids into the room.
And Lily knew the true horror of the situation.
Several orderlies were already in the room, attempting to restrain the girl. But there was no consolation to be had by anyone.
Lily just stood frozen by the door, watching the petite brunette—who was now literally empty of love—scratching and clawing and screaming.
Lily finally allowed herself to look.
Chuck's form lay motionless, his head bandaged severely. He was dressed in stark white that made it even more unbearable to look at him.
And there was Blair.
Lily knew. Lily knew that no one had told Blair anything. She could see the bruises on her arms where the intravenous drip had been ripped. She knew why she had just a disregard for her body.
She had nothing to live for anymore.
And there was Chuck.
Chuck who looked so frail and powerless when usually he was a force to be reckoned with. He lay unconscious, completely unaware of the girl in tatters beside him.
Her face was pale and blotched with emotion that couldn't be contained. She couldn't even be contained herself. Abrasions marked her temple. It was inconsequential compared to the blood on the floor-and what it represented.
But she paid it no attention.
She wrenched herself from the orderlies' grasp to finally reach her heartache.
It was the first coherent word she said but it was still a screaming sob.
Blair was on her knees by his bed, her fingers clutching at the fabric at his chest.
"Miss, you have to—"
"Stop," Lily finally spoke up. She wasn't sure if Blair heard her or not. She could have, judging from her escalating cries.
"Let her go."
"This is my son," Lily said. "Get out."
The orderlies filed out and Lily just watched. It was all that she could do. She watched the girl collapse on the ground, clutching her gown at her stomach, ripping at it ineffectively in her distress.
She was gasping for breath and all she could do was get on her feet again to look at the love of her life.
And she touched him.
She threw her arms around his still body, shaking against him.
Lily could barely hear her.
"Don't," she whispered through her tears. "Don't leave me all alone."
But he couldn't hear it. He couldn't feel it.
He couldn't feel anything.
On the third day, Lily saw Blair trudge out of the chapel.
Lily didn't have to be there to know what she had been praying.
"Please let him live."
There were grief counselors. Lily saw them walk out of Blair's room and it was the first time she was sure she would break. She had been trying to hold it together. She needed to have optimism. She needed to believe that he would—
She couldn't even think it. She couldn't even think that there was a possibility that he wouldn't wake up.
But there were still grief counselors.
It was as if they were already condemning her son to death.
She still hadn't gone home yet.
Blair was in the corner. Lily sat by her son every hour. She would have known if Blair had been just as loyal. But she couldn't blame her. She couldn't hold it against Blair how rarely she was in the room. She knew what those grief counselors were really for.
They weren't for Chuck.
Blair stood in the corner of Chuck's room, looking more frail and thin than ever.
It was the first time she had talked to the girl directly. Blair was isolated. She was oblivious to everything going on around her. She didn't come to Chuck's room because she couldn't lose the one thing that mattered everything to her.
"He wouldn't leave me." Blair was trying to put on a brave face, but tears still leaked from the corners of her eyes. Lily had heard the nurses talking. Blair hadn't stopped crying since she woke up. They thought it was because of the baby.
But it was also more than that.
It was everything.
No one could understand that.
"He can't," she said, looking away from Lily. "No matter what happened, he was always there. He can't leave—"
Her sobs choked off her voice and she covered her eyes. She couldn't look anymore. She couldn't feel. She couldn't do anything but cry. Lily stood up and for the first time, touched the girl. She was unresponsive, but Lily knew she still felt it.
"They took everything else away," Blair said. "They can't take him. I won't let them. They can't have him."
It didn't matter whom Blair thought she was talking about. Lily knew how it felt. It was two against the world. That's how Blair was with Lily's son. And now she was all alone.
"Blair," Lily said. She covered Blair's hand where it lay on her stomach. Blair flinched but didn't pull away.
That's all she said.
"And they're going to kill him too."
Lily finally embraced her, holding the girl wracked with sobs.
"When you look at him, do you see Bart?"
Blair's whisper was husky and quiet, but Lily heard her clearer than anything.
"Do you feel the same way?" she asked. "Is this the same? Is he going to leave me like Bart left him?"
Lily just held her tighter. She was a fierce mother and would do whatever it took to protect her kin. But she had never felt this way. She had never felt more akin to this girl dying inside.
"Don't let them," Blair pleaded as they held each other. "Don't let them take him away."
"He's not like Bart," Lily said, knowing it was the most honest. "He's strong."
She knew it was a consolation and she knew it was true.
But she didn't know if it would mean anything.
"He is strong," Blair cried. "I hate seeing him like this. I can't see him just fade away."
"He's strong," Lily said.
"I've lost everything," Blair said. "I can't endure this."
"You're strong too."
"I can't live without him," Blair said. "I can't live while he dies."
Strings connected Blair Waldorf and her son in such a strong way, as she had never seen before. Lily Bass knew love in her life. She knew a lot of love. But she had never seen this. She had never seen two loves so connected that they were simultaneously fading.
"They ripped it right out of me."
Blair's arms were wrapped around her stomach.
"They can't have him."
"They won't," Lily said. It wasn't a wish but a vengeful promise.
They represented so many things. Paparazzi. Life. Death.
But it would be love that would bring him back.