Sorry this took so long to update! I am still not too happy with the ending, but I wanted to get this up before I go on holiday. I will be quite busy for the next few weeks, but I promise any spare time I have will be dedicated to fanfiction. I would like to thank all of you for being such amazing reviews, especially 'spunkmehard' who is such a loyal, detailed reviewer to all my chapters and stories. This chapter is a bit long and probably repetitive, but I just kept finding new little things to add. Hopefully I can get the 'night' chapter up soon (those are my favourite ones!) so you don't have to wait too long. Thanks again and enjoy!
In my dream it was hot. Much too hot, burning, even. We were still on the island, the sun bright, the jungle thick and green. It was a dream that I had relived for the past few nights, stuffed in-between the nightmares which haunted me since arriving on this island. Tonight we were in the shades of the jungle, although the opening scene was still the same. Only such a dream could arise from my deepest desires, my heart showing what it truly wanted through my unconsciousness.
It was Edward and I again, our kisses rough and fearless. It was like all my best memories of Edward's most passionate touches morphed into one scene. I could pick out the frantic, edgier way he had kissed me on the steps after graduation, the long kiss of pure elation we had shared in front of our families only a week ago as we married, and I could feel above everything else the way Edward had kissed me that first night together. Though cautious and very careful, Edward's kisses didn't stop at just that. It was the first time he had let physical relationship go past kissing and the occasional innocent touch. My mind clung onto these memories, desperate to keep them in the forefront of my mind until such time when they would be relived.
Then the scene abruptly changed. We were still in the thick jungle, Edward remaining as perfect as ever as he stared at me. It was me who had changed. I could feel it inside me, like a thousand flames lighting up my throat. In my dream, Edward reached out to stroke my cheek lovingly, his fingers trailing all the way down my neck, then my ribs, finally coming to rest of my waist.
But I didn't feel anything, I couldn't feel anything. The burn in my throat was too strong. Blood, that was all I wanted. Edward's hand pulled me closer to him, pulling me tightly against his chest. I knew I should feel the desperate need for him in my chest, but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't focus on him at all. Blood. Edward had leaned towards me, pressing his lips against my own. I waited for the spark of electricity which should flow through me at his touch. I waited for my breathing to speed and my body to pull him closer.
It never came. The thirst- my thirst- had wiped away usual reaction to him. Edward pulled back from me, a light smile on his lips despite my rejection of his advances. As he pulled back, I saw my reflection in his honey-gold eyes. Through his eyes, I could see myself, or what I would be in a few weeks. My eyes were bright and fierce, full of desire. Desire for blood. My vision had become tinged with red, a red as bright as my eyes. The picture disappeared just as suddenly as it had arrived.
I awoke with a startle. The red tinge did not disappear from my closed eyes, my body still sweltering. That's the last time I have such an intense conversation right before bed. As if I needed another reminder of how vital it is for me to make the most of my unbeatable need for Edward while I'm still human. The image of me, a thirsty, single-minded newborn flashed back into my head. Yes, I was right to push Edward on this.
Eventually, I opened my eyes, instinctually searching for him. It was a bad sign that he didn't have his arms around me. Or maybe it was a good sign. I refused to think of myself as a seductress, but at least I was having some form of effect on him. Edward lay on the other side of the bed, his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. His chest was still bare, though the heat told me our bodies had been apart for a while.
"Good morning," Edward said, turning his head towards me, staring at only my eyes. I had to remind myself to breathe. His beauty was truly breathtaking, enhanced by the bright sun streaming through the French doors.
"Morning," I managed to reply a bit too late, my voice thick with sleep. I glanced over to the small clock on the dresser. 9:14am. I must have slept a good eleven hours. So why was I still tired? Maybe it was just the nightmares again, messing with my sleep. It wouldn't be the first time they had done so. I rolled onto my side so I was facing closer, trying to be subtle about moving closer to him.
I stared at his cool, calm expression. It was one I had come to recognise a lot, occurring when Edward didn't want me knowing something, or was trying to hide some emotion from me. I could only wish that what he was trying to hide from me had something to do with the inappropriate nightwear I was wearing, though I didn't have very high hopes. Now that most of my tiredness was dealt with, I could afford a little more embarrassment. Before Edward could ask what I was thinking, I spoke again.
"Are you okay?" I asked him, trying to look for anything which would give away his thoughts. A perfect poker face, Edward betrayed no more emotion than surprise at my comment.
"Me?" Edward asked, still shocked, his eyes wide. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I was just wondering why you weren't keeping me cool this morning," I replied, carefully watching his response. The poker face was back again, seeing that I would be processing his every word. He exuded casualness, much too casual, if you ask me. Edward shrugged, turning his eyes away from me to reply. I could sense he was a bit uneasy answering my comment. I didn't know how I felt about that. I could only hope it was getting harder for him to be around me this way. I had to be releasing some pretty strong hormones by now. Would they affect him as they would humans?
"You seemed fine without me," Edward said slowly, choosing his words carefully. The disbelief at his statement must have been as obvious on my face as it was on my mind as Edward quickly acted to change the conversation. "You're hungry. Why don't we go find you something to eat?" My stomach hadn't made any noise- that I had heard at least- but I was pretty hungry. Edward read the confirmation in my expression and was off the bed in one swift movement.
Breathing a sigh, I climbed off the end of the bed after him. Edward had his hand extended for me, probably expecting my lack of balance to be worse in the morning. He wasn't wrong. Whether it was from all the hiking, or all the sleeping, my legs reacted oddly here, barely able to keep my body walking in a straight line, something which was hard enough for me before. I had to do some kicking to get out of the sheet Edward had wrapped me in.
With the morning came a whole wave of embarrassment. I hadn't truly realised how shocking it was last night, too blocked out by tiredness, or the dark, or maybe just desperation. I was truly willing to try anything. I tried to avoid looking at the dangerous fabric as Edward helped me to my feet, him taking extra care not to touch the skin which wasn't on my hands. I could feel the translucent gown hanging low on my chest, and high up my thigh, if it even reached that low to begin with.
This could go one of two ways. Either I stumble around in embarrassment, amusing Edward further and decreasing the already slim chance that this torturous garment would have the desired effect on Edward. Or I could put on a brave face and try to preserve the little amount of confidence I had left. The second option seemed far more productive. Edward led me towards the door, keeping his hand in mine, but his eyes carefully diverted from my outfit. I smiled slightly in satisfaction, telling the annoying voice- the one that suggested Edward's behaviour was no more than politeness- to shut up.
"Hmm," Edward said, though his voice had the quality of a growl, low and rough, if his smooth, velvet voice could ever be rough. Stopping before we reached the door, Edward picked up a pile of white fabric from the floor. His shirt, I realised. I looked at him curiously as he held the fabric out for me. When I didn't respond, Edward pulled by arms through the sleeves, buttoning the shirt up quickly. I kept the curious expression on my face, an eyebrow raised in question.
"I wouldn't want you getting cold," Edward said in a teasing voice. Surely he couldn't think it was actually cold for me here? Had he not seen the drop of sweat which travelled down the back of my neck?
"Right," I muttered. I wondered if the sarcasm in my head had come through in my voice. Edward just responded like I had said nothing, so I assumed not. I let my mind drift off to more pleasant places as I waited for Edward to bring me breakfast, like every other morning. I could smell the distinct aroma of herbs this morning, organic and fresh. My stomach growled, and I tried to ignore it, but it continued to snarl until Edward placed a full plate of eggs and toast in front of me.
"Thanks," I managed to mutter between mouthfuls, the hot eggs burning my throat. Edward looked concerned as I ate, much faster than usual.
"Are you sure I'm feeding you enough?" Edward asked doubtfully as I moved onto my third piece of toast. I too was curious about my change in appetite. Being here was doing strange things to my body. It was probably down to the fact that I wasn't use to so much exercise. Back home, Edward took any excuse he could to have me in his arms. It had gotten to the point where I didn't even walk down the staircase anymore. Not that I could complain. The choice between being in Edward's arms and more likely than not tripping down the staircase was an easy one.
"I think it's just all the exercise I have been doing. Maybe all the hiking and swimming around has caught up to me," I said, finally full. My stomach felt completely stuffed, and I drooped over the table like I would most nights.
"Would you like to do something...less physical today?" Edward offered reluctantly. I could see disappointment clear on his face. I idly wondered what highly-demanding activity he had planned for the day. Obviously it would be something physical, something which would wear me out so I couldn't press my case before collapsing in bed. Probably something which would keep our bodies separated, like swimming with the dolphins. Being a vampire gave Edward the perfect excuse for keeping well away from the wildlife as he encouraged me to go exploring on my own.
"That's a great idea," I agreed with his offer before he could withdraw it and lure me out of the house with further mention of the coral reefs or the tropical fish. Edward didn't look too excited by my enthusiasm. "We could sit on the couch and watch a DVD," I suggested hopefully.
"We should at least go outside," Edward argued quickly. "We don't want to waste this time inside. You only get one chance to be human, Bella." There was no point telling him it wouldn't be a waste. Edward read the disappointment and possibly hurt on my face, his expression turning soft.
"Or we could just sit down and play chess again," Edward suggested, trying to placate me. "We could go sit on the balcony." His compromise was working. Sure, we wouldn't be in the house, but at least we would be close for when it becomes necessary. If it even became necessary. Edward took the compliance in my face as agreement, quickly cleaning after breakfast before returning to help me up from the table.
"Did you want to go get changed? I'll set up outside," Edward said, to which I nodded weakly. As I wandered off to the bathroom, trying not to bang into any of the expensive looking artefacts there, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Ugh. I looked terrible. My hair hung limply, tousled by the excess swimming. My eyes had slightly dark circles around them. Even worse, the skimpy nightwear clung to my skin, stuck tightly to my body due to my skins reaction to the heat and humidity.
In the end I gave up and jumped into the shower. It wasn't like me to forget my human necessities (normally they got in the way, more than anything else), but this island had me feeling so different. It took extra effort to remember the simple things like washing my hair. In some ways, Edward's distractions were working. I ran the silky smooth shampoo and conditioner through my hair, marvelling at how the expensive products left my hair completely knot free.
Also, it didn't hurt to shave my legs. One could only hope that being ready would make an event that much more likely to occur. After all that I had been through in the last few years, however, I couldn't see much truth in that statement. It was hard to find the balance between taking my time to become entirely presentable, and resisting the urge to sprint down the hallway to where I knew Edward would be waiting for me.
A few minutes and a handful of expensive body wash later, I padded my way over to the suitcase, wrapped in another overly large towel. Finding suitable clothing became harder and harder by the day. I found that my supply of decent clothing had diminished greatly over the past week- not that there was very much of it anyway. Edward had unconsciously adopted Alice's policy of only wearing clothing once, so my remaining options were slim.
I briefly wondered how long Alice had seen us staying here. Maybe, since we were both undecided about exactly how much time I would have left as a human, she wouldn't be able to get a firm grasp on our future. Nevertheless, she has packed enough clothing to last a good month. Since most of the items were skimpy, thin bits of material, I had initially failed to notice exactly how many new outfits she has purchased for me.
With great embarrassment, I noted that the lingerie collection and skimpy nightgowns took up a good majority of the suitcase. I wondered whether Alice had anticipated that I would actually have ended up wearing some of these items to bed, or if their presence in my immediate wardrobe was just her way of trying to improve my fashion sense. The latter caused me much less humiliation. I thought of a vision Alice may have seen which would encourage her to buy such lingerie for me, and shuddered. As much as I loved my sister- I smiled in satisfaction at how official our relationship was now- I would die of embarrassment if I knew she had seen what had happened on our honeymoon, or what may happen still.
Knowing Edward was waiting outside for me, I tried to hurry and find something to wear. It wasn't like Edward didn't have the patience; it was more like I couldn't stand to be away from him for this long. After spending the past week, completely alone with no interruptions, it was so much harder to be separated from him, even just for a few seconds. I dressed quickly, keeping it simple. Now that I realised I was making more progress at night than during the day, I could afford to go back to my usual style. For the daylight hours, at least.
Keeping it simple, I threw on a pair of the tiny shorts Alice had packed and one of the tight fitting tank tops. To be honest, it was the most modest thing in the whole collection of clothing. The mirror showed me that the bruises were much better now. They were all but invisible on my thighs, hips and ribs. Now a distinctly faded yellow colour, the worst bruises- the ones on my arms and shoulders- didn't look nearly as bad as they had a few days ago. I could only just make out their faint lines on my skin. Other than that, I felt completely normal. I couldn't even remember they were there most of the time, and when I did, it was never pain which brought them to the front of my mind.
Running a bit too fast and almost crashing into the wall on the way, I eagerly went to go meet Edward outside. He wasn't hard to find. The sun, unhindered by clouds here as it was in Forks, lit up the whole porch, bouncing off the sand coloured wood and sparkling in the ocean only a few feet away from the edge of the balcony. It was like our own personal paradise. I was barely able to notice the surroundings, though, spotting Edward, sparkling like a thousand diamonds where he sat on the edge of an outdoor couch.
Dazed, I walked over to sit opposite him, my eyes never leaving his perfect face. He looked a bit uncomfortable, maybe even ashamed. To me, the sparkle in him skin was the very definition of beauty. I couldn't imagine anything more magnificently perfect. He was obviously more than human. Of course, that's exactly why Edward didn't like the effect of his skin in the sunlight. Because he was more than human, or less than human, Edward probably believed. No mortal could ever posses such blinding magnificence.
"Bella?" Edward asked, pulling me from my own thoughts. I blushed as he realised the way I had been staring at him, my mouth hanging open like an idiot. I recognised his expression; he was waiting for an answer. I couldn't even remember him asking a question. Edward chuckled slightly as he noticed my distraction.
"Yeah?" I asked confused.
"Did you want to start playing now?" Edward asked, fighting a smile. He knew of the utterly unfair effect he had on me. Too absorbed by Edward's distraction, I hadn't noticed the chess board set up between our bodies. Again, the white pieces were on my side. I sighed; Edward was almost too perfect to bear. I wondered what it must be like for him- as I often wondered- not being able to hear my thoughts.
I was reminded of one of the nights I had spent at the Cullen's house what seemed like an eternity ago. I had been crushed by Jasper playing chess. Even without his years of practice and ability to manipulate my mood, I was sure he would have won. The memory of Alice and Edward playing chess was still comical to me, only a few pieces moving as they played the rest of the game entirely in their head. I could recall Emmett's comment to me, wanting to see how Edward would play against me, without his usual advantage. There was not a doubt in my mind that Edward would always beat me at chess. Even if, by some miracle, I gained enough experience to hold my own, I couldn't see myself winning. At least, not without Edward forfeiting the game, something I knew he would do if I really wanted to win. It made me feel like a selfish, spoilt little monster, but I liked the fact that Edward would give me anything I wanted. Well, almost anything, I amended silently, my eyes automatically zooming in on one of the yellowed splotches on my forearm.
"Um," I managed to stutter as Edward tried to bring my attention back to earth. Carelessly, I moved forward one of my pawns. Edward smiled to himself as he returned with his own move. He seemed to be enjoying the game. I felt a little bit sad as I realised I was probably the only person Edward could play against without cheating. Not that it did me any good, having a muted mind. Edward had wiped off most of my pieces within minutes. I had only managed to remove one of his pawns before he jumped through a gap I had failed to notice and took my queen. It wasn't long after that he called checkmate with most of his pieces still in play. Only one pawn of mine remained on the board.
With a surge of sadness, I noticed how the small chess pieces were a good metaphor for Edward and me. I was the pawn, naturally, the weakest piece on the board. No matter how hard I tried, I didn't have the physical strength to keep Edward near me. Although he assured me that my hold on him was unbreakable, it wouldn't hurt if I actually could have an unbreakable hold on him physically.
It was comforting to know that soon, I would no longer be just a pawn. I could be a queen. I had to believe that as a vampire, after the first few bloodthirsty years, I could be one of the strongest, most powerful pieces on the board. My strength would finally match Edward's. He wouldn't have to worry about being careful with his every move around me, and I wouldn't have to feel the surge of rejection every time it becomes necessary for him to pull away. Everywhere Edward goes, I would be able to follow.
Still twisted up in my own little metaphor, I wondered what that would make Edward. Not a bishop or a rook or a pawn. Definitely not that. Nor did a knight fit. There was no option left other than the king. Suddenly, that made perfect sense. The most important player on the board, the most important person in my world. You could destroy the king, and nothing else on the board would count. Without Edward, there would be no point to life. The queen and king are together, fighting as one. The king wouldn't advance forward without knowing the queen would be there to fight with him, protect him.
I chewed over that thought for a second. When the word protection came to mind, I thought of Edward protecting me. On so many occasions Edward had thrown himself in front of me, preparing to fight for me. Against the wall in Volterra, then only a few months later with Victoria, his protective stance was one I knew well. I had never thought of being able to protect Edward myself. I guess, weak and human as I am, I wouldn't be able to protect him physically. That was one of the reasons I hadn't been able to let Edward go to the battle with the newborns, sitting along and knowing there was nothing I could do to keep him safe. Maybe, as a vampire, I would be able to sacrifice myself the way he had done for me on countless occasions. Instead of him shielding me from danger, I would be shielding him.
Of course, once I was immortal, we shouldn't be in a situation which required us to fight to save whoever's life was threatened at the time. Our one problem, the Volturi, would have no reason to harm me as an immortal. I knew at some point after my transformation, I would have to show them that I have become a vampire. I couldn't have them coming to Forks to check. My stomach twisted as I realised that as a newborn, I would not be able to return to Forks. I would have to go live with the penguins in Antarctica, far away from civilization.
"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, worried, seeing the same expression on my face. I considered lying, but knew he would see right through me.
"I am just a little worried still. About the first few years, I mean," I replied slowly, watching his expression. His face hardened slightly. The last time I had said those words was just before I had tried to seduce him on the first occasion. I shouldn't have been surprised he would make the connection.
"We'll have to go live somewhere in isolation. And it will be my fault that you have to move," I explained my worries. Edward replied in a soothing voice, leaning across the chess board to take my hand.
"Nobody will mind, Bella. We have all moved for another before. Nobody will blame you in the least. We don't want you to be in the path of temptation. We all want to keep you out of trouble. Nobody wants you to...slip up." I was reminded of Jasper and Emmett's bet. As if he could read my thoughts, Edward was quick to explain.
"Just because Jasper would feel better if you had a hard time with this doesn't mean he wants you to, Bella. He has just seen far too many newborns, but his knowledge of them is limited to wars of the south. You will have a whole family of people trying to protect you, keeping you out of harm's way. Trust me, Bella, we'll keep you safe. I'll keep you safe." It was impossible to ignore the absolute promise in his voice.
"I know," I said, sighing. It was really heating up outside now, the humidity having a very human effect on my skin. "How much longer do you think we will stay here?" I asked Edward, mopping my hand across my forehead.
"As long as you like. We don't have return flights yet, so there is no hurry. Unless you wanted to go home?" Edward said the last part almost regretfully, as if he wanted to stay on the island almost as much as I did. It was like disappearing into our own world. One where danger would not follow us, where we could truly be alone. And then there was the environment, so bright and colourful. I knew that I wouldn't see the sun much as a vampire.
"No, no," I said quickly. "I love it here. It's so bright and warm and colourful. We'll be fine for a few more weeks, right?" I asked hopefully. Edward beamed and nodded. I couldn't think of a better place to spend my last few weeks as a human. Hopefully someday we would be able to return. I already could feel an attachment to the island, largely to do with our first night here. As my cheeks flushed, my stomach rumbled. I hoped Edward would write that off as my embarrassment towards my human reactions rather than my silent thoughts.
"Time for the human to eat?" Edward asked teasingly while I scowled at him. It felt like minutes ago when I had last eaten, and even then, I had been sitting down all morning.
"Please," I replied, ignoring his human comment. In a few weeks, he wouldn't be able to use them anymore. Sure, I wouldn't miss my human faults, like eating, needing to use the bathroom, sleeping, then the blush and speeding heartbeat, but Edward probably would. At least he has the unforgettable memory characteristic of all vampires. I could convince myself I wouldn't be taking too much away from him with my change.
"I'll go get you some food from the fridge and you can eat it out here," Edward suggested, disappearing into the kitchen. He was back only a few seconds later with a large bowl of fruit, already cut into edible bites for me. I wouldn't it past Edward to think I was enough danger to myself that I would slice my hand off by mistake cutting the fruit. It almost made me laugh.
"Thank you," I said gratefully, scoffing down the food quickly. Like the rest of the island, the fruit was colourful and exotic.
"It's a relief to see that you're eating something other than eggs for once. I was worried your diet was becoming rather limited," Edward joked, waiting patiently while I ate. I wondered how many eggs I must have gone through since being here. At least three cartons, I reckoned. I was eating at least three eggs for breakfast, lunch and dinner most days. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy eating other food- Edward's cooking was unfairly amazing- my body just craved them. It was odd.
When I was finally full and feeling like my body couldn't possibly take anymore food, I drooped forward, wrapping my arms around my legs. Edward looked a little concerned, his eyebrows pressing together as he took in my hunched, bloated state.
"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, curious and doubtful. Edward eyed the plate- now empty- between our bodies.
"Yep," I replied honestly. I felt as little full, but nothing to be concerned about. "I'm as normal as always." Edward rolled his eyes, and I was sure we were both thinking the same thing. I had never really fit into the category of 'normal' before. I tore my body off the seat to go stand beside Edward, wrapping my arms tightly around my neck. Edward tensed for the slightest second, and then relaxed into my embrace. I felt his arms around my waist, pulling me down onto his lap. I complied eagerly.
I managed to twist myself round so I could stretch and reach his lips, trying to hold his head to mine as my fingers knotted uselessly in his hair. Edward responded how he usually would, pulling me closer to his body and letting me attack his lips. Feeling encouraged, I let my lips part, groaning in satisfaction when Edward did the same. I should have been embarrassed at the sound, but it seemed I couldn't care less. My brain scattered as his cool breath blew against my lips. Slightly unsteady, my hands subconsciously made their way to his shirt, intent on removing the garment.
As if something had snapped in place in his head, Edward's lips froze on mine, his hands forming constraining vices around my wrists. Edward removed his lips from mine quickly, ignoring me when I tried to fight against his vice-like grip.
"Please be good, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear, his voice smooth and pleading. Satisfied that I had stopped fighting against his hold in me, Edward transferred both my hands into one of his, using the other to brush his fingers along my cheek, leaning my head against his shoulder. I sighed, the sound coming out as disappointed and longing.
"You know I don't want to pull away, Bella, but I can't keep going if you won't realise it's not going to go any further," Edward said, his lips still at my ears. His voice was soothing, almost comforting. Edward was firm in his conviction. He couldn't see that things may change, that he may give in. It was sheer stubbornness, from my point of view. Did he think I was lying to him about the bruises? He of all people knew how much of an unconvincing liar I was.
"Fine," I mumbled, my head dipped in what could only be disappointment and embarrassment. The kind of choked-up tone of my voice surprised me, as did the wet moisture forming around my eyes. I brushed away the building tears before Edward could notice, trying to make it look like I was wiping my forehead. I didn't risk saying anything else, afraid my voice would come out wrong. How much rejection could one person take?
I knew it was completely irrational to feel this way. I knew that Edward's unwillingness to sleep with me again was only because he didn't want to risk my safety. It didn't matter that Edward had assured me that he does want me, or that as soon as I am less breakable, we can have as many real honeymoons as I want. All my heart was able to feel was a crushing rejection. But what hurt the most was that I had been here before, in this similar position.
This was not much different from when I first tried to convince Edward to sleep with me. Well technically not sleep with me, but the idea was still clear. There was the same avoiding his eyes, the irrational feeling of rejection, the unstable voice and tears building up in my eyes. But then, everything was different. Because before, I had been able to convince Edward. I had been able to form a compromise, as twisted as it was, which enabled us to get to this moment. Now, it seemed like nothing was helping us move forward. No compromise was able to be made. Edward saw nothing was worth risking my safety again. Not that it was risked the first time.
I had already filled my side of the bargain. There was nothing left I could give Edward, nothing else he seemed to want from me. At the time when we made the compromise, I had been secretly glad that there wasn't much Edward seemed to want from me. It made compromising easier, knowing he was happy with just marriage, that matrimony was all Edward wanted. Even though I had let him buy me two ridiculous fast cars and pay for Dartmouth, I was sure he would have agreed to the deal if all I gave him was to be his wife.
In hindsight, I should have been smarter. I should have come up with some deal that we would be able to have a completely real honeymoon if all went well the first night. But I wasn't smart like that, and to be honest, I am sure it wouldn't have worked. I thought of all the times where Edward had tried to convince me that it would be a bad idea consummating our marriage while I was still human, all the times he had beaten himself up for agreeing to such a thing. But he had never backed out, knowing that for him to try was all I had asked for, all I wanted. And at the time, it truly was.
I guess I just hadn't factored how addictive it could be, and after only one time. The general rules of addiction seem to come from an action repeated until it becomes virtually impossible to stop. But Edward and I had been together for only one night. Is it natural to feel this way? Do others want another so badly, so desperately after just one night? I have to keep reminding myself that the normal rules and procedures do not apply here, because there has been no other union like ours before, as far as we knew.
"Bella," Edward's soft voice whispers, pulling me away from my thoughts. I look up at the sound of my name, but look down just as quickly. I wasn't fast enough for Edward to avoid seeing the redness around my eyes. Edward placed a finger under my chin, but he didn't try to lift my face. Instead he waited. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes, forcing a smile. My rush of emotion would probably scare Edward. He would worry that I am hurt, which will make things even worse than they already are.
"What are we doing this afternoon?" I asked Edward, trying to sound cheerful. He didn't look convinced, but sensing that this was what I wanted, Edward played along. With another shock, I realised it was me ruining our honeymoon more than anything else, being all emotion. I should just be able to enjoy it, enjoy the colours and the beach and the sea. It wouldn't be too hard to be distracted by the beauty here. A distraction, that was what I needed, until bedtime anyway.
"I had been thinking we could see the submerged caves this afternoon, if you feel up to it?" Edward suggested, phrasing it like I question. I never thought the day would come where I would willingly tell Edward I would like to hike all over the island instead of hanging around home.
"Sure. Submerged caves. Sounds exciting!" I told him with real anticipation. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy seeing all the sights around the island, I just had another idea of something I would enjoy more. But for now, exploring would be fine. If anything, it would make Edward happy. That mood would be sure to go away once he sees my embarrassing attempts at trying to make a deal later, but it has to help.
I smiled rather deviously to myself as I wound my fingers with Edward's. Two could play at this scheming game. Edward would be happy, watching me experience my last few moments as a human on the island, and eventually, he will be happy when we continue our honeymoon the way it's meant to be. I know that once Edward gives in, he won't have to hurt himself anymore saying no, and deep down, somewhere buried beneath the layers of doubt and self-hatred, Edward knows it to. I would just have to find a way to bring those feelings to the surface. Smiling again, I let Edward guide me towards the house.
Sorry, I just had to slip the Breaking Dawn cover metaphor in there. To me, it did seem like something Bella would come up with. She frequently uses metaphors to describe her and Edward's relationship (like the magnet metaphor in Eclipse), so it seemed fitting to weave the chess pieces in there. I hope it came across without being too tacky.