A/N - Just a little one shot set to the song - Lego House by Ed Sherran. I do not own the lyrics, I do not own CM Punk, no offense is intended. Purely fiction, no truth in whole or in part. No monery gain is being made by this. Enjoy!
I Can Love You Better Now!
Written By; HarleyMac.
Date Started; 01/12/1978.
Los Angeles, Huntington Beach;
'The haze of the sex that was surrounding me lifted more quickly than it normally would have as my romp in the hay, so to speak, was now suddenly interrupted by the cool swish of the hotel room opening. I couldn't have predicted it happening – she had supposed to have been working late; then flying in from Chicago on the last flight of the night.
Who? I hear you ask.
My long term girlfriend; Roxi.
This was the first time that she had caught me – and I could have died as I saw the hurt flickering in her beautiful blue eyes. I pushed the cheap little groupie off my lap and scrambled to pull my jeans back on.
"Rox please wait..."
"Don't you dare tell me that it isn't what it looks like!" she seethed angrily whirling around and glaring at me.
"I wouldn't insult you..."
"You wouldn't insult me by trying to fobb me off with bullshit, but you will disrespect me by taking some," she looked around me, "cheap little whore into bed!"
"Who the hell are you calling a whore?"
"Oh so you don't dispute the cheap part?" she asked cocking her hip and resting her hand on it, now, glaring at the girl who was now sliding back into her little mini dress. "You really do have class Phil!"
There really was nothing that I could say to that – I mean I deserved it; I had betrayed her and she had caught me. I didn't have any excuse, what had I thought I was going to say to her? Would I have finished my sentence with insulting her intelligence? I would like to think that I wouldn't have but the truth of the matter is that I honestly don't know what I would have said.
The hurt in her eyes was more than obvious. Roxi was an extremely proud woman – she would never let the tears fall in front of me, or anyone for that matter.
Being that I was mostly always on the road and Roxi had an extremely high powered job as a marriage lawyer; it was hardly possible for her to fly to me all the time. We spent a lot more time apart than we did together – and, although this is not an excuse, I had the tendancy to get lonely. I was in a great position to get laid at any given moment; women were literally happy to throw themselves at me. I wasn't stupid enough to think that it was because of who I was – lets face it not everyone enjoys watching sports entertainment. I knew that it was basically more to do with the fact that I had a celebrity tag over my head.
"Fuck you lady," the girl made the mistake to blurt out, "if you can't satisfy him and I can – that's hardly my fault!"
"Phil Brookes," Roxi began, "I suggest that you get rid of this little tart before I lose my temper and snap her like the little hollow twig that she is!"
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU FRIGID FUCKING BITCH!" my one night stand shrieked.
Turning toward her, I reached out and grabbed her waist; wrapping my arms around her and whirled her towards the door of my hotel room and literally shuved her through it and slammed, then locked, the door. Roxi and I had to talk. I just hoped that it wasn't as bad that she didn't even want to talk.
"I don't know why you locked that door – I am not staying!" damn it. I should have known better.
"Please Roxi we need to talk,"
"You seriously want to talk?"
"Yes!" I sat on the edge of the bed; resting my head in my hands and sighing heavily. What a complete asshole I had been.
This wasn't the first time that I had taken some pretty woman into my bed – most of the time, it just didn't really feel like Roxi and I were even in a serious relationship. Finding the time to spend together was hard and sometimes – it just didn't pan out. Either she had to work on a case or I was so busy doing promotion etc that we couldn't get out schedules to link up.
"Alright then you want to talk..." she was now pacing around the room, "how many times?"
"It's not a hard question Phil...how many times have you cheated on me? And don't you dare say that this was the only time,"
In this moment – her blonde hair was the thickest and shiniest that I had ever seen. In this moment she reminded me of a Lionness fiercely warning me to back the hell off. Being that she was almost as tall as I was – she could be scarily intimidating. With the girl next door looks, she was intelligent and one of the funniest women I had ever met. When we were together – there was no one else for me. When we were apart, she was always on my mind, despite what had just happened here and what you must think of me.
"It wasn't the first time," I admitted looking up and meeting her misty blue eyes that were staring right into me, "when we are apart...I get lonely and I just...I never stop thinking about you..."
"You get lonely? What the hell do you think it's like for me? Do you think that I don't get lonely? That I don't wish that you were there by my side all the time?"
"No I just..."
"You just what? Can't control how often you pull your pants down?" she hissed at me, "I just thought that you were different, but I guess I am gonna have to go home and book into see my gyno to make sure that you haven't passed anything along to me!"
"I am always safe,"
"Like I am going to believe that," turning on her heel she picked up her bags and unlocked the door making to leave.
"Please don't go..."
"I don't ever want to see you again!" she sighed and stepped out through the door.
Falling back on the bed – I stared up to the ceiling; wondering what the hell to do next. It didn't take me long to figure it out – jumping to my feet; I pulled the door open so forcefully that I was surprised that it didn't come flying off it's hinges and chased after her...'
...that had been more than 8 months ago.
When I had just began putting it behind me; she turns back up in my life and I am right back at square one. For the first 3 months after she had left me; I had called her, I had text her, I had e-mailed her and I had written to her. I had done everything short of just showing up on her door step.
I had tried desperately to move on with my life – and only now, was I managing to even contemplate moving on with things.
I still missed her, I wanted her back in my life – but I knew that it couldn't be pushed. I had betrayed her and that was one thing that Roxi hated more than anything else – and that was putting her trust in someone and that person letting her down. After all that she had seen in divorce courts; she had watched people literally rip one another apart because of infidelity, she had once told me that she always wanted to be honest with one another. If there was ever a time when I felt the need to sleep with someone else that I should end things with her first.
I just wish that I had known that she had been deadly serious about her conviction to kick a man aside if she ever found out that he had cheated on her.
It had been a long night – made even longer when I had seen her ring side. Of course she was with her friend, Brittany, who was dating Matt from the metal band; Avenged Sevenfold, who happened to be playing the pay-per-view that we had tonight. Wrestlemania – the biggest night within our company. It had been a tough night – I had been pushed to my limit in the match that I had with Randy Orton. Of course it was made even harder because I could feel her eyes on me – watching every move. Leaning over the bed I switched on my Ipod and just let it play.
Before I had met Roxi; I had been very much, a strictly, metal and rock music kind of guy. Roxi had introduced me to other music. My ex was eclectic that was sure for anyone and everyone to see. It was down to her that I had been introduced to Ed Sherran and just like that the song burst through the internal speakers.
'I'm gonna pick up the pieces, And build a lego house, When things go wrong we can knock it down, My three words have two meanings, There's one thing on my mind, It's all for you,'
From the moment that I had found this song, I had felt such a strong pull towards it – like it could have been written solely for me. My mind cast back to the night that I had met her. It had been in New York – she had come to the city to hang out with some of her college friends and have a night out. We had happened to end up in the very same bar at the very same time. I had been hanging with Jeff and Matt Hardy, John Cena and Randy Orton; who had all caught me looking at Roxi, well not so much looking, as gawping at her. John had said that I looked like a crazed inmate who had been locked up for years and not had the touch of a woman in as long.
Anyway they guys dared me to go over and try chatting her up – it was the usual guy digging. In fact they had come up with a line for me to say – to start the initial conversation with her.
"Excuse me," I had to do it, or I owed each of the guys $100. "I like your dress it's very beautiful,"
"Thank you," she had smiled at me while she had sipped on her long vodka drink.
"It would however, look much more beautiful lying on my bedroom floor!" I had felt the heat sear my cheeks upon completion of delivery of the line. I could have killed my friends but she had taken it with such grace that when she smiled; I felt a little flutter in my heart.
"Which one came up with that?" she had asked me.
"Well I have been looking at you most of the night, and I saw the way they were ribbing you...so which one came up with it?"
"John," I had told her and had been completely taken by surprise when she had reached in and kissed me. Not a peck on the cheek kiss, a full blown intimate and sensual kiss.
"Now lets give them something to talk about," taking my hand, she had led me out of the bar and all we had heard on the way out were my friends cheering loudly that I had pulled and their line had worked.
After we left the bar, we had headed back to my hotel room where we had sex the whole night. Roxi was definitely open and comfortable in her own sexuality. I think that was why I had found myself liking her more than just a passing fling. Then when I had heard that she was indeed single, I had taken the leap and asked to see her again. There had been no hesitation in her reply that she would like to see me again too.
'And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got ya to keep me warm, And if you're broke I'll mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, I'm out of touch, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're getting down, And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now,'
We had gelled together so easily and simply that it had felt as if we had known one another for the majority of our lives. It was easy to fallen in love with her and one of the hardest things I had ever had to do; in trying to forget her. The truth was – I may have started to move on, but I still loved the girl as much as I had ever loved her.
To be truthful – I hadn't ever stopped loving her, I had only realized just how much she had meant to me when I had watched her walk out that door. My life had crumbled around me and all I could do was tredge through the debris that scattered around me.
I had so many memories about our life that they seemed intent on flying through my minds eye. Everything from the first night that she had stayed at my place and had gone to the kitchen in the morning in nothing but her lace underwear only to be greeted by my mother who had popped by to drop off my keys that she always kept when I was on the road. Roxi had been completely mortified but my mom was impressed by her. The way she had remained cool and collected despite the position that she had been found in. Mom had told me later that she had wished that she could look that good again. It had made Roxi blush but laugh at the same time. In the end she had been thankful that it hadn't been my father dropping the keys off which he normally did in the afternoon and then pull me out for a drink with him.
Later when I had gone around to my parent's house – my father had asked me if it was true that you could probably bounce a quarter off Roxi's ass. That had made me chuckle, I hadn't told Roxi about that one. It had been a nervous enough time for her meeting my folks.
Seeing her tonight – stood at ringside, her shoulder length blonde hair was styled with a large curl, her eyes masked with a smokey charcoal making the blue pop brightly and her lips glistening from the cherry coloured lip gloss that she was wearing. It had suited her tone. In fact she was more tanned than I remembered her being. It made her look more healthy. Dressed in her usual; UCLA University t-shirt that was definitely at least 3 sizes too big, but she had explained that she had dated a pretty buff guy when she had been in Uni, and she had kept the shirt when they had split up – it had also seen better days, with her skin tight jeans; they made her legs appear much longer than they actually were.
Just seeing her had so many memories rushing towards me like a ten ton truck. I could remember the sweet, homely scent of her body, the soft and minty taste of her beautiful lips, the smoothness of her body as my hands caressed her and I could remember the sound of her laugh – the way it had always managed to brighten even my worst day. Foolishly, I had thought that I could get away with what I had done to her. I had thought that she would forgive me; despite the fact that she had told me in the beginning that she didn't care who I was – if I cheated on her; she would walk away, regardless of how much she loved me.
I should have known that she meant it – Roxi had been raised in a home where she had watched her mother turn a blind eye to the fact that her father was constantly out screwing around on her. Roxi had told me that she would never let a man treat her that way; I could be such an asshole sometimes. Of course she had meant what she had said – I may be a supposed celebrity; but that didn't mean that I was immortal or in any way different from any other man.
'I'm out of touch, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're getting down, And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now',
Roxanne had been named after her Mother's favourite movie; but she hated the name, and that was the reason that she had shortened it to Roxi and she flat out refused to acknowledge anyone who called her by her full name.
'...the sun was shining on her pretty features as she lay on her stomach; the daylight also making her skin appear a rich golden colour. I knew how lucky I was by having her as a part of my life.
"Stop it!" she mumbled from where her face was pressed against the pillow. It surprised me how she managed to breathe lying like that – but it was her favourite position.
"Stop what?" I asked finally letting my fingers dance up her spine and smiling to myself when she shivered all over.
"Staring at me..."
"Why it's romantic!"
"It's creepy," she laughed finally turning around and looking at me – with her eyes still lidded from sleep, she still looked amazing – it amazed me that I hadn't ever looked at her and thought that she was not as beautiful as she had been on the night that we had met one another.
"No it really isn't," she argued shuffling her body closer to me and literally wrapping herself around me.
"Anyway," I changed the subject, "I have been thinking,"
"Is that what that smell is?" she laughed against my chest where she was leaving well placed kisses.
"Funny!" I felt my eyes roll back slightly in my head, "do you want to hear this or not?"
"Ok Mr Grumpy pants,"
"I was thinking that we take this on to the next step,"
"Phil," she whispered against my chest. Up until this point, we had been getting by on seeing one another only as and when I flew into town. I wanted more. I needed more. It was killing me to know that she was dating other guys – I didn't want her to be with anyone but me.
"I know that you said that we should just keep it casual and I was all for it,"
"I have fallen for you." I admitted, "Now I know that you probably don't want to hear it but the truth is that I can't stop thinking about you, I don't want to stop thinking about you..."
Without answering me, she pressed forward and kissed me passionately; pulling me closer to her, we became entangled in the intimacy of the connection that was now reaching another new level with us. I wanted this girl in my life – I needed her in my life...'
...that was the day that we had officially started dating. Those early days had been amazing between us. Days of sex, laughing and talking – it was like nothing I had ever had with a girl before. In so many ways – Roxi got me. Most women didn't understand my straight edge life style – but Roxi got it; she never tried to make me be someone that I wasn't. In turn, I understood that she was her own person; she smoked and she liked to have a few drinks while out with friends; that was just who she was and I liked that about her. I loved that about her. I had never met anyone who was close to being the woman that she was.
I had been knocked tonight – I hadn't expected to see her. Of course I always looked for her wherever I was. It was a natural instinct to do so and sometimes it was like her face was everywhere I looked. Then other times, I would look but just never see her anywhere.
'I'm gonna paint you by numbers, And colour you in, If things go right we can frame it, and put you on a wall, And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before, And I'll surrender up my heart, And swap it for yours',
I had thought of that night so many times over the course of us being apart. If only I had stopped myself from doing what I had, if only I hadn't asked Roxi to come and see me that weekend, if only I had denied myself the luxury of sex when I knew that she was coming into town. And if only I had realized just what I had when I had it.
Isn't that what they say though – you don't know what you have until it's gone?
Had she been thrown by seeing me? Just like I had been thrown upon seeing her. It had been next to impossible to keep my mind on what I was supposed to be doing, which was never a good thing considering that I had been facing Randy Orton in the ring. Luckily, he had caught sight of her too and covered for me as much as he possibly could. I had thanked him for what he had done, but being the man that he was, he hadn't made a big deal out of it.
The minute I had gotten backstage; I had been in search of her – I had just assumed that she would be there with her best friend and her boyfriend, Matt Shadows from the Avenged Sevenfold. My disappointment had cut me deep when I had realized that she hadn't come backstage. Obviously long gone were the days when she had come backstage to hang out with some of the guys, whom she had admittedly gotten along with as if they had been in her life from the beginning of it.
'I'm out of touch, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're getting down, And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now, I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind, I'll do it all for you in time, And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now,'
I couldn't help but wonder if she was staying in this hotel – if she were, maybe I could get her hotel room number and go talk to her.
Would she want to talk to me?
Would she slam the door in my face? That thought scared the hell out of me. Did it scare me more than the thought of having lost her forever? No – it definitely didn't. But it still scared me to take that step. Just the thought of her slamming that door in my face seemed to make me shiver with dread. It would make it all final, too real and terrifying.
At least right in this moment, I had a glimmer of hope. A small window where I could cling to the fact that, just, maybe I hadn't lost her forever. Of all the situations I could imagine, I had so many of where she would just show up and tell me that she forgave me and couldn't be without me a moment longer. I know it's stupid – but love makes us all do and think crazy things. No one is immune.
'Don't hold me down, I think my braces are breaking and it's more than I can take, And if it's dark in a cold December, I've got ya to keep me warm, And if you're broke I'll mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on,'
What should I do? I felt torn – either go down to reception, or stay where I was and let go of the silly notion that I deserved another chance with the girl who was most definitely the love of my life. I was a idiot. A damn idiot. A stupid idiot. And that was putting it mildly.
Getting up, I headed into the en-suite and decided to have a shower and then see what I felt like about going to find out if Roxi was indeed staying in this hotel. Stripping down to my underwear, I reached in to turn on the shower and headed back in to the room to grab my Iphone, which was playing the song that I had liked from the moment that I had heard it.
'I'm out of touch, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're getting down, And of all these things I've done I think I love you better now, I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind, I'll do it all for you in time, And of all these things I've done I think...'
Sliding the glass doors open once again to step inside when the sound of a knock at the bedroom door caught my attention. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I moved out into the main area of the hotel suite and headed to the door, pulling it open; I could have dropped right there and then when my eyes met the misty blue of hers. Roxi. I could instantly tell that she was nervous; her hands were clasped in front of her and she was picking at her nails. The classic sign of her being nervous.
"Hey," I replied, "do you want to come in?"
"Sure," she nodded and stepped over the threshold, "am I interrupting something?" clearly she was hinting at the fact that she wasn't intending to interrupt if I had a woman here.
"I was just going to take a shower, but it can wait!" I told her. "I wanted to come and see where you were..."
"Can you just let me say this?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest and bringing her eyes up to meet mine.
"Sure," I nodded taking a seat on the corner of the bed while she paced somewhat.
"Ok. I came to the show tonight primarily to support Britt, while Matt played and then I saw you and I didn't know that I still had those feelings for you until I saw you and it threw me through a loop. I've tried to stay mad at you – I wanted to stay mad at you. You really hurt me..." she held her hand up when my mouth opened to object, and I knew to shut up, "but I have had time to think things through in the time that we have been apart and then seeing you tonight – I still love you Phil, I want you to come home!"
Getting to my feet, I strode across the floor until I was pulling her into my arms and pressing my lips to hers passionately. With no hesitation on her part; she relented to me and I felt my stomach flip excitedly.
'I will love you better now!'