Progress has been slow with this story, so yeah, I apologise... Trying to match up dates with pregnancy yada yada yada, just try and go with it as I'm not sure it adds up ;)
I don't own Doctor Who.
''Wot?...'' he let go of her, utterly shocked. River stood up straighter – she herself couldn't believe the words had slipped so easily from her mouth; she'd tried to avoid saying it out loud if she could because hearing the words made it real… Staring at her husband's blank face, it was now that she realised he'd asked her to repeat herself,
''I'm going to have a baby''
''But, I don't, how can you…'' he trailed off, it was still piecing together in his mind. His gaze quickly wonders to River's as-of-yet-still flat stomach and if he looked really closely, he imagined there could have been the slightest curve there, just visible beneath her customary prison vest.
And then he felt sick with himself.
''Well? Say something'' A baby. When did that happen? Almost a month had gone past without any word. He supposed Amy and Rory didn't know. 'Please my love… I, I'm not well…' He remembers her saying, was this why, because she was pregnant?
''Why didn't you tell me the last time – at your parents', why didn't you tell me then?''
River hesitated, ''I wasn't sure what I was going to do-,''
''What, you were just going to get rid of it behind my back?''
''I don't know! Have you any idea how difficult this has been, I didn't have a clue what to do, hell I don't even want a baby'' He watched her – only half listening as she continued to work herself into a rant. She looked pale, if a tad blotchy, eyes sunken yet twinkling, her hair was a messy array of wild curls flying about her face and by god, above all she looked tired. All that time she'd kept it to herself while he was off gallivanting the universe, and then he remembered materialising in the corridor outside her cell and seeing the two of them looking too close for comfort than he cared to remember. Comfort. He had been comforting her.
''He knew didn't he?'' he suddenly spoke, causing her to jump and stop talking,
''I beg your pardon?''
''John, he knows your pregnant'' River was shocked, he'd gone from looking confused and slightly feint to urgent in a matter of moments.
''Yes he does''
''But why would you tell him and not me?'' the Doctor said sadly,
''Well, I'm not sure really, he was just there, my love''
''So it is mine then?''
River looked taken aback ''what, of course – why would you even, I would never… How could you think it's not?''
The Doctor threw his head back and laughed, ''oh, do you really want me to answer that?''
''As per usual, the Doctor adds two and two together and comes up with five. Again'' she sighed
''Well what do you expect, it's not exactly been easy for me either you know. You deciding to go back to prison all off a sudden rather than being with your husband. Wondering what the hell might be going on in that head of yours then coming to see you, only to find that your already occupied, wrapped up in the arms of that man''
''That it isn't it, him? He's always going to come between us, you won't ever trust me will you?'' he wanted to, he really did. It was just little things that made him doubt and let paranoia get the better of him. ''When will you get it into that wonderful thick head of yours that it's you I love and could never be with anyone else''
The Doctor folded his arms and grumbled something before muttering ''you kissed'' and then stared down at his feet, shuffling them idly in the uncomfortable silence.
''No, he tried to kiss me. Completely different dear''
''Was it just the once or…?''
''Just the once'' River confirmed and that seemed to satisfy him because he dragged his eyes away from the floor to her face, a slight smile tugging the corner of his lips.
''Blimey, a baby…'' he breathed, leaning on the console casually like he so often does.
''I still can't believe it. A baby, oh what have we done''
''I know my love, I heard you the first time''
They were both silent for a while, him resuming staring a hole in his shoe and her staring at the column surrounded by the control panel. The feeling of the TARIDS and her humming softly around them was a welcome pleasantry for River; sure she needed the time away but after a month of being surrounded by white wash walls every day, it felt good to be home.
''We can't look after a child River, it's just not plausible''
''That's what I needed time to think about, what we're going to do…'' she looked at him expectantly, hoping he was at least catching on to what she was trying to imply, ''I don't even think, I mean I definitely know that I've never wanted to have children and I don't have any maternal, kind of feelings (Yet she felt responsible to keep it safe when he was dragging her into the TARDIS) so being a mother is just something I never wanted… Something I don't want''
He still continued to look down so she hurried on, ''and I know we're linear now, have been for a very long time but what about when our timelines go all out of sync again, what happens then? Sweetie please say something''
The Doctor scrubbed a hand over his face then through his hair, ''I don't know River, I really don't know''
She was hoping he'd at least have an opinion, he'd told her there was no way they could look after a child and now he didn't even know… River knew what she wanted; she just didn't want to have to spell it out for him.
''How far along are you?''
River shrugged, ''I'd guess about three months, give or take a week or so''
''So, all this time, you were… and I...'' the Doctor thought back to the past months, all the time River had been pregnant; he could have killed his own child.
Sensing what he was thinking, she stepped closer until they were facing each other and she could see the hurt behind his eyes. She straightened his lapels before patting them with her hands, letting her palms rest there. ''I know dear, but I didn't know either. I couldn't be sure until about a week after I left for prison… Don't blame yourself for anything my love''
He moved his hand uncertainly towards her stomach, brushing across her abdomen with his fingertips. It was a strange feeling, a sort or presence he could feel, happily tucked away in its mother's womb. The presence of their child, the one they had made together and would be a part of them both. How could he condemn such an innocent life? Not even born yet and already its parents are thinking (or trying not to think) of a way out.
''There's things we can do you know… Options'' he heard River say hesitantly, but he was too engrossed in the tiny prominent bump of her stomach. Spreading his hand, letting his fingers splay over the hardened curve, the Doctor dropped to his knees and placed his ear over her stomach. It made River jump but she didn't flinch, instead placing her hands on his shoulders and admiring the way his mouth was agape in concentration as he listened.
''It's amazing River, I can feel it, I can feel our child inside you'' he glanced up smiling to see that his wife looked sad, ''what is it, what's the matter?''
River just combed her fingers through his hair, he looked so happy, happier than he'd been in a long time; like nothing she had just said bothered him. The furrow of his brow as he looked concerned up at her and the way his fingers lightly grazed over her vest, she couldn't bear to take that away from him now, tell him it's not what she wanted even if it meant she would be unhappy. So instead River decided to push her own thoughts and feelings aside and hoped this was not going to be something she lived to regret, after all, this could be just what he needed.
''Nothing sweetie'' she put on a blank smile and ignored the sorrow she ached inside, ''nothing at all''
What is she doing. Oh.
Okay, just so you know, this is NOT going to turn into a 'baby fic' – I say no more ;D
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