The steering wheel is slick in my hand. Why am I sweating? I made up my
mind. I'm relaxed. I know what I have to do.
Quiet. You made this decision a long time ago, before you even brought it up with anyone else. You can't change your mind now.
It's for the best.
God, this drive is taking forever.
I remember when you came home for the first time. You were so happy,
your eyes so bright. I was nervous at first, this was all so new to me. I didn't know how I would feel, how I could manage. But then I saw you smile. And I knew then
that no matter what, I would always be there for you, that I would love you
until the day I died.
I still do.
Do you know that, my baby? Please, you have to know.
I pray that you know.
You liked the mobile in your room, you loved to see the light flash and
dance off the metal. I would watch you when you lay in bed. You couldn't see
me, but I was there. I would watch your little angel face, hear your
breaths, so soft and clear.
I would match your breaths with my own.
You were everything wonderful, perfect, and true. And I vowed never to leave your side, to defend you with my life.
So what happened?
I gave up on you, didn't I? I didn't mean to, you have to know that. I suppose it became too hard to resist. So many demons were fighting for my soul, too many armies to battle. I was tired, so tired of fighting.
So I let down my walls.
I let you down.
And I can never forgive myself for what I have done to you. You shouldn't be able to forgive me. You became obsolete, pushed to the back of my mind. I continued my former life. Oh, sure, I made a few changes, and I had to accommodate, but it was my life. My life before.
A life you were no longer a part of.
A little more speed. We passed the sign a while ago, the trees are thicker now.
We're almost there.
In less than an hour, it will be done. Everything will be back to the way it was. I will go home, and I can laugh again, and smile, and sleep soundly for the first time in years.
Because we'll be together at last.
And you, my darling.
My little baby Martin.
Mommy loves you, Martin.
Always and forever.
I am so sorry.