Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: See? See? That wasn't so bad, right? Right? Why are you all leaving? COME BACK IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER! *ahem* I mean, here it is. Hi. Also, there's a lot more swearing in this chapter. I didn't mean to, but it just sort of…happened. I blame Gene Hunt. Also, one last thing, many thanks to my two loyal reviewers, Jazzola and Jolly jamacian janitor, for their lovely and slightly obsessive support!

Previously: They sprinted across the deck, ignoring anyone else that was there. Not even bothering with the gangway, they reached the side of the ship and leapt over it simultaneously to land on the docks below.

They were going to catch a killer.

CHAPTER SIX: LOOK AT THOSE CAVEMEN GO

At the speed they were running, it wasn't long before they caught sight of a tavern with a sign depicting a pig with wings. Next to it, nestled away from the bustle of the main thoroughfare, was a small, tidy house, almost a cottage, with the name RAIMES printed above the door.

Gene kicked the door in, clutching his gun tightly in his hand. Sam followed, holding his own gun (from the Mars armory) just as fiercely.

As soon as they burst in, Colin jumped up from the table where his grandmother sat.

She rose as well and asked, "What's going on?"

"Nothing to worry about, love," Gene said, sounding remarkably gentile for a man pointing a gun at her grandson, "We just want a little chat with Colin, that's all."

"It might be best if you leave, Mrs. Raimes," Sam advised, but she stayed where she was, looking undecidedly around the room.

"It's alright, gran," Colin said, baring his teeth in a parody of a smile, "Captain Hunt is a gentleman."

Mrs. Raimes still looked uncertain, but shuffled out of the house anyway. Colin was still smiling, holding his hands up.

"What can I do for you, good sirs?" Colin asked, acting as if they had just stopped by for a friendly chat, "Would you like some tea?"

"We know you killed those girls, Colin," Sam said, not wavering a step at Colin's attitude. Gene stood close beside him, and Sam could feel the tension in the captain's body. He knew Gene wanted to stop with the talking and get right to shooting, and Sam hoped he could get Gene to delay.

"What girls?" Colin asked, a deceptively innocent look on his face. The look was spoiled by the sharp, manic gleam in his eyes, and a twitch to his mouth that looked like he was trying to repress a smile.

"The girls you brutally murdered, you sick bastard," Gene snapped, moving forward to lunge at Colin, but Sam held him back.

"Ever the gentleman, Captain Hunt," Colin smirked, and said, "Last I heard, everyone thought it was Eddie who was killing those poor, stupid girls."

"We know differently," Sam said.

"Oh, really? Do you have any proof that I did it?"

"Yes," Gene said vindictively, "Your captain told us. Apparently, he's not very happy with you killing all the girls he likes."

Colin's face made a sudden dramatic twist from being politely amused to rage and confusion. His lip curled up in a sneer and his eyes flashed as he spat out a litany of curses. "That son of a bitch," he swore, "After all I did for him? Those girls weren't good enough for him, weren't good enough even for garbage, I had to make them see that. I saved him from being taken advantage of, and how does he repay me?"

He swore again, and Sam interjected, "Seems to me like you're the one taking advantage of him, not those innocent girls."

"Innocent," Colin hissed derisively, "Those whores were anything but. They were just like painted statues, and you know what? I enjoyed killing them. It was more fun than marbles."

"Marbles?" Gene said incredulously, "What, are you twelve?"

Colin smirked, and said, "I like marbles." He made a sudden rush for the door, knocking Gene over and shoving Sam against a cabinet.

He was stopped by Chris, Ray and Kramer showing up at the door. Kramer grabbed Colin's arms and they both froze, staring at each other. Gene stood up, dragged them both into the room, and sat them at the table.

"Thank you, gentlemen," Gene said to Chris and Ray, still standing at the door, "I think we can take it from here."

They obeyed him without question, and Ray said, "Good job at catching the bastard, guv," before leaving.

Chris paused just as he was about to follow Ray and looked at Sam, saying, "You too, boss. Good job."

"Thanks," Sam said automatically. He wasn't used to compliments from his crew. In fact, he wasn't used to favorable words at all from his crew. It was odd, but still…kind of nice. No. No, he was just going to finish this, and find a way to get home. That was all.

He turned back to the table to see Gene leveling his revolver at Colin, who was too engaged in what appeared to be a highly emotional staring match with Kramer to notice.

Sam raced forward and grabbed Gene's arm, crying, "What are you doing?"
Gene looked at him as if he were a babbling idiot. "I'm getting rid of two incredibly huge risks to innocent people on the high seas. What are you doing?"

"Stopping you from brutally murdering two people in cold blood," Sam snapped, still holding onto Gene's arm.

Gene yanked away from Sam and stood to face him, a vein pulsing in his forehead. "What do you suggest I do?" he said, his voice low but straining with tension, "Let these two murdering bastards back out on the seas to kill again?"

"I suggest you leave it to the authorities," Sam said, feeling his own body filling with tension. "It's their job to handle people like them."

"What, pirates?" Gene said, "In case you haven't noticed, Sam, we're the sort of people the authorities handle as well. They don't make distinctions between nice lawbreakers and nasty lawbreakers."

"You are," Sam said in reply to Gene's first comment, "I'm not. I can just go to the local authorities, tell them who I am, and say-"

"Yeah, because that worked really well the last time you tried that," Gene snapped. "Face it, Tyler. We're the only line of defense between these two sons of bitches and the rest of the God-fearing world. But-" Gene gave his gun to Sam and held up his hands. "I'll make it your decision."

"What?"

"You decide what happens to these two." Gene gestured at Colin and Kramer, who were now staring at Sam and Gene's argument with rapt eyes. "Turn them in, kill them y'self, I don't care. You're planning on leaving after this anyway, aren't you?"

Gene walked out of the cottage without letting Sam reply, and Sam was left standing there holding two guns, and with two vicious pirates staring at him.

"It's hard, innit," Colin finally said, "When your captain betrays you so."

Kramer glared at his first mate through matted hair and said, "I never asked you to kill those girls."

"Maybe never with words," Colin snapped, beginning to ignore Sam completely and leaning across the table towards Kramer, "But those girls were never good enough for you. I was just looking out for your best interests."

"They were important to me!" Kramer yelled back, slapping the table.

Sam stared at the two pirates, then sighed and said, "It sounds like you two have some issues to work out. I'll leave you to it."

He put the gun he had taken from the armory and put it on the table between them, then started walking out. He wasn't sure he was doing the right thing- he would never have done something like this in the Navy, but he admitted that Gene was right. Even if he could get an official to listen, the pirates would already be long gone.

As soon as Sam shut the door behind him, acutely aware of Gene's gaze, two shots rang out inside. Sam closed his eyes in painful resignation.

Gene stood up from where he was leaning on the door frame, and said, "Welcome to the team, Sam."

Sam opened his eyes, looked at the captain and said, with an ironic smile, "Thanks...guv." Gene smirked and walked off, clearly pleased with himself. Sam felt sick to his stomach.

"See you back at the ship," Gene called behind him, as Annie passed him running towards Sam.

As Gene moved off into the distance, Annie asked, "What happened?"

Sam sighed, gritting his teeth. "It's all over," he said, and Annie had the sense to not inquire any further.

Colin's grandmother was still waiting outside, staring horrified at her house. Sam didn't want to think about her finding her grandson and his captain dead on her kitchen table. He didn't want to think about anything, right now. He just felt so, so tired. He wanted to go home, back to the Hyde where he belonged. In just three days he had gone against almost everything he had stood for, and the worst part was, he wasn't sure he cared.

As he and Annie walked back to the ship, he knew that getting back to the Hyde was near impossible. Gene was, God help him, right. If it didn't work in Graham's Landing, why the hell would he think that it would work anywhere else.

But at the exact moment, he saw a familiar face walking down the street.

"Neil!" he said in surprise.

"Who?" Annie asked.

"My first officer on the Hyde," Sam explained, "that means that the ship is docked somewhere around here."

He ignored Annie's exasperated expression, and called out to Neil.

Neil caught sight of Sam, and his shocked expression would have been comical if Sam weren't so relieved.

"It's me," Sam said, "Your captain. I fell off the ship, remember?"

Neil worked his mouth before he said anything, and even then he only said, "Oh."

"I've been looking for you," Sam said, ignoring Neil's odd expression, "Where's the ship?"

"The ship," Neil repeated, as if he didn't quite understand.

"Yes," Sam said, "The ship. You know, the one I'm captain of?"

Neil looked like a wild animal at the wrong end of a gun barrel. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said fearfully, "Please leave me alone."

He turned to run off in the other direction, and kept running after Sam called after him. Sam ran after him, ignoring Annie's call of, "Sam, wait!"

Sam ran, keeping Neil in his sight. His first mate was running towards the docks, and Sam was sure he was going to the ship. His ship. The Hyde.

So intent was he on his mission, that he almost didn't notice Annie pulling at his shirt.

He finally stopped to look at her, and she gasped out, "What's going on, Sam?"

"If I follow Neil back to the ship, I can go home," Sam said, his body thrumming with excitement and itching to keep moving.

"He didn't even recognize you," Annie protested, "He hardly looked like he was going to invite you back."

"I don't know," Sam exclaimed, "but I need to keep moving. As long as there's even a chance-"

Annie let him go and he immediately started running again. He had lost sight of Neil, but he had an idea of where he was going. Sam made his way to the docks, now very conscious of Annie's presence behind him.

He hadn't paid attention to where he was, and didn't know where he was going, so it took him time to find the docks. He finally got there, only to see the Hyde slipping away out to sea.

He moved to jump after it and, in a bizarre repetition of the scene earlier with Gene, Annie held him back. "It's too late, Sam," she said, "They're too far away."

Sam paced and rubbed his head, groaning in frustration. "I was so close, Annie," he said, "So close to going home."

"Maybe it's just not time, yet," Annie suggested sympathetically. There was a touch of relief on her face, however.

"What am I supposed to do, Annie?" Sam asked plaintively.

"Stay," she said.


When they got back to the ship, Gene was waiting by the gangplank. "Welcome aboard," he said smugly, as if he knew all along that Sam would come back, the smug bastard.

Sam glared at him and said, "If I'm going to be the first mate on this death trap, I'm going to need a proper coat."

Gene laughed and slapped him hard on the back, saying, "I think we can manage that, Sammy-boy."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, if you want to leave the stick up your arse, that's your problem."

And so, with Gene in front of him and Annie close behind, Sam stepped onto the Mars, trying to ignore the voice of a little girl that was singing a new song.

"In the white room with black curtains, near the station..."

A/N 2: I quoted from the American version. I REGRET NOTHING. So there it is. The last chapter. I'm going to try and build up a bigger buffer for posting, so it'll be a while before the next installment in the series. Yes, I'm planning on doing the whole sixteen episodes. God help me.