Mirthless

(She was an angel straight from the heavens.)


Blonde wavy hair and sparkling hazel eyes teased him in his dreams.

They were always the same. She would appear briefly, just for a moment, locked in his arms in an embrace.

But before he could reach out for her, she would disappear, leaving him alone with a memory.


Whenever he awoke, Red didn't know how to feel — delirious with joy, or heartbroken with misery.

Joy, because for one fleeting moment, she had been his. She had been his to embrace and shower with everlasting love and desire.

Misery, because she could never belong to him, and never will.

Red reaches out for a bottle of wine and drinks it slowly, desperately trying to forget all memories of her and the like.


He fails miserably, and gets out of bed instead.

Red climbs up to the rooftop and brings more wine with him for company.

As he leans back and drink in the view, his gaze sweeps over the lush green forest from a nearby town, and his eyes widen slightly at the glimpse of a small cottage at the heart of Viridian City.

Red's eyes mist over, and he downs half the bottle before falling into unconsciousness.


He trains more to clear his head.

It doesn't work, and his Pokemon know it too.

Saur shoots him worried glances during their practice sessions, and Pika paws at his trainers anxiously.

Red tugs the brim of his hat further down and hides the tears that gather at the corner of his eyes.


Denial isn't healthy.

Maybe he shouldn't have avoided her all this time. Maybe he should said something to change her mind. Maybe he should have said that she affected him, and that he—that he—

…that he loved her.

Red dives back into his wine, hoping that it could soothe him into a troubled sleep.

But it doesn't stop the tears from falling.


He usually knows when to stop drinking, but on that night, drowning in wine and alcohol seemed like a good idea.

Booze always promised to forget his problems, but it never does. It clouds his vision and makes his head spin, and it always made him lose control.

Just like… like her. Her and her blasted hazel eyes.


Red stumbles and falls for the fourth time. He nearly gives in to the temptation to lay sprawled there till morning, with his right cheek pressed into the earth and the familiar glass bottle still held in his grip.

A pair of trainers appear before him, and he vaguely feels someone heaving him up roughly.

"You're wasted," the person says, and Red frowns thoughtfully, trying to pin a face on the blurry figure.

Realization hits, and he laughs, releasing the grip of the bottle as he does so.

"Green," he slurs, and smirks slightly when he sees the man frown in annoyance. Green throws Red's arm over his shoulder, and the gym leader slowly leads the drunk man home.

"Why are you doing this Red?"

Green's voice pierces the silence hanging over them, and Red resists the urge to laugh again.

"She moved on," Red snorts, while trying to struggle with his own weight. "And I didn't even say anything."

"You hardly talked to her, " Green says quietly. Too quietly, and Red has to strain his ears to hear him.

"She thought you didn't like her."


He burst out laughing.

His laughter is bitter and empty, and filled with regret and unpleasant realization. And it's painful, because it mirrors the pain and remorse in his heart.

Laughter isn't a bad thing, because its one of the small things that keeps reminding you that you're still alive. Smiles and tears do the same thing, but laughter is always better than smiling or crying, no matter how bitter or empty or painful or fake the mirth is.

So he keeps on laughing.


Autumn is round the corner, and he smiles at the crimson leaves that fall onto the sidewalk, while his mind wanders to the four-year old calendar hanging on his bedroom room with the scarlet words that read "Lost her".

He smiles ruefully and shakes his head.

It was easy to say that he had moved on and had left the past behind, because pining for a girl for four years was pathetic, really.

And it was also easy to mask the empty void in his heart, and disguise that broken smile on his tear-streaked face.

Because, it was just so easy to lie and pretend that everything was okay.


He steps into his home and scoops up the mail, stopping to pat Pika as he did so. He flicks through the thick, padded envelopes, and his eyes widen at a particular creamy envelope with her handwriting on it.

Red opens the envelope shakily, and his frazzled mind ignores the wedding cakes and white doves emblazoned on the cover of the card.

He traces her soft writing across the parchment, and his heart skips a beat at the sudden, fleeting thought. No.

Red reaches for a bottle of wine and downs the bottle quickly, feeling the liquid burn his throat as he gulps the alcohol.


Reluctantly, he scans the letter, and the bottle slips from his grasp.

The glass shatters at his feet but all he hears is the sound of his own heart breaking.


I've lost her.


AN:

I wrote this a long time ago, but I never really got around to writing the ending. Well, its a little short, and extremely rushed, sadly. The story moves at a really fast pace - something I find really disappointing. I also just realised that I like to put in many wedding references, like in "Recollections" and "Lovelorn". I don't know, hints of a wedding seem to make a story much more tragic to me.

And, I also wanted to put up a Pokemon story, since I put up a Harvest Moon one a couple of days ago. So sorry for the delay :P

I think this is a little short, and perhaps quite rushed cos I was completely lost for ideas D: