Chapter 2: The Plan

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is merely coincidental.

J: So I notice you write love scenes like a guy: the emotional connection comes after, not before.

A: But of course. Guys want the physical first, and then the emotions flow after.

J: It's been awhile since you touched this story…

A: Well, today's your birthday, and this is your present. If we ever finish writing this, you might get the rest of your present.

J: ?

A: xoxo %!*!*%xoox

J: Ok, we're done. Happy birthday to me.

A: *growly Carlisle noises*

o~o~0~o~o

Bella's pov:

Edward and I scurried out of the cellar, still mesmerized. We hopped into the Volvo and flew down to Carlisle and Esme's. As soon as we burst into the room, Alice was in our faces.

"Is he fucking crazy? Fuck me Bella, he's nuts. He's fucking certifiable."

Carlisle came out and said, "Let's all calm down and discuss this rationally. Esme, you'd better break out the AB negative: we all need a drink."

Jasper blurted out, "I can't believe it takes her father losing his marbles to convince you to finally break out the good stuff! If I woulda known, I would have told y'all I was bisexual months ago." He looked at our stunned faces. "Just kidding."

Emmett, in a femmebot voice, showed Jasper his dimples while he tightened his ass cheeks and pushed out his chest. "I can't believe you told them our little secret!"

Esme replied, "Enough boys! This is serious!"

"Okay, Mom," they conceded.

I was starting to get a bit pissed off. "How insensitive! If you weren't already dead I'd kill you."

We all sat down in the dining room around Esme's big rosewood table. Carlisle asked, "Bella, what can you extrapolate from Alice's vision?"

I let out a big sigh. "Well, unbeknownst to all of us, for decades, my father has a secret past in Naval Special Forces. Apparently, his reputation precedes him so much that he's been chosen to lead a group of multinational wing nuts into -somehow- infiltrating Volterra and blowing up the Volturi."

Esme, who was pouring blood at that moment, started to overflow the goblets. "Holy fucking shit!"

"Esme! Swears jar!" all the kids howled.

"Double dollars for Mom! Double dollars for Mom!" Emmett and Jasper bellowed, thumping their fists on the table.

Edward brought down his fist on the table so hard he almost cracked the rosewood. "Would you two please grow up!"

Carlisle said, "Boys, I'm at two."

Meek and solemn, they replied, "Sorry."

"Bella, can you go into more detail?" Carlisle asked.

"Not really," I said. "All Mom knew was that he was going to Italy."

Carlisle said, "Alice, concentrate. What can you see?"

She started to shake and quiver, patting her hand on the table. "There are these men with guns, shooting at the Volturi vampires, who are trying to overrun them. Some of the vampires are being destroyed, but the more experienced fighters are ripping some of the human soldiers to pieces. I'm not sure whether any of them are Charlie." She pushed away from the table, almost sending it across the room. "There was just a brilliant flash! Orange smoke flew up from the ground. I see bits of building flying thousands of feet away, and men taking cover behind mountainous outcrops." Her hands raked up her thighs, leaving big runners in her pantyhose. "The smoke is clearing. I see bodies everywhere; puddles of blood. Some of the vampires are dead. There's a lot of venom spilled on the ground. One soldier is alive. I can't tell from the back who it is."

Carlisle let out a big sigh. Rubbing his forehead, he said, "Oh, boy."

Edward stood up. He said sternly and proudly, "I'm going to go help him, and protect him. I'm familiar with the fortress and its surrounds."

Jasper stood up. "I'm the one with the military background. I should go!"

Emmett stood up. "I'm stronger than any of you. I should go."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Here we go, it's time to measure dicks."

Alice, in her wisdom, said, "Well, we can't all go."

"Alice is right," I said. "The Volturi would get tipped off. When Edward and I went to Isle Esme, they were there before we even landed."

Carlisle said, "You're right. Only the strongest of us should go."

Once again, the boys started to squabble over who was the best of the best. They looked at Carlisle to make his final choice…

A great hush fell over the room. Carlisle spoke. "Edward, you go find Jacob."

Rose stood up, knocking over her chair. "You're gonna send in that stinking dog-fucker?"

Carlisle replied, "Billy tells me that he's going through the burning bed syndrome. He has to wait for Nessie to be of coital age, you know."

Edward covered his ears. "I do not need to hear this. Lalalallalalalalallala…"

Carlisle smacked Edward on the back of the head. "Like you weren't whitewashing the ceiling waiting for Bella to marry you all those nights. Good thing your bedroom ceiling is stucco'd."

Esme yelled, "I don't need to be hearing this."

I replied, "I would like to hear more about this another time. Can we get back to the topic at hand?"

"That is the topic at hand," Emmett insisted, pounding his chest like a trained sea lion.

Carlisle pursed his lips. "Right now, Jacob has more anxiety, adrenaline, stamina and strength than any of us. Billy says he's already destroyed seven mattresses this month alone."

"TMI," I yelled.

Edward raised one eyebrow. "Well, at least if he gets killed, we can spare him."

I Gibb-smacked my mate on the back of his head. "That's your almost-son-in-law you're talking about."

"Daughter-fucker," Edward growled under his breath. He turned to Carlisle. "Fine. What is your plan, and how is Jacob going to help?"

"Well," Carlisle said, "it is true that we have to be stealthful, ourselves, during this escapade, so that we don't tip off the Volturi. It would be a crying shame to have them escape from Volterra and miss their own annihilation." He looked at my husband. "I was thinking, Edward. Do you remember Billy's cousin, who runs air freight to Asia and Europe out of Vancouver?"

Edward replied," Ye-e-es?"

"I can sign Death Certificates. So… we'll send you overseas in a coffin for burial in Tuscany, and Jacob can go in wolf form in a cage destined for the zoo."

"Finally, you've come to your senses!" Rose beamed, clapping.

Esme rolled her eyes at Rosalie. Carlisle continued. "We'll get Billy's cousin to arrange for the flight to land in Milan, and you two will have to escape once you've passed through Customs. From there, you will have to get to Volterra. If you get too tired, just ride Jacob."

Jasper and Em both started howling like dogs getting butt-fucked. Edward slammed his fist down on the table so hard that he split it from stem to stern.

"You're replacing that," Esme said.

"Sorry, Mom," Edward said sheepishly. Our daughter appeared at the head of the stairs.

"What's going on, Daddy?" she wondered aloud.

"Uh, nothing. Children should be seen and not heard. Go play on your computer."

"Yes, Daddy."

I gave Edward the once-over. "She's going to be just like you. Poor Jake."

"Edward," Esme pouted. "There's a table just like mine in the Pope's main audience chamber. Don't come home without it."

"Yes, mother."

"That about covers it," Carlisle said. "Jasper, start forging the documents. Edward, go fetch Jacob and fill him in on the way here. Emmett, go down to the funeral parlour and buy the hearse. Nobody's died in months, so pay whatever he wants. Get a nice bronze coffin. Jasper, when you've finished with the documents, borrow Bella's truck and go buy the biggest dog kennel you can find. Make sure it has pee pads included, and some chew toys. I have a feeling Jacob is going to be terribly bored on the flight."

Edward and I hopped in the Volvo and headed for Jacob's house. I was very quiet, petrified not only at the thought of losing my Dad, but my recently-acquired soul mate. Edward kept babbling on about how he couldn't believe how Charlie had kept secrets from us for so long. I just kept saying, "I dunno… I dunno…" over and over.

When we got out of the car, Jacob came out of the house to greet us. His first remark was, "This isn't April Fool's Day. It must be a joke, right? If Charlie's a Seal, then I'm God's gift to women."

Billy came out of the house and joined the conversation. "It's true, Jake. You must help the Cullens protect Charlie and destroy the Cold Ones."

Jacob reluctantly agreed. "I'm concerned about this cage idea. Isn't the flight kinda long?"

Edward answered, "Well, once we're airborne and the cargo bay is sealed, I'll unlatch my coffin and come unlock your cage. We can walk around, and chat, stretch our legs…"

"Great," Jacob scowled. "My first trip overseas, and it's with a coffin, a cage, and you."

The three of us piled into the Volvo and drove back to Cullen Central. We proceeded down the lane, and saw Carlisle and the girls sitting on the front verandah. Edward parked just shy of the garage door. I noticed that Alice, Rose and Esme had strange looks on their faces. When we got out of the car, the reason became apparent: we could hear screeching tires, as though vehicles were caroming closer and closer.

Suddenly, my red truck came barreling into the lane on the left, and at the same time, a black hearse came screeching in from the right. They almost side-swiped each other.

"My truck!" I yelled.

The vehicles dragged down Cullen Lane as Jasper and Emmett raised the middle finger to each other.

"Bouya," Edward said. I smacked him in the stomach. "Woof."

The two males did not slow down. Rather, they did a 360 degree donut, in opposite directions. The back end of my truck ended up in the fish pond, and the front of the hearse took out part of Esme's prize garden. A cloud of dust settled as both vehicles finally stopped.

Esme stood up and yelled, "For fuckity fuckin fuck's sake!"

"Swears jar!" the males all yelled.

"My truck!" I squeaked again, still having palpitations.

"Good thing Charlie put new tires on it, right?" Jasper drawled, giving it a pat.

Jacob's eyes were huge. "I'm not getting in the back of that fuckin thing with him driving."

Renesmee peeped out the door. "What's 'fuck'?" she demanded.

"Go play with your dolls," all the vampires said.

"But Daddy," she whined. "You say it every time you and Mommy send me to my bedroom, and then she cries like you're hurting her."

I said, "Go to your room. Children should be seen and not heard."

Emmett did a little lewd dance that involved a lot of thrusting. Rosalie's tongue rolled out onto the ground.

Carlisle said, "Bella will drive her truck to the airport, with Jasper as passenger, and Jacob in the back, in the cage."

"Where he belongs," Rose murmured.

Carlisle silenced her with a look. "I will drive the hearse, with Emmett as passenger, and Edward will ride in the coffin in the back."

"Mm, just where he belongs," Jacob murmured.

"Daughter-fucker," Edward snarled.

"Okay… Let's have a break," Carlisle said. "I need to shoot up with some morphine. Jacob, you are babysitting Renesmee."

"Yay!" Jacob yelled, jumping up and down.

"Over my undead body," Edward snarled.

"I don't know who's crazier, Charlie or me," Carlisle sighed. "Where the fuck is my morphine?"

Renesmee yelled from the upstairs window, "Grandpa, are you fucking again?"

We all threw our hands in the air. "Go back to your toys!"

I asked Edward to join me for a relaxing walk in the woods. We came across a grassy pasture, and laid down. My head was on his chest, and our legs intertwined. I rubbed his stomach, pulling up his shirt. The sun peeked from between the clouds, making his washboard abs sparkle.

Edward stroked my hair and rubbed my back. I looked up and started to nibble on his chin. He sat up a bit and our lips met. We teased each other a little bit, with little pecks here and there, pulling on each other's lips. He then turned my head to lick my neck and nibble on my ear. He knew it would get me turned on. I could feel my nipples getting hard and the lips in my groin puffing out.

I reached up his shirt and gently stimulated his nipples. Then, I undid the button on his pants and snuck my finger under the band of his Calvin Klein's to play with his soft pubic hair for a minute. I reached down and touched the base of his dick, which was tenting quite a bit. I rubbed my hand further down his long shaft and felt the drops of pre-cum moistening his tip.

With that, he sat me up and took off my shirt and bra, and began to gently lick and suck my nipples. I moaned with sheer delight and pleasure. Not long after, I had to have his pants off. I unzipped his fly, pulled his jeans and underwear down to his shoes, allowing his 9 inch cock to spring free and hit me in the face, planting a string of pre-cum on my cheek. I started to lick and caress his shaft, and nibble on his head. Peeking up, I delighted in the joyful look on his face. He ran his fingers through my hair, holding my head. I took his cock all the way down my throat, started a nice, slow rhythm, relaxing, taking him all the way. After a few minutes of this, my pussy was open and dripping. I had to have his cock in me. Now.

I stood, took my shoes and pants off, and Edward grabbed my underwear and slid it down. He moistened his fingers in his mouth and worked them into my hot chasm. He found my g-spot right away. His tongue was on my clit, swirling away, slurping as the juice ran down his chin. I couldn't wait any longer. I pushed him to the ground, spread his knees apart, faced him, and plunged forcefully down on his cock.

Such great pleasure: I always feel so full when he's in me. Grabbing his hands in front of me, I got up on my feet and started to bounce. Harder and faster we went, with my pussy milking his cock for all it was worth. I could feel all his ridges as I leaned forward and sucked his face, continuing to pound on his mound. I loved the feel of his soft pubic hair on my labia. It seemed to heighten every nerve ending in my groin.

We sped to the finish, clinging to each other until I exploded my juice all over Edward's mound and belly. A second later, Edward's hips arched up as his thick cum shot deep inside me. I leaned forward, kissed him on the lips, and said, "I love you so much. Promise me you'll come back."

Edward replied, "I will always come home to you, and I promise to bring Charlie back."

I collapsed on top of him, and we held each other in a long embrace while the sun glistened down on our bodies. "Let's do this next week, again," Edward suggested.

"It's a date," I confirmed.