The Adventures of Superman and Batman
Chapter 1: Wait….How Much?
Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own this :(
People do the craziest thing for money. Even superman.
This is for fun. Pease people lighten up.
The italics are Superman's thoughts.
For: BecauseI'mBatman the sarcastic Batman to my Superman :0
"HEY, Sups." Ohhh dear I forgot to lock the door again. Dang it! "How are you today Barry?" Clark trying his best to be nice but he had to go in two hours to pick up Lois, he as not time to dilly dally. "Soooo Clarky."Barry sang in a childish voice. "Do you have any blackmail on Batman?" he asked. "Now, why would you need that?" "Really nothing recording, video, or audio?" Superman glanced at his watch one hour and forty-five minutes. Dear god, why can't he just leave me alone! "No, Barry I don't have any sort of footage like that! Why would you need it?" "Wellll" Barry sheepishly looked and him rubbing his neck. "I sort of.. kind of broke… you know… this is going nowhere! Only hour and forty minutes left! "Just spit it out!" Clark yelled. "IbrokeBatmansarmchair!" Barry whispered back.
Oh No, that's not good Batman is very attached to that chair. He had it custom made from and sent it back about thirty times cause it wasn't right. But then angina he just had to pick the African Blackwood tree the wood shatters quickly, so no more than 20% of its product is usable. With this, more trees need to be harvested to produce quality wood. Who the hell can afford a chair like that. Oh wait, a filthy rich billionaire who dresses up like a bat, that's who. Well if Batman kills Flash we don't have to put up with him any…. Dam it I can't let Bruce kill Barry, I'm Superman for gods sake. And I don't kill people. "What! Wait wait I don't' want to know! So you plain on blackmailing him into forgiving you?" "Well, just so he doesn't kill me. Not all of up are indestructible like you." "Well as much fun as that sound I have a date in *glances at watch* in one hour and five minutes." "Wait, you have a date! Is she hot? Who is…" Barry blabbers but then gets a scary gleam in his eye. On no I'm out of here.
Superman strides out of the room when Flash says "I'll pay you 1,000 dollars to get video footage of Batman doing something embarrassing!" with 1,000 dollars I could take Lois to that new "Zuit" restaurant
and have tons left for a movie. Being a news reporter isn't the most high paying job. Now it's Superman's turn to get a mischievous glint in his eye. "Make it 5,000 and you got yourself a deal."
With a video camera behind his back Clark says in a singsong voice "BRUCEY!" Superman using his super speed hooks the video camera facing Bruce. Then flies out of the room half a second later. Clark smiles a devilish smile. "BRUCEY BRUCEY BRUCEY!" he yells. Wanting to laugh from hearing Bruce hit his head on the table. Super hearing has it's perks! Hahahaha! Clark floats in smiling from the look and Bruce's face. He is sooooo jealous. Hahaha this is going to be too easy."BRUCEY!" he called again. "Are you ignoring me? Brucey, why? Come on, Bruce. You know you can't ignore me for too long." Clark nudged Bruce's shoulder with his super strength. Moving Bruce about a foot. Hahahaha oh man Bruce has that vain popping out of his forehead again. "Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! BRUCEY? BRUCEY, HAVE YOU GONE DEAF? BRUCEY!" Clark screamed right into his ear. "I can hear you," Batman snarled.
"Oh, BRUCEY!" he threw his arms around Bruce's shoulders. "It's been too long since we've had a nice, good friendly talk between us two, old buddy, old pal!" he declared. Clark then planted his arms firmly around Bruce. Batman was now wiggling as if his life depended on it. But despite his struggles Superman was not letting go. "Why are you wiggling so much? Why can't you ever hug me back? Brucey, hug me back! Right now!" Batman hugging Superman would be great footage! Ha!
"Absolutely not!" Bruce growled in response. "I do not hug! Especially not you!""Aw, that hurts my feelings, Brucey. Come on, just a little squeeze?""Get. Off. Me!" He growled in his angry Batman voice that's means I'm going to break your finger. It didn't seem to faze Clark.
"Bru-u-u-cey," Clark sang in his ear."Clark, for god's sake! Get off me!" Bruce grunted
"Say please!" "No." "Then I refuse." "Clark!" "Say it." Batman started growling like a dog on a chain.
"Say it," Clark sang in a annoying pitchy voice. "Say it, Brucey, say it!" "You're insane, you damn—""Ah, ah, ah. Don't swear. It's unbecoming." Clark knowing full well it was making him madder. "For god's sake—Damn it, Clark! Get off!" "I'm still not hearing a please." "You're about to hear something and it's not going to be a goddamn please." "Ouch," Clark said. "Someone is grumpy. Are you grumpy, Brucey?" Oh my goodness this is the best prank ever!
"Ye—No! I don't get 'grumpy'!" "Are you sure? You seem grumpy." "Do I? Maybe it's because some idiot won't get the hell off of me!" "You are extremely rude today. What's wrong with you?"
Clark's kept his arms tightly around Bruce. There was no way Clark was letting Bruce out of this. Sighing, Bruce muttered, "Clark, get off me. Please." The last word was snarled. Clark was happy about it So he finally let Bruce go.
"Was that so hard?" Clark teased. "Finally!" Bruce exclaimed, and jumped up out of his seat. "You insane, annoying creature! Can't you just leave?" "Aw, but I've missed you, Brucey!" "My name is Bruce!" Batman growled.
"Wow. Someone is sure testy today. Women trouble?" Superman asked. Batman grabbed a batarang from his utility belt and flung it at him. "Shiny!" Clark cried watching it come closer to him and caught it. Ya, I rock I caught a batarang! Bruce seemed to take advantage of Superman while distracted. Bruce made a break towards the door. Oh no you don't In a blur of red and blue beat him with ease to the door. Clark stood in front of it, he couldn't help grinning like an idiot by Batman's enraged face.
"Are we playing tag now, Brucey? Who's it?" Bruce stopped. "Yeah, Clark. We're playing tag. I'm it." Of course he wants to be it he has to be "IT" at everything he does. "OH! Okay!" Clark sped from the room, laughing the whole way.
Clark ran to Barry "How much time left?" "You have forty-five minutes left. Good luck!"
Eight minutes of silence later. Clark found Bruce was standing in the Watchtower's monitor room. Staring at the screens with a blank look on his face. That's going to kill his eyes one day.
Bruce didn't seem to notice him, so he flashed in front of him and poked him in the stomach. "You're it!"
The poke really was supposed to be gentile. But it seemed to but Bruce in pain. In fact so off guard that Bruce's breath hitched and he fell backwards.
Then Bruce screamed him 5,000 dollars.
"Not the tummy!" Bruce screamed/squeaked like a little girl that just saw a bug.
It was hilarious, to say the least
Both men's eyes flew open. Bruce looked just as surprised as Clark that he had squeaked something like that.
There was a silence moment of silence.
Hence the word "Moment."
Then Clark burst into laughter. He couldn't help it, it was just to insane. His deep voice echoed thought the cave.
Barry went to get the money. It seemed Clark did it after all.
Clark then collapsed down to the floor. Rolling around, clutching his stomach, unable to help himself. "You—said—tummy!" he said between laughs.
Bruce glared so hard he was sure he was going to strangle him right there by using his mind. Like in the weird earth movie Star Wars
"I can't believe you just said 'tummy'!" Clark shouted later, when he had finally calmed down enough to talk.
Bruce grabbed Clark forcefully by his collar and pulled him close, with surprising strength . Batman glared hard into his laughter filled eyes. "I swear, Clark, you mention this to anyone, and you'll never talk again. I will rip your tongue out and put it in a jar for all to see what happens to those who spread lies about Batman!"
"But it's not a lie." Superman had to point out.
Bruce snarled and pulled him closer. "Not a word, Clark Kent!"
Clark's saw the clock behind Bruce. Crap I only have fifteen minutes. Time to go! "Got it. Sorry. Won't tell a soul."
"Not one. Got it. No problem." "I mean it, Clark." "I know. I won't. I promise." "Good" Batman finally released the him. Clark stepped back, forcing space between the furious Dark Knight and himself.
"Well…." "I'm going to bother Barry now!" Superman zoomed out of the room with the camera behind his back.
Barry was smiling full blow now. "You got it?" "Of course, was there any doubt? Now where's the cash?""